2. "The Jack" – AC/DC
"I swear on the Virgin Mary that I will murder you in your sleep, Spencer. I'm Head Detective. No one would ever suspect me."
"Are you serious right now? Everyone thinks you hate me more than squirrels and Bill Clinton! If I got murdered, you'd be the number one suspect. I wouldn't even need to send any psychic signals to Chief Vick. You know, from beyond the grave."
"Do not get me started, Spencer. This is all your fault."
"What? How is this my fault?"
"How is this not your fault?"
"Well… okay, it might be mostly my fault. But you don't have to be so judge-y about it. Keep this up, and you can replace J. Lo when she leaves 'American Idol'."
"I don't even know what a 'J. Lo' is, and I don't care. We're not dealing with passé Hispanic pop stars right now."
"So you do know who she is!"
"Spencer. I will shoot you."
"I know. I'm sorry. But, for the record, she's more dance than pop nowadays."
"I just don't understand how this happened. Why didn't you tell me?"
"I said I'm sorry! I thought they were gone. I took a really hot shower, and then I got a wax, just to make sure."
"You told me that was so your… thing would look bigger, not because you had crabs!"
"Well, it was a multi-faceted decision. But, come on – you have to admit that it did look bigger."
Lassiter sighed. "Yes. It did." He paused. "But it's still not as big as mine."