A/N: So thanks you to each and every one of you who reviewed or added me or my story to your alerts or favorites! All of you are awesome! I save every one of them for when I need a boost. Like I said, re-typing from a very rough draft after losing the version I loved is tough and I when I get discouraged I just look at all the messages I've gotten and it helps me get back into it. So here's a little plot twist for you. Hope it keeps you in your toes… Let me know what you think!
Chapter Five: Bruises on the Inside
"I've seen that look before and I've heard that slamming door too. Just like you, I know that hurt by heart. I've been right where you are. I know how it feels when your world is falling apart. You're not alone tonight. I know what lonely's like. I've still got the scars. I know that hurt by heart."
~ Tracy Lawrence
I pretended to be asleep as he left this morning. Curled up on the couch with my eyes closed. Still holding on to the possibility I might fall back asleep. Not wanting to acknowledge morning was coming. He crept through the apartment silently. The sound of the door clicking just barely audible. It's a trick I've discovered he's quite good at. For such a big man he nonetheless manages to be invisible. When he wants to be that is.
It was early, early for me that is, but the sun was peering in through the blinds. Big streaks of light splashing on the walls. I always did have a hard time sleeping in anything other than utter darkness. So I sat there uncomfortably in the chair for a long while afterwards. Brian still fast asleep. Lying on the couch tangled in a sheet, his back to me. Breathing slow and shallow. I'm glad one of us is comfortable. I finally will my tired body to get out of the chair. Sit up, stretch and as I try to stand it rebels. Back down I go, stiff and achy. Result of my not so comfortable night's sleep. Let's try that again.
I make my way to the bathroom. Turn on the light and squint at the harsh glare in my eyes. As I pass the mirror I catch a glimpse of myself. My face. Takes me by surprise. Like looking at a stranger. I touch it, just to be sure. The bluish bruise forming on my face suddenly feels sore. As if seeing it made it hurt. I look at it for a long moment. Study my face. Nothing extraordinary. I hint of puffy circles under clear blue eyes. My cheekbones slightly higher than average. Even a few freckles brought out by the sun. My focus keeps returning to that bruise. How it takes over my face. And yet, in some strange way it makes me feel strong. Looks kind of tough.
Last night filters through my mind in pieces. As if I imagined it. Parts of it I think I did. Did I imagine he was about to kiss me? Possibly. But the reflection in the mirror is living proof that at least some part of last night was real. I didn't want Dom to hit him. Hoped he wouldn't. But when he did? I must admit it thrilled me. Not for the obvious reason of Dom defending my honor or anything. Just to see the look on Pito's face. To see him put in his place and in front of everyone. Nothing I could or did say to him could top that.
I take a quick, cool shower to wash the night off. Wake me up. Though my body cries for hot water, I know I'll never get out if I use it. I might even fall asleep standing here. I'm certain now. The pieces all coming in to focus. He was going to kiss me. I was going to let him. He was aggressive. Much more than I've ever seen him be. With me at least. It caught me off guard. Putting his hands where he wanted. Not really seeming to care whether or not I would object. Which of course I didn't.
The instant he touches me I crumble. All my resolve is gone. His hands almost burn where they make contact, setting parts of me on fire that would make you blush. And when he takes it away the spot is left haunted. God, I would let that man do anything he wanted to me. Which is how I ended up in this mess with Pito in the first place. I always give too much of myself. So quick to relinquish control. To hand myself over. Hard and fast is always how I fall for them. I touch my cheek. Some harder than others I guess.
Pito quickly went from being the guy who could protect me to the guy who controlled me. I went to work or I was with him. I wore what he told me to with the intention of making him happy. I did what he said because I believed he wanted what was best for me. I didn't realize it until later but I was just a trophy to him. I thought I had found safety at a time when I was pretty lost. And for awhile it seemed that all the overbearing crap was a fair trade.
But the day I told him I wanted to go out without him and that I didn't want to change my clothes either? Well let's just say last night was not the first time he raised his hand to me. I walked out on him then and there. It was a wake-up call. I had never been hit before save a spanking here and there from my parents as a child. I didn't want to go down that path. I knew it might kill me. In spirit definitely. In body…I hoped not.
