Last part
Thanks for all the love/ reviews/ support/ requests for mythical pets :)
I may do more tales from the chronicles of Tori but not for a while cause i've got another fic that I'm meant to be writing (right now) in which i'm already up to chapter 11 and i still don't know what the plot is! It's eating me whole!
But anyway you don't care (fair enough, i wouldn't) so i'll bid you all a fond farewell for now (except those of you who I actually know...see you in hell my lovelies) and leave you with these words of wisdom:
'When in doubt or when all else has failed slap someone. Gently enough so that you don't injure them but hard enough that they know you mean business.'
PEACE OUT!
"Oh, um...hi..."
"Hi..."
I hastily got to my feet, doing my best to smooth down my dress and not be bitten by Arthur again.
"Er...I didn't mean...that is to say...this is Arthur!" At a loss for anything else to do, I held him up under Draco's nose. This probably wasn't the smartest thing to do as he then commenced with trying to rip said nose off.
"Ow!"
"Oh my God! I'm so sorry! He's not mine!"
"What are you then, his babysitter!"
"More like, crazy old aunt!"
Draco was holding his nose and backing away from me and the twitching creature I was holding. In one of my more intelligent moves, I ripped the sash from around my waist and wrapped it around Arthur so many times that by the end of it he resembled a rather dodgy Christmas present. I placed him carefully on the ground, not wanting to cause bodily harm to anything else and started towards Draco.
"Crap! You're bleeding!"
"Of course I'm bleeding! Your deranged toad thing just bit me!"
"I told you, he's not mine! And he's a clabbert not a toad!"
"I don't care what he is, he probably has rabies!"
I wanted to reassure him but we couldn't rule anything out.
"Just come here and let me fix it!"
"Not likely! I'll do it myself!"
"No, let me! Just cause I'm the de facto aunt of a toad/monkey thingy doesn't mean I can't do magic!"
He gave me a strange look, "I thought you said he was a clabbert."
...
"I thought you said you didn't care."
"...Touché."
"So will you let me do it?"
"Fine but hurry up, I'm losing blood here!"
"Alright, alright, hold still." I pulled my wand out my bag and raised to his nose, which after some convincing he uncovered.
"Episkey!"
The cuts began to heal at once and after I few seconds there wasn't even a scar in their place.
Well thank Merlin for that, with my luck I could have blown his head off.
Note to Self: Never tell him that.
Draco reached up tentatively felt the tip of his noise. Finding it in one piece again, he grinned at me.
"Well-'
"Wait a sec, you look like you had a really bad nose bleed. Tergeo!" And the blood vanished before it had a chance to dry. I was on a roll! "There you go."
"Thanks I guess"
"Well it was kinda my fault in the first place. Scratch that, it was definitely my fault. Sorry, I'm pretty sure he's not rabid, he bit me like half an hour ago and I'm still going strong."
He shrugged and averted his attention out to the garden, as I suspected he had been doing before any accusations involving slimy bastards, were made.
Well the ice is sufficiently broken (though probably not in the most dignified of ways), speak, fool!
"So uh...what are you doing out here?"
He looked surprised that I was still standing there. Sorry buster; did you think I had something better to do?
"Nothing."
"Really cause uh...Pansy's-" the evil one "-inside..."
Much to my astonishment (and delight) he suddenly looked rather terrified.
"What! Did you talk to her? Is she looking for me?"
"Uh no actually...I'm pretty sure she's looking for me..."
It's ok, I have Arthur to defend me.
"Really? Why?"
"Oh um...I may have...possibly...said she looked like a dog's ass...only slightly..."
I waited for the tirade of 'how dare you insult my beloved one, you shrimpy fiend! I shall feed you to the wolves!" but it didn't come. Instead he just threw his head back and laughed.
To say I was shocked would have been the understatement of the millennium. As lovely as I thought Draco was and all that jazz I have to admit that I had hardly ever heard him laugh (the occasional snicker notwithstanding), especially in the past few years.
"Um...what?"
"She-is-going-to-LOSE-IT!"
Oh dear.
"She kinda already did."
"How are you still alive?"
"Very quick getaway skills."
"Well, it was nice, and slightly painful, knowing you."
Yay! Wait...what?
"So, you don't think she would have calmed down by now, then?"
He shook his head at my foolishness, "Calmed down? Pansy? Please, it takes her about fifteen minutes for her to work herself into a full on fit and then, considering you survive, that lasts about ten minutes then she sulks for a week."
"Oh Merlin's baggy trousers, I'm rather screwed, eh?"
"I'd say so."
"Bugger."
"Hey, I'm trying to hide too here, if you lure her to us with your 'scent of the condemned', I will not be pleased."
Ignoring the fact that I think he just said I smelt, I pressed on, "Why are you hiding from her?"
"Oh...I'm... not..."
"..."
"Alright then, if you must know, she asked me to dance and I told her I had to go to the bathroom. That was about half an hour ago."
"I see."
"I mean it's not that I don't...I do...well kinda..." he began defensively, "...it's just that being with her for too long is like..."
"Inhaling sugar?"
"That's the one."
