A/N: So there was this reviewer right, and they were like – you should finish this story (even though you haven't worked on it in, I don't know, 6 years? What's that, like high school for me, haha). But I decided that this story is quite brainless and has no real writing standard so I'll gift you with some more random if anyone even cares.
Warnings: Yup, probs OoC stuff goin' on. Interior decorating desires, slaughter of innocent pots, hair care and idiocy. No big.
Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own either. Humph.
To summarize: Sephiroth has somehow gotten roped into Link's adventure and they begin the epic Shadow Temple. Reno has managed to enter another time space anomaly all by his lonesome and who knows what he'll meet as he chillaxes in Hyrule! Meanwhile, some blonde bimbo gave her boss a scare and he gets to fall down a long, dark tunnel into a world full of mid-evil idiots.
Ch. 4 What's a Wall to a Bridge?
The great and wonderful Sephiroth had come to a conclusion as he followed Link through the large, twisting maze of catacombs filled with zombies and bats. It was a decision that he had a hard time making, but one that he knew that his choice was for the best. He wanted a dungeon.
But there were so many responsibilities that having a dungeon would create. He wouldn't even be able to create it all in a day! But those fond memories of that damnable Cloud Strife and prissy ancient – who polluted his mother with her pink valley-girl accent, the bitch! – wandering around for days in the Temple of the Ancients made him crave endless puzzles. They would have to be monolithic, and in his image – perhaps rotating even; no one would be able to solve them and he would be able to plot with mother for all eternity. Perhaps all of Northern crater could be his dungeon, with mother in the Queen's chair rallying troops as all good alien mothers do. Ah, maybe he could encase the WEAPONs in amber! And if some idiot triggered the wrong trap the planet's protectors would wake up and terrorize humanity! Brilliant!
Sephiroth was distracted form his grandiose interior decorating schemes by a fearful cry by one bright, annoying ball of light. No matter how many times she cried, "Watch out!" he was sure the clueless blonde would have no idea what she was saying.
Link was too busy flailing around, fighting a poor, defenseless, brain-eating zombie that's only attack was a paralyzing scream. Hmm… perhaps those would make good ceiling decorations. Yes – and then Cloud could walk into the room and they would just – ah… watching a brainless clone get its brains eaten out was always so satisfying. That's what they got for trying to imitate him.
At some point, Link had fallen through another wall – he wasn't quite sure how this strange even kept occurring – and immediately started screaming and hacking at something with his sword. Sephiroth decided to follow, since he really did have nothing better to do. The zombie that Link escaped from was crouching in what seemed a pathetic attempt to keep its stomach from imploding. The great and kind Sephiroth gently patted his head, silently communicating that there would one day be a better meal for it to snack on.
In the twisting catacombs beyond, there were several riddles plastered on the wall. They were quite obviously trying to help the so called 'hero' find his way through the place with something akin to… truth? Hmm… an ability to detect abnormalities? He wondered if he should help the gangly swordsman with this.
Maybe it was just the hot, musky smell of blood and death that was making him so heady, but Sephiroth really didn't want to help all that much. He just wanted to figure out how this place was constructed into the mountain side. His gloved hands touched the mural in front of him. Cobblestone and marble – classy.
:Just because Link is actually trying (and failing) to progress his game's plot:
Link wasn't sure how long they had been trapped in this, the sixth dungeon, but he was pretty sure it was a long time. There was something obvious he was missing here. Something about walls that weren't solid and Re-deads sort of reminded him about something he had just done – maybe in Kakariko. With a well maybe? Nah.
Finally, the room had been cleared – Navi had refrained from turning her bright yellow at least – and now he could rummage through some pots for goodies. Of course, rummage meant smash. Who would stick their hand in a pot that's been sitting in a dungeon for Goddesses know how long? All the Kokiri were taught that lesson young – if there was a young for an immortal race of children. Plus, it was just so satisfying to spin slash through both walls and pots!
Navi floated away from the pot-obsessed Link towards Sephiroth's figure.
"What'cha looking at?" the ball of light chirped in her annoying voice, flitting around in a completely unnecessary fashion. I mean, really, she could just look over his shoulder instead of spinning around his head.
"It appears to be a riddle of some sort," Sephiroth's voice was full of boredom as he tilted his silvery head. It attracted Link's attention, and the gore splattered teenager wandered over to the wall. "With mentions of something called the 'eye of truth.'"
The eye of Truth… now that sounded really familiar to Link.
"The – the eye!" Navi's shout was so loud and piercing that the Re-deads were likely paralyzed instead. The bouncing fairy glowed a blinding yellow as she rushed back to Link's side. "Link! That's the looking glass we got in Kakariko!" Link stared at her blankly, not remembering.
Sephiroth offered them a mildly-interested eye brow quirk as Navi continued on her attempt to make Link remember shit rant. "You know, when we went back in time and used the Song of Storms to drain the well?" Vague recollection. "Then it was really dark and scary and there was that weird pedophile monster that tried to rape you?" Recollection of scary white hands popping out of the ground and trying to rip off his tunic… "And then we got a weird purple thing with an eye on it that showed 'truuuuth'?" Wait… wait…
Link pulled out his patented eye of truth, and Navi practically squealed. "We've got this temple in the bag!" She flittered to and fro beside Link as Sephiroth slowly trailed behind the teenager with a huge magnifying glass up to his eye. They didn't notice his confused look.
