Evangelion Fan Fiction

Evangelion Misfile

By Kraven Ergeist

Chapter Five

"So this is how it breaks down," Kaworu said as they walked to school the next day. Shinji walked beside him with Misato in between them, acting as a protective barrier between the two, an unspoken agreement between the two girls.

"In the year 2000, Second Impact occurs," Kaworu began with his finger in the air. "In the following months, Gehirm is formed, lead by Gendo Ikari, with Dr. Katsuragi and Naoko Akagi as its leading scientists. Misato Katsuragi is born. In 2007, the activation experiment for Unit 00 results in the tragic loss of Dr. Katsuragi's wife, leaving her daughter as the future First Child. Traumatized by her mother's death, the First Child blames her father, and runs away for a time before Section Two brings her in. Out of the goodness of her heart, or perhaps simply in an effort to resolve the matter, Dr. Akagi decides to accept legal custody of the First Child."

Misato gritted her teeth. Having Ritsuko's generosity called into question really put her off.

"So how do you know all this?" Shinji asked, looking skeptical. "And don't say it's because you're an angel."

Kaworu shrugged. "I AM in charge of a cosmic filing system. Managing data is one of my many skill sets."

Shinji only scowled. She wasn't walking with Kaworu out of any particular enjoyment of his presence. True, he seemed friendly enough, but he didn't seem to put as much weight on the situation as Shinji would have deemed appropriate.

"What about…" she said softly, her eyes hiding behind her bangs. "What about my mother?"

"It's like I said," Kaworu said, a look of honest sympathy in his eyes. "Everything is as close to the world you came from as it possibly can be."

Shinji chewed on her lip. She had suspected as much, but with all the surprises they had been subject to, for all he knew, she had simply been living somewhere by herself.

"Hey, it's alright," Misato said, noticing Shinji's forlorn expression. "Just think of it as something familiar."

Shinji managed a weak laugh. "Yeah…familiar…"

Kaworu strode along besides them. "Look on the bright side – at least things can't get any worse…"

No sooner had the word left his mouth when…

"Look out!"

Toji Suzuhara came bolting from an intersecting sidewalk and plowed right into Shinji, toppling her (and himself) unceremoniously onto the pavement.

"Waaaaagh!" the boy let out a holler as he leapt off the girl, his hand invariably having landed somewhere it hadn't been supposed to. "I'm sorry, Ikari!"

Without any further ado, Toji took off in the direction of the school.

Misato helped Shinji to her feet. "You alright?"

Shinji winced. "I don't remember Toji ever being concerned with getting to class on time before…"

"Maybe he's trying to meet someone…" Misato suggested, before throwing Kaworu a dirty look. "You had to say it, didn't you?"

Kaworu shrugged helplessly. "Something else to add to my ever growing list of things not to do around you then…"

Misato rolled her eyes, oblivious to Shinji's growing blush as she held her up. "Let's just get going…"

God's in his heaven, all's right with the world, but in one little corner of the universe, there is nothing more irritating than a misfile…

School proceeded in a predictable fashion. The teacher was oblivious. Rei was silent. Toji and Kensuke acted like geeks. Asuka was boisterous. And Kaworu stole the heart of every student without a Y chromosome (and even some students who had one).

This of course inevitably lead to competition. Which of course eventually got Shinji and Misato involved, despite every effort on their part to avoid such confrontation.

"Why are you even wasting your time with them, Nagisa?" Asuka was asking the boy. "They clearly don't drive stick."

Misato, standing over the unresponsive and red-faced Shinji, put her hands on her hips. "Don't you have anything better to do, Asuka? "

Kaworu held his hands up. "Now, now, ladies…there's no need for hurtful comments…"

"Settle down you guys," Hikari looked up from sorting through class documents, but was otherwise unavailable to act as diplomat.

As Shinji and Misato retreated to the ladies room, they were granted a reprieve from Kaworu's sickening allure or the other boys' curious stares. But not from Asuka's mouth.

