For I Am Captured Straight to You

PART SIX

Shit happens.

That was Jacob's new motto. It was a good one, too. Turns out that Forrest dude with the twangy accent and box of chocolates really knew his shit. Because shit did happen. A lot. Especially to Jacob. But he was cool with it now because he'd realized…it happens.

"Stop it."

Jacob dunked a breadstick in the garlic sauce before shoving half of into his mouth at once. Leah was watching him from across the table, picking at the uneaten crusts of her pizza slices. She looked entirely too unimpressed.

He continued shamelessly chomping away because he knew it would piss her off. "Swo wuh?"

Her lip curled in disgust, and Jacob cheered on the inside. "Stop smiling. It's making me nauseous."

He finished the rest of the breadstick and knocked back half a can of Mountain Dew before responding. "That's not because of my smile. That's because you've been PMSing for three days, which is probably why you're so bloated, too."

Her crust hit him square between the eyes, and Jacob just laughed.

Leah made a frustrated noise. "I said to cut it the fuck out. You have no reason to be smiling. Bella's in Jacksonville with Embry, and they're probably doing it on the sand every day. Shouldn't you be jacking off in your room or coloring a sad, sad picture?"

Jacob gave a brilliant smile. "Shit happens."

"You mean, Embry and Bella happens." She grinned balefully.

Bitch.

Jacob knew that the Pack was only meant to phase into wolves, but he thought that if she tried hard enough, Leah could turn into a hyena. Then she could scavenge corpses while cackling to her black heart's content.

"I'm telling Bella you think she and Embry are shit," he said and hit her with another smile.

Then Leah's eyes got all small and knowing. "Oh, I don't think that they're shit. I think they're fucking perfect together, a real life Barbie and Ken. They'll get married in a couple years, pop out a few hellions by the time Bella's thirty, live in a big yacht on a small lake in the middle of a library, sponsor water-deprived children in Africa and abused pets in America, start a home-living magazine, retire at the age of sixty, and have dozens of grandbabies with freakishly high IQs. Fucking perfect. I'm not the one who thinks its shit. You do."

That, my friends, is what we like to call "going for the jugular."

God. Leah and her all-knowing shit was getting on his last nerve.

Ah, well. Shit happens.

Well played, subconscious. Well played.

"Dunno what you mean. It's great they plan on getting old and wrinkly together. And it's all the better if they're rich. I can mooch."

Leah snorted. "Is that what you write in your diary every night?"

The empty Mountain Dew nearly slipped from his hand, but Jacob quickly recovered and crushed it instead. He tossed it casually into the trash. "I don't have a diary."

"You're right. I suppose you call it your 'man journal' or something else that makes you feel less like a girl."

How the hell did she know about that? Not that he would ever refer to the super secret box of paper beneath his bed as a diary or, worse, a man journal, but come on! That shit was super secret. No one else in the Pack had a clue about it, and he patrolled twice as often with Embry and Sam as he did with Leah. Had to be some freaky female eavesdropping sixth sense that women got in return for having to squeeze a baby out from...down there.

Leah had known about Jacob's feelings for Bella before Jacob really had. Of course, Jacob had never confirmed her 'suspicions,' and anyone else who caught wind of her teasing/taunting/torturing dismissed it as Leah saying crap in order to meet her daily bitch quota. Jacob pretended that was all it was, too, and no one paid her much mind.

It would probably be best to use the same tactic in this scenario as well.

"A man journal, huh? Is that what you write your angsty erotic poetry in? What was that most recent one? Something like…Hate. Hate is what I feel when I see your strong, manly arms flexing in the darkness of what we used to be, cast in the sharp relief of what we could have been. We are naked together, writhing in the lightning of possibility —"

"You know, Jacob,"—Leah regarded him coolly from across the table—"I could always stop thinking about my own personal garbage and concentrate on yours the next time I'm on patrol with say…Paul."

Ugh. Everyone knew that Paul spread secrets as fast as he spread syphilis—which was fast.

"Really, Leah, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Bullshit, Black." She got up and started collecting trash from the table, and Jacob thought it was the most domestic he'd ever seen her. "But there are some things even I don't want to be responsible for knowing."

Jacob scoffed. "Really? Because you act like one nosy bitch."