We lapsed into silence again. Well I was silent on the outside; my brain was singing P!nk victory songs. I really do need to stop listening to the muggle radio station; Mother is bound to catch me one day.
I was enjoying basking in the glow of the fact that Draco was hiding from Pansy, when I heard the angry screech I would know anywhere.
The Megabitch draws nigh!
"She's coming!"
"What?"
"Hide, man, hide!"
And with that I jumped off the balcony (ground floor by the way; I'm not that suicidal) and into the shrubbery below.
Ow, my knees.
"Astoria!" Draco hissed from above me, "Are you mad?"
"Either come down here or shut up! She approaches!"
Did I just tell Draco Malfoy to shut up?
My, I'm bold today.
Draco didn't get the chance to decide which of these options to choose however because at that moment I heard an angry huff and a disturbance of drapery from above.
"Draco, darling! Where have you been?"
"Uh, hey Pansy...around..."
"Right well, I don't suppose you've seen Daphne's little rat of a sister around here anywhere?"
"Sorry, haven't the foggiest idea what you're talking about."
Yes!
"Merlin! Fine then. Have-you-seen-Astoria-Greengrass?"
What a rude little girl. She must be burned at the stake.
"Oh why didn't you say so, petal? Nope haven't seen her spotty mug in a while. Why do you ask?"
Excuse me? I have a lovely complexion, thank you!
"She was so mean to me Dray-Dray! You wouldn't believe it!"
I may vomit.
"I dunno; I'd probably believe it..."
"What?"
"Er...she must be so...jealous of you? Yes, that's it!"
Nice save.
"Well of course she is, but I don't see why she can't express it by showering me with gifts like all the other girls do!"
Yes, I will definitely vomit.
"What about Granger? You said she was jealous of you and she tipped a glass of pumpkin juice on your head."
And I have my new role model.
"Well...Granger's a...I thought we agreed never to speak of that again."
"Sorry, thought it was relevant."
"Well it's not; they're two completely different types of loser! Now come on, stop sulking and help me find her!"
"For your information dearest, I don't sulk, I mope; it's far more manly."
"Whatever, are you coming or not?"
No he is not; be gone wench.
"Why? You have proven time and time again that you are perfectly capable of damaging people without my help."
"But it would be fun! We could do it together, like old times!"
...Most couples go to dinner. These two made little girls cry.
"Pansy, I really don't think-"
"Please please please please please please please please please?"
Oh shut up woman!
"Alright fine! I'll be in in a minute!"
"Yay!" And I heard the sounds of her heels clacking on the floor as she skipped off to do evil.
When all Pansy-related sounds had died away, I balanced myself as best I could on the hedge and peeked over the edge of the balcony.
"She gone?"
"I knew you'd lead her here; you're bad luck."
"I take issue with that."
"Whatever, I gotta go."
"Hey! Help me up!"
A voice from behind the curtain called out sharply, "Draco!"
"Sorry no time, good luck Greengrass."
And with that he was gone, leaving me half perched on a very wobbly hedge and half clinging to the balcony wall.
I didn't care if he had lovely hair; I was going to kill him!
After much scrambling, I managed to throw myself rather violently over the wall, landing with a hard thump on the cold marble floor. The bruises I would have tomorrow morning, what with all this falling, would be something to behold.
After once again grabbing the ball of ribbon that encased Arthur, I snuck back into the hall, trying not to disturb the curtains too much. I looked around for Pansy and saw her crying animatedly into the shoulder of Draco who was awkwardly patting her on the head. Crouching down behind a rather tall man with a flourishing beard, I made my way along the opposite wall in search of Cynthia so I could give her her bloody clabbert and go back to my hedge.
For once luck seemed to be on my side as I saw the fiery red hair of the girl just up yonder, singing along quite tunelessly to the song the band was playing.
Odds were, Pansy would be looking for me where Cynthia was so I put Arthur in my bag and commenced with crawling under her table.
"Psst! Cynth!"
"'Ello there Tori! Fancy meeting you here!"
"Good grief, are you drunk?"
"No but I have had quite a bit of sugar, what's up?"
"I have your bloody clabbert!" I said, thrusting the purple ball up from my hiding place, "Why aren't you still looking for him?"
"Arthur! I must have sensed you had him!"
"Right."
"Well thanks for that, lovey bunch, I'm sure he's calmed down now...what did you do to him?"
"Nothing! I had to restrain him! He bit Draco on the nose!"
"Ahh you talked to Draco again, well done."
Selective hearing, much?
"Yes, yes it was very cheerful except for the part where he was bleeding and I was in a hedge."
"You are being one with the shrubbery, of late, eh?"
...
"It hasn't really been intentional."
"You know dear, I heard a rather interesting story about you from Pansy and her minions."
"Really?"
"I've never been so proud!"
Yes, let word of my achievements spread far and wide.
"Though it must be noted that I am currently hiding under a table."
"Ahh well baby steps, so what's the plan now?"
"I was thinking back to the hedge."
"It's a bit nippy outside."
