To avoid spoilers I put the notes at the end... Enjoy!

"He has a concussion, a couple of broken ribs and diffused bruises due the beating, with few days of rest he'll be as good as new, it could have been much worse considering what he's been through. Once the doctors are done you can see him" The whole team relaxed and started breathing again once JJ gave them the good news.

Nine months before in another city, the same scene had a much more gruesome ending and left them all with a raging fear of hospitals.

Seaver had joined the team in the waiting room after being cleared by the doctors and was still coping with the handful of news she was delivered; Emily could catch the young agent giving her some brief looks from time to time as if to check she wasn't a hallucination and was still standing there.

Now that the nightmare was over, Doyle dead and everybody safe, a storm of mixed feeling was starting to emerge in all them and it would have taken time to be processed. Even though from a detached perspective everything looked understandable and rational, it was difficult to swallow the fact they had spent five years with a former spy honored with the medal of bravery, who had then ran away and 'died' before they could confront her with their feelings, and nine months after magically came back to life. For a while they would have gone on wondering what else she was keeping from them and that sentiment would probably extend to Hotch who, though with good reasons, had kept them in darkness, knowing how grief was tearing them apart. Under such conditions to say that they were feeling adrift was an understatement.

All these problems would need to be faced and solved, but right now all they wanted was to be joyful for the return of a friend they believed lost and the fact that they were all alive. There was a nagging question though that needed an immediate answer and they had been exchanging furtive looks, wondering who would voice it, waiting for the appropriate moment which didn't seem to come; so once the good news about Morgan's state was delivered, Reid decided he couldn't stand the uncertainty anymore "Are you staying, or are you vanishing again?" there was urge and despair in his vehement question to Emily.

She expected it to come, she also expected it would be from Reid, yet his words hit her like a blast; she opened her mouth but it took a minute before she was actually able to give an answer "I'd love to, but I think the final response depends on whether you can still trust me or not. On my side I can tell you that I'm ready to spend the rest of my life making it up to you for the pain I've caused, but I also know there are some things that, even with all the good will of the world, cannot be fixed" she felt the weight of her words falling on her friends like boulders, she hated that they had been through so much and most of it because of her, she hated that things were now so complicated and that they had to face that choice, but she also knew – they all did- that things would never be the same anymore, even if she was back.

"Sweetie, of course we want you back, you are family" Garcia almost cried with emotion.

"Penelope, I will always be here as your friend…" she bit her lip choosing carefully her words "you need to be able to trust your team mates and no matter how good my intentions were, the moment I walked out of the bureau nine months ago I violated this trust and I wouldn't blame you if you couldn't grant it to me anymore."

Penelope tried to answer but stopped halfway, it was horrible to realize that having their friend back was not going to be plain sailing and the ending not necessarily a happy one; truth was that as much as they all desperately wanted to be happy for Emily's return, they couldn't ignore the complexity of the situation which gave a bitter taste to her reappearance.

Finally the nurse came by to announce they could visit Morgan and they were all grateful that the conversation was interrupted and their response delayed.

/

When the profilers entered Derek's room, he was exhausted but conscious; Emily, instinctively used to keep the option of running away open, stayed in the back row. She felt a dagger in her heart when she heard him ask right away "Was she real?"

The group of profilers set aside to let her come forth and she had to force herself to walk toward Derek's bed; few hours back it had been so easy and natural to sit at his side reassuring him and when he abandoned himself in her embrace so unconditionally, she actually believed that maybe there was a chance of being forgiven, now instead she wasn't sure about that anymore and fear was petrifying her.

Derek looked at her, despair, anger, sadness, relief, regret all darting at her like poisonous arrows, he didn't say a word, he just clenched his jaw and moved his gaze to a spot on the opposite wall.

Emily exchanged a look with the others and who all took their goodbye to Derek and left them two alone. For a while they both sat silent and still, nobody of them knowing where to begin.

