A/N: So this chapter will be pretty intense.

Warning: Self mutilation

Chapter 4

"Kendall, open the door." I was banging on it. "Kendall, it's my room too."

I had come home from the library to find that mine and Kendall's bedroom door was locked. I had been knocking for the last five minutes, but he hadn't answered. I finally decided to give up and I sat down on the stairs. Since that stunt he had pulled four months ago, he had been yelling at me daily, hitting me constantly and cheating on me with Jo.

And it was the same thing every time I tried to end things. He would hit me until I finally agreed to stay with him. I had bruises on my body constantly, he mainly hit me in the chest and places where people wouldn't be able to see them. James and Carlos were downstairs playing Call of Duty. They were laughing and having a good time. I didn't hang out with them anymore. Kendall didn't want me to hang out with them, only him.

I pulled out my phone and typed a message up. Kendall, I'm outside. What are you doing? I sent it and waited a few minutes when my phone vibrated. It wasn't from Kendall, but it was from Dak. Hey, I tried calling you a few days ago. Its been months since we've hung out or even talked for that matter. You avoiding me?

I stared at the phone for a few seconds thinking of what to say. Look, I've been keeping the same secret from you. I'm gay too and with someone. I don't think its appropriate if we hang out anymore. I sent it and then patiently waited for a reply. I already knew that, I've known about you and Kendall for a while now. I would never step on his toes. I didn't know what to say, if he had noticed who else had. I still don't think its a good idea. But I'm busy. I'll text you later.

The door was finally opening. I saw Jo walk out with Kendall. She smiled at me. "Hey Logan." I looked down. "Are you okay?" She asked with a concerned look on her face.

No everything is NOT okay, you just slept with my boyfriend. Instead of saying that, I nodded and then walked into the room. Kendall was walking her down the steps. I grabbed a bag of clothes I kept packed and I picked them up. I bolted downstairs, Kendall was no where to be seen. "Hey Logan where are you going?" James asked.

"The gym." I muttered. I went to the stair case instead of the elevators. I picked up my phone. I called Dak's number.

-Logan?-

"Hey, can I come to your apartment? I need someone to talk to." I said. I knew that my voice was shaky because I was on the verge of crying.

-Yeah, I'm here.-

I hung up and climbed two stair cases. I knocked on his door, hoping that he would answer the door quickly. He opened the door and motioned for me to come in. As soon as I walked in, I slid down the door and started crying. He walked over to me and hugged me. "Whats going on, Logan?"

I sighed and pulled myself together. "He's sleeping with Jo...I understand he isn't ready to go public but why does he have to sleep with her?" I said miserably.

"Oh, Logan. Just talk to him. I'm sure that he isn't meaning to hurt you and that he is doing it for you guys."

I looked down. "I can't talk to him. He gets mad and he-" I cut myself off. I knew that I had said too much.

He stared at me intently. "So its true then?" He asked. I looked at him with a look of confusion on my face. "Carlos and James came to me. They said that Kendall's anger is out of control and so is he. Is he…is he hitting you?" I shook my head. I couldn't meet his gaze though. "You can tell me Logan."

"He yells at me everyday, he is cheating on me all the time and he is hitting me. He raped me once too, I had to get stitches" I said sadly. I looked down. I couldn't meet his gaze. "But I deserve it, I always do things intentionally to get him mad or jealous."

"Logan look at me." Dak said softly. I meet his gaze. "No one deserves to be hit by the person they are dating. I'm going to text James and Carlos. They are really concerned about what is going on."

While he was doing that I pulled out my phone. Kendall, I'm going back to Minnesota with my family. I can't take this anymore. I sent the text. I didn't want him to get mad at Dak, because he had threatened several times to hurt him.

I felt my phone vibrate. "Hello?"

-Get your ass back here- Kendall was not happy about me leaving.

"I will, I just need time out of the house right now." I said. I couldn't face him yet.

-Where are you?-

"I'm out." I hung up and turned my phone off. I didn't want to deal with this right now. There was a knock on the door. Carlos and James walked in and sat down on the floor next to me. "Hey Carlitos."

He smiled at me weakly. "How long?"

"About five months. I couldn't tell you guys, he told me not to." I finally broke down and told them everything that was going on. Everything Kendall had been doing and how miserable and broken I was.

"Logan...he doesn't love you. He is destroying you, making it to where you can be controlled. He's playing a game with you." Dak said.

"How do you know, Dak?" I looked at him. "He loves me, he tells me all the time. I make him do it."

I saw that Dak was near tears. He looked down. "I know because I went through the exact same thing with my first Logan. Tony was my everything. A year ago I was in your shoes, but I got away. You can too."