The new can of Mountain Dew he had lifted to his lips was suddenly snatched away.

"Hey! I wasn't done with—"

"Listen," Leah cut him off ruthlessly, "Bella is my friend, and I tolerate you and Embry. But if things keep going the way they are now, Bella will be my hurt friend, and I'll be burying you and Embry in the ditch outside Old Quil's tractor shed. You need to get your shit together, Jacob, because you're making a real spectacular mess of things."

Had Leah not taken his Mountain Dew, Jacob would have been choking on it.

"Bella will be hurt?" he asked in disbelief. "Bella? The same Bella who's consecrating the beaches of Florida with Embry? She's the one in this equation who gets hurt? Yeah, it must be real damn awful being able to have sex with the person you love. Me? I'm the lucky one who gets to write in his fucking man journal about how he almost had sex the person he loves but couldn't because she still had tears and snot crusted onto her face—you know, because she was in love with his best friend. Yeah, really living the American dream over here."

He shoved angrily away from the table before standing and collecting his trash with a vengeance, feeling very much like an angry god, smiting all the little people who didn't give him cool enough sacrifices.

Fucking napkins.

Fucking cans.

Fucking plate.

Fucking Leah.

Don't forget to curse the pizza box. It feels slighted.

Leah made a little condescending, frustrated noise in the back of her throat. "You're so blind." And then she walked out of the kitchen into the living room and sat her ass on Jacob's couch.

He was still scowling and silently cursing female nosiness, vagueness, loudmouth-ness, and pretty much just females in general, when Quil and Seth came running into the house at full speed and nearly dived right on top of the kitchen table.

"You better have saved me some pepperoni, Leah! And by 'some' you know I mean 'a lot.' Yuck. Mushrooms. What did the pizza do to deserve fungus?"

"I can smell the garlic sauce, but I cannot see the garlic sauce. Where is the garlic sauce? Does Quil Atera need to choke a bitch?"

Yeah. Why couldn't girls be more like guys?

They say it's best to rip a Band-Aid off in one quick motion because it hurts less than pulling it off gradually. Jacob wasn't entirely certain who 'they' were. He only knew that 'they' were idiots. That or it was one of those sayings which was only supposed to be taken literally (okay, that would still make them idiots because what kind of crappy saying can't be applied metaphorically?). So, yeah, shit happened. And when it happened all at once, it fucking blew.

It was Sunday. Jacob didn't have patrol and he hadn't seen Leah since two days before when she'd been campaigning for Biggest Bitch of La Push, so he was feeling pretty good. Relaxed, almost. He'd spent the morning sleeping and had just sat down to a really late lunch—two batches of pizza rolls, a bag of Cheetos, and a whole lot of off-brand Gatorade—when the kitchen phone rang. He considered not answering it just in case it was Sam asking him to pick up a patrol, or pick up the slack in school, or pick up the phone when he calls. (So Sam was like a mom who didn't cook or do your laundry. Worst mom ever.) But then Jacob remembered the note Billy left about being at a council meeting, and Jacob thought maybe his dad is calling for a ride home.

Jacob wiped his hands on his pants and answered on the last ring. "Yep?"

"Jacob."

Definitely not his dad. Hearing his dad's voice didn't make it harder to breath or turn his stomach into warm, funny knots.

"Hey, Bella. How's Jacksonville?"

"Oh. Um, it was good. But, Jacob, I—"

"Was?" Jacob asked in surprise. "You're back already?"

She sounded strange, sorta nervous and distracted.

"Yeah, we just got back to my house about 15 minutes ago. Listen, I have to tell you something."

Uh oh. Jacob sunk further against the kitchen wall, biting the inside of his cheek as he tried to calculate the exact level of foreboding in her voice.

It's over 9,000!

Not good. "Okay…"

There was only silence on her end, and the knots in his stomach weren't so pleasant anymore.

"Bells," he prompted.

She cleared her throat and hesitated once more before managing, "Embry and I talked. Well, I talked really. He didn't have much to say, which was upsetting but understandable given the circumstances, I guess."

"Bella."

"."

"You…what?"

