II

Emma was going to her therapy sessions twice a week. As weeks passes she realized how much she needed to take all her feelings off her chest. She felt ashamed for making someone as good and gentle as Carl suffer; also, she still was angry with Will, although things were ok between them she felt confused every time he was around, as she felt butterflies in her stomach; and above all she felt tired and frustrated when she failed as fighting against her OCD. Carl had helped her, but only by exposing her to things she was terrified of (such as riding his car, or mixing her grapes).

"Why did you do those things, Emma?" Dr. Begler asked her during one of their sessions.

"I…uhm, I don`t know, I guess because he asked me to… it felt good then, after a while", she asnwered nervourly, "I didn´t like Carl exposing me like that, but then after having a good time, I forgot"

"You know what i think?" Emma looked at her, waiting for an answer, " I think that if you had a good time, you should go back to do those things. This time there will be no one "exposing you", so you`ll be able to take your time…. But definitively I think it`s moment for you to start trying new things.. FOR YOURSELF, NOT FOR NOBODY ELSE"

Emma was surprised to hear those words, but deep inside her she was expecting to hear them from someone

"Thank you" she replied shyly, "the truth is, hum, I had been thinking about that some days ago…. Bt, hum, i felt very selfish for thinking about me after all what happened"

"It`s time for you to think about yourself, Emma", Dr. Begler confirmed her with a some seconds when no of them said a word, she asked her, "What do you usually do during weekends?"

"Perdón?", she was clearly stunned by Dr. Begler`s question

"What do you usually do during weekends?"she asked her again

"Uhm… Well, i use to clean my apartment…. That takes me a day, tops. Also i occupied myself with stuff that needs my attention… my shoes, pencils….And then I read …"

"Well, i`d like you try something new about that"

"About what…?" Emma wanted to know a little confused. The reality was she was a very structured person and she couldn´t picture what else she could do; but she also felt curious, she experimented a curiousness she hadn`t experimented in quite some time. The fact that Dr. Begler had reasured her it was time for her gave the therapy an interesting twist.

"About the reading…" Dr. Begler replied slowly as she smiled "It`s has been a beautiful spring, maybe you should move your Reading sessions to the Park"

-xx-

That Saturday, Emma cleaned her apartment. She wasn`t ready yet to chance her rutine so drastically, but she agreed to do something else the next day. It was a gorgeous day, so after a light lunch, she settled a basket with all the things she`d take. She laughed at herself when she saw all the stuff she had packed: a clinex box, two cloths, sun screen, plastic glasses, apple juice, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, another clinex box, her book, sun glasses, a hat and a cardigan in case she gets cold. It was too much, it was true, but she wasn`t in her comfort zone, so she preferred to be over prepared instead of underprepared.

She arrived the park fearing it`d be crowded with people runnig, playing football and walking their pets. But to her surprise, there were just a couple of people sitting on the grass. No kids playing, no pets around. She sighed in relief, and walked toward a tree by the side of the walking zone. With a little hesitant she extended the cloth on the grass and sat on it. She took a deep breath, trying to slow the beats of her heart that seemed to be racing since her bottom and legs made contact with the ground. She was glad she was wearing pants and smiled shyly while she looked for her book in the basket. After some minutes, Emma started to feel uncomfortable in that reading position. With some doubts she stared at the tree trunk and laid back with her eyes closed until her own back made contact with the bark. That`s not that bad, she thought feeling proud of herself; and kept on reading.

"Love is the answer for most of the questions of my heart" Will sang as he walked down the park. Yeah, love`s definitively the answer for everything I wonder, he thought as the sun warmed his body. Several weeks had passed since he talked to Emma in the teachers' lounge and since Holly had told him Emma still had feeling for him. Still he was confused about that, about his own feelings for Emma. He really wanted to settle down, to have a relationship, a healthy relationship with someone; but every time he thought about that he could only think about her. Because he wanted another shot with her, despite all their ups and downs, despite that she had got married to someone after he confessed his feelings to her; and that crushed his heart. However, he had hurt her. But he never had the chance to explain. Suddenly, his thinking was interrupted when he saw a red haired woman sitting next to a tree. She definitively looked like Emma; but that couldn´t be her, she was sitting on the ground wearing pants. No way, he thought… but then he looked again and saw she was wearing orange pants; it could be her after all. But this was most peculiar.

He walked to the spot, looking casual and distracted and glance at her. It was her, and his heart speed raced.

"Emma…?" He called her, trying to look surprised. He was a little shocked after all.

She looked up at him, blinking several times. God, she looks beautiful, he said to himself. "Will..!" she was clearly stunned to see him, "Hi, how are you?"

