A/N: Hope you guys like this chapter! Working on getting 5 done this weekend… let me know what you guys think so far? Thanks for reading!

Chapter 4: Little Secrets, Big Lies

"I've got someone waiting for me every night. She's the only one I've ever loved and it's been that way for the longest time. She's the one that makes my world go right. And it tears me in two because I know where I'll be tonight."

-Foreigner

How did I get myself into this? I'm following Blanca and Brian to some club. She won't tell me where. Says it's a secret. She drives too slow. Everyone around here drives too slow. This car drives too slow. We pull up at this building. It's pretty dark. Lotta cars parked outside though. Never been here before.

We walk up to the door and I see eyes on her already. My instinct says to walk next to her and keep the creeps away. I don't though. I just walk behind her and enjoy the view. A fine one too, as always. Brian looks around taking it all in, "What is this place?" he asks.

She smiles seductively, "Mi Secreto Pequeno." she answers as she hooks her arm in Brian's. Gotta admit it makes me kinda jealous. Better get used to it. Sure there's gonna be a lot more of that tonight.

"How long you been coming here?" I ask. My little secret is right. Lotta shit I still don't know about her.

She looks back over her shoulder at me, "Oh I don't know, awhile I guess." It seemed dark on he outside but as soon as the door opens the loud ass music hits you. Neon lights are flashing and the place is packed with people dancing. She leads us to an empty table and Brian and I grab a stool. "You guys want anything?" she asks. W both shake our heads no as we sit.

Blanca just walks off laving us at the table. Bri and I shrug it off. Who knows what that girl ha sup her sleeve. She comes back with her hands full of drinks. Two coronas for us and a soda for her. Her hips shake with the music as she walks. Makes me laugh out loud. Kind of like they have a mind of their own. Just like her.

Music is good. A weird mix of American dance music and traditional Latin stuff. All stuff good to dance to. Easy beats to follow. Blanco shouts to Brian "Do you dance?". I guess he's trying to show him a good time. Don't know why she cares so much. You have no idea the fast talking we had to do with Letty and Mia to get them to agree to the while thing. Had to promise that he wouldn't work when they were on. Guess you would need cheering up to with that kind of news.

"Not well." he shouts back. I know the guy has no rhythm .Look on his face agrees with me. He's got heart though. I know that for sure. And with the right woman. Well if she does it right, no one will be looking at him anyway.

She drags him off to the floor. Like I thought, she does it right. I forget Brian's alive. She's a good dancer. Better than I woulda guessed. She doesn't move quite like the other girls but she's having fun and doesn't care. That's all that counts in my book. Someone needs to explain to me why I'm sitting here by myself watching a purse while Brian's out there dancing with her. She looks like she's the only one having fun. I catch Brian's eye. He knows what I'm thinking. I walk up behind them and hand off her purse to Brian while her back is turned. We pull a switch on her and she doesn't even notice.

I move closer to her. Keep dancing. Until I put my hand around her waist I don't think she even realized it was me. She freezes for a second when I touch her. Turns around quickly. I don't let go and I don't stop dancing. She follows my lead with a smile. She's starting to sweat a little but it only makes her look better. As soon as the song ends she's looking for Brian though.

We sit for awhile and he tries to talk to him. Kinda hard with al the noise though. I have a few more beers in the meantime. Maybe a few too many. I can feel myself getting warm. Blanca looks bored and I decide what the hell. Go for it. A sure sign I should cut myself off. I grab her hand and lead her to the dance floor again. She doesn't resist. I lift my arm over her head and lead her through it.

With her back to me and my height I'll be honest. It's a nice view. She backs up closer to me so our hips move as one. I back up though, worried about what this might lead to. She moves closer again and again I back up. This time she turns around. Looks almost hurt. I smile at her. A real smile as the song changes to something more Latin. Just that one smile and she looks like she's glowing when she smiles back. The movement of her hips changes effortlessly adjusting to the music. She pulls some fancy move with her arms and we both laugh. And then the world just falls away…

I reach for her hands and put them on my shoulders. Our eyes are locked. It's now or never, right? I let one of the hands on her waist drift down lower. She looks over her shoulder quickly as if she doesn't believe I really just grabbed her ass. Looking back at me her mouth opens in protest and she kinda squints at me, like she's trying to figure out what I'm up to. Then her eyes close. Just a for a second but long enough to tell me she's not gonna fight me. Her breathing gets deeper. Surprising. I thought she might slap me to be honest.

