Ok ya'll I want to thank all those who have favorited/reviewed/alerted my story! You all rock! \o/ \o/
I do not own…..*pouts miserably*…..any of the charecters as they are owned by the amazing Stephenie Meyer!
I heard a sudden and quick gasp from Alice then. Knowing her as I do I knew she was having a vision. But if I was being honest with myself, if it didn't involve Bella, I frankly didn't care anymore.
"Alice, what is it?" Jasper asked taking notice of his wife's sudden appearance.
"Alice, is it Bella? Is Something wrong?" I asked suddenly terrified.
I tightened my grip on Bella's delicate hand and concentrated on her breathing. She seemed to be ok, well the same as she was before. Perhaps I was wrong. I looked back to Alice, worried about her reaction, awaiting the answer.
"No, no it's ok. Bella is ok." Alice said staring right into my eyes to put my mind at rest.
"As a matter of fact I do believe she will be coming too in just a few minutes." She added looking around at the family smiling slightly.
A deep breath seemed to come from us all at that moment, one that I'm sure we had be unaware that we had been holding. I couldn't help but to look back to the face of the angel that lied upon my bed. Her beautiful head, full of the softest curls of chocolate brown hair, strewn about my pillow. She looked oddly at peace yet you could still see the pain in the way her eyes were strained tightly shut. It was as if she was asleep deeply, yet she was in the middle of the worst nightmare you could ever imagine, one where you wanted, and tried, in vain to scream, just to find that no matter how hard you tried you just couldn't make it pass your lips. I placed my hand on her delicate face then, rubbing my thumb across her chin…god was she soft…and warm….and again with that jolt of ….something….god what was that feeling?…I looked back to Alice then as she continued to speak.
"Then what was it that you saw Alice?" Rosealie asked.
"Oh, it wasn't anything important, just the uhhh….. You know with the funeral tomorrow….just uhhh…noticing that everything was going to work out ok." She stammered in response.
"Alice?" Jasper suddenly looked deep into her eyes as if doubtful of her answer. "What I'm getting from you…is…diff…"
"Yes! Jasper that is what I saw." She said loudly cutting him off. She turned suddenly then and left the room, Jasper directly behind her.
"What the hell was that about?" Emmett asked.
"I don't know son. But if that is what Alice said she saw then that is what she saw. I learned long ago to never doubt anything that Alice does or says." I answered him.
It was then that Bella's heart rate accelerated. I quickly turned and knelt down onto the floor beside the bed. I placed my fingers on her neck, worry crossing every inch of my body. She took a deep breath as she turned over onto her back. She opened her eyes slowly, blinked twice, and turned her head ever so slowly to glance all around the room. She focused on each of our expectant faces for just a short moment before turning to the next. I began to speak to her then…
"Bella, dear, how are you feel….." I began.
It was then that I was cut off by her eyes hard on mine. God, how was it possible that any living creatures eyes had the look of melting pools of the deepest milk chocolate, only Bella's eyes had this look. She just stared at me for what seemed forever, never breaking her stare. I felt dumbfounded, I couldn't find any words to say, and I must say that it was truly the first time I had ever felt this in my centuries upon this earth. Then she suddenly turned her head back to focus her eyes onto the ceiling, and as I tried to recover my senses I felt her entire body shutter…
"Bella? Are you ok? If you need anything, just let me know and I'll go and get it. You'll be ok Bella dear, nothing is going to happen to you now. I will…..we all will protect you I prom…" I began to stammer out in alarm.
I was once again cut off ,but this time it was by her screaming. She screamed so loud that I felt it pierce straight through my ears and it was as if my head had been jolted back, like the effects of whiplash. I heard Emmett curse softly, and looked over to see him and Rosealie covering their ears as if in pain themselves. I knew it wasn't actual physical pain that you get from hearing a noise that was too loud, as that type of thing didn't affect us, but as I saw Rose tucked her head into Emmett's shoulder I knew that it was the pain of hearing Bella's pain. I couldn't help but to share in that feeling myself. The scream seemed to last and last and I began to worry about her breathing. But then just as suddenly as it had started she cut off her scream and just lay there trembling, crying.
