HIYA! I AMM SOOOO HAPPY! In March I went to D&B with three of my friends and my dad and I got my own freaking KUMAJIROU! I was so determined and I didn't play ANY violent video games there. Every time I go there I usually play violent video games but the week before (my dad wants to go there A LOT now) I saw a bunch of polar bear toys and I was determined to get a Kumajirou next time. I finally got one! HAH! I'M BECOMING CANADIAN! Now I just need to yell at my bffl (who got yelled at by a Canadian once…). Anyway here's chapter…crap…what chapter are we on…*scrolls up…* CHAPTER EIGHT!
Chapter Eight
Matthew relaxed as he rested his head against the head rest. He and Ivan were coming back from their vacation…that was filled with sand, water, sex, alcohol, more sand, more sex, Ivan worrying about leaving his iPod at home and afraid Alfred or his sister might find it, and more sand, water, and a lot sex. Ivan placed his large hand on Matthew's smaller one and squeezed it tightly as he pulled in the driveway. There awaiting them was the kids, Alfred with a toothy grin, and Natalia holding a knife in her hand trying to keep it away from Alfred's head. He parked the car and unfortunately had to let go of Matthew's hand. Ivan stretched as he got out of the car. Matthew then followed him out.
"HI GUYS!" Alfred shrieked. Natalia flinched ended up chucking the knife at a tree. Matthew knew the insanity would start when he got home…he just didn't expect it to happen the moment he got out of the car.
"…hi Alfred…missed you…" Matthew said quietly as he grabbed a bag and started walking to the porch. Alfred stared at him in confusion as if he forgot who he was for a moment and then "hugged" (TACKLED) him.
"I MISSED YOU! IT WAS SO SCARY IN THE HOUSE WITH HER! AND THE GIRL! THE GIRL IS A MANIPULATIVE DEMON!" Alfred shrieked again. Matthew looked at him in confusion.
"Eh, what are you talking about Al?" Matthew asked while pushing his brother off and sitting up to see Natalia and Unity standing next to each other arms on each other's shoulders.
"Yes, whatever do you mean?" they said in unison. Alfred screamed. Ivan was walking onto the porch as this happened.
"BIG BROTHER!" Natalia yelled as she hugged him (THIS TIME ITS A BEAR HUG!).
"Ah…Natasha, I missed you too. Is everything okay? Were the kids alright? Did the stupid American do anything bad?" Ivan asked her. Not much of a response from her, except a head nuzzle into her brother's stomach.
"Let's go inside! I'm bored." Jamie spoke. Matthew smirked and got up and went into the house along with everyone else.
"Mattie! Why don't you believe that everything was fine this weekend! I didn't harass Natalia that much!" Alfred complained.
"Considering the fact I got into my bedroom I found a bra there."
"Yeah well it's yours!"
"How would you know that?" Matthew yelled turning as red as Lovino and Antonio's precious tomatoes.
"Natalia told me. Plus you're the only one who worships maple in the family." His brother defended.
"Yeah I guess your right…wait a minute! How would Ivan's sister know about that! Who told her about my private life! God damn it! I should've known you would find it…next time I'm packing that thing."
"SO IT IS YOURS!" Alfred screamed standing up on the dinner table. A knife flew by him almost cutting his cheek, and stuck in the wall.
"Idiot get off the table! We are going to eat there. I recommend you get off before I get a larger knife and actually hit you!" Natalia yelled. Alfred's eyes widened knowing that all of Natalia's stress was being released now instead of at the dance studio later tonight. Alfred quickly got off the table.
"Hey look Uncle Al is her bitch…" Unity mumbled.
"What was that young lady?" Matthew asked.
"Nothing Papa! So where is Ivan?" she questioned.
"In the kitchen. The Russian siblings want to torture your uncle with their cooking…apparently he says he can't eat communist food and will die immediately from it. Ivan is very eager about it." Matthew answered. Unity nodded.
"Natasha! Помощь!" Ivan shouted from the kitchen. A stressed/pissed Natalia left and went back to helping her older brother.
"Hey Mattie…I have a question." Alfred spoke. Matthew looked at him while taking a drink of water. "Did Francis teach you how to wear the bra?" Matthew immediately spit the water out.
"WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT!" Matthew shrieked.
The dinner table was filled with pirozhki, kotlety, borsch, and many other types of Russian food. Alfred was freaking out since he knew none of it. Matthew was somewhat used to it, the kids were okay with it, and the two Russians ate it peacefully since they grew up with homemade Russian food.
"Alfred. You never answered my question." Natalia spoke suddenly. Everyone looked at her confused.
"What question?"
"The one I asked you when I was making a salad." She responded. Alfred madly blushed.
"That will never be answered! You can't ask something like that…at dinner!" Alfred replied.
"What question? I want to know да." Ivan said.
"Yes we want to know." Matthew continued.
"DON'T TELL THEM! THEY'LL KNOW! PLEASE DON'T TELL!" Alfred shouted.
Natalia sighed, "I was only asking him a mere math question. An estimate on something, it's just a silly little thing that he refuses to answer. And no brother, you do not need to answer it for me, because I think I've answered it myself after Alfred's stupid behavior and his outburst."
"YOU JUST DID THAT TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A FOOL!" Alfred yelled. Natalia smiled and nodded. Alfred pouted and slumped back in his seat and crossed his arms.
