Zack and Carina get into the helicopter and strap themselves in. "Hey, Carina, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, ask anything."

"Are you related to Sephiroth or anything? You have the same last name, so-"

"Let me tell you the whole story. I was created using the same technique that some couples use to conceive children. You know, taking one cell out of each parent and all that?" Zack nods, and Carina continues. "My 'parents' weren't like a typical couple, and I wasn't conceived like a typical child. They took an egg cell from one of the scientists at Shinra and put one of Sephiroth's cells and another SOLDIER's cells into it. After nine months in a mako chamber, they should've had a boy, who would grow to become the perfect weapon to end the war with Wutai. But I happened."

"How come?"

"They didn't make sure they were taking out the right chromosomes. They took two X's instead of one X and one Y. Anyway, they were about to kill me, but Sephiroth decided that he would try to train me and raise me as his own. By the time I was fourteen, he entered me into the Shinra Army, and after serving for a year, I was sent to SOLDIER. Last year, I made 2nd. Then, when I found out they were refusing to promote me and the other 2nds, I transferred to the Turks. It was fun at the time, but now all I want to do is transfer back to SOLDIER, go through the ranks again, and make 1st like I'm supposed to." She sighed and leaned her head back. "SOLDIER's the best thing that ever happened to me. And I just left." Zack awkwardly patted her shoulder. The pilot, a redheaded man in a more disheveled Turk uniform, turned around.

"What, so being my former copilot and ex-wingman is the worst thing that happened to you?" She grinned.

"Yes, it was. Keep your eyes front, Reno, I don't want to end up dead because of you."

"Try to be nice," another voice says from the front.

"Rude, I don't think it's possible-" Reno is cut off by Carina.

"Don't listen to the douchebag formerly known as Reno! He's too..."

"Douchebaggy?" Zack asks.

"Yes, there's the word! What Zack said!"

"That's what she said," Reno says.

"Zack isn't a she!"

"How do you know?" Reno asks mischievously. "You take a look down his pants, maybe even cop a feel?"

"Shut it! Unlike you, I don't fuck every guy I meet!"

"Stop taking stabs at my sexuality!"

"Stop taking stabs at my sex life!"

"I can't believe you guys are arguing about sex when there's a kid that is getting his virgin ears tainted." Rude says.

"I'm good, I've said and done worse things." Zack said. "And I will drop my pants right now, just to show you."

"Oh, god, Zack, don't do it. It's only a ploy for Reno, our resident bisexual, to see whatever the hell you have."

"I'm still gonna do it." Zack grinned and unbuckled his belt, and dropped his pants and boxers. Reno's eyes widen, and Carina laughs, shields her eyes and blushes. "Hey, why are you laughing? I'm probably bigger than any other guy you've seen!"

"Take a look down there, please, and you'll find out!" Carina says in between laughs. Zack looks down, and sees that he'd gotten an erection.

"HOLY SHIT!!!! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED THAT MADE ME DO THIS!?" He puts his pants on immediately.

"What am I gonna do with you?" Carina sighs, and touches his shoulder. "Sit down, sweetie."

"Sweetie?" Reno asks, wrinkling his nose. "Are you trying to seduce him?!"

"Of course not. I'm just trying to get rid of his hardness so that when he fights, he won't end up with a broken piece of anatomy." She turns to Zack. "Avoid touching it, and just think about something that isn't arousing, like this piece of grass." She pulls out a piece of grass.

"That piece of grass looks like a moldy penis," Reno said, and he and Zack start laughing. The bulge in his pants gets lower.

"Reno, make more penis jokes! It's working!" Carina says.

"Ooh, someone's got their eyes fixed down-" He cuts off when he hears her load her gun. "Back to penis jokes. Fingers are like movable penises on our hands...." Zack laughs even harder, and the bulge is gone.

"Reno, it's all good. Now shut up and fly this goddamn thing!" She throws a clip of ammo at him.

"I'm doing that right now!"

A/N: Yeah, just really stupid sex and penis humor. The important parts are up next! See you soon!