I couldn't help it then….I truly had no idea what came over me…..I felt it comeing and knew that I shouldn't react this way….after all I had no right…..but I just couldn't help it.
Rosealie approached us then, arms raised, wanting nothing more then to comfort Bella and myself. I felt a low grumble start in my chest and before I could stop myself I found that I was growling, fierce and loud, snarling, in Rosealie's face. How had I ended up standing?…in her face?….. And why was I growling? I quickly crumpled to the floor my face in my hands. If only I could get the release that my body needed, if…only…I ….could… cry.
"I'm so sorry Rose. I don't know what ever came over me." I tried to explain to her as she froze.
"It's ok Carlisle. She understands." Emmett said as he stood in front of her…..protecting her from me I'm sure as was customary among mates.
"I'm so very sorry. I can't begin to explain why..or how that happened I just…hell I don't know anything anymore." I mumbled.
"No Carlisle, it's truly ok. Every one is going through hell right now. You're just protecting her. That's all. You would do that for any of us, if it were us that needed that kind of intense protection. We are all in pain right now, but none I think more so then you and Bella." Rose said as she stepped forward and placed her hand upon my shoulder for reassurance. "So I completely understand, and please do not feel bad for it Carlisle. I know you well enough that you will continue to try to make it up to me, but please don't."
I knew she spoke from her heart and that she truly meant everything she had just said. I truly took comfort from the words she spoke, but I still wasn't fully at ease, I mean I'm usually always the calm one, the one who could take control of any strenuous situation and fix it. If I could react this way towards Rose then how did I know I wouldn't to Bella. Taking my head out of my hands and looking back over towards the bed I saw that Bella still lay there, on her back, staring at nothing, and crying. I knew in that moment…..I don't know how I knew…but I knew that I would never or could ever hurt her or threaten her. I rose up and with a gentle nod of acceptance and appreciation at my daughter I went back over to the bed and took Bella's hand back into my own and settled myself next to her. I heard as her heart skipped a beat and in my alarm I tried to raise up enough to look into her eyes only to feel her attempting to remove her hand from my grasp. I let her take her hand back from me even though it crushed me. I rested my head back onto the pillow behind it and listened as her sobs increased, and if it were possible my own would have been in time with hers. I wanted nothing more then to be able to take this pain from her. But I knew that nothing could ever remove it from her as nothing could ever take it from me.
Bella's POV
I had the feeling that I was being tugged back….back into the realms of reality again…..and I didn't want it.
I knew that I had somehow survived my attempt at joining my beloved….but how? I truly believed that the damage I had done would be unfixable. I knew that I had placed more then enough pressure to the razor.
As I tried to figure this all out it came to me. One name. Alice.
She must have seen what I finally decided to do. But how did she get away from Charlie? Then I figured out that most likely it was Carlisle she had sent…he would have the knowledge of how to treat me…but again I was so sure that it was bad enough that it couldn't be treated.
I heard muffled voices then….somewhere near by however I couldn't figure out what was being said. I strained to hear the voices clearer. I heard Alice first..what she was saying I couldn't tell…..then I heard a door closing…..she had left was my assumption. I then heard a deep booming voice….it was Emmett…that I was sure of. Then I heard yet another voice…it was clearer and yet much more strained then the others. It was Carlisle…he was closer to me then the others were or had been. Why was he here? Why was he so close to me? I could feel my heartbeat begin to race then as I began to remember all the reasons that I should not be here…..why they shouldn't be here…why they shouldn't care whether I lived or died.
