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Chapter Ten

"How's my favorite patient?" Dr. Nior asked as she walked into the exam room where I'd been prepped.

"Tired, I don't think the new meds are working out." I straightened my robe out and adjusted my arm sling.

"Well I've been working with Dr. Bremmer and we feel that this medication poses the least threat to you and your child." Damn it I was over a barrel.

"Will I ever be alert again?" I asked impetuously and she chuckled.

"Once your little girl is born we'll arrange for new medication. Now, let's get you checked out." She smiled and I simply lay back while she helped me put my legs in the stirrups and prepare for the internal and external examination.

It was over and I discovered that it was more of the same, Espy was growing big and strong and my due date had been changed, I just had a little over two months to go. I'd had a consult with my physical therapist as well and he'd said that as soon as my arm was healed I could begin the full regiment, but warned me that it would be slow going. He also said that I would be able to hold Espy but I'd need someone to lift her for me. All in all the appointment and consult were chock full of good news. I also learned that I'd moved up from eighty percent mobility to eighty-five percent mobility and breast feeding could be achieved as long as a specialized pillow was used. For that I was grateful, I didn't want to miss on that bonding time with my baby.

As the nurse wheeled me into the room I saw Chantal sitting with a thoughtful look on her face that turned to a bright smile when she saw me. She stayed seated as the nurse helped me get into bed and hooked me up to all my monitors.

"Need anything else Milla?" She asked with a smile and I couldn't help but smile back.

"No Dixie, just make sure Tara puts me on your rotation next shift." She nodded then gave a little wave as she walked out. I hadn't had the best luck with nurses; most were still pissed off about the shooting, just like everyone in Charming, but the nurses seemed to take it personally, like we were all responsible.

"Hubby called." Chantal said as soon as Dixie was gone and I turned to look at her. "I answered the prepay."

"Is everything ok?" I knew the answer and I knew she wouldn't elaborate but I had to try.

"Could be better. He just wanted you to know that all the guys are ok. He also wants you to know that he loves you and Esperanza." I nodded, there was more to it but she wouldn't get into it.

"Ok, thanks for that. Did he give you any trouble?" They'd both repeated ad nauseum that they had a truce going on but I didn't believe it for a second. They had too much bad blood between them to just get over it.

"No sweetheart, no trouble. He was disappointed that I answered and you didn't though." I nodded, that made sense.

"I'll call him later, he told me not to but I need to hear his voice." She smiled and tucked a stray hair behind my ear.

"I'm going shopping later, is there anything you want me to pick up?" She asked as she sat back in her chair.

"Can you check my house, make sure Koz has enough food and stuff?" I really did want Koz to have everything he needed; he was doing so much for us I just wanted everything to be good.

"No problem." She smiled again then laughed. "Does he really get mad if you call him Ken?"

"Apoplectic with rage. You get called Ken doll enough and have questions about whether or not you really have junk, it tends to get to you. Just be sure to call him Kozik or Koz then you'll be ok." She nodded and we continued to have a nice chat before she got a call from Phil and went to the clubhouse. She was becoming a friend to the club and it made me happy.

"So as far as we can tell everything's going well for them over there." Paco said as he sat in the chair by the bed and unwound yarn I was using to crochet a hat for Abel. When that baby boy came home I wanted him to know how much I loved him.

"How are things going around here? I heard what happened to Lumpy, anything go further with that?" He looked uneasy; he was probably given express instructions to leave the stressful stuff out when he talked to me.

"We're working on it, so far Chick and me are just responsible for taking care of you. Your Old Man and your Dad gave us the charge." I nodded, I expected nothing less.

"You guys getting the rest you need though? Getting laid?" I really didn't want them to miss out because of me.

"My Old Lady's comin from Thief River, once she shows up then I can get laid." That made me smile. Paco was one of those "one woman" men, that's pretty rare around here.

"Send her my way when she gets here. I wanna meet the woman good enough for Marcello "Paco" Moretti." He smiled and we shared a companionable silence while I crocheted. I had finished a hat for Abel and started some booties when there was a knock at the door followed by a bald entirely unwelcome head. Paco stiffened next to me and put the yarn on the bed. He was ready to "escort" Unser out.

