Illya shook his head, trying to desperately fight off the effects of the drug as he struggled to pull himself to his feet. He staggered to his partner; checking for a pulse and was relieved to find him alive, but unconscious.
Then he remembered George, sitting helplessly in the van. Illya moved unsteadily up the stairs, worried if Serena had gotten to him. If George had been hurt; he could never forgive himself. That would surely be the final weight added to tilt the scales against him. He had unwittingly made the man an innocent pawn in his own gambit.
He left the building, crossing the steet to the van, finding George's head slumped to his chest and Illya's heart sank. He was too late.
But then he saw that he was breathing. He slammed his hand on the window, calling his name.
"George! Open the door, try to open it! I need to get you some help...please do not die?"
Dennell opened his eyes with a start, then rolled down the window. "Oh God Illya, I'm sorry I must have nodded off. It's kind of past my bed time you know," he smiled sheepishly.
Illya was momentarily ovewhelmed thinking he had gotten him killed, he did not know whether to hit or hug the man; then he focused his thoughts, "George did you call for the backup?"
"I did exactly what you told me...waited fifteen minutes."
"Good job, thank you. Napoleon is in the basement, unconscious. There are two Thrushmen there out cold as well. Go tie them up and wait there until the backup team arrives and here, take this." Kuryakin handed him his special.
"O.K. Illya, but this is getting kind of weird? What do I tell them?"
"It will be fine, just remember, I was never here? By the way did you happen to see a woman leave the warehouse?
"Yeah, a pretty blond...was she the damsel in distress? You guys always get to help the damsel in distress don't you?"
Illya shook his head in disbelief, then stopped as it began to throb. Thrush concontions always gave him a terrible headache. "Right George, she was the damsel. Now if they ask you how you found Napoleon; tell them you just had a hunch and it was pure luck that you got to him...right"
"Check?" George answered, scratching his head.
"I am going to take the van and leave it parked near headquarters for you to return to the motorpool later."
"Yes please?" George said, "I signed for it, I'm responsible for it you know."
"Do not worry I will take good care of it, I promise."
Illya Kuryakin disappeared into the night, as minutes later the back up team from headquarters arrived, finding George Dennell guarding Napoleon Solo and the Thrush captives.
The next morning George stood in Alexander Waverly's office.
"Astounding, simply astounding Mr. Dennell."
"Well sir I was in the vicinity sir and I'd heard that Mr. Solo was missing and I just had a feeling..."
"Hhhmm, at least it ended well Mr. Dennell, but in the future when you have any such feelings, please let me know and I'll see it is addressed immediately. I would prefer that, instead of having section two agents coming in after the fact. It was quite a dangerous thing that you did, and I'd prefer it if you stick to your area of expertise in the future?"
"Yes sir," he said then turned to leave, but then suddenly remembered something. "Oh I don't think I'll be needing this anymore." He reached into his jacket, pulling out an U.N.C.L.E. special; laying it on Waverly's conference table.
"Thank you Mr. Dennell that will be all."
Illya had arrived early for his physical therapy session then from there he visited Napoleon as he was being treated for minor cuts and bruises and would be released from medical later in the afternoon. Napoleon was in completely astounded that it was George Dennell who had affected his rescue from Serena.
The two agents wondered where Angelique had fit into the picture and Napoleon thought perhaps that she was going to warn him about after Serenas presence.
"She did tell me that she owed me one back in East Berlin,"Napoleon said," maybe she was trying to pay me back?"
Illya just shrugged,"Stranger things have been known to happen my friend. But perhaps she was just having Serena do her dirty work for her? By the way, where did you hide the microdot?"
"I'll never tell," Solo winked, "no seriously after you warned me about Angelique's presence; I thought she was going to pull something, so I dropped the microdot in the mail."
"You did what?"
"I placed it under a stamp and I mailed it to myself care of the special address for the Honolulu headquarters. I heard it arrived this morning express mail. Worked very effieciently, don't you think?"
"Napoleon that was rather risky; it could have gotten lost in the post?"
"Well better that then Thrush getting their hands on it?" Napoleon answered.
Kuryakin looked at his watch seeing that it was time for his appointment with Dennison. "I have to go Napoleon, I am glad you are alright my friend."
"Me too tovarisch." he smiled, deciding not to ask Illya how he was doing as the question seemed to cause more harm than good, but made mental note that his partner seemed to be in better spirits and hoped this was a sign that he was on the mend. Then he wondered what it was that had improved his spirits.