Her anxiety dialed up to full-out panic, and she was practically yelling at him, ranting a mile a minute in his ear. "I told him, Jake! About what happened that night after we broke up. I told him how I stayed at your place because I was so upset, and you let me use your bed so you could watch Justin Bieber on Saturday Night Live in the living room. And I told him how I woke you up with all my crying…"

Suddenly, Jacob felt like he wasn't actually standing there, holding the phone and listening to Bella carry on. It was like he was watching the scene from the outside, or from above, or whatever. Like an out of body experience. Bella's voice was distant and fuzzy, and he could see the color draining from his face.

"…that if felt good to talk to you. I got so caught up in everything, and I kissed you. I didn't give him all the little details, but I told how I got really carried away before you were able to put a stop to things. I made sure he knew it was an accident, and that I was really sorry for not telling him about it all sooner."

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

"I can't believe you told him!" Jacob yelled.

"I swear I told him it wasn't you're fault at all, that I practically forced myself on you—"

"Bella, you weigh, like, sixty pounds! You can't force yourself on me!"

This…this was…this was bad. Very bad.

Bad? Someone's in the running for the Biggest Understatement of the Century. I bet Leah would give you a glowing endorsement.

"I—fuck, Bella! Why would you do that?" The shock had worn off, and all Jacob could focus on was how pissed he was—pissed and worried because this was what the end of the world had to feel like.

"I had to tell him, Jacob," she pleaded, and if she was begging for his agreement, she wasn't going to get it. "I couldn't keep it from him if I wanted things to work with us. I hated keeping that from him because I've never felt so guilty in my life. He's so open with me and…honesty is important," she finished lamely

"And you decided that when exactly?" Jacob demanded, but he wasn't really after an answer, so he barreled on without giving her time to reply. "What did he say? He's not still there, is he?"

"No," she said quietly, clearly upset. "I told him everything. He asked me a couple questions once I was done, and then he just left. He was really quiet the entire time. But I don't know. It was kind of a scary quiet. I think he was really upset."

"He ran back?" Jacob took the two steps he needed to be able to see out the kitchen window. He quickly scanned the tree line.

"No. He took my truck."

Fuck!

Jacob whipped around and ran a hand down his face. The only two reasons Embry would take the truck would be if he didn't want to tip off a Pack member that he was coming or if he didn't want Bella to be able to drive to La Push. It was probably both, and that pretty much spelled out Jacob's imminent murder.

"Jacob, are you still there?"

"How long ago did he leave?

"A couple of minutes before I called. Jacob, don't—"

He hung up the phone and tried to think.

Embry knew that he had made out with Bella. Embry knew that Jacob had lied to his face about it. But that was it. Jacob didn't have to confess to anything more than that. It had been a one-time thing. A mistake.

He practiced saying that out loud. "I'm sorry, Em. We both got caught up in the moment and made a mistake. It didn't mean anything. To Bella." Shit. "Or me. It didn't mean anything to me either. Really."

Might wanna run through that a few more times.

Jacob cursed under his breath and began pacing the living room. Maybe he should leave the house? If Embry was really pissed, there was a good chance one or both of them would end up phasing on accident, and Billy wouldn't be happy about them demolishing the place. But if Jacob waited in the woods, he'd practically be inviting a violent confrontation, and Jacob thought they needed to talk this shit out.

Oprah called. She wants her vagina back.

So he waited inside. When the unmistakable rumbling of Bella's truck reached his ears, he moved to the front door, watching as it appeared on the road and turned into the yard. Embry emerged from the truck without slamming the door shut behind him and began making his way toward the house with unhurried steps.

Jacob's dread only grew. Bella had been right—about one thing; this was a scary quiet.

Not entirely sure what to do with himself, Jacob took a deep breath before leaving the house. He met Embry just beyond the porch. They stopped and stared at one another. Well, Embry was staring at Jacob, and Jacob was looking anywhere but Embry.

"Look, man," he sighed. "Bella called and told me—"

And then the motherfucker punched him in the face. Like, hard. There was a distinct cracking sound, and it wasn't one of Embry's knuckles breaking.

Jacob staggered back, nose tingling even as the wolf healing took immediate effect. He glared at Embry over to the top of his hand. "Okay…ow."

"Why did you do it, Jake?" Embry's right hand was still clenched in a fist at his side, but he didn't look like he was going to hit Jacob again.

