Hey!
So here's the next chapter! This one is about Stefan and Damon. They're thoughts were so similar I decided to put them both in one chapter. I'm actually pretty proud of this chapter. That being said, I found it quite difficult to write from Stefan's POV. I find Damon much easier to write.
I hope you enjoy the chapter! And once again, please review! They make me happy! Also, thank you to all the people who has reviewed my story – they mean so much to me!
xXx
I hate my brother.
Anyone could tell you that. Even before Elena knew what I was knew there was something going on with me and Damon. You could feel the anger and bitterness when you were around us; the jealously in each of our gazes.
Yes, I am jealous of Damon. Why? Because of how he looks(answer: everything that a woman wants); because he could gain people's trust in a simple question – even worse, a gaze – even though he was more than likely searching for information before he tore your throat out while I was actually honest. Damon didn't brag (for once) but I knew he rarely needed to use to compulsion to get information from people.
And then there's Elena. But I won't go into that.
Ever since Katherine (again, something else I won't go into) he has been trying to destroy me. Okay, maybe destroy is too far. How about, trying to make my life hell?
Look how he attempted to get me found out in this town; how he toyed with the people closest to Elena. I always thought Damon would never go that far, but of course he would prove me wrong. Who can blame me from hating him? Those happy childhood memories of Damon being my big brother – my kind brother, my loving brother, my protector – still remained, but they grew dusty and faded. I never forgot them, but I recalled them less and less often.
I attempted to cut him out of my life – many times, actually, but he kept crawling back in my life. And I could never deal the final blow. Yes, I – the perfect Stefan Salvatore, at my worst moments, wondered if killing my brother would be the better thing for everyone. But I never could.
Even when fate itself was working towards that: for instance, when Damon was trapped in a burning building, he had no means of escape. It would have been so easy, just to let him burn. After all, who's to say I could have done anything to get him out?
But even before I knew Bonnie could help me, even before I could think about my own safety, even before I could even think, I ran into the building. The heat burnt the air which touched my skin, teasing, taunting me with what it could do. It could destroy me; make my death so very painful. But I went in after him, and brought him back out (that was a miracle in itself).
I saved him. Of course I did. He's my brother.
Our relationship is complicated. I hate Damon, I do, no one can deny it.
But I love him too. And that's where the problem lies.
xXx
I love my brother.
I have every reason not to: he was my father's favourite; he gets everyone affection from a single sentence while I have to fight from every scrap of love I ever got; he found it easy to achieve anything that he wanted.
And then there's Elena. But I won't go into that.
But I can't help it – I love Stefan. I suppose it's natural – after all, he is my brother, and my baby brother at that. I was the one who taught him how to chat up girls and, before that, how to fish and swim and all of that. I was his confidant, and he was mine. Father, the old goat, disapproved of so many things that it was impossible to keep him happy, though Stefan seemed to be spotless in front of my father.
Stefan thinks I hate him – everyone does. Like I said before, I have every reason to. And I play the part well, don't I? I pretend like I don't care, I make trouble for him, I cause problems between him and others (particularly Elena). It's always a bit of fun – hey, someone my age, I need some new entertainment. Stefan's always good for a laugh – he takes everyone so bloody seriously, he needs to take a break.
But I don't hate Stefan. Alright, that's a lie, I do hate him. But if I hated him, and I mean really hated him, doesn't it stand to reason that I would kill him? Why shouldn't I? Kill Stefan and boom, all of a sudden my problems are solved. Revenge would be sweet, like an entire cotton candy machine kind of sweet.
I can't do it. I'll be the first to admit I have psychological issues – the problems with my father, my trust issues (thanks to Katherine Pierce. Lovely girl, isn't she?), the amount of people I have killed – but if I killed my brother, that would mess me up. Ironic really, but if I killed Stefan I don't think I would be able to live myself. I would not be able to look in the mirror and, really, with my face, wouldn't that be disastrous? You only have to look to the bible to realise that one of the greatest sins you can commit is killing your own brother.
There are many times that I have proven that I could not bear to let Stefan die. When that fucking Logan Fell shot him, I heard it from miles away. No, not the shot, Stefan's cry of pain. It was as if I was attuned to it. When I got there, I didn't think – instead I did what came naturally. After I had disposed of him I made sure the bullet was out of Stefan. And I lied to him. Of course I lied to him.
The second time I saved him made it harder for him to believe it. But that attack was serious. Those tomb vampires meant business. When I saw them hurt Stefan... I can't describe it. There wasn't just my anger, though that flamed up inside of me. No, my chest – dare I say my heart? – cried out too. I felt scared – yes, scared for my baby brother. In an instant I fully believe I would have traded places with him in a heartbeat. I knew I would be able to handle what they dished out, but I doubted Stefan could.
I saved him. Of course I saved him. He's my brother.
I love my little brother. In the films, love conquers all, doesn't it? You think it's that easy. But it's not, not when you hate someone too.
I wish I could say I could forget all my pain with Stefan. Every day I get up and tell myself I can, but every day something reminds me of all the anger I have built up inside me. Before I know it, I am furious would him before he's even spoken to me.
I love Stefan, but I hate him too. That's why it's so complicated.