Sorry I didn't update in, like, forever. I've been really busy and this isn't really one of my main priorities. It probably won't be much longer than these few chapters, sorry to those of you that may disagree but I'll run out of songs and ideas.
This one is to Broken by Seether (ft. Amy Lee).
I locked the door behind me and sank down onto my bed, curling my legs up and wrapping my arms around them. I let the tears fall, softer now, sobbing silently into my knees.
Images floated before my eyes, burned into my retina. Rose, lying dead on the floor, her soft, dark hair spread around her face like a halo. To protect me. Christian, lying with his neck twisted to the side as if he was just sleeping awkwardly like he used to when he had nightmares about his parents. To protect me. Dimitri, his body worn out and scalded, red where Christian had accidentally caught him using his fire. To protect me.
Their bodies completely broken. To protect me. The words echoed around my head, my guilty conscience rearing her ugly head once again. I sighed into my knees, gasping for my breath.
I didn't really start to break down until I heard my guardians outside my door change and knew it should've been Rose's shift.
The worst was over for me, but I was still hyperventilating, unable to keep quiet any longer. There was no lashing out. No wailing, just pure sadness, threatening to completely overcome me. And I couldn't let that happen. I wasn't allowed to anymore, as I was Queen. I had to stay strong. It was the only solution.
I couldn't stay broken. I had to tape myself up, but I just didn't feel right. I wasn't strong enough, not like Rose was. I sobbed again, and caught of something glinting on my bedside table. My nail kit. An idea sprang into my head, one that I couldn't dismiss quickly enough to stop considering it.
I could do it, couldn't I? I'd done it before. It would take away the pain...I was losing the ability to concentrate, my head going woozy already. I grabbed the cuticle pusher with the pointy end and dug it into my wrists. The pain flared up my arms and I gasped. I dragged it along, crimson blood spilling out of the cuts and pouring to the floor. I felt the bloodlust fill me up as I realised I hadn't yet been to a feeder. I was starting to feel the effects of that. I stared at the blood and it urged me to the next arm...
I dug it in and started to drag it across my wrist in zigzag lines. Maybe I could join them? I thought to myself. Surely that would be better. I started to dig it in deeper, cutting through towards my veins, the blood making my mouth water. The strength of my arm surprised me and made me feel a bit more joyous. I wondered how much of this was me and how much was spirit darkness. I couldn't see anymore. My eyes felt like they were brimming with my own blood. I felt liquid leaking from my eyes, and it felt like blood. I felt the blood leaking from my wrists, from my stomach, from my feet, from my hairline. My hair was matted to the sides of my face with it. But I couldn't feel anymore. I cried out in shock as I saw, in my head, my body covered and splattered with blood. The real world was black...