That's why I've been alone this long. I needed a break. A chance to stand on my own. To prove to myself I could do it without him. Without a guy. And it worked. I was actually proud of myself for the first time in my life. Until Dominic Toretto came along. He leveled me in thirty second flat. Made me forget just why I was alone in the first place.
And then the games started. Which were fun at first. And then this feeling of being used, of being toyed with started growing. Mingled with moments of such tenderness that it would make me forget it. This whole thing is just one big mess and I've had enough. Enough of men. They always end up being trouble. Why it never works out for me I don't know but I'm starting to think it never will.
I get to work quickly. My hair, in a still wet pony tail, leaves a damp spot on the back of my tank top. When I walk in the back room dreading a confrontation, Dom is nowhere to be found. Instead Vince is sitting there in his vacant chair. Feet propped up on the table and looking at his watch. As if he's chastising me for being late. I file away for future reference the fact that I didn't give him key. I'd rather ignore him right now. Feels like I'm in a fog. This weird haze clouding over my usually sunny disposition. No one is happy all the time, right?
He looks at me with a hint of a grin. The harshness of his features soften dramatically when he smiles. The days old growth on his face is black and rough looking. His fingers drum absently on the table. He's a strange guy so far. Something about him gives me the impression that he's testing me. To decide where and how I fit in. It makes it hard to tell what is a front and what is real with him though.
"You didn't mention you like it rough." He says amused with himself. His boot hit the floor with a thud. I think his mind has taken up permanent residence in the gutter. I try to ignore him. Pretend I didn't hear what he said. I turn to leave but he blocks my path, agilely darting in front of me. He bends a little at the knees to get a better look at my face. I avoid eye contact at all costs. "Hey now, who would work over a pretty face like that?" he asks. It comes out sounding almost like a joke. Only he's the only one who seems amused. I had forgotten already. Forgotten to expect the onslaught of questions that would undoubtedly come with my little souvenir.
I shake my head, really not wanting to get into the whole story. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it." I say as he finally lets me pass. I feel myself sinking deeper into the fog. I just want be alone for awhile. Like all day kind of awhile. Every move, every word every look from Vince is like an affront to my senses. It's not his fault mind you. And although his tact leaves much to be desired I can't really be mad at him for asking. It doesn't, however, make his presence any less unwelcome.
The voice from behind me takes a different tone. Deeper, more raspy and as serious as a heart attack. "Funny." He calls after me decisively. "Dom's hand looks almost as bad as your face."
I turn around. His hands are stuffed deep in the pockets of his jeans. He looks at me expectantly. I'm undecided about whether to lie to him. I mean did Dom already tell him something? What if I contradict his version? What if I'm not even supposed to be in his version? I try to gracefully avoid the subject, "It only looks bad. I'm fine though." I shake my head and give a forced 'see I'm okay' smile.
"Know what else is funny? See, I heard Dom was out with Brian last night. He got into some trouble too. Kind of a coincidence don't you think?" he tells me as he walks closer. His head is lowered but he is still searching my face for clues. I look down at the floor for just a second. Probably the sign he was waiting for. I don't know what to say though. I only manage a shrug. I can't tell what it is he's driving at or how much he actually knows. I mean they are best friends. I would tell my best friend every detail. Except I'm a girl… and my best friend is his sister. Oh man what a mess.
He stops a couple just inches away from me and crosses his arms over his chest. He's a little too close for my comfort and I'll admit he kind of scares me. With Dom around he didn't seem so big but now that it's just us? His frame overshadows mine and the scowl on his face is unnerving. He always sounded like the crazy one to me. I mean he did jump from Dom's car onto those big trucks. Going god knows how fast… What person in their right mind does that?
Vince cuts the silence again. "Just tell me if he did it." He says, almost annoyed.