"It…" This really wasn't a conversation he wanted to have in his front yard. "Can we go inside?"

"No!" Embry growled abruptly, arms and chest quivering in rage. He clenched his jaw and looked away until he had control of the phase.

Okay. So this was going to be an outdoor conversation.

When Embry returned his attention to Jacob, he was breathing heavily and shaking his head. "I just don't get it, Jake. I thought…you told me it was okay. You told me you didn't like her. And all this time you never said anything. "

Jacob's mouth opened, and moved, and said the things it had been trained to say. "I don't, Embry. I don't like her."

Embry's smile was small and hurt. "You're lying. You know how I can tell?" He ran an unsteady hand through his hair. "Because the way you're looking at me right now? That's how you've been looking at me the last nine months."

Jacob felt like he'd been punched again. All he could do was stare helplessly back at Embry because suddenly he didn't know how to play his part anymore. He didn't know what the right thing to say was.

Embry seemed to be at a loss as well. He didn't look angry anymore, but his hands were shaking—not from an impending phase but from feeling too much…well, from just feeling too much. "She doesn't know."

Even thought Embry had muttered the words to himself, Jacob knew they were directed at him. "I know. I didn't want her to. I didn't want any of this, Embry."

And he hadn't. As much as he loved Bella, he wanted lots and lots of things with, from, and for her, but he wouldn't have traded in his relationship with Embry to get them. Especially not like this, where Jacob was losing everything and gaining nothing.

"And now? Are you gonna tell her now?"

Jacob opened his mouth but thought better of what he'd been about to say.

Do you want me to?

That would only be adding insult to injury. Instead he sucked in a breath and said, "No, I don't want to tell her. It would change…everything."

If Embry approved, he didn't show it. He stood there unreadable and, somehow, strangely untouchable. Jacob had never felt this self-conscious around him. And he couldn't stand it.

Embry sighed and ran a hand through his hair again. Jacob could hear Bella's voice in the back of his mind.

You're going to go bald from doing that, Em.

"I don't know what to do," Embry said in frustration.

"You can hit me again if you want."

"Jacob, I'm serious."

He just called you 'Jacob.'

"So am I. Hit me, if you want. Or you can phase and gnaw on my legs. Just tell me how to fix this, Embry." Fuck anyone who thought he sounded like a woman. He wasn't going to lose his best friend because he was too much of a guy to ask for forgiveness.

Embry was shaking his head slowly. "I don't think it works like that, Jacob. Knocking you around isn't going to make it better. I mean Christ, Jacob, you almost slept with her. And you lo-like her. How am I supposed to just let that go and not worry about—"

"I won't," Jacob said quickly. "I won't do anything like that again, I swear. I'm already starting to get over her."

Liar.

And, yeah, he was going to get called out on it.

"Maybe," Embry said quietly, "that would be easier with some distance."

"What do you mean?" Jacob could hear the apprehension in his own voice.

"I think I need some space. We need some space."

"You mean…you and Bella need space away from me?" Jacob asked carefully, not quite wanting to believe what he was hearing.

Embry wouldn't look at him. "I want to work this out with Bella so that we're right again, and I can't do that with you…"

Jacob got the idea.

"I'll talk to Sam," Embry continued, "and make sure he separates our shifts. I think it will be for the best in the long run."

They hovered opposite one another in unfamiliar ground, both hesitating until Embry took one, then two steps backward before turning to walk away.

Jacob, watching him go, couldn't bite back the question burning his tongue. "Are you asking me to stay away from Bella?"

Embry paused beside the truck, hand on the door. He looked back at Jacob. "Yeah, I guess I am."

Then he got in and drove away.

Jacob watched the truck disappear before turning to the woods and phasing the moment he hit the trees. Jared and Leah were patrolling, but he ignored their thoughts and—for once—simply let go. He didn't care who saw his memory of Bella smiling at him for the first time, Embry sitting in the front seat of the Rabbit asking for advice, Bella and Embry holding hands on First Beach, Bella and Jacob planning Embry's 18th birthday party, Embry leaving them both, Bella's hands sliding up beneath Jacob's shirt, Jacob kissing her neck, Jacob phasing for the first time, Embry talking him through the changes, the three of them reuniting, and Jacob resenting it more than he used to. He thought back on it all.