Illya walked down the hall and around the corner to the doctor's office, knocking before he entered.
"Oh good Illya, right on time, come on in and have a seat."
He noticed that Masur had his file on the desk and had been reading it when he walked into the room.
"So what's going on?"
"Going on?" repeated the Russian.
"Not literally, it's just a way of opening a conversation. Have you been thinking of anything in particular since we last spoke?"
"As a matter of fact doctor, yes."
"And that is?"
Illys bit his lower lip, hesitating. I am not sure if I can say just yet."
"That's fine. You don't have to talk about it if you feel uncomfortable. Something else perhaps?"
"I have become very much away that I have not been one of the most social of people and I have been thinking that it might be time for me to change behave that behavior?"
"Really? What brought you to this conclusion?"
"Being alone. I have cut everyone off from me since I have returned home."
"But Illya, you are a loner. You have always been a loner from what I can see according to your profile. You have never had problems functioning in this manner...that would be a major life-style change for you. Why now?"
"Doctor, I have always remained aloof out of circumstance and then of course out of training, but more so out of necessity. The environment in which I was raised and trained taught me to trust no one...to remain solitary and secretive. It was a matter of survival and after my last..." he paused, searching for the right words," close call, I realized that people care a lot about me and I have not been fully reciprocal towards them.
"Any one specific that you'd care to name?"
"Napoleon." You see, I have never been able to reveal things about myself to him as he has about himself to me. I asked myself, how many times does this man have to prove himself to me before I will let myself fully trust him?"
"I was able to give that trust to my wife...actually well before she became my wife, but not with Napoleon. Yet this man that I call brother and friend has saved my life at risk to his own time and time again."
"Do you feel you owe him?
"Yes"
"But haven't you saved his life countless times as well."
"Yes I have."
"Then what is it you feel you owe him?"
"I need to be a better friend to him as he has been to me...friends talk, they share things, personal feelings, thoughts...personal information. This I have never done with Napoleon, though he has with me."
"Why is that Illya?"
"I am afraid Dr. Masur. It is all about fear. Since I was little, I was told, the more people know about you, the greater the risk of being killed. Trust no one...has been drilled into me all my adult life."
"You don't trust Napoleon?"
"No...I mean yes, I do trust him."
"But only to a point, " said Masur.
"I have trusted him with my life?
"But have you trusted him with your heart and soul?"
"No."
"Illya does Naploeon know anything personal about you at all? And I mean from when you were young, not since you were married."
"Very little and that I am sure he gleaned from my dossier."
"And yet as little as this man knows about you, he still calls you his friend?"
"And brother."
"Then tell me, what is the most personal thing about you that Napoleon does know?"
Illya clenched his jaw and Masur could see that he was struggling with this; beginning to become upset.
"It's alright. You don't have to tell me."
"No I have to say it. It is part of my fear." Illya stuttered as he continued. " Napoleon knows about it and had it kept out my records."
"Did you ask him to do that for you?"
"No, he took it upon himself to do it."
"Why was that?'
Illya lower his head. "Becaude he knew it would shame and humiliate me."
"What happened?"
He shook his head, refusing to say.
"Illya, I remind you nothing, and I repeat, nothing goes beyond this room. My reports only discuss progress not the details of any session.
"I have your word, this will not go in any report?"
"Absolutely."
Illya took a deep breath, then spoke quietly. " I was raped, multiple times while being held prisoner in the Solovki gulag in Russia. This prison was the same camp where my grandfather died."
Illya stared at the doctor and Masur could see the Russian's eyes welling up."You're right, that's not in any of your files. And don't worry, I will not add it into your records, I promise."
"All my life,"Illya said, "I have managed to defend myself from such a thing. I have always been targeted I suppose because I was not a very big and was told I was a 'pretty boy.' Illya held back a sob.
"Can you tell me how it happened?"
Illya took a few minutes to compose himself.
"I had been moved to solitary confinement after fighting to protect another prisoner...a man named Yakov. I may have known him as a child on the streets of Kyiv when I was living in the ruins of the city after the Nazi occupation; I helped a group of orphans to survive the Russian winter. Yakov spoke of a blond blue-eyed boy who save him in Kyiv. I was never able to speak with him again; I think the other prisoners killed him.
After being made odinochka...I am sorry, that is Russian term for solitary man, they cut my food rations to even less than starvation level. The guard, an apparatchik named Lazar' attacked me. He came in to rape me day after day and I became so weak that I could not defend myself." Illya finally let out a sob, " I gave up and let him do it to me."