"What! I say without editing myself, in sheer shock. "Dom?" I take a second to process before I continue. "No. He would never…" The fact that his best friend thought he could do it catches me so far off guard I can't even finish my sentence. I shudder at the thought that he actually expected I might say yes.
He only looks mildly relieved. "But you were with him, huh?" he asks, unrelenting. There is a wiseness about him now. As if he's seen this all before. I turn away. Unable to face the accusation. He wasn't just asking if we had hung out. There was something in between the lines I didn't care to answer. Please just let this moment end.
Of course he has to walk around and in front of me again. My discomfort makes him uneasy but his curiosity wins the battle. And I feel it. Those few seconds where you can either pull it back and swallow your feelings or let the flood gates open. The back of my throat tightens trying for the former. "How long?" He asks, knowingly. I'm really that transparent I guess. It makes me wonder how many other girls Vince has had this conversation with though and I feel sick to my stomach.
Through gritted teeth and fighting back tears I answer, "I don't know what you're talking about." Loyal to the bitter end.
"You wanna try that again? I'm not buying." He laughs and anger fuels the storm already brewing in my heart.
I glare at him. Say it very slowly this time. Every word feels forced though and even I don't believe it, "I. Don't. Know. What you're talking about." Hoping by some miracle that this will convince him.
He looks at me sympathetically. "Give it up." He says tilting his head to the side. "You're not fooling anyone. You think I'm stupid? That I don't notice?" he asks accusingly. His words sound almost harsh and that I expected but the pity in his eyes breaks my heart.
My lower lip begins to tremble. I quickly reach a hand over it but my eyes well up. Everything starts to look blurry. I feel ashamed somehow. Maybe just weak. And when I blink the tears finally escape. Slowly at first, one big fat drop at a time. It's not like me to do this but the more I try to stop the faster they fall.
I think he might laugh at me. At the very least crack a lewd joke. Hell I'd even expect him to yell at me on Letty's behalf. They were friends too after all. Instead, he sighs deeply and rolls his eyes but reaches a hand out to the back of my head and pulls me into him. Closing what little gap there was between us. Wrapping his arms around me gently as if I might break.
He's warm, something I always loved about men. They're like walking furnaces. He smelled cleaner than last time we had met. His deodorant was crisp and his shirt smelled like the same detergent Dom used. I didn't resist the gesture. In fact it made me cry even harder. I felt like I melted right into him as he rested his chin on my head. Funny how easy it is to let go in front of stranger, isn't it?
It felt like a long time. The two of us standing there. Me and this supposedly big, dumb lackey. Who as it turns out is only one of the three. He could read me like a book and it was as comforting as it was disarming. I feel badly for judging him the way I did. Suddenly it all makes sense. I understand why Dom came to me. It's easier to let go in front of a stranger. I was for him what Vince is for me now. It may be exactly what I need but it means nothing. My knees feel wobbly at that realization and he senses it, holding on a little tighter.
Of all the moments for Dom to walk in it had to be the worst. He looks at us for a second in disbelief before pretending not to care. I'm so sick of pretending. Vince shrugs at him and lets go but is otherwise unfazed. I rush to find a tissue and wipe at my eyes as if it could actually restore my dignity. Not a word is spoken between any of us. And so it goes all day. Awkward as hell.
Later that night comes an event the likes of which I had never seen. The gang. The whole gang. All together here at the bar at the same time. I had given Brian the night off because Mia had asked me to. Now I felt guilty about it. She was still so angry at him and I was too caught up in my own crap to even worry about helping them fix it. As soon as I get my shit together I swear they are next on my to-do list.
They all sit around a table laughing and drinking as if time had stopped and they were the only people in the room. I stay behind the bar so they can enjoy their time. Letty is sitting on Dom's lap with her arm wrapped him affectionately. He's rubbing her thigh with his hand and it occurs to me that I have never seen them act quite so nicely to each other before. I was used to arguing and looks that could kill. It was the only thing that eased my guilt. That things were bad before me and they would be bad after me. It wasn't my fault they had problems.