"Hi there Milla, I hear you're doing better." He gave me a smile and I felt my face go blank.

"What do you want Chief?" I asked and made sure my voice sounded as harsh and cold as I could make it.

"Can I talk to you for a second? Alone…" He looked at Paco who was poised to attack. I reached out and placed my hand on his arm and when he looked at me he calmed down.

"Go wait in the hall please. I've got this." He searched my face before he nodded and moved around Unser. Once he was gone Unser moved to the chair and I moved away. "What do you want?"

"I guess you do know what's going on then." He tried to joke it off but I allowed my rage to come through.

"You're surprised that they let me know that there's a traitor in our midst?" I put as much venom in my voice as I was able. "I don't know why you're here Chief but I'm not gonna lie I don't want you here."

"You're just like your Mom, you know that?" He chuckled and I just looked at him. "Ok I wanted to see if you know anything about the Mayans."

"Like what? Like the fact that there's a truce? Like the fact that it couldn't have been a Mayan who attacked Lumpy Feldstein? That's all I'm telling you and if you ask how I know I'll just deny I said anything and I have a twelve hundred dollar an hour lawyer who will back me up." He nodded knowing I wasn't going to say anything else.

"Don't worry Milla, that's all I wanted to know. Also, thank you for that letter you wrote to the police department. David would be proud that you thought so highly of him and I'm sure he understands why you couldn't make it to his funeral." I rolled my eyes, of course he understood.

"As big of a Boy Scout and pain in the ass he was the man treated me with respect and went out of his way to help me. He deserved my respect and earned it. Whereas you lost it the second you pulled a gun on my fucking mother you cowardly shithead." I put the force of my anger behind the glare and he ducked his head.

"There are things at play that you don't know Milla, just know that I just want to do what's best for Charming." I laughed in his face as I shook my head.

"Fuck that and fuck you. You only want to do what's best for Wayne Unser, if you gave a fuck about Charming you wouldn't have turned your back on us. I used to care about you Wayne, hell I considered you family now you're nothing but a fucking traitor." He didn't say anything, just looked at me. "You're not welcome here. I only want family with me."

"I'm sorry you feel that way Milla. Take care of yourself and that baby." He got up and went out the door. I felt like I could breathe again and Paco came in and simply sat. He seemed to know that I needed quiet at the moment.

I had always considered Unser to be an unmovable force. He was the last person in the world I ever thought would betray us and that made this so much worse. I took a deep breath and picked up the bootie I was working on I needed an activity to get my mind off the bullshit.

"I need out Tara. I need to go home, need to get back in the fucking loop. I'm going crazy not knowing what's going on." She smiled as she looked at my chart and sat down.

"You are in the loop sweetheart and as for going home I'd say that if this keeps up you'll be home in a couple of days, maybe three." She made a note in the chart before she gave me a loving look.

"Thank god. Is something wrong, you've been out of it for a while?" I asked as I reached my hand out and she took it.

"Nothing's wrong sweetie but I do have a lot on my mind and when you get better we'll talk about it." I raised my eye brow and she shook her head. "I'm not telling you now but I guarantee you that I will. You ok with that?"

"I guess I have to be. Oh I have a favor to ask." I sat up excited and she looked amused as she nodded for me to continue. "Can you thank Ms. Murphy for me? My paperwork went through and thanks to her addendum I'm getting care staff. Are there any nurses who'd be willing to work freelance?"

"I'll thank Margaret for you and the nurses around here are always looking for extra work. I know Dixie would love to work with you. The rumor going around is that she was friends with you in high school." I nodded, friend seemed like a strong word but we were definitely civil to each other and her family was pro-SAMCRO so it would actually be good to have that support around.

"I'll ask her during her next shift. I told her to have you put her on my rotation." Tara smiled and shook her head.

"Sometimes I forget you're your Mother's daughter, then you do this. Though I will admit you find nicer ways to get what you want." She laughed and I smiled.

"Not true, if I got what I wanted Juice would be here right now." I sighed, damn it all. I'd gone about two hours without thinking about him now I wanted to cry. I was missing him so badly it was a physical pain. Tara squeezed my hand and had me look at her.

"Hey, he'll be back. Look at me; I don't want you going to that bad place again." She squeezed my hand and I smiled.

