Chapter 3
Just after the Cheshire Cat disappeared, Richard and Chloe were all alone. A vast forest was spread before them, speckled with sunshine where the trees didn't cover the ground. Winding paths went here and there, with signs that said "Up", "Down", and "That Way", and all sorts of other useless phrases. Among them, there was a sign that pointed into the forest, stating "Mad Hatter" and another pointing in the opposite direction, saying "March Hare". The group considered their options, and the compass wagged its chain back and forth in confusion.
At last, Chloe stepped to the path that seemed to go towards the Mad Hatter, and just like before, Richard didn't hesitate to go down that path also.
It was quite a pleasant walk. Since the Queen of Hearts and her court weren't around, the only sounds were the tweeting of various birds, and the swishing of the leaves in the trees. Golden sunshine came between the branches, giving the forest a sweet, comforting glow. Richard took a deep breath, inhaling the scents of flowers that grew between the trees, and he relaxed his shoulders. Chloe seemed pretty carefree herself, getting into a kind of skipping step while she led the way into the forest. It was cute, because her loose hair bounced on the back of her shirt, shining like spun gold while she moved. Richard had to avert his gaze, as he was starting to remember why he had once crushed on her.
But soon enough, Chloe stopped, and pointed ahead.
"Look, Richard," she said. "There's the Mad Hatter's house, and the tea table."
Richard sure could. A huge tea table was set up under a tall tree, in front of a little house tucked between two clusters of trees and shrubbery. It looked very homey in the sunshine, and not to mention the many teapots and cakes set up around the table that made it look very merry indeed. But the only people at the table were a human sized hare, a hatter with a grand top hat, and a dormouse sitting between them.
"Come on," Chloe said, skipping down the little hill towards the tea table.
"No room! No room!" the Hatter cried when he saw Chloe coming down the hill.
"There's no room here!" the March Hare added, snapping his head back up from his tea.
"Don't mind us," Chloe said, putting her hands up. "My friend and I are here to see how you three are getting along."
"Ah," said the March Hare understandingly. "Well then, why don't you have some wine?"
"No thank you," said Chloe.
"Well good then," said the March Hare. "We didn't have some anyway."
"Then what was the point of offering it?" Richard wanted to know, as he stepped up by Chloe.
"What was the point of you barging in without an invitation?" the March Hare retorted.
"It was just as I said," said Chloe. "We don't mean to stay for very long. It's just a friendly service, you know- stopping by to see how you are doing today."
Richard nodded to further emphasize his friend's point.
"Then make yourselves presentable," said the Hatter at last. "And I would start by this: get your hair trimmed."
Chloe sucked in a little breath, and picked up a bunch of her hair to observe. She let it dangle from her fingers while she looked at it, finally letting it drop to her chest again.
"What was that for?" Richard angrily wanted to know.
"Why don't you sit down?" asked the Mad Hatter in response. "We've been here for hours, and no one has ever stopped by."
"To say hello, that is," added the March Hare.
"Well…er, no problem," Richard said with a helpless frown. He didn't feel very comfortable around this duo after they had just insulted Chloe. The compass mimicked his expression, glowing a dark pink in the direction of the Hare and the Hatter.
"You mean it is no problem to say hello," the Mad Hatter wondered aloud, "or that you have come here at this time?"
"Both, I guess," Richard said.
"Well then, why didn't you say so in the first place?" asked the Hatter.
"You could say 'I breathe when I sleep' is the same thing as 'I sleep when I breathe'," piped up the Dormouse, who startled Richard by talking so suddenly, and still while in his sleep.
Chloe sniffed. "Of course, it's the same thing with you," she noted. "You're always sleeping."
"Ah! One thing you've said right!" said the March Hare. "Oh, joy."
"What day is it, little girl?" the Hatter asked abruptly, taking out a little pocket watch, and shaking it like a handful of dice.
"It's the fourteenth of March," she answered.
"Oh!" gasped the Hatter like he had seen a ghost. "A fortnight wrong! Hare, I told you not to put butter in the works!"
"Oh, but it was the best butter," said the Hare.
"Take a look at it," the Hatter said, tossing the watch to the March Hare, although he sat just a chair down. The Hare shook it near his ear too, and then dunked it in his tea cup, yanking the chain up and down until he finally pulled it back out. "It was the best butter," he lamented, slamming it down onto the table with a slam! that made Richard and Chloe jump high in their seats.
The Mad Hatter shook his head, but suddenly, his eyes widened when he looked past Richard. He surprised Richard and Chloe yet again when he reached his arm all the way around the chairs, and plucked the compass from beside Richard's chair. The compass struggled to get free, but before the Hatter could bring it to his seat, the chain glowed red hot, and the Hatter yelped, while the compass flew free.
"Now there's a clock that works!" the Mad Hatter exclaimed, grinning as wide as the Cheshire Cat.
The compass glowed dark pink, vibrating as if it were growling at the Mad Hatter.
The March Hare grabbed the floating chain of the compass like a child would to a balloon, but he couldn't touch it very quickly, before the silver flared hot again.
"Extraordinary!" exclaimed the March Hare. "Here, let me have a try at that watch." He spoke as if he just hadn't touched the thing that almost singed his fur off.
"It doesn't like to be touched like that," Richard explained.
"My watch doesn't mind when I take it by its chain," said the Hatter, retrieving the broken pocket watch from the table. "See? I don't see any complaints here."
"Well, I bet it's not alive," Chloe added, gesturing towards the pocket watch.
"I don't hear that one speaking words," the March Hare remarked. "Or breathing."
"So?" Richard said, frowning at the Hare.
"If I wasn't breathing, I couldn't sip my tea anymore, could I?" said the Hare. "Here, watch me." It took a deep breath, and didn't open its mouth for a long time.
"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" said the Mad Hatter after a moment of silence.
"They both can have black quills," Chloe answered without a second guess.
"What?" exclaimed the Hatter and the Hare, jumping up in their seats, and startling the Dormouse from its sleep so that it squeaked like a whistle. The Hatter let go of a teapot he had been pouring from, and it flew from his flying hand like a pebble. The light brown liquid splashed through the spout, splattering onto the face of the compass.
The liquid sizzled on the silver surface, and the compass began to shake, vibrating like a house in an earthquake. The lid flapped open, and the marble face of the compass flapped up and down speedily. The needles on the clock beneath the compass spun madly, flashing between black and white, and then to several more colors, before the lid snapped closed, and clunked down on the table.
The silver circle glowed no more.
Richard couldn't look away from the compass. It looked just like it did in the real world, but a lot more tarnished. In fact, the silver surface was starting to turn a brown red with rust, expanding like a virus across the top. Like an overstuffed box, the lid came open, and the marble surface dripped wet with the tea.
No one at the table spoke.
"What…did you say?" the Mad Hatter finally spoke up.
"Look at this!" Richard cried out, pointing at the dead compass. "Just look at what you did!"
"Calm down, Richard," Chloe said gently. "I know what we can-"
"Thanks to you, we're never going to get home!" he shouted at the Hatter. "Which is great! Just. Great!"
Richard shoved his chair out of the way, and grabbed the chain of the compass, not really thinking about the possibility of breaking it more. He stomped away into the trees, and kicked at the ground, slumping down against the trunk of one.
He picked up the compass, and lifted it before his eyes. He noted the rusting silver, and the dripping marble. The clock hands, and the needle of the compass, drooped like a loose pennant from a hook. Useless.
"Now what?" Richard asked, before he slumped his head into his knees and grumbled loudly. He was so lost in his misery at losing his magic guide to a couple of idiots, that he didn't hear Chloe push away her chair, and move towards his tree.