It makes last night seem all the more unreal. But right about now I'm glad Pito interrupted us. It still hurts to watch them together though and I keep my distance from the table using the excuse that someone had to work around here. I could join them. We're not that busy. But it just feels like a lie. The tension thick and palpable, as if the three of us were teetering on the edge. One wrong move and it would all come crashing down. Or maybe it was just me.
I'm quiet tonight but no one acts like they notice it. No one even mentions my face which surprises the hell out of me. Someone told them not to. The question was who. Mia comes smiling over to me. Despite her misgivings about Brian she didn't get mad at me. I think she's secretly happy he came for her. She just doesn't want to admit it yet. She's as radiant as ever, walking with a grace girls like Letty and I will never master. Not hard to believe Brian giving it all up for her. "Come sit with is, it's slow." She says insistently, giving me one of those puppy dog faces.
I smile a little at that but shake my head, "I'm good. You guys have fun."
She leans over the bar and kisses me on the cheek before looking at me like I just got caught stealing. "At least come over for a minute. Later after everyone leaves?" she says with a motherly tone. I nod my head to end the conversation but have no intention of following through. I'm just not in the mood.
Vince gets up from the table a short while later, collecting the empties and bringing them around to throw them out for me. I'd heard that prison changes a man. It had changed Dom I guess. But Vince was not like the man Mia told me about. I didn't recognize the temper or the self absorbed ego she'd warned me to avoid. I open and set down new bottles one by one in front of him.
As I do I catch Dom kiss Letty out of the corner of my eye. Okay so maybe I was watching. He looks at me for a second before they come up for air. As if he wanted to make sure I had seen. What the hell was that about! Is that supposed to be some kind of hint? Talk about rubbing my face in it. That's it. Fuck this. Fuck him. "What are you drinking?" I say to Vince as I set a bottle of Tequila on the bar with two shot glasses.
"That Carona you just opened?" he asks more than answers. He looks a little confused, as well he should be.
I fill both shots to the top before putting the bottle back down on the bar. "You need a lemon or anything?" I ask looking down at the shots and back at him.
A hesitant smile forms on his face as he shakes his head no. "You?" he asks.
"Fuck it." I say with a shrug. Grab one of the glasses and tap it on the bar before clinking it against Vince's. Down the hatch and oh does it burn. That old familiar feeling. I grimace. It's been a long time.
He puts his glass down, as unaffected as he would be by a glass of water and asks, "Heard you don't drink..?"
"Don't." I say as I pour myself another. Gesturing the bottle to him he nods and I pour him one as well. "Not couldn't."
We repeat the last shot which does not go down any better than the first. "Do I wanna know?" Vince asks with a grin. Dom told me I would like him. That he was more loyal than a pit-bull. He would just have to grow on me. Right again I guess, as usual.
"Nope." I reply. I don't know if Dom noticed me drinking and frankly I don't care. I pick up the bottle and a couple of the beers. "Well, are we gonna stand here all night or what?" say playfully.
We go to join the gang. As I reach across the table to put the drinks down and pull up a chair Leon greets me. "You can sit here B." he says gesturing to his lap. I just roll my eyes.
Sitting between Leon and Vince I offer the bottle up. "Anybody want?" I ask, raising it high. A wave of no's around the table. I decide to skip this round too. I've suffered enough embarrassment already today. Dom refuses to look at me. Letty on the other hand is far less intense. A fair trade. I guess.
They reminisce about old times for awhile. I lose count of how many shots I take. Even Vince leaves me hanging on the tequila. The bar is almost empty. Just us making a whole bunch of noise. Bullshitting and laughing our asses of. They feel like family. One that has been through a lot together. It has brought them closer in some ways and farther apart in others. But right now none of that matters. It's easy to get sucked in. They know each other so well and I long for that in my life. To be understood and accepted so completely.
Eventually Leon brings up this girl he met a couple nights ago. He struggles to remember her name and we all laugh. "Sweetheart, no wonder you couldn't hit it?" I tease him.
"Who says I didn't?" he replies with a mischievous grin. The guys laugh. Us girls all roll our eyes. The usual responses.