I rolled over then and opened my eyes. I felt an hand tighten on mine. Carlsile…it had to be Carlisle holding my hand…but…why was he? I felt it then…a …..jolt….but that cant be right….I just must still be in shock or something cause I only felt something like this from….from…..oh god from my beloved….from….Edward. I turned suddenly as my mind had betrayed my heart and made me hope for a split second that it was possible that it was all a terribly realistic nightmare.
I stared around the room…I locked eyes with them…first with Rosealie…then Emmett….
"Bella, dear, how are you feel….." Carlisle said suddenly.
I locked eyes with him then. God how could his eyes be so gentle and full of hope? I mean he was looking at me…the one who destroyed his family and took away his true love. Continueing to stare at him I noticed that he looked stumped as to the next thing to say…it was an odd sight as I have never seen him look that way before. I shouldn't be stareing at him…I told myself this over and over and over again…but I just couldn't peel my eyes away. I felt a shutter run through my body then bringing me back to reality. I turned my head quickly…I couldn't and shouldn't be looking at any of them…I didn't deserve them…and they sure as hell didn't deserve the curse that was Bella. I focused my eyes on the speckled ceiling….I cant handle this…..this is killing me…..its worse then death…having them all around me…..careing for me….when I'm the one in which they should hate so much that they wanted to kill me on site. I would welcome death then.
"Bella? Are you ok? If you need anything, just let me know and I'll go and get it. You'll be ok Bella dear, nothing is going to happen to you now. I will…..we all will protect you I prom…" Carlisle suddenly said.
Oh god …no….no…I …cant…handle…
I just couldn't contain it anymore….couldn't hear them trying to help me…..I had to shut them out….and so…I ….screamed…..
I screamed and screamed until my lungs gave out on me. I had collapsed inside of myself and the whole of the world that surrounded me was lost then. I heard a rumbling noise far off and then I heard the mumbling of words being passed. In truth I couldn't understand any of it. I lay there hearing and feeling almost nothing…that's how I wanted it…it was then that I felt
Something grab my hand..no not something…someone…with a jolt I knew who it belonged to and it brought me out of my own self reverie …it was Carlisle….and even though it was somehow amazing….I didn't want to have him touching me…I didn't deserve it…I wanted nothing more then to collapse into myself and now because of him I couldn't. I pulled my hand out of his grasp…at first I felt a little resistance but then he just let me go. I felt him lie down next to me then…..I knew I shouldn't…but I wanted nothing more then to roll over and lay my head upon his cool chest…I wanted to feel my tears soak through his shirt… oh god how horrible of a monster I truly was..wanting to take comfort from the man that should hate me above all of the others…and with that I cried harder.
After crying for what seemed like an eternity I decided that he did not deserve to lie here and deal with all of my crap when he most likely only wanted to be as far away from him as possible.
I rolled over and sat up on the edge of the bed that had become my personal hell, on the side that faced away from him and the rest of the family that I knew was standing around waiting. I knew Alice had returned, but I did not take comfort from that knowledge, in fact it hurt me more.
"Bella? Bella? Are you ok? Do you need help standing?" Carlisle said with the utmost gentleness.
It made my stomach turn.
"No…No Carlisle. I do not want nor need your help." I said gruffly.
Why did I sound so horrible? God Bella what is wrong with you? I stood then and wobbled slightly.
"Woah there. You shouldn't stand so quickly Bella dear. You've been lieing down motionless for all of three days. Also with all the blood loss you've have you aren't stable enough. Please let us help you." Carlisle said grabbing my arms to steady me.
"I said I DO NOT WANT YOUR HELP CARLISLE!" I growled. "I do not want any of you guy's help!"
"Bella…please…" Alice pleaded.
"I said NO!" I growled as I walked stiffly to the bathroom.
Oh god…I truly am a monster. All they wanted to do was help me and I yelled at them all…..I fucking yelled at them.
Hope you enjoyed this chapter!
Reviews are like red bulls….there a great pick me up and if you give one to Alice…oh hell…R…U…N….