I'M NOT DEAD. I apologize for the horrid timing. I know I'm uber late. Blame the stuff.

Expect a chapter next week, I promise. BTW, thanks for ideas and reading. Thanks so much :)

P.S. – long chapter :D

"Just what the hell am I going to do?"

At this rate, Snake would make the floor collapse from all his pacing. An hour since he last spoke to his best friend, whom he was mentally cursing at the moment; he still hasn't found something to preoccupy his time.

This scene is reminiscent as he grumbles to and fro, on the verge of freaking out and doing the unthinkable. He spots the clock and his eye twitches when it sees it is merely eleven o' nine in the morning. His anger getting the best of him, he whips out his SOCOM pistol from thin air and proceeds to shoot the clock, only to find that his bullets are replaced with: Nerf foam darts.

Aghast, flabbergasted and a look of "What the crap?" all blended in someone who mask these emotions so well.

"Really now, Nerf darts? THE FOAMY KIND? What am I, A CHILD?"

He raised his hand to calm himself, and sighed. This wasn't helping. His anger is on constant edge. He has been deprived of his addiction; the thrill of death, the chills of not knowing what's going to happen next. Yanked away from all the fighting, he lost interest in smoking. Yes. His cigs do not bring him tranquility; not even if it means getting his kicks annoying Naomi about them.

A saddened remnant of a soldier, his toy has been tampered with. Do I still have the right to be called a man? He dragged himself to the living room couch and collapsed on top of it. Fixing himself onto his back, he rested his arm over his eyes. Attempting to sleep and fight off boredom, if only his nervous ticks would calm down.

"Dave? You there?"

A young female's voice calls out. She raps on the door a few times before trying the handle. Only to be surprised to see it swing open once touched lightly. Befuddled, she stands at the doorway for a second, taking in what just happened.

"Uhm, David? You know your door is so easily opened. I think you should get that fixed sometime soon."

She says while walking in and taking off her shoes. She appears in the living room and notices the house….clean. Spotless. Neat like a woman's touch. She pursed her lips trying to calm her jealous thoughts. She wasn't that type of woman and he wasn't that type of man.

"Why do I sense something…off?" She says out loud.

Snake exhales and sneaks a peek at the red-head, standing in front of him, emitting an aura of confusion and cooling jealousy.

"Hey Meryl. Nothing is wrong. Everything…is freaking peachy." He replies through gritted teeth.

A quick snort escapes her stature and she puts her hand in front of her mouth. She has never heard Snake speak that way. That manner is so unlike him.

"Oh really? Alright. Well, mind explaining why the door is so easily opened then? I thought you were all about secrecy and stealth?"

He shifts his weight and holds his breath. And mumbled his reply quickly.

"What? I couldn't catch that."

"So I can…tempt a robber and get some action…"

Meryl gave him a deadpan stare. She must've heard wrong, right?

"David. What you just said doesn't make any sense. You've been asking for a normal life, and yet you want to attract the thing you hate most. Are you bipolar?"

At this, Snake kicks his feet over to the floor and sits up, glaring at Meryl. While her amusement is growing, Meryl puts her hands on her hips to listen to his…dilemma.

"Listen you. I am NOT bipolar. Okay? This is all Otacon's fault, not mine. I was fine. I didn't ask to be put here on vacation and play civilian. I don't like it. I miss Alaska. I LOVE NATURE!"

At that, she held her stomach and doubled over laughing. Snake facepalmed and let out an annoyed groan.

"Oh man." She wiped her tears away, but new ones formed quickly. "I didn't believe it when Emmerich told me. I thought he was joking. But to hear it directly from YOU?" She continued her fit of laughter.

"Otacon….told you….and made fun of my situation? That no good, damned, bastard."

"Just out of curiosity, how did you get your house so clean? Did you hire a maid?"

He just shook his head. And pointed at himself.

Meryl resumed her gut-throbbing laughter. Snake cleaning? Sure, he cleaned. But he didn't clean like he had OCD. Meryl took on that job, when she was living with him.

"If you're done laughing at my sorrow, then leave. I have enough to deal with."

"Ah…" Meryl got the last laugh out of her system and went to sit beside him. She looked at him with apologetic eyes. He glanced her way and ran his fingers through his hair. "Okay. I'm sorry. It's just so…rare and abnormal to see you act this way. I had no clue this was being hard on you."

Snake scoffed and looked in the opposite direction. "Well, here I am now. Diminished before your very eyes. Not so much of a strong companion I once was, am I?"

Meryl shook her head and punched Snake in the arm. "Wow. You need to lighten up. I thought my being here would make you happy. Anyways, I did come here with a purpose. I thought, since you were in your predicament, we could go someplace exciting!" She said with a big grin. At this, Snake was a bit intrigued. And skeptical; they both had different meanings of exciting. And his….well, it didn't include laughing manically in the face of death anytime soon.

"Well, here we are! The beach is a wonderful idea. And relaxing too." Meryl turned around and faced Snake, with a closed-eye smile. He gave her a small smirk and tried his best to be chipper, for both their sakes.

"Not to cloud up your sunshine, but…you know it is fall time. It can get nippy." Snake forced his shiver and rubbed his arm. She rolled her eyes, not being moved by his remark. "Remember, this is for your own good. I just came along for the ride." She placed her hands on her hips. He tilted his head and narrowed his gaze. "About that…"

"What?"