I take a swig right from the bottle. "Her name was Damaris… and you definitely did not hit it." I point at him while holding tightly to the neck, smirking right back at him.
"Oh yeah? How do you know?" he asks, disbelievingly.
I sit up and gesture with one finger for him to wait a minute before putting the bottle down and going to the bar. I reach over from the front because… well because I'm too buzzed to think better of it. Everyone is hushed waiting to see what I've got but I struggle to reach what I'm looking for. My hips are on the edge of the bar, giving everyone a nice view of my butt and I catch a whistle from what had to be Leon. It's followed by a loud thwack which had to be Mia smacking him. "Thanks!" I call out to her.
"Yup." She shouts back.
Finally I find the paper I was looking for. As I slide back down to the floor and turn back to the table Vince is halfway to me. Am I that drunk? I mean I feel tipsy but I'm not slurring and I can still walk straight. Why is everyone looking at me like that? Whatever, I sit back down and hand the paper to Leon as everyone leans in to get a look.
"I think she likes prefers tacos, not sausage. I saved it for you anyway though." I give him an exaggerated smile and a peck on the cheek.
He looks at the paper with his jaw dropped. "You got her number?" he asks, dumbfounded as Mia rips the paper from his hands. Everyone bursts out laughing, including Leon.
"I didn't ask for it…" I laughed so hard I was verging on tears. "She just stuck it in my pocket." Even Dom and Letty were cracking up at this point.
I try to catch my breath as the laughter finally dies down. "Face it Le, the new girl's got more game than you." Vince says as he rubs the top of my head like I'm a little kid. I swat at his arm playfully. And the laughter starts all over again.
And so it goes on and off for another hour. The Tequila brings back my spark as we joke and tell stories. They tell some from back in LA. The old kind that wind up sounding more like legends after years of retelling. When Jesse comes up they all get quiet. Everyone is starting to get that tired look.
No one wants to end the moment and be the first one to walk away. Might as well be me. When I stand I realize a little too late that I drank more than I should have. I grab as many empties as I can carry and head to the bar. I think I was walking straight but I can't be sure. Vince follows with the rest as the gang gets to work with closing up. "So…" is all he says. Maybe this will be our thing. Like Leon, but without the hitting on me part. Like a big brother or something. I should confess it's kind of endearing.
I look up at him as I wipe down the bar trying to hide the fact I'm drunk as best I can. Too proud to admit the truth. That's it's been so long I don't know my limits anymore. I never did hold my liquor well though. "You know…" I say to him while watching Dom and Letty dance for just a second. He twirls her effortlessly before they go back to putting the chairs up on the tables. "I liked it a lot better when those two weren't getting along." Ah, the truth spills out. Like it or not. Somehow I doubt that came as a surprise to him though.
"I'll bet you did." He says, raising an eyebrow at me. I laugh… at myself.
Things go fast with all the hands on deck. Dom pulls Vince aside as I'm searching for my keys. Letty waits impatiently pulling at his arm to leave. Bet you I can guess what she has in mind. I don't hear what they're saying and I lose my balance a little as I walk towards them. Vince jogs over the short distance to me and hooks his arm in mine to steady me. All I can think is that I wish it was Dom. "Gimme your keys. I'm taking you home." He tells me.
I resent the implication that I can't drive myself. I know damn well I shouldn't though. I hadn't gotten as far as figuring out how I would get home so this would do I guess. Must be what they were whispering about. "Is he making you?" I ask a little too loudly. Letty looks at me with pity and it only makes me angry.
Vince hushes me and gives me a harsh look. Looks like the party ended just in time. Before I got too belligerent. He takes my keys and walks over to Dom. They do their little secret talk again. Why does everyone act like they never saw a drunk person before. This must be what it feels like to have overprotective older brothers. I suddenly feel really, really bad for Mia.
As they finish talking the rest of us say our goodnights. "Call me." Mia says before heading out with Leon. Letty opts to wait outside. Surprise.