I was about to reply with some version of 'suck it up, my life depends on it!' when we heard a tinkling coming from the Minister's table at the end of the hall. A balding, redheaded man was whacking his goblet with a spoon in order to get the attention of the general masses. Next to him Mr Shacklebolt was standing up, ready to make a speech; I could tell because, from this odd angle I could see his flash cards.
I guess everyone needs a little help.
Once the hall had settled, he girded his loins and began.
"Distinguished guests, colleagues, friends. We are gathered here, on this, the anniversary of The Battle of Hogwarts; our great victory over the dark forces, to celebrate those accomplishments and this bright new era."- This seemed to be a quite important speech and I felt a bit disrespectful listening to it under a table so I bravely poked my head out from under the tablecloth, "However, we cannot look back on the 2nd of May 1998 and see only happiness, for we are also together here tonight to remember the lives that were lost to secure the peaceful time in which we now live." I was pretty sure there was a toast coming so I was just about to look around for a glass to raise when I felt a sharp pain in my kidney. Looking around I discovered the source of the pain was, as usual, the great pug-like one. She kicked me! She kicked me during the Battle of Hogwarts speech! She's a whole new level of cow!
"Outside. Now." She hissed down at me, trying to be discreet.
Not wanting to cause any more disturbance I slowly got to my feet and allowed myself to be pushed towards the balcony, gesturing to Cynthia to stay put. The Minister's speech continued in the background.
"I know that many of you lost parents, grandparents, children, siblings, spouses and friends on that day and I hope you all know that their sacrifices were not made in vain."
"Keep moving grass stain."
Did she have no respect whatsoever?
Once we were outside, Pansy pushed me rather roughly against the wall, "You're gonna get it now, you little freak."
I normally would have just covered my face in my hands and prayed for mercy, but now I was angry.
"What is wrong with you? What? You couldn't have waited like five more minutes?"
"I...uh..."
She was probably about to say something equally clever but suddenly Draco burst from behind the curtain and he did not look a happy chappie.
"Pansy, what the hell are you doing?"
"Draco! I told you! She was mean to me!"
"I don't care if she set your head on fire, why can't you ever take anything seriously?"
"But Draco..."
He stepped closer and I got the feeling I wasn't really meant to listen anymore, "Those people he's talking about, they were our friends too, Pansy. Remember Vincent Crabbe?"
"Draco! Of course I do! I just..."
"You just don't care, you've never cared. Come on," he said to me, grabbing my wrist and pulling me towards the curtain. Before he got there he turned around and gave the shocked Pansy one last look of disgust, "And leave Astoria alone, she only ever gave you what was coming to you."
"But Dray-Dray-"
"Don't call me that." And he dragged me back inside without another word.
Whoa.
Freakin' whoa.
Just as we re-entered the hall the Minister was raising his goblet.
"A toast, to our fallen comrades."
As the occupants of the room raised their glasses, Draco and I quickly snatched a couple of goblets off a nearby table and respectfully (although probably not too wisely, considering we didn't check what was in them) drank the contents.
Oh good grief it was fire whiskey.
As I fought the urge to cough up my stomach contents, quiet chatter began to fill the hall again and Draco turned away from me I thought I'd better at least say something.
"Hey, um, Draco?"
He looked back at me over his shoulder. Though his face was back to its usual composed expression, there was still something sad in his eyes, "Yeah?"
"Thanks for saving me...I'm sorry about your friend."
"Don't worry about it. I've gotta go."
"Ok...bye." I called as he wove his way through the crowd, leaving me standing alone in the corner. I watched the spot where he had disappeared for a few moments before I felt someone grab my arm roughly and I reluctantly tore my eyes away.
"Tori! Your alive! What happened?"
"Long story, but the basic outcome is that I survived, Pansy got dumped and Draco is depressed."
"About the dumping?"
"More about death and his place in the world I think."
"Splendid."
"Don't try to tell me you're not even a little bit drunk." I grinned as I guided her back towards the table, pushing all thoughts of moping hot guys from my head.
"Enough to get up on the table and moon everyone, but not enough to snog Flitwick."
"I pray you're never drunk enough to snog Flitwick."
"As do I my dear girl, as do I."
I chuckled to myself as she grabbed my wrist and pulled me over to the dance floor where couples were beginning to waltz in time to the music.
Well 'in time' may be a bit of an overstatement. The band looked like they were all about fourteen years old and I was quite sure the only song they knew was 'can you dance like a hippogriff?' but the waltzers persisted.
"May I have this dance?" Cynthia bowed solemnly towards me, twirling her imaginary moustache.
"Alright," I laughed, looping my pearls back around my head, as they had become quite a serious safety hazard, "but only because you are so very hammered."
"Woop! Woop!" she yelled in elation as she threw herself rather passionately into 'the sprinkler'.
Laughing along in my loony little way I started to do what I can only describe as 'boogying'; it involved lots of vigorous arm movements, knee knocking and pearl shaking (what can I say? They came loose again and you gotta work what you got).
I glanced over my shoulder to see that Pansy had reunited with my sister and they were both staring at us with a mixture of loathing and horror.
I swung my pearls around my head again for good measure and grinned at the nauseated look on the terrible twosome's faces.
It's good to know your place in society.
xoxo