Hey… Sorry this is a little late. Well, late by my standards. *Sigh* Stressful stuff happening, you know. This chapter may be a little longer than normal. I had a lot to write about for this chapter.

Anyhoo, I mentioned it before, but no one responded. I need a Beta for this story. I would love to have one of my lovely readers Beta this story, but if no one wants to *sniff* I'll get one the old fashioned way. Ya know, one of the perks of being my Beta would be that I would write you fun stories. They can be filled to the brim with lemons, or full of angst, or even fuxing hilarious. I've written a few funny stories…

So, in summary, sorry this is late, stressed out, need a Beta, I love you all, dearies! Mkay, well, here ya goooo!

"Edward…"

I turned to face Bella. We were watching Baz Luhrmann's Romeo + Juliet. I was fascinated by the modern adaptation, but I could feel Bella becoming anxious next to me. She stared up at me with her wide, brown eyes.

"Did I… Did I do something?" Her eyes began to water, and she looked down, blinking rapidly.

I opened my mouth to say something. Anything. But I couldn't. I just watched as a tear fell from her eyes and splashed minutely on her jean clad knee. From the corner of my eye, I saw Romeo take Juliet's shirt off and caress her back. Then, their lips met in a passionate kiss. I grabbed Bella's chin and pulled it up so I could kiss her. Her eyelids fluttered before closing. I squeezed my shut, and I tried to enjoy myself, but amber eyes and golden curls were burned behind my eyelids. Bella moaned and my annoyance spiked. It wasn't the deep, and sensual sound I wanted to hear. I twisted my fingers in her hair. The more I tried to put myself fully into the kiss, the more his face appeared in my head.

Jasper.

Bella flinched and pushed against my chest. "Edward," she mumbled against my lips. "Edward! Please stop!"

Exhaling loudly, I pulled back, my anger flared. Not because I separated from Bella, but because Jasper was still dancing through my mind. I extracted my hand from Bella's hair, only to find I had quite a few strands draping over my fingers.

"Edward… Wha…?" Bella was shaking and her fear was almost palpable. I was struck by the most pleasing of scents.

Bella's blood.

She touched her lip delicately. There was a small cut on her bottom lip, which was already becoming very swollen.

"Edward… You…"

"I have to leave," I nearly spat out. As quickly as I could while still maintaining a human like appearance, I ran to my car. I jumped in and shoved the keys in and peeled away. But not before I heard Bella's shaky sobs.

/…/

I parked my car in the large garage and ran out into the forest. I was vaguely aware that it started raining, but I wasn't stopping. I caught traces of Jasper and my scent, but it was diluted by the rain. Unconsciously, I followed it and emerged from the trees into the clearing. I was already pretty soaked, so I laid down in the middle of everything. The rain drenched me even more. I hoped that it would wash away all of my impurities: my bloodlust, compulsive tendencies, violent urges, lust…

Lust for Jasper.

I wanted the rain to slowly begin to erode my body. I'd crumble away, bit by bit, and become immersed into the earth. To say it was wishful thinking would be an understatement. Our bodies, which look and feel like marble, are anything but. Marble is a very natural rock. It can be broken down by the different forces of nature. My body is not natural. No force but that of another vampire would be able to break me apart. Fire would finish the job, but only after we were dismembered completely.

I truly was the definition of a monster. I am an everlasting presence that plunders the world for all of eternity. Perhaps, if by some grace of God, I might anger another vampire enough for him to destroy me. It would have to take something truly serious for me to do that, though. I wouldn't be able to bear Carlisle's grief.

I began to think about occurrences that would cause me to become suicidal. Death of Carlisle? Maybe, but it would be like the death of a parent. It would be hard and painful, but over time, I would be able to think of him fondly. I'm sure the same could be said about Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and…

Jasper?

How would I feel if he died? My stomach clenched and my eyes pricked at the thought of it. To say it would be hard, well, that would be the biggest belittlement. But why would he matter more, above all my other siblings? Above Carlisle and Esme? Why Jasper?