Because it was all fucking pointless now, anyway.

Whoa, man. Whoa. You and Bella? Shit, did you guys sleep together? Jared's mental voice filtered into his subconscious, but he didn't acknowledge him.

Leah did. It's none of your fucking business. Phase back and tell Sam Jacob took your shift.

But, wait, what happened with Embry? He knows, right?

Jacob didn't stop the images and words that rushed to his mind as he recalled the confrontation from minutes before. Jared watched it play out and then phased human.

Leah managed to focus solely on the trees she was passing and the scents she was picking up for all of two minutes before her thoughts drifted toward Jacob and the fucking mess he'd made.

You really didn't think she would keep it a secret forever, did you?

Jacob supposed he should be grateful that she sounded as somber as she did. He'd half-expected her to break out the 'I-told-you-so's.

She mentally rolled her eyes. I'm not a complete bitch.

Jacob wasn't in the mood to argue.

Seriously, Jacob, you need to—

You can tell Sam I took your shift, too. Jacob picked up his pace, hating that he couldn't outrun her voice in his head.

Fine. And in an exasperated huff, she was gone. The silence wasn't all that more comforting.

Jacob stepped quietly though his front door just after sunset. He would have stayed wolf longer (like forever) had Sam not showed up and started lecturing him about brotherhood and responsibility. Jacob phased human right after the words, "for the good of the pack." Because the pack had nothing to do with this and neither did Sam, really.

Billy was in the kitchen, and although Jacob didn't want to talk to him, he stopped in the entryway because he didn't have anywhere else to be. Billy eyed him with concern over a bowl of chili. "Rough day?"

Jacob shrugged, and it was hard to act so casual when he felt like complete shit. "I don't think it will be winning any awards."

Billy nodded and returned to his chili. Jacob heaved a sigh of relief at the dismissal and started down the hall.

"Bella's here."

Jacob whirled back around. "What?"

Billy continued eating all too innocently. "Bella's in your room."

For some reason Jacob didn't want to analyze, this pissed him off. Royally. He scowled. "What does she want?"

Billy gave him a look that clearly said, 'Since when has Bella ever needed a reason to come over? Now I really know that there's something going on. You better believe we're going to talk about this later.'

What? So his dad had an expressive face.

Jacob trudged toward his room, pushed the door open forcefully (to make sure Bella knew he was upset), and froze in his tracks

Bella was sitting cross-legged on the floor, barefoot, with a shoebox to one side and a stack of paper scraps—receipts, old worksheets, notebook paper, anything Jacob had been able to get his hands on—set off to the other. A wrinkled napkin was clutched in her hands as she stared up at him with wide, damp eyes.

Jacob felt like she was seeing him for the first time.

"Jake," she breathed, "what…what is this? W-what are all of these?"

He hurried forward and snatched the napkin from her hands, turned it over so he could read it. Of course he already knew what was written on it, but the irrational—human—side of him preferred feigning ignorance a few moments longer.

He'd been in a rush to get it all out (he usually was), so the handwriting was sloppy, but the message was perfectly clear:

whenever someone smiles I think of her

when she smiles sometimes I lean in

like I'm gonna kiss her but I never

do she smiles less than she used to

still wanna kiss her though

still can't

Jacob couldn't meet her eyes, so he glanced at the stack of papers on the floor. The top one was an unattempted crossword puzzle with Bella's name scribbled over and over in the margins of the page.

"Jacob."

"They're just…" He backed away slowly, stopped when he realized he had no place to go. "They're just things that I wrote. Thoughts."

Bella lifted the stack and began shifting through them. Jacob had to look away.

"They're all…about me," she said quietly over the rustling of paper.

Jacob forced a laugh. "Wow. I didn't know you thought so highly of your—"

"Jacob," she said firmly. "They're all about me."

That last part sounded like an accusation. Jacob knew he deserved it, and that it shouldn't make him angry, but he couldn't get a fucking break, and all he wanted to do was pin this shit on someone else and then throw up for a couple of hours.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Fuck. This again.

"Why do you think?" he bit out. The anger gave him the strength he needed to meet her eyes again, but he regretted it almost instantly. Bella was looking at him like she was hurt. As if she had anything on what he was dealing with.