"I don't even know where to start, Derek" she finally whispered

He shot her a piercing look "The truth would be something to begin with"

"The truth" she chuckled with despondency, as if the truth was this one faced coin, this magical cure able to fix everything. He already knew the truth, most of it at least, but he needed to hear it from her, even though it wouldn't have changed things, nonetheless she gave him what he was asking for "during my time undercover with Doyle I had to do things I'm not proud of to get the work done, I had to get my hands dirty and to get under his skin and even if you think I did despicable actions, I would do it all again knowing all the lives I saved." Derek flinched at her admission "Then when he found me and threatened the team, I knew there was no chance for a happy ending and running away was the only chance to protect you." He gave another flinch, still keeping his eyes away from her "After you found me and Doyle took the run, Hotch and JJ received orders from above to fake my death and were bound to silence with you all. I woke up after two surgeries to find out that a new life, built on lies and solitude, had been set for me, and I didn't have a saying in that. I couldn't say goodbye, I couldn't come back because you all thought me dead. I spent nine months hiding, devoting every breathing second to track Doyle, only the fear he could get to you all kept me going. I stopped sleeping, I stopped eating, I stopped hoping.. Day by day I became a shadow, loosing perception of myself, loosing track of who I was, because the only people who ever gave meaning and direction to my existence were moving on and getting used to a life in which I wasn't anymore. For nine months your words were the only reminder that I was once human and worthy of friendship and affection, even though I didn't have any illusion to get this back"

"How do I know this is finally the truth?" he asked angrily, barely looking at her.

"Derek, you were the first one to sense there was something wrong with me, I just couldn't hide from you, I never could…"

"It seems to me you could and very well. Otherwise I wouldn't have let you run away on a suicidal spree, you fooled us all. So I'm not sure I wanna believe you anymore" he remarked again, and this time he wasn't sure if he was more upset with her or with himself, or if it was just a question of hurt pride for not being the man of the situation.

"Look, I know you feel betrayed and I get it, I get how much trust is important to you. If you don't want to trust me or to see me anymore I understand that.." she took a pause, as if to gather the courage to go on "but you know my heart, Derek. Unconditionally. Whether you like it or not you already know the truth, it's not hidden in some corner of my shadowy past or in the sordid details of my affair with a terrorist. It's in plain sight under your eyes, enclosed in each instant we spent together over the last five years. The person you worked and lived and shared good and bad moments with, that is the one standing right now in front of you, she never tried to deceive you. But of course I don't expect to change your mind and whatever you decide, I will accept it".

There was a long silence afterward. Morgan didn't react when she lightly placed a hand on his shoulder, he kept his stubborn silence and his gaze locked away, only when she silently slid out of the room in defeat he let his wet eyes follow her until she disappeared.

/

"I am sorry I threw all this on you" she said sitting down beside her former unit chief in the waiting room.

"It's okay. You didn't exactly decide it and I guess the past months were not easier for you than for the rest of us" Hotch countered "and at least we could rely on our reciprocal comfort"

Emily nodded distantly as if her thoughts were caught somewhere else, far away from there "How's Jack?" she suddenly changed the topic, the last thing she needed now was to indulge in this loop of self commiseration, which wasn't doing any good to anyone.

"He's fine. Growing too fast and becoming too smart, he looks a lot like Haley" he feebly smiled "Prentiss you look exhausted, why don't you get some sleep?" he then got back to her.

"I will" she said without putting to much effort in her lie.

"Ok, good. I'll see you tomorrow" Hotch looked at her not pretending to believe her, he was the last one who could set an example in this circumstance.

Rossi exchanged a look full of understanding and support to Hotch before taking his place at Emily's side.

"I almost thought I gave you a heart attack before" she started.

"I'm too old to play with ghosts, Emily" he jerked back "It's insanely good and weird, but good to have you back. And if you ever want to talk you know I'm here" he squeezed her hand, and for a moment they both felt as if those months of agony never happened, as if Ian Doyle and Lauren Reynolds never crossed paths with their lives.