"Did you want to defend yourself?"
"Yes."
"So you're saying you couldn't defend yourself?"
Illya nodded, as his clasped hands shook in front of him.
"How many times did it happen to you?"
"I was raped once by..."he started to tell about Voelker but then asked himself what was the point. "It happened five times."
"Tell me how you felt and I am not referring to the physical pain, the first time it happened.
"Anger. I felt very angry."
"Were you angry at him?"
"No at myself. I was angry that I had failed to defend myself.
"But you couldn't defend yourself, you were too weak weren't you? And the second time you were raped. How did you feel then?"
"Afraid. I felt fear, helplessness."
"Those are normal responses."
"No, I am a trained agent...I am supposed to be resist and.."
"And not to be afraid?"
Illya nodded.
"You're human, and allowed to be afraid."
"Sometimes I feel as though I am always afraid," he finally admitted. "After the third time it happened, the fear intensified. I felt almost consumed by it. I believed I was going to die; that was when I gave up."
But Illya you were rescued."
"Through no effort on my part."he replied.
"How did you feel when you finally came home?"
"Empty, inadequate...weak, both mentally and physically."
"Now please don't be offended Illya, when you returned home, were you able to make love to your wife?"
"No"
"No as in you won't tell me?"
"No, I was not able to."
"Has this ever happened before?'
"No."
"Why do you think that happened?"
"I no longer felt like a man."
"You have been often tortured when you are out in the field haven't you?"
"Yes, quite often."
"Did it make you feel any less a man?"
"No."
"And how have you dealt with it."
"It was and is part of the risk of the job. I just let it go, I try to no longer think about it."
"What makes having been raped any different from another form of torture that has been committed against you?"
"I suppose there is no difference?"
Masur paused for a moment, rubbing his chin with his hand. "Who are you?" he finally asked.
"I do not understand the question?
"Who are you?"
"I am Illya Nickovich Kuryakin."
"And where are you from?"
"I am from Kyiv."
"And how did you come to be here from Kyiv, to grow up to be the man you are today?"
"I survived...yes, I survived."
"That's right Illya, you survived. Just like you always do."
"When you've gone out on missions, have you let fear control you?"
"Not really."
"So you control your fear?"
"Yes."
"You do this all the time?"
"Yes, I control it but it has always been part of my life; fear of failure, of betrayal, fear of dying, fear of intimacy,fear of being pitied...of having friends and family. But I have controlled them and hidden them away from others as well as myself, denying much. But I never felt ashamed.
"So you were never ashamed when you were beaten. whipped or tortured in the past when you've been captured?"
"No"
"So all that torture you've endured over the years, you had to resist mentally, because you couldn't physically fight back. But you would have resisted if you could have? Mansur repeated the question.
"Yes."
The rape was just another form of torture, one that you had never experienced before. But you couldn't stop it, the torture of being raped. Why should you have felt ashamed? There was no wrong-doing on your part."
"I am...a trained agent, I am supposed to be able to defend myself. I felt imasculated. I no longer felt like man, just a thing to be fucked again and again." Illya began to shake.
"You've had enough for today,"said Mansur," Pehaps we could continue tomorrow then same time tomorrow?"
Illya pulled himself up to his full height, coming to the realization that Dr. Mansur, Napoleon, Elliott and even his little son were all right. He had been tortured and had done nothing wrong. Had he the chance and ability to resist, then he would have just as he always had, and now he knew that he always would.
"No Doctor, I do not think I will need to see you again. I think I have gained a proper perspective on what happened to me. Like some of my other fears, I can put it away now, in it's own compartment, but I will not forget it and will learn by it."
"Good Illya, that's very good." Mansur smiled, "so now do you still feel the need to unburden yourself of anything else of a personal nature? As I said that is a major life style change for you."
"Yes Dr. Mansur, I think it is time to let go of some of my other fears as well, mainly the fear of my past... Napoleon and I are overdue for a long talk. Thank you for helping me see the truth."
"You did it Illya not me, and you're right, I think our visits are done for now. I will file my report with Mr. Waverly that you are certified for return to the field once you've completed your physical therapy. However, if you ever feel the need to talk about anything in the future, or if you just want to shoot the breeze, my door is always open to you."
"Shoot the breeze,"Illya smiled feigning ignorance.
Mansur laughed, getting the Russian's joke.
"Yes Doctor, I would like to shoot the breeze sometime."
Illya offered his hand again to the man. "Thank you Dr. Mansur."