The room starts to get a little wobbly, or maybe it's me… and not the room. Whatever. Vince looks over at me and nods toward the door. "Lets' go." He says and reaches a hand back for me. I shuffle to the door. As if smaller steps will make me look more sober. What a jackass. I hold out my hand reaching for him like he's miles away. God he probably thinks I'm such a loser.
By the time he gets me in the car I'm pretty much positive he hates me. I can't tell if he's pissed of or just concentrating hard and I have to resist the urge to poke his hair to see how hard the spiky parts are. I babble about something completely mindless and after that. Well, let's just say I was gone. Passed out or blacked out in the car before we even got to my place.
When I open my eyes, the sun is coming up I think. Not bright yet but I squint anyway because my head is killing me. I sit up a little. I'm home safe and sound in my bed. The getting there part is a little fuzzy though. I look around, still feeling disoriented. Everything looks normal. Except for the fact that Vince is lying next to me. Not under the covers though. He was totally dressed as was I. He even had his boots on. Holy crap. What the hell happened!
I must have woken him up. He inhales sharply and looks around to get his bearings. I just look at him, confused. "We didn't." I point from him to me and back again, "Did we?"
He laughs, "Nah." Followed by a yawn a crack of his neck.
"Not that it would be a bad thing. I just…" I say suddenly aware of how my question may have come off.
Vince stretches his arms out, "I know what you meant." He says good naturedly.
We both relax with that and after a long pause my train of thought catches up. "Please don't take this the wrong way but why are you here then?" I ask with a laugh.
He sits up straighter, "Dunno, you said I had to stay. That you needed someone to be there, when you woke up? To explain what happened?" he says as if he's trying to explain the ramblings of a lunatic. I can't believe he actually bought that. I always did hate being alone after drinking.
I laugh as I lean back against the headboard, a hand on my aching head. "Isn't Brian here though?" He raises an eyebrow at me and moves to get up so I wave a hand at him. "I apparently wanted you to stay. Sorry about that, you could've left me. I don't remember anything after the bar anyway."
"I was gonna but I didn't feel like walking." He says putting his feet on the floor.
I wave him off a second time, "It's way too early man. I'll drive you back in a few hours. Go back to sleep."
He sinks back against the headboard too now. I can see his arm. Those scars, they suit him somehow. I finally get up the nerve to ask him something. "Does is still hurt." My question is soft and unsure.
Vince catches my line of vision and looks at his own arm thoughtfully, "Not anymore. Docs fixed me up pretty good."
"I meant Mia…" I venture slowly. "Doe sit still hurt? To be around her?" I know this might be out of line. Right now I feel like he understands what I'm going through better than anyone though. It was worth a shot.
I wasn't sure he's even respond; he was quiet for a long moment. "Sometimes." He finally says as if even that one word was more than he ever admitted out loud. We both sat there staring straight ahead, awkwardly.
I decide to leave it there. I'm sure this is not the conversation he wants to be having right now. More silence. It's weird though, like I found a kindred spirit. His best friend, my best friend. Some soap opera type drama. I clear my throat before trying to change the subject a little. "If you don't like people looking at your scars, why don't you cover them up?" I ask with innocent curiosity.
"Cause it keeps people away." He answers after another pause, as if he'd never really given it much thought.
His answer surprised me. I figured he would just say he didn't care what other people thought. "It's not like you're wearing sign on your forehead that says 'I'm a psycho stay away'." I tell him, unclear about why he would think of it that way.
Vince just shrugs, "They're ugly… I mean what did you think when you saw them?" before absently rubbing his arm.
My heart broke for him instantly. I know it was meant as a rhetorical question but I decide to answer it anyway. "That you're braver than the rest of us. I mean, most of don't have to wear our mistakes on our sleeves. Yours are just out there for everyone to see. Like so what, this is who I am. Take it or leave it. People get tattoos all the time. They're basically just pretty colored scars, right? Real scars have this raw beauty though. They're proof you lived through something awful and healed. There's a lot to be said for that… If you ask me. Which you didn't. Well not seriously. And I'm gonna shut up now…" I start to babble nervously, regretting the weight of what I just said. The poor guy probably just wants to sleep.