"But how could you just keep all this to yourself. If you'd been honest about—"

"You know, Bella? Fucking honesty isn't always the best policy. Embry doesn't even want to look at me after you were so honest this morning."

"I had to tell him, Jake!" She was full-on crying now, breaths catching in the back of her throat and tears sliding down her face.

Jacob clenched his hands to keep them from reaching out.

"Because you didn't want me," she sobbed, wiping futilely at her eyes. "I feel things for you that I shouldn't because I love Embry. I do. I love him so much, Jake. You know that. He knows that. But I've always felt so good around you. And I thought it was okay because you were my best friend and friends do that. Then I kissed you, and friends don't do that, Jake. They don't."

"You were upset," Jacob offered weakly, because this was Bella, and he couldn't not comfort her when she was like this. And she was saying…things. Things that he didn't understand but really, really wanted to.

Bella shook her head vehemently. The tears were slowing. "No. I thought that's what it was, too, at first. But that's just because I was scared. All that time we spent together after Embry first phased…that's the closest I've ever felt to anyone. I've never relied on anyone the way I relied on you. And, Jake, I wanted to do more than hold your hand."

He was dreaming, Jacob decided. After talking to Billy in the kitchen, he went to bed, and now he was dreaming.

"It was so hard when you phased and left me just like Embry did. But then everything happened so fast, and suddenly you're both werewolves, and Embry and I got back together. I thought everything would be okay then, but it was only worse because I wanted you even when I already had Embry. So I avoided you. And then last week in the garage you said that the kiss was a mistake, and you really didn't see me that way. You said that I was the same as Leah. So I had to tell Embry about what happened. Because he was the one I was going to be with, and I had to make it work, and to make it work, I had to be honest with him about what happened."

Bella took a deep breath and didn't start talking again. That was good. Jacob wouldn't have been able to process another word. As it was, he couldn't even get his own thoughts in order.

"You,"—he pointed at Bella, who was still sitting on the floor and staring up at him expectantly—"you're telling me something."

Bella bit her lip and looked away. Her gaze inadvertently fell on the stacks of notes. "So are you."

Well…shit.

She liked him. She liked him liked him. This wasn't supposed to happen. Jacob had never thought that this could happen. It was like something out of one those god awful Julia Roberts movies Rebecca used to watch. Only the guy usually had some cheesy, suave line to say, and Jacob could only stare at her.

"Wuh…I…where are you going?"

Bella had climbed to her feet and was stepping into her shoes.

"I'm gonna go," she said evenly. "I need to think about…everything. And I need to talk to Embry. Sooner rather than later." Bella picked up the jacket she had lying on the bed and slipped it on.

As Jacob watched, each second that ticked by felt like an opportunity slipping away

Your transformation into a chick is now complete.

Bella was stepping past him to get to the door.

You're female, not paralyzed! Do something!

"Bella." He caught her hand.

Her eyes found his slowly. And, yeah, someone must have clued her into the whole Julia Roberts bit because she looked at him from beneath her lashes and pursed her lips before simply saying, "Yes?"

He was a guy. And no one gave him any lines or shit, so Jacob really couldn't be blamed for what happened next.

The hand not cradling her wrist against his chest went to her chin, and he tilted it just enough so that when he lowered his face towards her, his lips caught her mouth instead of her nose. Bella gasped but didn't pull away. Her bottom lip caught gently between both of his.

Best feeling ever.

But Jacob wasn't about to press his luck (which had made a startling 180 turn within the last two minutes), so he leaned back slowly until he'd returned to his full height, and Bella was watching him with an upturned face.

"And I would never kiss Leah like that," he said. "I would never kiss Leah period, actually. Just in case there was any confusion."

She blinked and maybe smiled, but she'd ducked her head so quickly that he couldn't tell for sure.

"Goodnight, Jake."

"Goodnight, honey."

Jacob stood alone in his room and tried to figure out which way was up.

AN: One more part to go. With school being all school-like and demanding my time, I doubt I'll have the final part out in a week. So thank you in advance for the patience. You guys are wonderful. 3

P.S. Anyone who get the "9,000" reference is welcome to join me at the next You Tubers Anonymous meeting this Tuesday night. Bring snacks and leave your laptops and iphones at home.