"Yeah, I don't want you slapping me." That made her chuckle and suddenly her cell beeped and she took it out, looked at it then gave me an apologetic look.

"I've gotta go scrub in, I'll see you tomorrow morning. Love you." She squeezed my hand one last time and rushed out the door.

"Love you too." I called to her retreating back and smiled. As long as I had Tara, Lyla and Chantal I could survive this shit.

I stared at the phone in my hands for minutes that felt like hours as I considered the ramifications of what I was doing. I was told not to call, I was told to wait and I ran the risk of being overheard. Those were the cons. The pros boiled down to the fact that I'd get to talk to Juice. I missed my husband and I needed him. I knew that I needed to be strong, for myself, for Espy, for the club but more than that I needed my man. How the fuck was I supposed to survive his incarceration? With a deep breath I pressed the button and waited for the connection.

"Baby?" I almost started crying again when I heard his voice.

"Yeah, it's me. God I miss you." I took a deep breath to keep the tears in check. I was getting better at keeping them in, but they still snuck up on me from time to time.

"I miss you too. How are you? I know they're keeping things from me." I snorted, like he wasn't keeping a ton of bullshit from me.

"I'm fine, really. Phil and Koz can give a full report to you later. Now tell me what was so important that you broke self-initiated noncom this afternoon?" There, my voice was sounding stronger, steady.

"I can't tell you baby. Clay would kill me." I scoffed, Dad would be the least of his worries if I found out he was keeping heavy shit from me.

"What do you think I'll do if you don't tell me baby?" I purred into the phone and heard him sigh.

"I don't even wanna think about that, but baby its deep shit, really deep and I don't want you having another heart attack." It was reasonable but I was sick of people deciding what was best for me. Maybe I had a bit of my Mother's impractical streak in me after all.

"Tell me Juice. I can hear a weight in your voice and it bothers me. Why do you have that weight on you baby?" I put as much love as I could into it and heard him cave.

"We went on a protection run to Dungloe. Someone set us up, and there was a bomb. We lost five brothers." His voice got thick and I felt my heart stop in my chest while I took several deep breaths. He was in Ireland, home of the terrorist bombing; of course someone would go that route. I was quiet for a while as the logic of the "what?" seeped in and controlled the stress in my body. There were still the questions of "why?" and "who?" to consider but we'd all learn that in time.

"Baby? You there?" He asked and there was a thread of panic. I took a deep breath before I answered.

"Yeah, I'm here. Are you ok? Were any of the five SAMCRO?" I couldn't ask if one of them was Jax or Dad. Putting it into words would make it possible and nothing was supposed to touch them. They were supposed to be invincible.

"They were all SAMBEL baby, but some of us got banged up pretty bad. Don't worry, ok, we're all ok and coming home as soon as Jax finds Abel. We're all working on it." Hearing that released the pressure in my chest. Maybe they were invincible after all. I was ready to speak when I heard a voice in the background.

"Get your sodding arse back here boy. You owe me three fags for that last hand." The voice was female and familiar to me and my brow furrowed. Juice spoke to her.

"I just have to say goodbye to my wife Fiona, then I'll be back to finish the game." I could hear the smile in his voice when he said "wife" and I smiled too.

"Wife? Oh right, Gemma's girl. Tell her hello from me and to be sure to take care of the wee one." She chuckled in the background and Juice snorted.

"I will Fiona." He said before he started talking to me again. "I love you but I have to go babe, I'm takin' care of Chibs' family."

"That's an important job, I know you have to go but I need you baby, even just a voice." I took a deep breath. I was done crying.

"I love you and need you too. We'll be home before you know it and you'll be sick of me. I'll be leaving empties on the coffee table and my boxers in the bathroom. You'll see baby, you'll get so sick of me and I'll be loving every minute of it. You're so hot when you're angry baby." This time I heard tears in his voice and I had to take another deep breath. "Take care of my little princess baby. I love you two more than anything else."

"I love you too baby." I whispered and we both hung up before we got too emotional.

Once I hung up I stuffed the phone in the drawer and took a deep breath. I was doing ok, my heart wasn't going too fast or too slow and I was still conscious. I must have been doing better and I wasn't crying. Oh happy day, maybe I'd actually get to go home this time.