"What's the matter with her?" Asuka asked snidely, arms crossed as Shinji leaned over the sink. "Did she finally hit puberty or something?"

"You really don't know when to step off, do you Asuka?" Misato accused, standing in between the redhead and her roommate.

"I don't even know where to begin with you, Katsuragi," Asuka smirked. "Every time she's in trouble, you're always there to hold her hand. Honestly, I don't even have to make jokes about it anymore."

"Exactly – you don't," Misato stared back at her. "If you ask me, you never had to begin with. But if you keep it up, and Shina can't pilot as a result, do you really think no one will know that you were to blame?"

Asuka's eyes wavered. "If you think you can squeal on me…"

"I won't have to," Misato waved her arms around. "You don't think Section Two has this entire school monitored? Think, Asuka – you're smarter than that."

Asuka's nose wrinkled as her gaze flickered between the sterling First Child and withering Third Child.

"Fine," she relented. "Ikari's no competition for me anyway…"

Asuka turned to go.

"But you and me? We are so not done yet…"

Misato frowned as she disappeared out the door. She let go of a breath she didn't know she had been holding.

"I don't care anymore…" Shinji muttered, her eyes hidden behind her hair. "I'm done trying to put up with her. She's no different than before. She's…no, she's even worse now. I don't know why I ever held out hope that she could be my friend…"

Misato grabbed some tissues from the sink and offered them to Shinji, who took them gratefully.

"It's like…" Shinji wiped her nose. "Is my entire purpose in life just to be her victim?"

Misato leaned against the sink. "Oh, don't think you're so special – she victimizes plenty of others too. I think I'm next on the chopping block for her."

Shinji tried to laugh, but it came out more like a sob.

"Asuka's a textbook bully," Misato explained, resting a hand on Shinji's shoulder. "She's not a bad person, really. She just puts on a show because she's actually a lot less confident than she seems. She looks at us, and all she sees other people who could fill her shoes – at NERV, as a pilot, here at school, as the top ranked student, and with Kaji…who she probably sees as her future husband or something…" Misato closed her eyes for a moment, squelching the bitter feelings thinking about Kaji brought up, before opening them again. "She can't help but see the rest of us pilots as competition."

"But…I would never…"

"Of course you wouldn't…" Misato sighed. "And neither would I. But it's just how Asuka survives in this world."

Shinji shook her head. "Maybe that works for her…but are we supposed to put up with her and piloting Eva? I don't know how much more of this I can take…"

"Looking on all this with fourteen years more experience than everyone else in this building puts a lot of things in perspective," Misato shook her head. "Believe me when I say that, down the line, you'll look back on all this and realize just how trivial it all is. No matter how badly your feelings get hurt…believe it or not, you'll manage to pull through in the end."

Misato squeezed Shinji's shoulder.

"It feels like the whole world is out to get you, but that's because right now, this is your whole world. This is all your world consists of. I'd suggest branching out and getting proactive in extracurricular activities and all that, but right now, we're dealing with this stupid misfile."

Shinji shook her head weakly. She didn't see things from Misato's perspective – how could she? But she appreciated the sentiment, nevertheless.

And despite the latent masculine tendencies telling her to be strong despite herself, especially in the presence of a girl, there was a part of her that she had never experienced before, that not only found comfort in taking shelter behind another, but craved it, and didn't in any way feel ashamed by doing so.

It was…liberating…

It was also disturbing. To realize that there were situations where she was more comfortable than she had been as a guy. It made her feel like pushing Misato away. It made her feel like throwing up. She was growing more and more accustomed to her new body. And the more accustomed she got…the less she could recall about her previous life.

She was losing touch with herself. Himself.

"We should…" Shinji blushed, pulling away from the protective aura of his roommate. "We should get back to class…."