He stares at me hard and I think I might have finally pissed him off. "You're either a real good bullshitter… or some kinda saint." He says still looking at me like he has been from the first time we met, trying to figure me out.
I smile, relieved by his reaction. "Oh I'm definitely not a saint. But I'm not a liar either." I shrug back at him.
He laughs, finally, but "I see why he likes you." is all he says.
"Who?" I ask without thinking.
His head turns to me slowly, his eyebrow arched high with disapproval. "Who do you think?"
"Oh …" is all I can think of to say.
I guess Vince feels sorry for me though and adds, "I know it doesn't seem like it but he cares about you. A lot. It's just…" he pauses searching for the right words.
"Complicated?" I finish for him.
He smiles and nods, "Yeah."
I take a deep breathe and exhale loudly, "It always is…" We sit there in silence for a moment. Not sure how to take what he just told me before I recall something that has been nagging at me since the day before. "You know I've been meaning to ask you how you got into the bar yesterday?" I ask chastising him with my eyes.
His eyes dart around the room as if he was trying to decide whether or not to tell the truth. "Um, you were late so I uh, let myself in." he says unconvincingly. I fold my arms across my chest and he knows I'm not buying it. "Okay, so it was more like breaking and entering." He adds, looking almost sheepish.
I let out a giggle which turns into a full fledged laugh. He tries to hold back a smile, unsuccessfully I might add. "Tell Dom I owe him two hundred bucks." I say shaking my head in amazement.
His smile turns to pure confusion. "Wait, what?" he asks. I guess I should be mad but after the week I've just had I just found it hilarious.
I put my hands up in surrender "Because you wanted to come to work so bad you broke in." I say still suffering from a laugh attack.
I go on to explain the bet to him and this time we share a laugh about it. He's mostly amused that we had made the bet in the first place. He tells me some great stories about him and Dom and the trouble they got into as kids. I'd heard he was a man of few words and so I'm happy to let him talk to his hearts content even though I'm feeling kind of sleepy. He's not big on elaborate storytelling but he is funny as hell. Plus hearing about Dom is kind of nice even though it makes me sad to think about him. I think he's getting sleepy too as he trails off with the last story about the only race he ever beat Dom in.
I'll never know why he told me all those stories. I never asked, but I like to think he knew I needed to hear them. I'm not sure how to explain what happened next either other than to say I was tired, hung-over and possibly in love with a guy I couldn't ever be with. I'd been staring at Vince's arm since we stopped talking and even after what I had said he still looked bothered by it. So I grabbed his hand and pulled into my lap. He looked down at his arm uncomfortably as I begin to trace a finger along the viny scars.
I know he doesn't need my pity but I do feel sorry for him. Sorry that guys like him and even Leon, with their 'open bed' policy, never get this. All the things you miss when you don't stick around the morning after. All the things we have to offer as women besides our bodies. His fingers twitch with torment and I realize he is far from used to this kind of affection.
Now my heart breaks for both of us and I move from his scars to let my fingers entwine with his. I can feel my eyes welling up but somehow it doesn't seem to matter anymore. I think he might shut down as his fingers spread out wide, as far away from mine as he can reach. I don't let go though. Just pretend not to notice. It's like he froze on me, this big strong guy completely paralyzed by a moment of tenderness.
I look up at him, searching for a reaction. There's nothing. He's breathing deeply and staring straight ahead. Tiny tears fall unobstructed down my face and I make a mental to note to not cry in front of him again before I end up using all my 'girly moment' passes in the first week we met.
He looks at me, after what feels like forever. Opens his mouth as if to say something but he never does. He just looks lost and almost scared. I wonder what his life was like before that he's freaked out just by being touched but decide not ask him. "I'm sorry." I whisper looking away and breaking his stare.
"What for?" he asks in a daze.
I think for a second before answering, "Whoever she is and whatever she did. We're not all like that." Somehow I could tell it went much deeper than just his unrequited love for Mia.