We keep right on dancing though. She follows my lead. We move well together. Effortless. Too many things with us are effortless. Something about me and her together that feels too… natural. I try to ignore the feeling in my gut, as usual. She's out of my league.

Don't get me wrong now. I've had women a lot more beautiful than her. And it's not the money. I've got my own. Just feel like she's too good. To smart. Too kind. Too… everything I'm not. If I had something that good I'd only end up fucking it up. I've got enough problems already without adding that one to my plate.

I definitely do think she's hot though. Curves in all the right places. The way she carries herself. Relaxed and approachable but independent. Clear blue eyes that go all the way through you. Funny how she stands out in a place like this. Catches a lot of eyes. If I didn't already know better I would guess she was some kind of home grown Midwest girl. If I didn't know where she really came from.

Maybe it was because she didn't know me that well. Maybe she just didn't care. But she just wouldn't let me get away with shit like other people do. When I'd say something kinda mean or start sulking, she'd laugh. Give it right back to me and move on. Called me on my attitude in ways I think most people are afraid to. No matter how hard I pushed she never got mad. At first I didn't know how to react to that. But pretty soon it got so just having her smile at me would melt away all the tension I had built up the night before at home.

Before I know it I start telling her stuff I don't talk about with anyone else. Little things here and there. Never once did she judge me either. Even after I told her about he trucks and Jesse. Practically the opposite of Letty and not just on the outside. Man, Letty… what am I gonna tell her when I get back? What's my excuse this time? I don't know if she even believes anything I tell her anymore. Always was a smart girl.

The song changes again, something slower. In one smooth motion I take one her hands in mine and use the other to pull her in close. Her body is pressed against me and she looks up at me with those eyes. How do you say no? I know I should but you tell me how. We're both adults. Why not you say? Because I can't give her what she deserves. More than just a momentary lapse in judgment. The rest of me is not following orders from my head though. Least not that one. The heat of our bodies. The music. The beer. She looks almost hypnotized. I feel like I actually am.

So I give in. Lean closer. If I could kiss her, just once. I could get it out of my system. Chalk it up to the beer and go back to the way we were. She'll get over it. Realize I'm an asshole anyway and hate me like everyone else. I could be wrong of course. This could be pity I'm getting from her. She could think I'm just a poor, desperate, lonely guy. She could be right.

I lean my face in to hers. Ignoring the alarm bells going off in my head. She looks away at first. But when hers eyes meet mine again she bites her bottom lip. The hand behind my neck slides just under my jaw. I think she tries to say something but I can't hear her over the noise. I lean in further. So close a piece of paper would barely fit between our mouths.

Then it hits me. Literally. To hands from behind, pushing me with too much force to be an accident. I lurch forward, folding her in my arms to keep her from falling backwards. I let go quickly. My hands curl into fists as I turn to face the prick who wants to start something. Been awhile since I had a good fight to break up at the bar. I could go for a little action tonight. Work out this tension in other ways.

Mother fucker. I should have known. Pito. "What do you think you're doing?" I shout. I am not in the mood for this shit. I roll my shoulders forward. Try to look menacing. Not that I usually have to try hard.

He steps up to me. I'm actually amused. Has he actually grown some balls since yesterday! There are a few guys behind him. Bri and I could take them, no sweat. He answers me matter-of-factly, "You should keep your hands off my property." with his arms out like he wants to start something.

Blanca steps in front of me before I can clock him. She shouts at him, "Excuse me!" I have never, ever heard her sound that pissed off before. Feisty is right. "Who the fuck do you think you are?" she adds with what I can only describe as pure disgust. Brian makes his way over to us quickly. People have stopped dancing around us. He and I look at each other and then at the guys. A series of silent nods and it's decided. I'll take the two on the left. Him the two on the right. Save Mr. Tough guy for last.

Pito reaches towards her and pulls at the waist of her jeans. Just enough so we can see her fucking lovely tattoo. God only knows why she didn't get that shit covered up or removed. "That's MY name. That means you're MY property. That means the big bald guy needs to keep his hands where they belong. On that Puerto Rican puta of his." he says like he got cocky all the sudden. Did he forget who he was dealing with.

Blanca's still trying to hold me back and for now I let her. It's her business and if she wants to handle it I won't stop her. But oh… if he says one more word about Letty. We're gonna have a serious problem here. "Tattoo or no, you don't get to say who touches me Pito. We. Are. Over. Leave me alone." she says, more annoyed than anything.

