Library Kisses

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Sorry I keep forgetting to put up the disclaimer so once and for all, I do not own JONAS or the songs and other things I use in this story, just the plot. But I wish I did

We were now sitting in the car; we just pulled out of school and were in our way to the firehouse. I looked at Nick he was concentrating on the road I took a moment to look back at what had transpired back in the parking lot. I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed when he didn't kiss me. All I could think about now, was I being stupid would he ever feel the same way about me. Or even what do I even feel about him is it a little crush or unrequited love. I inwardly rolled my eyes at the latter one now I was being dramatic.

But still I could be in love with him and might not even know it. But it doesn't mean that he likes me like that he probably thinks of me like an older sister or something, I cringed at the thought, which brought up mental images I didn't want. I shook the thoughts away and was snapped out of my trance when Nick put his hand on my thigh.

My eyes snapped up to his and I arched one of my eyebrows. He was looking at the road but when we stopped at the red light he looked at me and worry was in his eyes.

"Stella what's wrong you haven't been yourself today you're a little jumpy and your spacing out like every two minutes. I smiled at his concern and almost giggled but refrained from fear of humiliating myself more than necessary.

"I'm fine Nick just a little stressed you know with the French thing and now Joe ruined one of the outfits for tonight so I have to get that fixed and then do my other homework and still study more for French." I said frazzled. I felt like crying everything was happening to fast it felt like I couldn't breathe what it I can't do it all. My breathing picked up significantly and I clenched my hands into fists and closed my eyes. I must have scared Nick because he pulled the car over in a McDonald's parking lot and got out of the car. He ran to my side of the car and yanked open the door.

"Stella look at me, look at me" he put his finger under my chin and lifted my head to look at him. I looked at him through blurry eyes and my chin started to tremble.

"Stella listen to the sound of my voice you are having a panic attack you are going to be fine but I need you to take deep breaths and listen to the sound of my voice." His voice was so reassuring and I felt safe but I couldn't stop hyperventilating. He must have seen that because the next thing I know is that he stood up and opened the back door, he picked me up and I clung to him like glue to a paper.

He put me in his lap and closed the door, it was a little cramped but I didn't care I felt comfortable in his strong arms.

"Shhh Stella its ok everything will be ok he whispered sweet nothings into my ears." I looked at him with fear in my eyes.

"Nick it won't stop", tears now blurring my vision. He grabbed my hand from around his neck and put it to his heart.

"Stell feel my heart beating and all I want you to do is feel the rhythm." I did what he asked and closed my eyes and I all I did was let the slow pace calm me down. I felt like a burden had been lifted off my shoulders.

I slumped in his arms and cried into his shoulder and he just held me rocking me back and forth. We must have sat there for about 10 minutes him just holding me and me just listening to his heart beat. I must say it was the best sound I have ever heard.

I suddenly sat up and started fumbling to get to the door and get out when I realized what had just happened it was embarrassing. It started a year ago when I would get stressed I would start having these panic attacks but they usually happened at home I just curled up in a ball and let myself cry and then it would be over. My parents and I went to the doctor and he gave me medicine but he said that I would be fine and I should try not to stress too much. That's why my parents have been making me cut back on all the stress activities.

I didn't tell anybody about it only my parents and Macy knew she walked in on me when I was in the middle of one. She just sat next to me on my bed and held my hand. I had never been more grateful to have a friend like her till that day. She had understood saying that her cousin went through the same thing but she stopped having them over time.

In the midst of me hastily trying to get out I felt a hand on my arm and I looked at Nick. Hurt and confusion were still shining in his eyes when I pulled away but I also saw the alarm and curiosity.

I sight and decided to tell him about it. I dejectedly cleared my throat and began to explain.

"Look Nick sorry if I scared you, I know you have a lot of questions and I hope I can answer all of them." I started fiddling with the hem of my skirt it was then I realized what position I was in I was basically straddling him. I started to get off of him again but he stopped me when he put his hand around my waist protectively. I blushed and he looked at me as if trying to figure me out.

"Why didn't you say anything" he said and I jumped a little at his sudden outburst. That was a question I expected and to tell the truth I don't even know.

"I don't know I guess I was scared that things would change you guys would treat me differently and I don't things ever to change between us." I said in one breathe.

"We wouldn't do that", I snickered at the thought.

"Yeah right" I said sarcastically. "Kevin would always be coddling me, Joe would be protective more than he is now and they both would act as if I was fragile and was going to break at any moment."

"What about me" he whispered and his hand cupped my cheek,

"You…" I trailed off honestly I don't know how Nick would react would he coddle me, nah would he be protective, maybe a little I guess. I was too focused on his touch it sent butterflies to my stomach.

"I don't know" I say and look into his eyes. He looked a little upset but he masked it before I could say anything.

"How long has this been going on", he said with his hand still on my cheek, "a year now, they just happen when I get really stressed."

"I see, are you sure that you can handle them by yourself?" the worry coming back into his eyes.

"I'm fine Nick my doctor gave me medicine and said they will stop over time." I said with a reassuring smile.

"If you say so, but just so you know I am always here for you, ok." He flashed me his rare smile and as if on cue my heart melted.

"Thanks but could you keep this just between us, I don't want your brothers freaking out on me". I shuddered at the thought.

"What about Macy."

"Oh she already knows."

"What but I thought nobody else knew." He said anxiously.

"She walked in on me when I was having one."

"Oh." Then we lapsed in to a comfortable silence for a couple minutes till my eye caught Nick's watch.

"Oh my god it's almost 6 we have to go" I leapt of Nicks arms and immediately missed the warmth but I shook it off and smoothed out my outfit in the mean time Nick got out of the car and stood in front of me.

I looked up at him and before I could say something he was hugging me I tensed for a moment before just letting go and hugged him back.

"Thanks", he said. Now I was confused.

"For what" I said laughingly.

"For trusting me" he said sincerely, he was still very close. The feeling of kissing came back but I squashed that feeling I wasn't about to ruin the moment.

"I always trust you" I said and pushed my luck a little and kissed his cheek. As much it pained me to I dropped my arms and sat down in the passenger seat and put on my seat belt. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him shake his head and walk back toward the driver's side.

I turned on the radio and got ready for the next ten minutes of comfortable silence till we got to the fire house.

AN: Hey guys I know I haven't updated in a while. What can I say I was just really busy I know I should update my other stories but this idea came to me. Bear in mind that it is about 2 in the morning so I really didn't really edit it. But please review and I will update soon