"You don't know what you are talking about." I said. "Me and Kendall really do have something. Its not bad all the time." I reasoned.

James hugged me. "You are crying yourself to sleep almost every night. Logan, why don't you move into my room? We can all three manage in there. We have the mattress."

I nodded. "Okay. But you guys are still wrong. Maybe Kendall and I just need a little space."

We all three got ready to walk out the door. "Logan," Dak said. "Listen, I've been down this road before. Tony almost killed me. He beat me within an inch of my life, don't let it get that far. Get out while you still can." I looked at him. I finally had a good idea where the scar at his hairline had come from.

I walked up to the apartment with James and Carlos. "We'll walk with you so he doesn't try anything." James said. When we walked in Kendall was watching tv. "Hey Kendall." He looked up and saw me.

"Logan, we need to talk. Can we talk in our room?" He asked.

Carlos and James nodded. "We will do it after you two talk." I nodded and walked into mine and Kendall's room.

"WHERE DID YOU GO?" I didn't answer. I didn't look at him. I started packing some things in my duffle bags. "Logan, what are you doing?"

"I went for a walk okay? I'm moving into James and Carlos' room, I think we just need a little bit of separation. I think if we just get a little separation we will be fine. I'm not saying we break up but just get a little space."

"No, you are going to stay in here with me." He said softly. "I don't want you to go Logan. I ended things with Jo. I told her about us, she promises not to say anything."

I looked at him suspiciously. "I don't believe you."

He picked up his phone. "Look at my text."

I clicked on his inbox. Kendall- Listen, I can't hurt Logan anymore. The truth is we are together, and I don't think I can see you anymore. Jo-What? For how long? Kendall-We've been together for eight months now. Jo-Don't talk to me again. Kendall-Please don't tell anyone, please. Jo-As long as you don't talk to me EVER again.

I looked up at him and smiled. "Kendall..."

"Logie, I have been so cranky because I hate cheating on you. But Jo was getting suspicious when I wasn't doing anything with her. She was asking questions about you and me. I had to get her off our tracks." He sounded so caring. But I held my facial expression to look like I didn't really care.

"I don't deserve the way you treat me."

"You just drive me so crazy. But I won't yell at you anymore." He smiled. "Where did you go on a walk to?" He asked trying to abruptly change the topic.

I swallowed. "Oh…well you know…walked around the pool, then the park, talked to Lightening, bleep blap bloop." I knew I had given myself away.

"Why are you lying to me? Where were you?"

I knew that it would be best if I just told him. "I called Dak…"

His nose flared with anger. "What did you tell him?" He yelled.

"Just that we were fighting more. Nothing serious baby." I wrapped my arms around him. He quickly shrugged me off.

He looked at me like I was the craziest person in this world. "So you go talk about our personal life with a guy I hate with a passion? You come out to him about us without discussing it with me?" I tried to hug him again. He pushed me off of him. I fell to the ground. "I'm done Logan. I can't believe that you would do that."

I looked at him. "Kendall, I was hurting…I'm so sorry. Please…" He only gave me a cold stare. "Kendall, I've given you so many chances, I deserve a second chance." He walked out of the room. I went into the upstairs bathroom and locked myself in there.

I pulled my phone out and turned it on. Dak, he broke up with me because I was talking to you. I sat there thinking waiting for a response. I banged my head against the wall. The pain was comforting in an odd way. I thought for a second, I opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed one of my disposable razor blades. I started trying to take the blades apart.

I put it down when my phone started vibrating. Are you okay? Don't do anything stupid. Just keep it together and let him cool down, then talk to him. I pushed reply and typed. It won't work.

I started working on taking apart the blade. I winced whenever I stabbed my finger with it. My phone vibrated. Want me to talk to him? I picked up my phone. No! I'm gonna go to bed. I'll text you tomorrow.

I finally got the three blades separated. I took one in between two of my fingers and then looked around for a place to hide the other two. I stuck them in my bottle of medicine for my stomach. I sat down on the toilet. I lifted up my sleeve and held the blade to my skin, I barely pressed it to my skin and slid it about an inch. Nothing happened, I didn't start bleeding right away.

I frowned, I put the blade to my arm and actually pressed it in and sliced. I hissed in pain, but it felt good. I did it over and over again. Three…Four…Five…Six…Seven…Eight…Nine…Ten. I kept going and going. I was finally at sixteen and felt relaxed, and calm. Something I hadn't felt in a really long time.

Someone knocked on the door. "Logan, I need to take a piss." Kendall said.