"You gave up your assignment, just to come here. I could've easily-"

"NO." She smiled sweetly. "You need to get away from that for a while. And we can use this opportunity to spend time together. I've been a bit busy with the force, and well, I rather be the civilian you so hate."

He was about to begin again but was force to discontinue when she held up her hand. "You can come next time when it's a dire project. But as of right now, it's your time to adjust."

Snake let out a sigh. "Alright. And when exactly did we have a second 'headquarters'?"

"Since forever. Where have you be-oh. Let's just go. You'll like it and maybe blend in so well!" She pulled him on to their destination.

The salty air. The chirping seagulls. The boardwalk crowded with people and vendors. The beach was surprisingly crowded this time of year. Our not-so-silent mercenary was a mixture of emotions, but feeling a bit…hopeful. This could be the distraction he needed.

They arrived at a…beach house. Just a few miles away from the local shore, with palm trees and a random cactus here and there. The place looked like a traditional Tiki Hut, but somehow stable enough to withstand anything. Meryl approached the door and unlocked it and invited Snake to come inside.

"Well? Have a look for yourself. The guys over at Foxhound really like this place, so there's plenty of room." She headed in and Snake followed suit.

After seeing his red-headed companion disappear through a door of the house, his instincts take over and the Legend emerges. Sneaking around the place, the espionage scouts out his perimeters, starting with the kitchen first. He approaches the refrigerator door with caution then fully opens it. Deli meats, yogurts, juice and milk cartons, fruits and veggies, eggs, pudding, the nostalgic Rations, and-

"No way! Capri Sun? Strawberry Kiwi flavour?" Snake broke character and grabbed a pouch like a little kid and hurriedly stuck the straw and sipped away. To bliss. I'm coming back for chocolate pudding later. He thought, with a smile on his face. He finished it and tossed the drink away in a nearby garbage pail. He resumed character and scouted the rest of the place.

20 rooms in total.

Nearest exit in case of fire, the patio.

Heater and central A/C work great.

Ducts not big enough to fit.

Haven't seen any floating weapon cases…

I'm bunking the hammock. Forget spooning Meryl tonight.

…This pudding is damn good.

Our out-of-sort hero has just finished his mental review of the place; and is in, what he assumes, the living room. Sitting at a table, off to a side of the room, enjoying his moment of peace, eating the hell out his third cup of chocolate pudding.

Too occupied in his moment, Meryl manages to sneak up on him…again.

"Gotcha!"

"Crap." Snake glanced over his shoulder and gave her a slight nod. "You're getting a little too good at that. And right now, I'm busy." At this, she quirked her eyebrow. Meryl came around the table and saw what Snake meant by "busy". Him, having a goofy grin while finishing the last of pudding bits in his cup. She bit her bottom lip and looked him straight in the eye. He came out of his trance and looked at her back.

"What?" He said with an innocent look.

"Oh, nothing." This man is full of surprises. She shook her head and smiled. "Sorry I took so long. I had to organize and get changed. By the way, while I was showering, did I hear music coming from out here?"

Now filled with innocent confusion, "What music? I didn't hear anything. You sure you heard right?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I could've sworn I heard the James Bond theme…." She pursed her lips. "Dave, you know this place is already safe. No need to double check it. Besides, you have your own theme song."

"I…didn't…You could never be too sure. It's now…safer than before. And what? Wait, isn't that 'Breaking the Fourth Wall'?"

She laughed. "Well, you do. Fine, just pretend I didn't say anything." She went back to the kitchen to grab something to eat.

Snake shook his head and got up to stretch. "Sooo. What do we have planned today?"

"Well, we could wait an hour or two and go swimming. I'm going to eat now and afterwards, we could go walk around." She said while making her sandwich. Snake nodded in agreement.

"We can watch T.V. for now. I bet you haven't watched—"

"—Only the news. Once in a while. You know, just in case…"

"Yeah, kinda figured. Well, we're not gonna watch that. Let's watch some unnecessary drama!" She said with a cheesy grin.

"Uh…" Snake watched Meryl hop over to the couch and patted the seat next to her. He took it wordlessly, still unsure of this sudden girlyness he witnessed.

The T.V. screen flicked on and she instantly flipped through channels at lightning speeds. She finally stopped on MTV and a familiar show was playing. She adjusted herself and started to eat her sandwich. "This show is so bogus but sadly addicting to watch."

A few minutes into the show, and Snake's eyebrow twitched. "What the hell….Jersey Shore? How long has this been on?"

"Oh, a few years…It's in the third season now. I was surprised they brought it back." She shook her head in amusement. "I'm gonna throw this away and make a quick phone call. Enjoy the show while I'm gone." She laughed as she got up and left Snake alone.

A scene came on with the crew at the club. Techno was playing low from the television speakers and the members of the show were fist pumping. Snake's expression became unreadable; his eyes grew cold. Something came over him, something weird and unknown. It was a command, and it demanded attention. It wanted his body to move. Without warning, he raised his fist, and executed the horrid dance move.

He came back to his usual self and blinked a few times. He noticed his stance and involuntary dance movement. Life soon escaped him once again and he screamed out in horror.

"THIS IS A SITUATION!"

*I know it seems a bit...mushed. I will clean it up next week. Bear with me, please D: *