"I`m fine… taking a little walk" he smiled at her, "what are you doing here?" his smile widened pointing the ground

"Oh, well…. I`m, uhm, reading!" she lifted her book to show him seeing a proud look on his eyes.

"That`s awesome… I'm surprised, gladly surprised". He just stood there, looking at her without believing his eyes; that was such a huge progress for her. And all that he had been thinking before went clear: she was the one for him. There was no other woman he wanted to be with. "So… I, I better be going, don`t wanna interrupt your lecture" he declared grinning at her.

"Oh, no, don`t go!" she said and going all reddish when realized her voiced was louder than she pretended, "I mean, I was gonna stop for a while, going to grab something to eat… Would you, hum like to join me? I have some PB&J sandwiches" she smiled at him.

"That`s extortion, you know that?" she laughed as she moved to make him space on the cloth, "Can`t say no to PB&J, Em… shouldn´t have said that if you were trying to be polite"

"I wasn`t", she said shyly searching for the Tupper in her basket and handing him one sandwich. They ate in silence for a while until Will broke it

"This is excellent, Em" she smiled at him, "So, I didn´t know you came here"

"I don`t!" she laughed, "Well, i`m here… it`s something new i`m trying with my therapist. She`s… she`s really helping me" he nodded pleasant, "There were so many things I needed to hear for someone, to confirm me it`s ok to feel and think certain things". Will remain silenced, staring his own lap. He felt underrated because he had tried to make her see that for so long. She caught his look and placed and hand on his. "It`s not that I don`t appreciate your help in the past, Will. You`ve helped me. A lot. It`s just, there`re certain things I couldn`t talk with you… because I was… you know, hum, married. And since everything sank I needed to get my life in order again, my feelings in order"

Will lifted his head and found her big brown eyes looking at him.

"Feelings?" he asked her, knowing what she meant. But Emma didn´t know the little chat he had with Holly weeks ago. Emma moved in her place a little nervous.

"Yeah, feelings… that`s the reason everything went to… sank" she ended. Her body tensed, she didn`t want to say more than she should. "There was something between me and Carl, something I couldn`t ignore. It wasn`t him, it was me. It was always me."

"I know" he whispered, not taking his eyes off her. "I know".

He knew? Emma`s cheeks went red. He knew. Oh gosh. She closed her eyes slowly and opened again, taking a deep breath. "I`m sorry, Will" she admitted embarrassed, "I`m sorry you had to go through that after what you opened your heart to me and I ignored it." She tried very hard not to sob and continued "I`m sorry I called you a slut in front of the school staff; but my heart was crushed, broken… for… what you did."

"I won`t never understand why I didn`t tell you what happened that time" Will felt the most terrible person for letting Emma believe that story. "The truth is I did kiss Shelby, but nothing happened with April. Nothing. I don`t even know why a let you think that… I guess… I guess I was scared. I was scared of being with you, because I didn`t think I was enough for you; I didn`t believe I could give you what you deserve. And also, I was just ending my marriage and i`m not gonna lie to you, maybe I was excited about being single. That doesn`t mean I was gonna sleep with every women that passed in front of me…. It`s just, in that time being with you was repeating my story with Terri, as you said; maybe that`s the reason I didn`t explain myself in that time. And I regret it every day, Emma. I do. And I hope you can forgive me".

Wow, that`s a lot of information to process for her. "You… you didn`t sleep with April?" she asked him trying to assimilate everything he just said.

"No… I…"

"Why didn´t you tell me all that, Will?" she asked him, softly. Everything was different now; she couldn`t be angry at him, "Why didn`t you tell me you were scared? I was too. And I shouldn`t have had all that expectation and hope about you. I was selfish. I`m always selfish" she let out a deep breath, feeling disappointed of herself.

"You`re not. I can`t enumerate all the times you helped me, knowing that doing that you were the only one who loosed". She smiled at him, thanking him with her eyes.

"We`ve made so many mistakes, hum?" she giggled. "I hope you can forgive mines, Will"

"As long as you forgive mines", he placed his hand on her arm and squeezed it friendly.

"I think I can do that". They stayed there, trying to process what just happened. After a while, Emma started to organize her basket, it was getting late and they had to work the next day. It was going to be awkward, but she was pleased they clarified things. "We should be going, right?"

"Yeah... do you have a ride?" He was expecting she didn`t.

"Yep, it`s right there" she pointed her car as she carried her stuff.

"Let me help you" he asked her, taking the basked off her hands, "I`ll walk you, then"

"Thanks, Will", she said when Will closed the car`s door behind her. "I`ll see you tomorrow?" She asked him, through the window.

"I bet you will". She started the engine as he started walking away and then turned around and told her with a grin on his mouth, "Oh, and, Em…? Nice pants". He blink and, finally walked away.