Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga or The Last American Virgin. No copyright infringement is intended.

Content Warning: This chapter contains bad language and sexual situations.

Beta: Shawnie

Pre-reader: Twiggs (Maggie)

Chapter Three – Shaken Parents

Mr. and Mrs. Call walked up to the door, unlocked it, and walked into the dark house while enjoying their conversation of their evening spent together. They had planned to stay the weekend at a bed and breakfast but decided against it.

They noticed the Pink Pizza's station wagon parked outside and figured their son had no plans for this Friday night.

"It really was. You were wonderful," Mrs. Call laughed at Mr. Call. "Embry, are you home?" Mrs. Call called out as she passed the doorway.

Embry had the cloth in-between the blades of the scissors, ready to snip the fucking clasp of the bra. How the fuck do girls get in-and-out of these? He thought.

Mr. Call flicked on the lights and they both headed inside.

When Embry saw the lights flash on; he dropped the scissors and jumped in surprise. He pushed away from Kim, knocking over the bowl of chips she still held in her lap, spilling the crunchy bits all over the floor. Kim and Embry scurried to get her shirt back on but Kim was only able to get one arm into her blouse by the time Embry's parents walked in on them.

"What the hell is going on here?" Mrs. Call stood in front of Embry and Kim. "I think your son should explain what's going on here." She raised her voice while turning to look at her husband.

Mr. Call glanced at the mess on the floor and then at his son who had been caught alone with a girl in the dark. "Embry, what the hell is going on here?

Embry had no clue what to do. He panicked and thought it'd be best to play this off like this girl was his steady girlfriend. "Kim? I'd like you to meet my parents."

Kim turned herself around unable to remain hidden from Embry's parents any longer. She was embarrassed they found her this way – especially without her shirt. Her head hung low and she wasn't able to pry her eyes off the floor.

"Pop..." Embry began.

He introduced his wannabe girlfriend, "Kim."

"Hi," Kim squeaked sticking out her hand like this was a formal greeting.

Mr. Call shook her hand and answered sarcastically, "Hi."

Embry thought this wasn't so bad after all. It wasn't like Kim was completely naked. They weren't caught having sex, which would have been a nightmare. He was bummed about that part. He had spent the whole night trying to get that damn bra off. He couldn't even get to first base. Now his chances of fucking this girl were ruined. All the plans had gone to shit.

Giggling and boisterous laughter came from the hallway as Leah pranced out into the living room, where everyone was standing, wearing only her tiny white panties.

"Oh my God! I'm having a heart attack!" Mrs. Call screeched when she saw the naked girl.

Leah's smile fell when she saw the adults standing there. She quickly covered her breasts with her hands.

"Yeah!" Jacob yelled as he ran out after Leah and smacked her ass, he stood in only his boxers. He then realized Embry's parents were staring at them slack-jawed.

Jacob was shell-shocked to see Embry's parents home.

Mrs. Call snapped out of the bewilderment and hit her husband on the arm. "Don't just stand there! I want these tramps out of here!"

"Embry, get them out of here." Mr. Call coolly instructed his son.

If Embry thought things couldn't possibly get any worse, he was dead wrong.

Claire walked out without her shirt and bra, exposing her bare breasts to everyone. "Kim, can I borrow breath spr-ay?" Her eyes grew wide like saucers when she saw the crowd gathered inside the tiny living room and pressed her hands against her breasts to hide them.

Mrs. Call shrieked in distress and almost fainted. "I'm dying!"

Mr. Call caught his horrified wife in his arms. "I'm dying." She repeated to him while clutching her chest.

Embry, Jacob, and the girls took this opportunity to make an escape. They gathered what they could of the clothes that had been strewn on the sofa and ran half-naked outside to the car.

"Hurry up!" The boys hollered.

They all giggled and laughed loudly the whole time they made a run for it. Embry couldn't believe what had just happened. He was positive his parents would ground him for the rest of his life once he came back home. But this was one of the most exciting nights he'd ever had.

Once they all clambered inside the car still laughing their asses off, Jacob turned to all of them and asked, "All right, where to now?"

Kim was the most embarrassed out of all the girls. She certainly didn't have any reason to be, seeing that she wasn't even remotely close to being naked unlike her friends. "I think we should just call it a night."

"No, come on, let's go to the beach!" Embry suggested in an energetic tone.

They all agreed until Claire realized someone was missing. "Wait a minute. Where's Quil?"

Because of all the commotion, Claire forgot she had left him standing outside the patio counting to one hundred.

Mr. Call walked his perturbed wife into their dark bedroom. "This is terrible," Mrs. Call groaned.

"I want you to lie down," Mr. Call hushed his wife and moved her to the bed. "Lie down and rest."

"All right, I will." Mrs. Call was still unbelievably horrified at the scene that had unfolded between Embry's hoodlum friends. She was going to attempt to forget this night ever happened. "Please, just do me a favor? Just please go...get me two Aspirins and some water. And then close the door," she called out to her husband as she laid down bringing her hand to her temple.

Mr. Call stepped out of the room obeying her orders.

"Oh, what a mess," The distraught woman complained again.

Quil stood outside the French doors anxiously counting toward his goal. His dick was already hard just thinking about a naked Claire spread out on the bed.

"…ninety-six, ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine…one hundred!" Quil rubbed his hands in anticipation and then ran them through his hair.

He opened the doors as quietly as possible and slid inside. Once inside the bedroom, he saw the form of a body under the covers facing in the opposite direction. He licked his lips and climbed slowly onto the bed.

Quil spooned who he assumed to be Claire's body and reached over to grope her breast.

"Not now," Mrs. Call shoved the busy hand away, aggravated.

Quil's eyebrows shot up. "Mrs. Call?" he questioned, surprised.

Mrs. Call screamed in panic.

"Mrs. Call, what are you doing here?" Quil asked dumbly.

"What am I doing here? What are you doing here!" The loud smack echoed in the room when she slapped Quil across the face. Her high-pitched shouting was heard by Mr. Call who came running into the room.

Quil shook his head and quickly tried covering her mouth to shut her up. She kept screaming her husband's name, but her voice was muffled.

"What's wrong? I brought you a couple of..." Mr. Call gasped at the sight before him.

Quil turned around quickly and raised his hands in surrender. "Mr. Call!"

"What the hell is going on here!" Mr. Call's lid almost blew off from the steam coming out of his ears and nostrils.

"No, no – you don't understand! She told me to go outside and..." Quil was failing miserably at his explanation.

Mrs. Call thought he was talking about her. "I did not! He tried to rape me!" She got off the bed and started striking Quil with a pillow repeatedly.

"Rape?" Mr. Call shouted.

"No! No!" Quil shouted back.

Mr. Call took off his shoe and started beating the shit out of Quil while his wife kept hitting him with the pillow.

"Ow! Ow!" Quil cowered and covered his head in an attempt to protect himself.

"Get out of my house! Get out of my house!"

"You pervert! Get out of my house! Shame on you!" Mr. and Mrs. Call yelled.

Quil made an escape from the death trap and sprinted outside to the car. He didn't give a shit his clothes were left behind.

Embry, Jacob, and the girls broke out in uproarious laughter watching their friend stumble out of the house scared out of his mind.

"Here he comes!"

"Quil!"

"Come on, Quil!"

"You're in your fucking underwear!"

The group couldn't stop laughing at how ridiculous Quil looked jumping into the car.

Quil shut the door and was out of breath. He grabbed Embry's shoulder and looked at him wide-eyed, "Hey Embry, you know something?"

"What?" Embry chuckled.

"Your parents are home."

The rambunctious group roared with laughter as they sped off into the night.