It was raining outside - he could hear the raindrops beating down on the tin roof. They made a pattern as they fell - musical almost. He blinked and his eyes focused on the ceiling.
He lay in the bed, his body seemed to be sunken into the mattress - a permanent crease. His mind blank - not thinking. Didn't want to think.
A buzzing noise filled the room and shocked him back to earth.
He reached blindly over to the bedside table, gripping his phone and pulling it aimlessly to his ear.
"Hello?" he croaked. The voice wasn't even his anymore.
"You up?" came Isaac's voice.
He flopped back onto his back, fixating his eyes on the ceiling again "No" he responded.
"Gotta get up, man. I'll come pick you up in like 20 minutes…and we'll go do this" Issac sounded enthusiastic.
"Mmm" came the response.
"Tommy, come on. Just Uhhh….just get up, get dressed and i'll see you soon".
They were instructions. Simple instructions. But both sounded so foreign and difficult right now. There was a beep as Isaac hung up.
Tommy lay there in silence for a further 5 minutes before willing himself out of bed. He stumbled over to his drawers and pulled out some jeans pulling them on mindlessly. His hands found a crumpled t-shirt and he pulled it over his head. He slid open another drawer and there it was… Black leather.
It was his own but it still looked like someone elses.
He ran his hand over the material, watching as it sprang back ever so slightly under his touch in it's folded position.
Tommy sat back then, curling his legs under him, his eyes focused on the jacket. Staring. Thinking…..
He was still sitting there when Isaac knocked on the door.
"Tommy, are you…"
Isaac lightly pushed the door open, his eyes settling on Tommy sitting on the floor. His expression turned to sadness when he saw the jacket in his hands.
"Come on…just leave that" Isaac said softly, taking the jacket from Tommy's hands and sliding it back into one of the drawers - closing it carefully. Tommy stared after it.
"Stand up we'll just…you got some shoes there?" Isaac's eyes travelled now to Tommy's bare feet but Tommy didn't seem to be listening - he was still staring at the now closed drawer.
Isaac pulled Tommy to his feet, but his head still hung low.
"We all miss him" was all he could say. Tommy looked up then. "But we all have to get through today. You're not alone…we're all here. That's what today's for. To get through this together…But you gotta do today, Tommy. You gotta come and say goodbye."
Isaac looked into his friend's tired brown eyes with concern. Tommy still didn't seem to be fully comprehending but he nodded slightly and found his shoes.
Slowly, they made their way outside.
Isaac dug the key into the car door before he noticed Tommy frozen behind him.
"Can we….walk?" Tommy practically squeaked, his eyes shifting rapidly taking in the car. Fear in his eyes. Uncertain.
Isaac looked down at the car then back to Tommy "Of course" he stated, realization sweeping over him.
With Isaac dressed in black and Tommy in his jeans and t-shirt - hunched and slow - the two walked silently to where crowds of people crowded around a funeral home in LA. All there for one reason…to farewell one person.
Tommy drew his gaze away from the concrete and forced himself to look up at the gathering crowd in a sea of black clothing.
He felt Isaac beside him pulling him towards the door. People threw encouraging smiles and small waves of acknowledgement Tommy's way as he entered the building - but he kept his eyes down, avoiding any conversation. As they stood near the doorway, someone handed Tommy a small booklet. He hesitated before finally turning it over to look down at the smiling face on the front.
The face was one he had seen a million times both in the news and in person. Part of him saw it as just another poster and for a brief minute or two, Tommy craned his neck over the crowds to see if he could spot the familiar person huddled somewhere chatting away to a group of people. But he wasn't there. He wasn't going to arrive late like he always seemed to. He wasn't waiting for everyone backstage.
With one last hopeful glance over the crowd, Tommy let his eyes fall back on the booklet and then float over the words under the photograph: "In loving memory of Adam Lambert".
Even now it still didn't feel like he was really gone.