"Daddy, Papa! Did you know? Uncle Alfred and Aunt Natalia slept with each other over the weekend." Jamie spoke oblivious of how dirty his sentence sounded. Ivan dropped his fork on his plate. Matthew's eyes widened.
"What did you just say?" Ivan asked Jamie.
"Uncle Al and Aunt Natalia slept with each other!" Jamie replied. Ivan started to twitch a little, and Matthew knew what was coming next.
"YOU SLEPT WITH MY SISTER!" Ivan shouted standing up and glaring at Alfred.
"IT WASN'T LIKE THAT AT ALL DUDE! Why would I sleep with her!" the American responded.
"And now she's not good enough for you! That's it! I'm going to kkkkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllll you!" Ivan yelled.
"No! Don't you dare kill him Ivan! We went over this numerous times, he may be an idiot but he is still my brother so you cannot kill him what-so-ever!" Matthew spoke. Ivan started to slightly calm down but then hugged his sister.
"How could you let this happen? It's so wrong! We're a family! Besides I thought he was too stupid to even talk to you! Why did you do this baby sister! I don't want mini capitalist pigs running around!" Ivan yelled as he hugged his sister tighter.
Maybe I should get Jamie's oblivion to happen more often. I like getting attention from my big brother…oh yeah he's mad right now…Natalia thought. "Brother. I didn't sleep with him the way you are thinking. The idiot watched a horror movie and we shared a bed since he was scared and I woke up because I had to pee, and had no choice but to say yes. I would never EVER in a million years do…that with him! I am out of his league as you Americans would say." Ivan was relived, but still wanted to kill Alfred, for other reasons.
"Спасибо Наталья" Ivan said pressing his lips to his baby sister's forehead. Jamie was still oblivious and groaned in confusion. This caused his older sister to laugh at him. Jamie kicked her seat in anger. She kept on giggling and he kept on kicking the seat. Kids…
"Jamie! Stop it and finish dinner!" Matthew finally spoke up. He felt like a mother having to enforce the rules all of the time. Why does everyone treat me like a girl? Just because that saleswoman made me try on a dress that one time at the clothing store doesn't mean anything! Just because I wore the dress to make her happy doesn't mean I enjoy that kind of stuff! Who are you mistaking me for, the Polish neighbor down the street?
Mr. Francey Pants
Francis had gone out after his work…not at the grocery store! It was his part-time job, his other job was being an author. His deadline for his next novel was coming up and he still hadn't finished his book. Francis decided he'd go out for a drink with his buddies, Antonio and Gilbert. They were known as The Bad Touch Trio.
Francis was sitting at the bar waiting for his friends to arrive. His cell phone rang. It was none other than his Seychellois editor, Angelique. Should he pick up? The woman had been driving him insane all day long! I shall not pick up the phone, I will be strong! The phone got louder. It was annoying Francis so much that he finally decided to put his phone inside his drink. KAPOOF! Bye-bye cell phone! Oh shit. He just broke his cellphone…Arthur is going to be so pissed.
"NO! GET UP! DON'T DIE ON HIM!" Alfred shouted as he watched a soap opera he hadn't heard of until today, and had fallen in love with it.
"Bollocks Alfred. Shouldn't you be working?" his father asked as he read a book and drank a cup of warm Earl Grey Tea.
"Pfft. No way Dad! I just got back from watching Mattie's little angel-demon children with Satan herself. I'm perfectly fine watching soaps." Alfred F. Jones Kirkland told the Briton. Arthur shook his head in shame of his son. The phone rang. Obviously Alfred wouldn't get it so Arthur stood up and answered the phone.
"Hello?" asked Arthur.
"Ah привет Arthur, how are things going?" a heavily accented voice asked.
"Hello there Boris, everything is fine. Is there a particular reason you called?"
"Arthur! I am offended, am I not allowed to call?" Boris spoke.
"Well sir…you are my boss, and it is very rare that you call for a little chat like this. Usually it is work, or you are inviting me out for a drink or to one of your usual parties."
"NO JOSE! DON'T GO FOR PATRICIA! SHE'S A STRIPPER WHO KILLS PEOPLE! DON'T DO IT JOSE DON'T DO IT!" Alfred screamed at the television.
"Did I call at a bad time…?" Boris questioned his employee.
"No. My son is being an IDIOT who needs to SHUT UP because I AM ON THE PHONE!" Arthur stated loudly.
"Aw Daddy loves me! Don't you Daddy?" Alfred shouted back. Arthur groaned.
"I will call you back later Mr. Kirkland." Boris said hanging up the phone. Arthur stared at Alfred.
"What?" his son questioned.
"I was on the phone with my employer."
"You mean the commie's uncle?"
"Ivan's uncle Alfred. Ivan's uncle."
And that's the end of this week's crappy short chapter. Writer's block can do this to you… General Winter=Boris Braginski. In this story he's not cold and more fun and carefree
Alfred: and filthy rich…
Me: . go away now…
Francis: I don't have a BlackBerry anymore…merci beacoup… (Thanks a lot)
Me: De rien! (Your welcome)
Matthew: I have a maple worshipping bra? You are one sick and twisted girl you know that right?
Me: Да (Yes)~
Translations:
Помощь- Help (Russian)
да- Yes (Russian)
Спасибо Наталья- Thank you Natalia/Natalya (same thing…) (Russian)
привет- Hello (Russian)