He laughs. Why she ever got involved with this prick in the first place I'll never understand. "Mama you don't have to share. Just come with me. I'll make everything better." he says as if he expects her to be eating out of the palm of his hand. Good luck with that. This should be good.

"Maybe I do remember. Maybe sharing him with another woman is better than having you all to myself." she lies. But this time her words hit home. Maybe a little too close to home. Before I know it he winds up his arm elbow first and swings. Smacking her across the face with the back of his hand. Hard. I'm gonna kill this mother fucker. Call the ambulance now. Get the docs ready. They might save him if they work quick.

She turns away holding her face in shock and disgust but puts her other hand against my chest to stop me. She knows what's about to happen. She wants a crack at him first, fine. Doesn't matter who starts it, I'm ending it. She turns back to him slowly. Her jaw is clenched so tight I can almost feel it. "Just because we are not in my house does not mean you are safe here. If you EVER put your hands on me again and I'll make sure they get broken in so many places you'll never use them again. I tried to play nice but I can do dirty. You better watch your back though. I know a lot of people who are sick of you acting like you rule this town. You stay away from me. You stay away from my friends. And you stay away from my bar you son of a bitch." she says with an eerie calmness. I can tell she's holding back. She refuses to step down to his level. That makes one of us.

Turning to face me she shakes her head in disbelief. "Come on. Let's get out of here. I don't feel like dancing anymore." she says without actually look at me. She steps next to me but I've still got my eye on Pito who's laughing with his buddies. We've started to draw a crowd. She knows I can't jut let this go. Standing shoulder to shoulder with me but facing the opposite direction she stands there waiting for me. It's her way of asking me not to. I can't bring myself to walk away though. So she moves to Brian. "Can we please just go home?" she asks and the sound of her voice shaking is about all I can take.

"Go on chucha cuerera! You'll come crawling back when he kicks you to the curb!" he shouts after her. Gotta save face after that verbal assault she just landed at him. That's the final straw for me though. I deck him right then and there. Put all my weight into it. I had to break his nose. At least. Hurt my hand like hell. A swarm of bouncers and people separate us before I can get another shot off.

Blanca runs back to us and starts arguing with the bouncer. They are shouting in Spanish and I don't catch it all. I'm too busy looking at Pito and laughing. He's trying to act tough again now that everyone is holding us back. Go ahead buddy. I dare you. She must know one of the guys cause pretty soon they let us go.

We're escorted out of the club. It's hot but the fresh air feels good. I lean against a broken street light. Blanca bends over with her hands on her thighs and lets out a deep breathe. When she stands again her face is flushed. It's hot and we're all sweating but with the moonlight on her it looks like she's glowing. She holds her hair up over her head and waves at the back of her neck to cool off. It takes me places in my mind that really aren't appropriate right now.

Not the most beautiful. No. But in that moment? She may as well have been only woman on earth. I could have stared for days. I'm a goner. The only question now is what to do about it. Way I see it I got three choices. I could start world war three and leave Letty. I could try to juggle them both at once. Or I can let it go. Let her go. She turns around laughs, still holding her hair up "Well. That's not exactly what I had in mind."

Brian doesn't seem amused though, "What the hell just happened in there?" People don't really know the whole story between Blanca and Pito. They think he's some kind of stalker, not a jealous ex-boyfriend. I think Mia knows but she'd never admit it. The buster is catching on real fast at this rate.

I laugh along with her, "Just a little… misunderstanding." She walks over to me and my heart starts beating faster.

"You should get a restraining order or something." He says looking annoyed that we find this funny.

Blanca looks over her shoulder at him before reaching out for my hand. "Let's just say that's not the way we do things around here." she says smiling back at him with a wink. She could call the cops. But having the heat on could bring trouble for more than just Pito. I think Brian finally catches her drift when he nods at me. She takes my hand and tries to hold it up to get a better look. It hurts when she squeezes at it but I pretend not to notice. I expected her to be mad and she's not. That's all I care about right now. "You should put some ice on that. Follow us back if you want."

And I do. Like I don't have ice at my place. It feels like forever before we get there. When we do she orders me to sit down at the kitchen table. Goes to the freezer and puts some ice in a towel. Kneeling down in front of me she puts it on my hand. Brian hands each of us a bottle of water before excusing himself to take a shower.

"So…" she starts nervously, "Feel better now?" She stares at my hand. I stare at her.

I take a sip of my water before answering, "Doesn't hurt that bad."

