Chapter Three
"The time at length arrives when grief is rather an indulgence than a necessity; and the smile that plays upon the lips, although it may be deemed a sacrilege, is not banished." 'Frankenstein' by Mary Shelley
or
Pretentious – characterized by assumption of dignity or importance, making an exaggerated outward show; ostentatious, pompous, bombastic, grandiose.
"I really don't think that's a good idea," Elizabeth said half to her friend and half to the woman standing in the door way.
"I swear it won't take long," the woman responded before directing her attention towards her target. "Dr. Scorpio-Drake? I'm from the Port Gazette. I only have a few questions and then I can be out of her hair." Against her better judgment and that of her friend's Robin nodded for the stranger to enter her house. She pulled out a tape recorder and diminished her perky smile. "I understand that you organized the helicopter to take the victims to the city."
"I arranged for the patients to get further treatment," Robin corrected and felt the warning in her gut deepen. From the corner of her eye she could see Elizabeth pacing and shaking her head.
"So, you don't feel responsible for the presumed dead?"
"Excuse me!" Elizabeth demanded as she stopped in place. "I really think you should leave."
"Do you think you'll feel more responsible if they find your husband's body?" the woman asked while ignoring Elizabeth. Robin sat there with her jaw gaping, eyes a second away from watering, and a tremble that shot up her spine. "Do you have any remorse for the lives you put in danger? Would you like to say anything to their families? To the community?"
"It's all my fault," Robin whimpered under her breath. Her eyes were glassed and she sucked in the sobs she strived to burry deep within herself. "This is all my fault." She stood to her feet and jetted out the door. She could hear Elizabeth call behind her.
"Body recovery…! my ass!" He slammed his scotch on the counter. Usually it gave him the warm feeling he'd get with hot chocolate as a kid, but now it just tasted like gas that burned too much… or not enough.
"Dad!" His eldest son shot his father a nasty look while helping his own oldest son put on his jacket. "I know you don't want to be the conventional grandfather, but could you at least try…"
"Daddy…" Cameron tugged at his father's shirt. "Where's Aunty?" He had been asking since the wedding that he had the better fortune to miss. He and his brothers had been entertained at their Cousin Spencer's house, but were told that they give Aunty and their new Uncle the presents they made later. Homemade cards with vibrant colors scrolled across. Cameron was particularly proud that he stayed in the lines of the picture he had colored and couldn't wait to see it at his Aunty's new house on her fridge.
"Not here right now. We'll see her later." Lucky frowned as he heard Luke scoff over his shoulder. "Mommy's going to take you home. I'm going to stay here and talk to Pop Pop for a minute." On cue Elizabeth walked through the door and didn't say much. It wasn't her place to offer comfort anymore, and even if she could she had no idea what to say. Not about Lulu. She gave a polite and sensitive smile and walked her son out of the casino.
"Have you called Lulu's mom?" Ethan asked from his bar stool. Unlike his father he had taken his glass and emptied it as if it were the water. Anything to melt his mind away from thinking that if his sister not dead then she was probably dying, suffering, starving, and any other pains he'd kill to take away.
"I'm not calling Laura and neither are you," Luke spoke dryly and pointed at Lucky before he could interrupt. "I don't want Laura to endanger herself mentally or emotionally until we know something for sure. I don't want to take any risks. She's still not out of the woods…"
"That's a poor choice of words." Ethan topped off his glass.
Pictures and other sentiments had been moved and made the house look empty if not soulless. "Welcome home," Carly tried to say in her most cheerful voice as if to mask the fact that it was no longer a home and more of a cold mausoleum. "Sam," she called out as she helped Kristina navigate her jacket off her bandage covered burns. "Sam."
"Hey," she greeted with a smile as she walked out of what was her mother's bedroom. "Thank you so much for bringing them home."
"Where's all our stuff?" Kristina asked bluntly as she saw empty tables, an empty fireplace banister, and barren counter spaces.
"Sonny's here. He just stepped out to take a phone call." She spoke quickly and it didn't even look as if her sister's question registered in her mind. "Oh, Krissy…" She rushed over to the television. "I got a bunch of DVDs. I thought maybe we could have a marathon. All your favorites."
"Sam…" Her youngest sister looked at her worried without being able to think up an appropriate question. Her mind had already done a round of wanting to ask if she was okay, knowing she wasn't okay, and general panic that she might say the wrong thing.
"That sounds great, Sam. Mind if I join you?" Carly interrupted the growing tension of Sam's plastered on smile and Kristina's look of indifference. "In fact, since we're making a night of it. How about you order us some pizza, Chinese food, and whatever crap that delivers, and we'll make a great veg night out of it? Lulu and I…" She stopped herself short and took a deep breath. "You call and I'll pay."
"Sounds like a plan." With that Sam rushed herself out of the room.
"Do you need help getting your stuff to your rooms or do you just want to leave them here for now? It's not like we're in any kind of hurry…" Carly casually sat next to Molly and Kristina on the couch before she was interrupted by the unpleasant tons of an angry man.