He startles a little when he hears that and I let go of his hand. "I know…" Vince says carefully inspecting his arm as if he expected it to look different somehow.
When I turn to look at him I think I see something else though. Something…. no that would be crazy. Wouldn't it? I close my eyes and shake the thought from my head. But when I open them there it's still there, looking at me. It would be so much easier to fall for Vince. So much safer. My heart never has liked to take the easy route though. "Should we...? Oh fuck it who cares…" I say leaning in and kissing him. He doesn't kiss me back and I pull away quickly.
He blinks in shock. "Sorry, I wasn't… expecting that." He says, confused.
I scratch my head, feeling suddenly nervous. "No, I just thought. You know… we had a moment. That it would be easier. If I felt something. But obviously I was way off base…" I start, apologetically.
"No, no it's… I just wasn't ready." He says trying to seem cool about it. It feels like I am thirteen again and the more we talk about it the more stupid I feel for even thinking it would be a good idea.
I nod my head a little too vigorously. "Oh, yeah of course." I start, feeling like an idiot. "Maybe we should… do that over?"
"Yeah, ok…" he says as we both nod like bobble heads on a dashboard. I suddenly have no idea where to look or where to put my hands or how to tilt my head. I can't even look him in the eye. Talking about it made it so much worse.
He leans into me and ends up missing, kissing the corner of my mouth. I feel my cheeks burning and know they must be an unflattering shade of red. "I swear I'm usually a lot better at this." He jokes, pulling back just a couple inches. We both laugh and all the weirdness in the room evaporates instantly, as if it were a balloon popped by the sharpness of genuine laughter.
"It was a stupid idea anyway." I tell him but our eyes say something else. I close them for a moment and when I open them again the moment is thankfully gone. "We're both too loyal to him…" I offer him a sad smile and continue, "To all of them."
Vince just shrugs, "They're all the family I got anymore."
I nod, knowing exactly what he means. After a beat I add, "Me too."
The sound of someone's stomach growling loudly breaks the silence. We both look at each other and then back at our own empty bellies. "Was that you or me?" Vince asks.
"I'm not sure?" I laugh, finally feeling at ease again. "You as hungry as I am?"
His eyes light up at that, "Starving." is all he says.
I swing my legs off the bed and stand carefully, "After I take a handful of aspirin how bout I make you the best breakfast you've ever had?"
Vince smirks a little at that and gets up too, "That's a tall order girl…"
"You don't even know about this." I say pointing at myself with both hands and winking.
He just raises a critical eyebrow at me so I turn to head for the bathroom. "Hold up a second." He calls after me. I stop, just about to walk out of the room and turn on my heels. Before I even know what's happening Vince's arm reaches behind me, pulling me close to him. My palms press against his chest instinctively trying to keep as much space between us as I can before his lips crush against mine.
I shouldn't kiss him back but I do. There is something about him that I just can't quite put my finger on. I haven't been kissed like that in long, long time. He pulls away almost as suddenly as he started. I don't open my eyes right away, trying to catch my breathe but I can hear him laugh. "Didn't want word to get out that my game is off. I know how you girls like to talk." I open my eyes but am still stunned into silence. "Next time you get a fine girl's number, pass her this way."
Well, now there's the Vince I heard about. I roll my eyes at him, "Yeah… I'll do that." I say turning to leave again. I head down the hall a few steps before realizing I was going the wrong direction. I turn around and try to nonchalantly go the other way as he's leaning against the door frame with a smug grin on his face.
"Lost?" he jokes.
I try to play it off like it was on purpose but one look at is face and I can't hold back a grin. "Asshole." I say, swatting him in the chest playfully.
He reaches out and rubs my head again, "Tease." he joshes back.
"Friends?" I say with more seriousness this time as I stick a hand out for him to shake. He does and it was decided. It was like we were old friends. Easy and comfortable. I head to the bathroom, head spinning but happy. Maybe something will happen with Dom. Maybe it won't. But at least I have a family again. I owe that all to him.
And that kiss? Well, it was just a kiss. Wasn't it..?