IV
"I´m afraid Will might ask me to go to Nationals with them" Emma confessed to Dr. Begler a couple of weeks later.
"Why does that scares you? I thought you wanted to go with the kids to NY…" was clearly confused about Emma`s reaction.
"I do, it`s important for them and I`d love to be there. But…" she couldn`t continue as her voice cracked, "things with Will have been tense…. Well, not tense, but I`m sensing we might be flirting again and that makes me nervous…"
"We? You mean you`re flirting with him too?"
Emma smiled shyly, "I am… never thought I could after all what happened; but still I don`t think it`s the right time. He´s under a lot of pressure and I'm finding very hard to let myself go with him; thu, to be honest, I don´t think I could be with anyone else…." Her own words coming off her mouth stunned her. And she suddenly understood it was truth.
"So what do you think you should do? About that and when he asks you to go with them?"
"I.. I don`t know" Her sudden realization made her mind go blank. "I don´t think I should go with them, even if he needs me there, I don`t think I'm gonna be able to handle NY dirt…. I don`t think I`m gonna be able to go on a plane without freaking out, or to sleep in an hotel and walk down NY streets… It´s just too mess too soon".
"Ok, Emma; it´s a big progress for you to know your limitations, but you know you will be able to go there eventually, right? Maybe it`s just not the time for you yet"
"What about Will?" Emma asked seeking for help. She was actually clueless what to do about him, what to tell him when he asks her.
"Maybe you should tell him what you told me."
-xx-
"Em, can I come in?" Will asked her knocking her office door one afternoon after lunch. They both had a free period that day and the kids had asked him for a chaperone for their trip to Nationals. It was the perfect excuse for him to invite Emma, and he was exciting for pop the question.
"Sure, come on in" she replied smiling and suspecting the reason he was coming to see her. Will couldn´t help to notice her desk was messier than usual. Well, not really messy because everything was neat with Emma around; but that day he noticed her desk looked different than other days. "Is everything ok? Could you rest at least?" her tone was worried and her eyes only expressed kindness.
"Just a little. I`ve talked to the glee kids the other day and by unanimous vote you´ve been chosen to come as a chaperone to NY!" His was clearly excited and happy about it, but when Emma smiled at him, his cheeriness faded. "What…?"
"I`m sorry, Will… I can`t go with you" Will jaw dropped and just stared at her.
"Is something wrong?"
"Oh, no, no… nothing´s wrong… it`s just… I don´t think I´m ready to handle NY yet. That trip involves lots of new things for me… that I actually want to do, but I want to do that when I´m ready"
"I could help you, you know that, right?" He asked her giving her a reassurance look.
"You´re very sweet, Will and I know you could, but that´s not the think. This is about me learning how to deal with that by myself…"
"You still know, you don´t have to do that… You can always count on me, Em" he said again. Suddenly Will felt pushed away. And that time when he spoke his voice had a rest of despair.
"I know I do, but it`s not about you Will" Emma replied serious, wondering why was he being so selfish. For the first time in years she was thinking about herself and she felt bad for it, only because Will`s reaction. "Thanks, for asking me to go, but I can´t." And with that, Emma ended their conversation as Will walked away to his own office.
William you idiot, he said to himself when he was back at his place. Emma was right, why the hell did you react like that? She needs her own space, her own time to sort things out. Why do you keep pushing like that? Everything seemed to be working out just fine between then, until his invitation to Nationals. Since then, their conversations became awkward and shallow; he could see by looking her eyes, she was feeling disappointed. So, after a couple of days he got the courage of going back to her office again. This time, he didn´t knock when he saw her reading some papers.
"I`m sorry for being such an idiot" She stared at him, not very sure how to react. But she was glad he`d came to see her.
"Will, it`s… "
"No, it`s not. I´m being such an ass. I don´t know why I feel pushed away from you and at the same time I feel closer than ever. I think I´m afraid I`d lose you… "
"Will…. I`m sorry you feel like that. I`m just trying to make things for my own, to stand up for myself. I know you´re here for me, I really do. And you… hum, you won´t lose me. You´ll never lose me." Her cheeks colored when she said that as she broke eyes contact.
"I won´t?" his words had hope and Emma felt everything they talked about had a hidden intention. It was like they were talking about what they secretly wanted, but none of them dared to say it.
"No" They just stayed there, looking each other, smiling and trying to understand why it was so hard for them to actually say what they meant.
"Maybe, maybe I should go now. Nationals stuff to be done. I`m sorry you don`t come with us, but I understand the reason; and if it that helps you, I'm more than ok with it".
"Thank you, Will"
"Oh, before I go, I'd like to ask you a favor… I need your help in the next rehearsal… I'm trying something new for the kids. Actually is an assignment for all of us, we have to sing in another language and I choose Spanish of course, but the sing is… it`s a duet. Do you think you could help me sing?"
"I have a terrible pronunciation, Will… especially in Spanish" she said smiling and shaking her head.
"Oh, c`mon, it`ll be fun. I`ll help you with your pronunciation and you´ll lend me that pretty voice of yours"
"Uhm, ok." She consent, not very convinced if it was a good idea. The last time they sang together, Will ended shirtless on top of her.
-xx-
"It`s "YO", em… not IO…" he explained to her laughing as she tried to pronounce the word.
"This is too hard, Will… I always sucked with Spanish"
"Here" he said softly grabbing her cheeks with a hand, "relax your muscles… Yo, yo, yo, yo" he repeated exaggerating a circle with his lips. As Emma tried to copy him, she realized she was more focus on his lips than in learning how to say the words properly. He caught her glancing his lips right away and locked his eyes with hers, looking at her tenderly as her hand caressed her skin lightly. She sighed heavily as his hand travelled through her milky skin.
"Will… what are you doing…?" she asked him, trying to break the growing tension between them.
"Trying to relax your cheeks" he replied with a grin, "Do this" he told her, closing his jaw and accentuating an "O" with his mouth, "like if you have collagen on your lips" she laughed trying to imitate him but she froze when his mouth went to her hear, "Shhhh"
"Uhm…?"
"Do you feel the air coming out of my mouth?", she nodded in silence, demanding her body not to shiver as she felt Will`s breath so close to her skin, "you try now" he asked her not moving an inch away from her.
"Shhhh", she tried close to his ear.
"The air should be coming from here, Em..." Will instructed her, placing a hand on the top of her belly. Emma let out a small gasp when she felt his touch. He was warm and gentle and her body reacted sending her a wave of heat. She made her biggest effort to send the air out of her mouth properly; she didn`t know exactly what to do with all the emotions she was feeling in that moment. She only knew she felt good, but wasn`t ready yet.
"Yo…" Her attempt was accurate.
"I think you`re ready now", Will let her know, looking at her straight into her eyes as he slowly took his hand of her belly.