"I don't care what they're calling it. I'll pull together men myself if I have to. I'll pay for anything you need. Just don't scale it back. There's no need to stop looking now. They're out there." Sonny had started yelling into his phone from the patio. The wind dragging his voice through the open window. "Then un-classify it. I don't care if you want to call it a Body-Recovery Mission or a Search and Rescue. I'm telling you that if you don't get your asses out there I'm going to hold you personally accountable when we do find the bodies of people who could have made it if their town hadn't given up on them so damn fast…"
Carly's face turned different shades of red before she bolted out the door. She ripped the phone out of her ex-husband's strong hand and threw it into the lake. "What the hell are you thinking!" she demanded. "They can hear you in there." Her voice was a harsh whisper. "Sam is having a hard enough time trying to pretend that the world is still turning, she's being strong for her little sisters when she's just lost her mother too, and you're out here announcing that they are looking for her boyfriend's body like he's dead. Are you crazy!" She looked indignant. "It's not just Sam either. Molly and Kristina love Jason too. Between you and Sam, he's been their family as long as they can remember."
"You seem awfully worried about Sam, Kristina, and Molly…" Sonny tried to tread lightly. It was a rare moment for Carly to passionately worry about anyone she didn't particularly like. Her history with Sam was rocky at best.
"Are you kidding? Who wouldn't be?"
"It's just you're more worried about them because of Jason. Are you sure you're not just projecting your fears that you'll never get Jason back either?"
Robin's breathing had returned to normal. Her feet had carried her to the park and she took comfort in the trees and laughter. She smiled as her eyes crossed a familiar face. "Hey, Luke." She took no notice to that the older gentleman didn't acknowledge her. "Any news from the search teams?" He hardily grunted in her direction. His face turned sour. "I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing anymore." He continued to remain silent. "It's the waiting that's unbearable…"
"How can you stand there and talk to me as if nothing's happened?" He finally yelled with an increasingly red complection. "What the hell were you thinking sending them up there?" She opened her mouth to respond, but he continued, "Let me guess… you wanted to prove to everybody that you were the super doctor we all know in love. That you had the entire situation under control even though people were dying left and right… am I right? You needed so bad to prove yourself to everything that now my daughter is dead! 5 other people, including your husband have lost their lives… but it doesn't matter because Robin the Amazing Doctor had everything handled!" He scoffed at her. "I hope you can find a way to live with yourself."
"So, how about some fresh air?" Michael turned to his sister after helping trash paper plates and putting the left over pizza in the fridge. "Just get a coffee real fast. Prepare you for the all out movie marathon my mom says you guys are going to have."
"I don't know…" Kristina hesitated.
"What do you mean? You've been stuck in the hospital all week."
"I mean, I don't know if I'm ready." She pulled attention to the bandages that covered most of her chest and her shoulder.
"Nobody is going to notice."
"You don't know that," she said calmly to his sincere reassurances.
"Yes I do. Everything will be fine and I'll be with you the whole time."
"Uh…" she hesitated. "Okay, just one second." She ran to her room and found the largest hoodie she had. The collar pulled up to cover her neck. She was completely covered from the chin down when they left her house and all the way until the reached the peer.
"You must be burning up in that thing."
"I'm okay."
"Krissy…"
"Fine," she vented in frustration. "I'll take it off." She pulled down the zipper and peeled back the sweater releasing her body to soft breeze. Her brother gave a tiny laugh knowing he was right.
"Hey, Kristina," Maxie stopped them right outside the entrance of their destination. "I'm so sorry about…"
"Thanks," she tried to blow the older girl off.
"We were just going to grab a coffee real fast before going back home…" He hinted.
"You are so brave," Maxie continued oblivious to the signs of discomfort Kristina exhibited. "If I had a burns like that I don't think I could leave my apartment let alone…" She couldn't finished before the young woman's eyes began to well up right in front of her and sent her sprinting in the direction in which she came. Her brother chasing after her.
"I never thought I'd see the day." His wife stood on the other side of the counter watching him watch his glass. He still couldn't remember his love for whiskey at this moment.
"What are you on about?" He half asked, willing himself to prepare for what was sure to be an argument.
"Luke Spencer giving up on his daughter!" She yelled.
"Tracy…"
"No! You look here!" She pointed her finger directly at his face forcing him to look her in the eyes. "You have never, and I mean absolutely never, given up on your daughter."
"That's not true. Some say I gave up on her when I wasn't here for… half her life was it?" Self-pity wasn't a good shade on him.
"When Lulu had encephalitis… Bobbie told you to tell her goodbye and what did you do? You held a council of doctors hostage." Luke didn't so much as blink at the comparison. It felt like forever ago that he was sitting next to her hospital, but only yesterday she was born.
"Lesley Lu's life has been a constant struggle," he finally said after a long pause. "All the times she's been sick, kidnapped, trapped, attacked, held hostage… my daughter has been through hell enough already."