I was lying to myself. I had feelings for Jasper that went beyond familial love. Could it be possible that I…

No. No, I love Bella.

Don't I?

What would I do if, no, when she dies? She is mortal, and I would never damn her to this life. But, is that the true reason? Would I ever turn her so I could be with her forever? An eternity with Bella at my side. I shook my head.

But…

No. You always want the person you love. You want to be with them for an infinite amount of time, counting the years by the decades and centuries rather than by the month.

Right?

Which brought me back to my previous thought. What will I do when she dies? Could I do it? Would I go to the Volturi and beg them to end my life?

Death… The only thing more eternal than this accursed life. Death is final. Death is… nothing.

No family. No friends. No love. No compassion. No laughs. No heartache. Nothing.

No… Jasper.

Once again, my stomach clenched and I felt like I was going to heave. My eyes stung with the tears I could never shed.

Why was I lying to myself? Why was I so blind? It was not Bella I desired for eternity. It was…

Jasper.

But that could never be. We could never be together. It would tear the family apart. I had to thing of the family as a whole first. Right?

The bitter anguish of it all built up inside of me and I released a strangled sob. I choked on my own misery and the cruel unfairness of everything. Then, I became angry. Why did I feel this way about Jasper? How the hell could one hunting trip change my entire perspective of him? Why did he have to be such an amazing creature that I would die for?

Why did he have to be in love with Alice? Why couldn't we be together?

I slammed my fist into the ground, sending tremors and driving my hand a few inches into the soft earth. Slowly, I extracted my tightly clenched fist from the suffocating mud. It clung to my skin and sleeve. I considered trying to clean it off, but I didn't care enough to do it. I gripped two handfuls of grass, meaning to pull them out, but I couldn't bring myself do it. No use destroying things. I'm enough of a destroyer as is.

I need to… help him… Don't cry.

My head snapped up and my gaze zeroed in on a small parting between a cluster of trees. Slender fingers clutched the jagged bark and my breath caught in my throat. He emerged partially from behind the tree. Rain dampened curls hung in front of his angelic face and he looked at me with such compassion and longing that my stone heart felt whole.

"Jasper…" I whispered into the wind.

He moved to the front of the tree, never looking away from me. Water droplets slithered down his perfect face like tears. He walked towards me, and I realized I was lying in the fetal position. Hastily, I adjusted my position so I was on my knees, caught in his tenacious stare. My internal torment melted away with every one of his footsteps. I felt a sense of rapture thrum through my body. I tried to squelch it with no success. I shouldn't be happy. I should tell him to go back to Alice. But… I couldn't.

"Edward…"

My body sang at the sound of my name leaving his plump red lips. He loomed over me and kept eye contact as he sank to his knees in front of me. He mimicked my exact position, down to the look of awe and hands struggling to stay on his thighs. I wanted so badly just to reach out and stroke his celestial face.

Worry… Take it away…. Edward.

I leaned in, getting as close to him as I dared. His right hand twitched and, hesitantly, he brought it so he could cover my left hand. My bottom lip quivered slightly, and Jasper pulled me into his chest. My trembling hands clung to his saturated shirt as if it was a life line. In all honesty, it could've been. Dry, piercing sobs wracked my body. The whole time, Jasper held me in his arms, gently rubbing soothing circles on my back. I wanted to drown myself in his warm embrace.

We stayed like that long after the rain stopped falling. My sobs eventually ran dry, but he still held me, never leaving. When the sun began its decent to the horizon, marking the end of this gray day, I picked up my head so I could look Jasper in the eyes.

"Jasper, I…"

He answered my unspoken request my placing his lips on mine.

Alright, I mentioned all I had to in the first A/N. But seriously, I need a Beta. I want only the best for my dearies! If you love this story (I really hope you do!) and you find kindness in you heart, please, PLEASE, Beta my story! You will be handsomely rewarded!

Well, until next time, my dearies. Parting is such sweet sorrow…

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Darkkite23=^..^=