I was quiet. "I'm about to jump in the shower." I said quickly. I started the shower. I rinsed the blood off of the blade and put it in the pill bottle. I noticed I was dripping blood on the floor. I jumped in the shower and watched as the water had a red tint to it. I smiled. Cutting myself had made me forget Kendall for all of ten minutes. But it was a nice little escape. I felt like I could make it through the rest of the night. I heard my phone buzz, someone was calling. I sighed and turned the water off and dried of with the towel. I wiped the blood off my arm, but it was quickly replaced with new blood. I glanced at my phone. One missed call: Kendall. I frowned.

Shit Kendall! I don't want Kendall to see this. I threw my clothes over my arm and walked into my room. Kendall looked at me and went to the bathroom. I quickly threw on some boxers. I took scissors and cut the end of the tube sock and put that on my arm to contain the bleeding. I threw on one of my long sleeved striped night shirts and then a pair of sweat pants.

Kendall was walking back into the room. I didn't look at him, I grabbed one of the pillows off the bed and a change of clothes and went to leave. I knocked on Carlos and James' door. They opened it. "Did he hit you?"

I shook my head. "No, he broke up with me." I threw myself down on the mattress they had set up and stayed there.

Kendall came in. "Dinner's ready."

James and Carlos got up and made their way to the door. "Are you coming?" They asked.

"I don't feel good. I'm gonna stay here."

I fell asleep. This went on for a week, I laid in bed all day. I only got up to drink water, eat something every now and then. I got up to shower and cut myself. I was getting out of the shower, Kendall and I had been broken up for eight days now. I looked at my body, there were no bruises on my body. I looked at my arm. An inch from the wrist, all the way up to my mid upper arm were covered with cuts.

I hadn't seen Kendall, I had made sure of it. I didn't talk to anyone. I pretended to sleep when James and Carlos were in the room and I had my phone off. I walked out of the bathroom. Kendall was waiting for me. I started walking back to James and Carlos' room. He came after me and grabbed my arm and dragged me into our room.

Shit, the socks aren't on my arms, I hope I don't start bleeding. "Listen...Logan. I'm sorry that I overreacted. I felt so bad the next day. You were avoiding me though, James and Carlos said that all you were doing was sleeping. I couldn't apologize for breaking up with you and tell you how big of a mistake I made."

I didn't look at him. "It's okay, Kendall."

"So are we okay?" He was looking at me with pleading eyes. I nodded. He hugged me. "Lets go get your things out of the other room."

I followed him into the room and we grabbed all of my stuff. We walked back into our room. When we got back in he pulled me on the bed and pulled me close to him. He hugged me and held me close. He pulled my arm up. "Are you bleeding?"

I panicked. "Oh look at that, I better go clean that up." I stood up and ran to the bathroom. First though, I grabbed a pair of socks. "My feet are cold."

Before I could close the door Kendall was in there with me. He lifted up my sleeve. "Jesus christ, Logan." He pulled up the other sleeve. "Take off your shirt."

"Kendall..." I said. He pulled my shirt off before I could even protest.

I tried to hide them, but he pulled them back and looked at them. He traced his fingers over several of the cuts. He turned around and closed and locked the door. "Logan, what have you been cutting yourself with?"

I was quiet for a second. He wanted to help me. I opened the cabinet and pulled the razor blades out of my pill bottle and handed them to him. He closed them in his hands and then flushed them down the toilet. "I'm sorry..."

"Do not, and I mean do not ever do it again." Kendall said. I nodded. "He pulled me into his arms and then kissed the top of my head. He pulled out my arms and made light kisses up and down both of them.

We went back into the room and he sat me down. "Listen, there are some rules for us getting back together." I looked at him. "I don't want you around Dak, James or Carlos. They are trying to break us up and I don't appreciate it. I do not want you near them at all." I nodded. "Next, I want to know where you are at and with who at all times if we are not together. And lastly, I want you to prove your love to me."

I looked at him with pleading eyes. "How am I suppose to do that?" I asked.

He got a nasty smile on his face. "Call Dak...yell at him. Tell him that he was never your friend and that you could never love someone like him. That I am the perfect person for you and that you love me and ONLY me."

"Ken-"

"I guess you don't love me then." I stood up and went to grab my phone. When he saw it in my hands his smile got nastier. "And make it convincing…or else."

I felt my body uncontrollably shiver. I dialed Dak's number, it rang twice. "Hello? Logan? Are you okay?"

End Chapter

A/N: Oh man, Kendall is so mean and I'm the writer but I still feel bad for Logan while I'm writing.

Read and Review please.