"She's survived it all, Luke. She has the instincts to keep herself a live, and we'll find her."
"What if we don't, Tracy? What happens when Lulu doesn't come home this time?"
"You need to get your head out of your ass!" She yelled even louder. Her voice reaching an octave her husband had not previously been aware of. "Get it together, Luke. You are always the last person to give up hope and right now that is all she has. So get off your ass and go find your daughter!"
Kristina ran into her room and face planted on to her bed ignoring the pain as she tried to bury herself in her pillows. She could feel the bandage move and her skin start to feel as if he were being ripped off again. "Kristina…" Her big brother calmly planted himself on the bed next to her. After a moment she sat up trying to rid her face of her tears. "They'll all know. They don't even have to look at me."
"What do you mean?" Michael asked.
"They don't even have to see my scars to know I'm ugly."
"You're not ugly. You're hurt, but they'll heal. And they don't make you look ugly."
"Hurt might as well be a euphemism for ugly, and when my skin heals the scars aren't going anywhere. I'm going to have them forever and for the rest of my life… everyone is going to know. I'm scared. I'm…"
"Just stop it." He held himself back so as not to raise his voice even though he wanted to shake it all out of her. "I'm telling you the truth. You're not ugly. People might know you have scars but that doesn't mean you'll never be attractive to anyone. You're beautiful." He was doing his absolute best to reassure his sister. "And if you're ever with a guy who cares more about your physical appearance than the amazing person I know you are... I'll personally kick his ass." Kristina gave a soft giggle. "I'll even get Dante to help if he's a real douche…"
She shook her head with a slight smile in the lighter mood. "I'm just being selfish…"
"How do you figure that?"
"Sam is trying so hard. She's always smiling, doing everything she can to make sure Molly and I are comfortable, doing everything mom would do… It's like she's been replaced with a robot who doesn't know that Jason is missing. It's like she doesn't breathe anymore because she wants to save the air for me and Molly." She fiddled with the end of her shirt. "All I can think about are my stupid scars."
"The scars are new. You'll get used to them, and soon it will be like they're not there and all. And Sam… she's probably doing it for herself too. This is probably just the way she needs to cope. It's not selfish. You're not selfish." He whipped his palms on his pants and stood up. "I have to go, but I'll text you tomorrow."
His sister gave him a brief smile as he left the room. She waited until she heard the screen door of the house slam shut behind him. Her feet carried her over to the large mirror in her bedroom. She pulled off the sweater in spite of the pain caused by her skin pulling across her shoulders. Slowly she lifted the bandage closer to her neck to reveal lumps of skin. They were little white bubbles that looked pink in the places where it was attached to her undamaged skin. Her body let out an unwilling sob followed by a series of tears.
She barged into her own house, and slammed cupboards and drawers. The glass sounded like a crash when she haphazardly slammed it on the counter and poured herself a stiff drink. "Robin!" her friend exasperated in a harsh whisper. "You're going to wake up Emma."
"I did this, Elizabeth," she shook her head and cursed herself as she slid the warm liquid down into her mouth. She reveled in the burn as it sunk down her throat and into her waiting body. "I made this happen and I deserve everything I have coming to me."
"Would you listen to yourself?" Elizabeth pulled the drink away and set it gently down next to them. "Robin… you had no way of knowing that the helicopter would go down. You were trying to help your friends and what happened was an accident."
"No. Luke was right. I was too busy being the super doctor to actually pay attention and now people are dead because of me! I killed them!"
"Luke? What does Luke…?"
"I went for a walk… and ended up in the park. Luke was there and he's absolutely right. His daughter… my husband… they're dead. They're dead because I couldn't mind my own business." She refilled her glass.
"They could all still be out there. They're still looking."
"For bodies! It's a body recovery mission!" Robin interrupted.
"They could all be alive and they can be found. So how about instead of sulking you focus on what you can take care of until Patrick comes home. Like, Emma. She's confused and has hardly seen you… And when she does see you, you've been drunk or passed out."
"You know what, Elizabeth. I think what I could use a little less judgment and a little bit more support."
"I am being supportive…" She started to call out to her friend who had quickly stormed away. She was interrupted by the door slamming behind her. She took a deep breath as she looked at the countertop only to notice that Robin had taken the crystal bottle of liquor with her.
Her eyes popped open when a hand was placed on her back and slightly rubbed the comforted spot. She looked up and took the half empty bottle that was being handed to her. She took a quick gulp and the thin plastic crinkled. Her lungs expanded with a deep breath and she passed the bottle next to her with her unwrapped arm arm.. "Here, Spinelli," she whispered still able to grab his attention.
"Thanks, Fair Lulu." He took a swig and passed the bottle back to his large and quiet friend. Jason took his own small drink, and handed the bottle over to Patrick who passed it to Olivia after his turn. Jax waved his hand when it was offered, and she tucked it away into the small bag deflated back next to them. The silence was interrupted only by a cough due to the smoke still coming from the fallen plane near them.
"Nobody's coming, are they?"