She smiles up at me and all the tension in the room melts away. "I meant about Pito." It's then I notice the bruise starting to show on her cheek. She's gonna have a shiner tomorrow. He's gonna look a lot worse soon.

Laughing both with her and at the thought of hitting him, "You know I couldn't let him get away with that…" I reach the back of my free hand out to her face and touch the spot. She winces and it kills me. If he thinks a broken nose is all I have to say about this he's dumber than I thought. "I think you need the ice more than I do."

She hands me the ice before sitting down on the floor and leaning back with her arms behind her. "He's done worse. I'll be fine." She says rolling her eyes.

"He hit you before!" I almost yell, anger suddenly boiling up to the surface.

With an uncomfortable shrug she shakes her head yes. "Why do you think I left him?"

I still can't get over how such a smart girl could get herself into such a stupid situation. Deciding that little flaw in her judgment is the same reason I like her as much as I do I let it go. If it weren't for him we mighta never even met. "You should have told me…" I say.

She doesn't have to answer. I know why she didn't. I would have flipped the hell out. As usual. "You staying here?" she asks before taking a drink of her water. I don't answer. I don't have to either. Put a hand on my head and tilt my head back. Just stare off into space. She stands up after a minute brushing her hands off on her jeans as she thinks out loud "I gotta get out of these shoes, they're killing me."

Instead of heading to her room though she steps closer to me. Leans down to my level and puts a hand on the side of my face. My heart is pounding so loud she's gotta be able to hear it. Before I have time to register what's happening she kisses my cheek. All I can think about is how soft her lips are. "Thank you." She whispers. It takes every ounce of strength I have then to let her walk away.

Almost that is. I grab her hand as she starts to leave, letting the ice fall to the floor. It stops her dead in tracks. "Annie…" I never called her by her real name before. I didn't know what else to say. I don't even know where to start.

She holds on to my hand but doesn't turn around. "Brian's already got the couch. You can have my bed. I'll take the chair out here. You're too big to fit in that little thing so don't even think about trying to argue." Her hand squeezes mine before letting go and disappearing into her room.

I could have argued. She wouldn't change her mind but I could have tried. How could I though. I feel guilty enough as it is. The things that are probably running through her mind. If she's even half as confused as I am? Well it means that option two is out. Sharing is definitely NOT caring.

Brian walks in the kitchen just after. He looks down at the ice all over the floor and then at me confused. "So what was all that about?" he says helping me pick up the ice.

I shrug, "He was just looking for trouble. Same as always." So maybe I was looking for trouble too. Ever since I found out about the two of them being together I've been dying for an excuse to take him down.

"Bro, I'm talking about Blanca. I mean I know it's none of my business but are you two...?" he sticks his chin out. Saying it without saying it.

I narrow my eyes. Who does he think he is talking to me about relationships. After what he did to Mia. "No." I say. Loud and clear.

He shoots one of those cheesy ass grins at me, "Don't sweat it man. It was just a question. I just, know what it's like. Getting involved with someone you're not supposed to."

"I...It's… We're…" I stutter before taking a deep breath. "Just a couple of friends hanging out. That's all." Trying to convince myself more than anyone.

Brian puts his hands up in surrender, "Whatever you say Dom." He laughs at me. He knows I'm lying. I know he would never tell anyone but just the fact that it's becoming obvious to other people is gonna be a problem. What the hell am I gonna do now.

Blanca walks back in the kitchen just in time to catch the tail end of what Brian said. If she thought anything was weird she didn't act like it. Probably didn't even notice. Least I hope not. "Come on. I'll get you settled." She says and I follow. I've never been in her room before. It was a line I was never prepared to cross. All the lines have started to get blurry these days though.

It smells like her in here. All girly and shit. Her bed looks agonizingly comfortable. "You don't have to do this."

She sighs, "All six feet of you is not gonna fit in that chair. It's not a big deal. Really." It's never a big deal with her. Always just goes with the flow. That's what I love about her. Oh my god. What am I thinking! I don't love her. I can't…

Grabbing some stuff for herself to sleep with she adds, "I just put on fresh sheets. There's a lamp there by the bed. If you need me just holler." She smiles from the door way. Leaning against the frame. The silence is deafening. I cannot do this anymore.

"I was outta line tonight. Had a few too many. It was a mistake." I tell her. Even though I know it's not the whole truth. The girl has enough problems without me going around screwing things up.