:Wonder whut that redhead is up to?:
It was time to live under the bridge. Ever since he was little, Reno had wanted to be the troll in that one story that ate people who crossed his bridge or something. And now- there was a bridge he fit perfectly under! Sure, maybe he got really wet – or completely wet – and it was a bit cold when the wind blew, and there was some really scary clouds sometimes, but he was Reno, the Turk Troll extraordinaire! He could handle anything and –
What's this? It appears as if a strange object has appeared near the bridge. Curious, the redhead crawls out from his little hovel and investigate. Reno stared at the purple, owl-looking thing.
"Whaddya want. This is my bridge, yo. Go find yer own," he shooed at his with his tazer, which may or may not work anymore. The thing made a weird whooshing noise and spun it's lattern. "Oh, lookin' for a fight, yo? I can take ya', stupid owl." Now it was laughing at him! Of all the –
"You little," Reno growled as he pulled up his sopping wet suit sleaves. "Ye'r asking for it, yo." Beatstick out, the Turk made Troll bum rushed his opponent, ready for the strike. And then he slashed through air and stumbled onto the grass. The purple cloth monster chuckled at him from like, a whole 'nother 20 meters away! When did that happen.
"Stupid owl quilt," Reno sneezed and shook his taser at it, assured it wasn't returning to his bridge and shiny water. "Stay away from me bridge, yo." He grumbled something about Twiss and owls when a sharp stabbing pain when up his arm. There was a blue flame running up the length of his wet jacket. Now, let's think about how this can defy physics more, shall we? Yes, then Reno is miraculously thrown downstream with a twist of the purply-thing's latern.
The stream's inexplicable magical properties managed to snuff the flame out – luckily, since Reno doesn't have any changes of clothes – and Reno glared down at the bridge. "Fine," he pouted hotly, "I didn't want be no troll anyways." He sniffed.
Reno's luck is at an all time high, he looked down in the stream and noticed the shiny water. Such a nice and pleasant stream. Where did this shiny water go? The redhead craned his neck back and noticed a large, ominous castle with strange dark clouds and bemoaning terror.
"Hey, that looks like fun, yo. Like Gold Saucer and shit! Mebbe they have gamlin'!"" Reno was already up and going down the stream towards the one and only Hyrule Castle Town before any logic could pass through his tiny little brain.
:Meanwhile… in a large, seemingly endless hole…:
The best thing he could do was keep his cool. Yes, as a Turk, it was necessary to remain calm and calculating in any situation. And as Tseng, it was of utmost importance to be meticulously groomed, even when happening to fall through a black hole. If anything happened, he would at least look good as he did it.
It was still hard to keep his hair well-trained when falling at such ridiculous speeds. But Tseng's nervous habit wasn't going to abate any time soon. He was dearly wishing for some bobby pins and a dog brush. There was no way he was going to be able to tame his wild mane any time soon.
Even if it was a time space anomaly that could possibly be leading him to a land full of terror and horror – or worse, straight into Reno – Tseng would remain calm. And his hair would be beautiful. He just needed some hair spray, that would make it all better, yes.
And the darkness around the leader of the Turks continued on and on.
:Back in Midgar:
"Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!"
"Breath Elena," Rude mumbled beside her, looking just as horrorstruck. His sunglasses were askew (dear lord! The world is ending!) and his mouth just the tiniest bit agape. At least he wasn't on the ground hugging himself and crying like Elena. No, Rude was a man's man – a man's man who was manlier than man, who couldn't act like an unman before a definitely not-man-thing. So he just stood there in relative stoicism.
The fact that the Highwind was touching down nearby was a fact that was lost on them as the last Turks on the Planet silently mourned their fallen leader. Because, you know, when there is no leader for a thug organization people just can't do anything anymore. Without the brain the body is useless. Hopefully Tseng'd brain would survive undamaged – they could always stick it in a machine.
A/N: Random fact: did you know in Taiwan, if you use a hairbrush brush instead of a comb they think it's weird? They think it's either a dog brush or a weapon… maybe my friends are just making fun of me. Anyway, mindless drabble that melts your mind! If you ever want to read anymore just review and tell me I should write, I won't otherwise. :P
(Important people chillin' in a common area)
Zack: (genuinely questioning) Why is the common area common?
Angeal: Because it is for everyone to use, it's a matter of honor that we share things – such as common areas - equally.
Genesis: (rolls eyes) Really, sometimes there are just pointless questions and pointless answers (glares at Angeal a bit). The common area is for people to admire me, obviously. (pose)
Reno: (pokes his head in) For doggin'?
Zack/Angeal: Dogging?
Genesis: Oh ~ I like the way you think, Turk.
Sephiroth: (who had been seriously contemplating this question and otherwise ignored all other answers) It is the only place to slaughter for merit, and as it is the group – or the common's- judgment that determines merit, it is called the common area.
… silence…
Zack: Uhm, Seph? Do you need some cookies or something? I swear they'll make you feel better.