Misato blinked, not knowing if she had been being too friendly – as she often was with Shinji – or if Shinji was trying to avoid her somehow. Her blush made her seriously wonder, but she didn't get the chance to ask as she watched the girl push her way back out into the hallway.

xxxxx

Just as Misato said, the week went on, and life was manageable. Asuka kept her distance from them now, though the occasional death glare was lobbed at Misato, the older woman trapped in a teenager's body was above letting such things disturb her. Misato had twice the experience Asuka had, and though the redheaded German might have boasted a higher IQ, Misato had graduated from the same school, at the top of her class, and was not to be outshone in terms of social skills.

If Asuka thought she could trade blows with Misato – verbally or otherwise – she was in for a surprise.

It was the weekend now – Sunday to be precise – and Shinji was just starting to get a handle on taking baths, when the sound of her cell phone startled her out of the tub, fumbling for a towel, and barely catching the phone before it cut to voicemail.

"Shina?"

She nearly dropped the phone. Her hair dripped damply onto her back. Drops of water hit the linoleum floor as she stood in her bedroom, towel clutched haphazardly to her chest.

Her fingers began to clutch together unconsciously.

"D…Dad?"

"Where are you?" the voice said again, and once again, she nearly dropped the phone. "We expected you here half an hour ago."

Shinji's blood ran cold. Had she missed a sync test? She looked at the clock on the wall – she had another three hours until her sync test. And if she had missed it, she'd be getting a call from Ritsuko, not from the Commander of NERV.

"Wh…what?" Shinji stammered, helplessly. She honestly had no idea what her father was talking about.

"It's Sunday," Gendo clarified patiently. "Our weekly meal?"

This time, Shinji did drop the phone, which landed, thankfully, on a the towel which she also dropped a split second beforehand, falling to the floor in a wad, and providing a nice cushion for the cell phone to land on.

Our weekly…meal?

What did that even mean? Was she actually supposed to believe that she and her father had been sharing meals together? On a weekly basis? Since when? Where? And what else was going on between her and her father that she didn't know?

She had been standing, dripping and naked, in the middle of her room, eyes fixed on a speck on the wall, before she heard her father's voice coming in as a crackle through the receiver and her feet, and she instantly snapped back to reality, and scrambled for the phone again.

"Yes! Yes! I'm sorry, I was in the bathtub! I'm sorry to make you wait! Where is it again?"

She blinked. It had all come out at once. She hadn't known what she had been planning to say once the phone reached her lips. A part of her – a very big part of her – wanted to scream at the man through her phone. This felt like a betrayal somehow…and she didn't even know why.

But she wanted to see him. She wanted to sit down and eat with her father, talk to him about everything, and be like a normal family, even if only once a week! The revulsion at the thought of saying no to that overpowered every other instinct in her body, so much that she automatically placated herself over the phone to him.

Gendo sighed. "The NERV dining hall, the same place it's always been. Shina, are you feeling well?"

Shinji was already getting dressed with one hand – a challenge, seeing as how she was still inexperienced at donning women's clothing. "Oh, no-no! I'm fine! Really…"

The voice on the phone sounded unconvinced. "Is that so? Because Doctor Akagi informs me that your roommate had recently taken ill. It's possible that you may have contracted what she had."

Shinji was tugging on her school uniform – she didn't know what else to wear – and had the phone knocked between ear and shoulder. "I'll be sure to visit the doctor on the way home. I'm on my way!"

Her father sounded irate, but not overly so. "Be quick about it."

The line went dead midway between pulling her socks on. Shinji froze, looking at the cell phone in her hands, watching the flashing message saying "call ended," and the time duration, displaying "0:39" seconds. Quite unexpectedly, a droplet of water splashed against the plastic screen.

She reached up and touched her cheek. Tears? No…her hair was still wet. She grabbed her towel and began to furiously dry her hair. Her father wanted to have lunch with her! What in the world was she going to say? What would he say? Shinji would have been too terrified to go if the clock hadn't been ticking.

Fifteen seconds later, she was pulling her shoes on and running out the door.

xxxxx

Misato and Shinji were walking home from the train station on the way from NERV, Misato with her hands laced behind her back, walking contently along as Shinji plodded with her head lowered.

