This is a quick, RIDICULOUS thing I thought up after hearing some more odd sleep-talking episodes from around the house.

Takes place in 2005, post-Revelations. (Possibly post Degeneration as well, but until I can get my hands on a definite timeline, that's up in the air.)

I guess I should take a second to mention that Chris, Claire, and Jill belong to Capcom.

"More popcorn?"

Claire Redfield turned from her position on the floor and held an enormous bowl up toward her brother, Chris, who was perched lazily on the sofa behind her. In retrospect she wasn't sure of why she even bothered to ask: it was readily apparent that her kin was in the throes of one of his infamous stress-eating binges. If it hadn't been for her and their mutual friend, Jill, "Movie Night" would have quickly turned into "Chris Just Inhaled Half of the Kitchen (Again) Night".

"Yeah," he answered around a mouthful of Reese's Pieces. Chris grabbed a huge handful of the salty snack and refocused his attention to the television.

"Jill? Popcorn?" Claire asked as she held the bowl out a little further.

"Don't bother," Chris quickly glanced down at his partner, whose head rested on his lower thigh. "She's out cold."

Claire frowned; they were barely an hour into their movie. She looked up at Chris, who absently rubbed Jill's shoulder while he ate. Sometimes – most of the time – Claire just couldn't fathom how those two could be so close and not be an item. She often got the feeling that there was something she was missing.

"Why are you doing that?" She asked as she reached for her drink.

"Because I'm affectionate, young padawan," Chris replied. "It's the least I can do – especially after everything that's happened lately..." He trailed off as he moved a lock of hair out of the sleeping woman's face.

"Aw, look at you, fussing over her," Claire took a swig of root beer, a devilish grin lighting up her face. Chris rolled his eyes.

"Knock that shit off and watch the movie."

Claire shook her head: She seriously didn't understand the dynamic between the pair behind her and she didn't think she ever would. Resolving to interrogate one or both of them about it later, she immersed herself in the scene playing out on the small screen. After a few minutes of non-stop action, Jill muttered something under her breath. Claire shifted so she could see her; she thought it a bit curious that her friend remained perfectly still.

"What?"

"Huh?" Chris asked, puzzled.

"Not you – Jilly-pants; she just said something."

"I didn't hear anything."

"I'm telling you, she – "

"Mumful – burger…" Jill quietly interjected.

"Whut."

"Dude! 'Mumfulburger'!" There was mock-exasperation in Chris' tone. "God, Claire, why do you have to be so STUPID?"

The younger Redfield threw a handful of popcorn at her brother, though she was glad that he was making an attempt at humor: Over the years he had become much too serious for his own good.

"Asshole! Really, though, what are you guys talking about? Is it an inside joke? Something you tried overseas?"

"Nope."

"Then what is it?"

"Hell if I know."

Claire let out a frustrated sigh: she was in the market for an answer, not some vague shenanigans from her almost uncharacteristically jovial relative. "Whatever; you suck. Jill, what's a mump… muff? Muff burger?" Chris, who had resumed his attack on the Reese's, laughed so hard that he nearly choked.

"'Muff burger'? The fuck, Claire!"

"She said it," Claire shot back through her own laughter. "Jiiiill, what on earth is this burger you're talking about?"

"Mum-ful-burger. And she's not going to answer you."

"Whatever, dude – she's looking right at me. Jill! Tell me what it is already!"

Chris leaned over so that he could peer into his associate's face. He was all too familiar with the bizarre, vacant stare she was wearing. "She's not looking at you," he told his sister.

"What? Yes she – " Claire stopped mid-sentence as she realized that Jill really wasn't looking at her; she wasn't looking at anything, really: Her expression was completely blank, as if there was no one home, so to speak, and it was incredibly creepy. She mumbled an unintelligible statement and closed her eyes. Claire gave her brother a quizzical look.

"She talks in her sleep," Chris stated simply. "I told you that years ago."

"Well, yeah," Claire looked at Jill incredulously. "It's one thing to hear about it, but seeing it is so… WEIRD! Does she always open her eyes like that? …Because that's not cool."

"Not always. Sometimes she gets up and walks around, though – usually to go the bathroom. I told you about that, too."

"Yeah, you did. That doesn't sound so bad, though."

"It's not – but then she does this eerie swaying thing. I fucking hate it when she does that."

"Wooow..."

The two fell silent and went back to their movie, idly offering one another various snacks. Half an hour later, Jill began to blubber more incongruous sentences. A fascinated Claire strained her ears, trying to decipher anything she possibly could. Other than what had to be "bacon", there were no discernable words being spoken.

"Is it always about food?"

"Mostly. One time she said – very clearly – that she was a potato."

Claire giggled. "Do you ever tell her what she says?"

"All the time. She thinks it's hilarious." Chris rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Told me I should keep a pen and paper nearby when we have to sleep in the same place; that way I can 'document' it – maybe work out a pattern."

"Is there a pattern?"

"Nah. I mean, she tends to walk around more after going through anything really intense; I'm surprised she's not doing it now, actually. Other than that, it's just random staring and mumbling."

"Huh."

Once again, the Redfields stopped talking and resumed watching the film. Twenty minutes later the credits began to roll and Claire crawled over to the DVD player to remove the disc. "Ready for the next one?" She asked as she put the movie back in its case.

"The next one?" A groggy Jill sat up and stretched.

"She lives!" Claire cheered enthusiastically: She winked at her tired mate before scanning a nearby shelf for another DVD.

"Nice nap, Valentine?" Chris inquired as he rubbed the numb spot on his leg.

"Not really," Jill yawned and cracked her neck. "So. What are we watching now?"

There was a brief silence as the Redfield siblings beamed at one another.

"…Mumfulburger."

Notes!:

* Title comes from a song by April March. Thought it was appropriate, as Jill is a chick, and she has a habit (of doing weird shit in her sleep).

* Reese's Pieces are a registered trademark of The Hershey Company.

* I tried to keep Chris as serious as possible given the circumstances; however, I reckon he would be a little less of a hard-ass when hanging with his baby sister and his besty. (I also figured that he would be highly amused by witnessing Claire's reaction to Jill's oddities.) Plus, he hasn't been totally fucked by the mission at the Spencer Estate yet, so there's that.

* Once more, what Claire is missing is the allusion that her bro isn't Jill's *ahem* "type".

* Young padawan: Star Wars, yo.

* I have no idea of what a mumfulburger could possibly be.

* If, for some reason, you do not know what "muff" means, please go to Urban Dictionary.

* There's an extremely subtle Portal 2 reference up in this piece. If you caught it, high-five!

* As always, forgive the typos: I don't have a Beta Reader, and though I proof-read like a boss, I don't quite catch everything on the first run.

* Thanks for reading and/or reviewing!