At that moment Dr. Mansur's telephone rang. He spoke briefly then hung up the receiver.
"Illya that was Lisa Rogers, you need to go to Mr. Waverly's office before you leave headquarters. I'm going next door for a few minutes, you just sit and compose yourself. Alright?"
"Yes Doctor, thank you."
Fifteen minutes later Illya walked into Waverly's conference room.
"Ah yes Mr. Kuryakin, good news about Mr. Solo eh what?"
"Yes sir, I saw him in medical this morning, just some minor cuts and bruises."
"Thankfully so," Waverly said, " if it hadn't been for your timely warning about Angelique DuChien we might have lost both the microdot and Mr. Solo."
"It was actually Serena, Angelique's protegée, from what I understand." Illya lied.
"Yes, quite. Makes me wonder what Miss DuChien's role was in this? I understand your sessions with Dr. Mansur are going well."
"Actually they are finished. His report and my recertification should be on your desk shortly."
"Hhmm, just as I suspected. Well that will be all Mr. Kuryakin."
As Illya turned to leave Waverly called him back to the table. "Oh and I believe you will be wanting this back."
He spun the table around to him, stopping the tray in front of him with his Walther laying upon it. Illya's eyes widened for a second. He picked it up, fingering his initial K on the hand grip then quickly slipped it into it's shoulder holster.
"Here it comes," Illya thought, knowing that he had violated his instructions.
"Now dismissed," Waverly said with a wink.
Illya smiled as he left the office, sure that Waverly knew what he had done to rescue Napoleon, yet he said nothing. No admonishment for going against orders. He shook his head, wondering about the unpredictability of his boss.
"Today had been a good day," he smiled to himself," maybe tomorrow would be better. And Illya found himself humming as he reached the reception desk, handing his badge to Wanda.
"I would like to aplogize for my rudeness yesterday, it was uncalled for...I am sorry."
"Thank you Illya, "she said," I appreciate it. But I do understand you section twos are under a lot of pressure and have bad days."
"That is no excuse Wanda." Illya leaned forward and gave her a little peck on the cheek. "but thank you for being so understanding?"
"Why Illya Kuryakin?" she said in surprise, " I so believe that Napoleon is finally rubbing off on you."
"I hope so? he smiled. "you have a good day."
Wanda was in shock, She rested her chin on her hand with a sigh and said dreamily. "Shame he's married."
As he walked up the steps from Del Florias a woman approached him cautiously.
"Angelique, back again so soon?"
"Illya, how is he?"
"Fine, no thanks to you."
"No, this was not my doing. I wanted to warn him of Serena. You have to believe me. I never got to him in time."
Illya looked into her beautiful eyes,"You know, I believe you...just this time," he said, "you really care how he is?"
"Believe it or not I do Illya. I do have a special place in my heart for that partner of yours. If I didn't; he would have been dead a long time ago," she smiled." so tell Napoleon, I still owe him."
"I will be sure to relay the message."
"Please do that darling. Ciao." she said, as she stepped into the taxi that had just pulled up for him.
Illya promised himself to deliver the message to his partner, but not just yet.
He hailed another cab, returning home to his son. Elliott was away on a courier job, but would be back by early evening.
It was after eight o'clock when she finally returned home, finding the house dark and quiet. She went upstairs checking on Demya tucked safely into his bed. Then when she went into the bedroom, she found Illya laying in bed waiting for her.
She sat on the edge next to him as he sat up.
"Are ye alright Illuysha?
Illya reached out, pulling his wife to him, kissing her passionately, then helped remove her clothing and they made love. After they finished for a second time, they lay wrapped together in each other's arms.
"Welcome back Illya Kuryakin, I missed you." she said as she gently stroked his face."I was afraid I had lost you."
"I was lost for a while moya lyubov', he whispered as he buried his face against her shoulder," but no longer."
Napoleon Solo approached a woman who was sitting at a table inside a small bistro in the middle of Manhattan; the smoke from her cigarette curled up around her platinum blond head as it disappeared into the air around her. She took a sip from her Bloody Mary, then glanced at her wristwatch.
"Angelique," he smiled, kissing her hand as he pulled up a chair beside her.
"Napoleon, it is good to see you up and about."she said as she handed him the glass of scotch that she had ordered for him.
"Thank you for thinking of warning me about Serena." he whispered.
"Ah, but I was too late, so you thank me for nothing, darling. I therefore still owe you."
"Tell you what, there is something you can do for me to settle that debt. There's a man in East Germany named Karl Voelker..."