"Hey," Misato spoke up, looking over to her roommate in curiosity. "You've been awfully quiet today…"

Shinji didn't stop walking, nor did she look up. "I'm just…distracted…"

Misato blinked, before her eyes flew open in concern. "Oh God! You're not having your period, are you?"

Shinji's face turned beat red. "What! No!"

"Are you sure?" Misato asked. There was no teasing in her voice. "You've been kind of moody all afternoon."

Shinji shut her eyes tightly. "It doesn't have anything to do with that, alright?"

Misato let out a frustrated sigh. "Then what? What's going on, Shinji?"

Shinji stopped walking. Misato stopped beside her. The sun was setting and the two of them cast long shadows along the sidewalk.

"Today…" Shinji's voice was thin and hollow. "Today, I had lunch with my father…"

Misato's went wide. "You…what? Seriously?"

Shinji stood perfectly still, staring a spot on the ground. The sound of cicadas roared around them. Shinji didn't say anything. She would have felt Misato's eyes on her, waiting for her to speak, if she hadn't been reliving that afternoon in her head.

"So?" Misato prodded inquisitively, leaning in closer. "How'd it go? What happened? He wasn't suspicious or anything…?"

Shinji swallowed and shook her head. Misato's proximity would have startled her and made her uncomfortable, but she was so lost in her thoughts, she barely perceived it.

"I…it…it went alright…" Shinji began, fiddling with the hem of her dress. "Ayanami was there too…apparently, we used to live together…like sisters…"

Misato's eyes were wide. She'd have to file that piece of information away for later exploration, but she was too focused on Shinji at the moment to delve into the implications of that little tidbit.

"We didn't…talk much at all…" Shinji fidgeted, her eyes lost under her hair. "He just…asked us how we were…asked us about school…and how our sync tests were going…"

Shinji's shoulder began to scrunch together, like she was taking a beating that no one could see.

"But we sat together…we ate together…he spent time with us…we'll be doing it again next Sunday…we've been doing it every Sunday since I came back…"

Misato's lips were hanging open. She could see tears running down Shinji's cheeks.

"He wasn't…he didn't say much…hardly more than he ever used to say to me…" Shinji's hands were clenching into fists. "But…we were a family…for half an hour, we were a family…"

Shinji couldn't speak any more because she was sobbing now, her tears coming down in rivulets. She kept crying even as Misato's arms came around her, to embrace her tightly, her own eyes shut tightly.

"Oh Shinji…"

Shinji kept crying. "Why? Why does this feel wrong? Like this shouldn't be happening? Like I shouldn't be enjoying this? I should be enjoying this! So why?"

Misato held her even tighter, eyes still closed. She could understand that feeling all too well. "Because you're wondering why things aren't like this in your own world, Shinji…" her hands were stroking the girl's back. "You're wondering what makes the girl version of you so special to your father that he would take you in as a girl, and not as a boy…"

Misato disentangled their arms and took Shinji's face in her hands, touching their foreheads together.

"You're wondering why the boy version of you wasn't good enough for him…"

Hearing the truth of her feelings spelled out for her like that just made Shinji break down into another fit of bawling. Misato's fingers dug into Shinji's scalp as she pressed their foreheads together, as Shinji wept and wept and wept, her tiny voice, not so different from the way it sounded in their original world, quavering as she sobbed.

She wasn't cruel, Misato told herself. Telling Shinji why she was feeling the way she was had made the pain of the moment worse, but if she hadn't, she would have spent days, perhaps weeks wondering why. Now, all the pain that might have been dragged out amongst those days was overflowing like a broken dam, and soon it would be over.

"Shinji…" Misato's hands fell to hers, squeezing companionably. "Something like this happened with me too…"

Shinji was staring back at her with watery eyes, mucus trickling down her nose. Her eyelids were red and baggy from tears, and she wiped her nose with her sleeve.

"I asked Ritsuko…why my father had left me…" Misato bit her lip, shyly. She had been chin deep in all of Shinji's problems until now, it was only fair that she be able to offload her own. But that still meant sharing something personal with her roommate and ward. It wasn't that she mistrusted her or wanted to keep her distance…but it was still personal.