The smile leaves her face almost instantly. I want to take it back. But then I think of Letty. Of the look she would have on her face if she found out. I feel like such a dick. "Nothing happened. Right?" she says with ice in her voice. I can feel the chill from here. She shuts the door and I'm left standing there.

I gotta stop this shit. Once and for all. Get my act together. Stop moping around wasting my life away and do something. I'm too old to be acting like this. We all are. Tomorrow I'm gonna go home and kiss my girlfriend. Tell her I love her and try to have a good day. Tomorrow. Right now I'm gonna go to sleep. Alone. In another woman's bed. As if I'll be able to sleep. Haven't had a good night's sleep in over a year. Who the fuck am I kidding.

Eventually I do end up crashing. Wake up early. Get dressed and tip-toe through the living room. Manage to get out unnoticed. That's an awkward morning after I don't think I need. When I get home Letty is at the kitchen table sipping a coffee. She's pissed. Of course. Like a mom who stayed up all night waiting for her kid who never came home. When they get all quiet and have that look on their face you know it's gonna be bad. Way worse than screaming or yelling.

"Where were you?" she finally asks. Her voice is scratchy. Like she had just as rough a night as I did.

I never even thought of what I was gonna tell her when I got home. No perfectly thought out lie. Quick. Think of something. "I went out. With Brian. To some new place. Got a little rowdy so I stayed at Leon's. Didn't wanna to bother you." I say. At least some of it was kinda true.

She puts her mug down and folds her arms across her chest. "I called Leon. He said he hadn't seen you." She says staring straight ahead at the wall.

Fuck. "Musta been before I got there." I quickly come up with. I hope she didn't just call him now or I am totally busted.

"Yeah, I guess so." She spits.

I try to make some peace. Walk up behind her and put my hands on her shoulders. Rubbing them just hard enough. "Sorry. I should have called. Things got out of hand."

You have no idea how out of hand.

She notices my actual hand then. "What did you do?" she asks, relaxing a little bit. Massages always work with her.

"There was a fight at the bar. I got sucked into it for a second. It was nothing." I say convincing even myself. I hate that I can lie to her so easily.

She unfolds her arms. Has another sip of coffee. "Want some?" she offers. See, I can do this. We can do this. Have a conversation without shouting at each other. Sit down and maybe have a nice breakfast.

I let go of her shoulders and brush her hair from her face. Kiss her forehead. "I'll get it." I say. Look at that. Just like normal.

"You should get a shower before work. You stink." she teases. We both laugh.

I sit at the table and we drink our coffee in silence. Calm comfortable silence. "I'm gonna jump in the shower. Be right back." She smiles at me. For the first time in a long time.

The hot water feels good. My hand is sore and I feel like I could just stand there forever. I guess it's decided then. Option number three it is. Letty and I will be fine. Just have to get things back on track again. And we're starting.

Yeah right. Nothing with her is ever easy. If I have to walk around on eggshells to keep the peace what kind of life would that be? What kind of life would it be if all I can think about is Blanca..?

I just want to do the right thing here. Not for me but for everyone else. Later. Later Letty will make me forget about all this. Screw my head in straight if you know I mean. I get out and wrap a towel around my waist. Walk to the kitchen. I'm starving. I call out for her, "Baby I'm gonna make some eggs, you hungry?"

She appears in the kitchen doorway. She's changed out of her pajamas and has her keys in her hands. "Nah, I already ate." She stands there watching me for a second before adding, "I promised Mi I would meet her. She said she needed to talk."

"Everything cool?" I ask, breaking the eggs into the skillet. I've been so caught up in my own shit I didn't even think to call Mia and ask how she was doing with Brian being back and all.

She walks up and kisses me on the cheek. "Yeah, don't worry. I'll fill you in later." She says walking out the door backwards with a wave. The screen door springs shut behind her.

I stare off into space. I don't know for how long. The smell of my eggs burning snaps me out of it. I know what I have to do. Stay away from her as much as possible. When I'm around her I don't think straight. I know it will hurt her. She's gonna think she did something wrong. It's for her own good though. I mean look at what happens to the people I care about. My father, Jesse, even Vince almost died on that rig. All of us hiding out here. Can't go home yet. Maybe never. She'll end up hating me like everyone else secretly does.

Sometime I wish someone would just say it. To my face. Tell me how I ruined their lives. How they trusted me with everything and I let them down. I let them all down. It's like a body in hiding in the basement. And it's starting to stink. How much longer we can all pretend it's not there I don't know. How much longer can I go on like this? I don't know that either.