"I'm sorry for your arm" she offered with broken voice. Rossi was the first one to offer help without asking anything and without forcing her or pretending things were back to normal.

"Yeah, well Erin owes me some holidays anyway" he joked. "Now, I believe someone else wants to talk to you" he hugged her and went to collect Seaver in the waiting room and they both went toward the exit. The young agent waved at her with a smile before leaving.

Penelope fast approached hugging her again, then she took a step back "just promise we will talk, and you'll not freak me out like this anymore" she almost begged.

Emily gave an affirmative smile.

"Then, whatever it takes we will fix it. And as to the stubborn beautiful man in that room, you know him. Even though he tried to be strong for us, he was broken and will need time. But don't worry, love is something you don't erase so easy from your heart. Now get some rest, I'll see you tomorrow. Right?" she hugged her, almost afraid to let her go and lose her all over again.

"Pen, you don't know how good it is to have you around again" she whispered before letting go.

Reid was keeping a safety distance; almost afraid to get too close and find out that she was just a vision.

"How's your headaches?" she moved toward him.

"Still a mystery to the doctors" he answered a bit disoriented, not sure they could pick up the conversation where they left it considering the circumstance, and after all that time.

"Maybe the doctors really cannot do anything" She proposed.

Reid shot her a confused glance, apparently they could indeed pick up that conversation, and it felt so familiar, so good.

"When I was away I started experiencing excruciating pains in my chest" she avoided mentioning the branding thing "I went to see different doctors, thinking it had something to do with my tortures and my wounds, but nobody could find a medical cause"

"So, what did you do?" he asked.

"I stopped fighting the pain. I let it come, overthrow me for all the time necessary and then go" It felt in someway liberating to start disclosing the horror of those months.

"Did they stop?" he asked eagerly.

"No, but they're becoming less and less intense" she smiled back.

Reid gave her a look that morphed from perplexed to confused.

"Just let it go. Stop controlling everything, Spence" she smiled.

"But what if I lose myself?" he asked terrified.

"It won't happen, your family won't let you. I learnt it the hard way"

Reid took her hand in his, she hadn't vanished, it was definitely Emily and she was back "Welcome back home, Emily" he smiled before going away.

It was incredibly exhausting but it felt great to see them all again, to confront them and having a chance to explain, to feel that despite all the difficulties she was home and there was something to hope for.

She finally crept back into Morgan's room where he had given up to weariness and seemingly fell asleep; she took his hand in hers and sat down beside him.

"I'm sorry I failed you" he took her aback with his husky voice, giving her shivers because she hadn't realized how much she had missed him.

"I run away with all my secrets, almost got you killed and you think you failed me?" she asked bewildered, wondering if this was some kind of test.

"I promised you could trust me with anything, that I wouldn't let you down. But when you vanished I was so angry and hurt and quick in judging you. Only after discovering what you did for Declan I realized how brave and selfless you had been, but I got too late and you had to spend all those months alone, in hell". After a long time Morgan was releasing the clot of guilt and regret that had been choking him for months, Emily standing at his side listening to his words, it was like a godsend second chance, an intense and surreal momentum.

"It was hell for everybody. And it'll take time to all of us to deal with the aftermath of this story." She finally reassured him "Derek, I understand you want to know everything, but there are some shadows, some horrors that I can't possibly.."

"It's okay" he squeezed her hand " I know. And if you ever want to talk about them I'm here. You're not alone, ever again."

She smiled grateful, it had been a long, excruciating journey, but now finally she was home.

A solitary tear ran down her cheek, "Now get some rest, Morgan. I'll be here when you wake up".

Thank you everybody so much for your wonderful reviews! I tried to write this chapter so many times and still I'm not satisfied with it, but maybe this is exactly the point. It's such a complex situation that it's not possible to expect closure or a distinct feeling, just a promise of hope. Anyway I'd love to hear your opinions and feedback.

The story is over, but not so much... I intend to write other short stories or one-shot to see how Emily and the team cope with her return.