"…It turned out that, in this timeline…I was the one who ran away from him…"

Shinji sniffed back her tears. "Wh…what?"

Misato shrugged. "I have no memory of the past fourteen years of this body, Shinji…and truthfully, neither do you."

Misato reached into her bag and found a handkerchief.

"It might just be that you did something, as a girl, something that you didn't do as a boy, that bridged the gap between you two…"

The bridge of Shinji's nose was wrinkled as she pondered that possibility. It did make sense…if she could believe that she had been any more courageous as a girl than she had as a boy - which seemed counter intuitive.

"If…" Shinji took the handkerchief gratefully and wiped at her eyes, "If I wasn't brave enough to face him as a boy…then how…?"

Misato smiled encouragingly. "I don't think it's as simple as that. You may not have been very brave as a little boy, but you were brought up in a world that pressures boys to be brave."

Her hand came up to straighten Shinji's hair.

"As a girl growing up, I can tell you that we're never encouraged to handle things on our own; to always go to our fathers when we find things to be too difficult to handle…"

She took the handkerchief and dabbed at Shinji's face where she had missed.

"Boys are encouraged to solve problems on their own. So, growing up, you may have simply been pressured to not be perceived as a coward. Whereas, when you were growing up as a girl, you felt no such pressures…and in fact, were probably pressured in the exact opposite direction…"

Shinji was standing up straight again, blinking in the late afternoon sun. Her lips pressed together unsurely, but she had managed to stop crying.

"You may have reached out to him as a girl… even after he abandoned you, you still may have reached out to him. Maybe with a letter or a phone call… it doesn't really matter what, but maybe… maybe as a girl, your need for a father was greater than your need as a boy." Misato's eyes were hopeful. "Does that make sense?"

Shinji nodded at Misato's curious gaze, amazed that she had been able to present this situation as anything other than devastating, and equally amazed that she had been able to go from grief to acceptance so quickly as a result.

"You…" Shinji swallowed, a slight blush creeping over her face. "You always seem to know how just what to say to make me feel better, Misato…" she looked at the ground, her shoulders squishing together again, though this time, it was purely out of shyness. "Thank you…"

Misato nodded sweetly, and reached towards her to embrace the girl in her arms. Shinji managed to return the gesture, though not nearly with the same vehemence. As they held each other, Misato reflected on what had just transpired – how quickly she had jumped to Shinji's aid, though that was due to camaraderie born from being a fellow misfile victim, as well as their bond from beforehand. It was the 'beforehand' part that was starting to concern her, however. As a girl, being affectionate with Shinji did not feel strange nor in any way exciting, but if she had put her hands on Shinji as a boy as much as she had with her just now, she was sure Shinji would have curled into a ball or run away screaming.

And that worried her, for several reasons. She was getting much more familiar with Shinji than she ever would have asked for, and in ways that went beyond the bounds of friendship, and it was happening so naturally that she was having trouble even realizing it when she did it. There was no way this would not affect their relationship if and when this misfile finally got sorted out, and she was afraid – for more reasons than she cared to admit – of exactly how that relationship would change.

But perhaps the most pressing concern was how this would affect Shinji as a person. For one thing, she seemed to be adapting to certain elements of her newfound femininity rather well. She had never been a particularly masculine boy, but she made an almost normal girl. And she was fitting into the expected submissive female role with astounding (and sometimes infuriating) readiness.

Even if they managed to change back…would Shinji still be the same boy she knew? Would she be the same person at all? And if her time as a woman did have any lasting effects on Shinji as a man, would the affects be negative, or would she actually benefit from the experience? Would Shinji be granted a newfound woman's perspective on things that so many women accused men of lacking?

And more importantly, given how things were turning out and how well she fit in as a girl and how submissive she was now that the role was expected of her…if their cosmic data remained misfiled for too much longer, would Shinji even want to change back?