Where I've Been: Wow. I'm really sorry I've kept you all waiting a month for this chapter. For once, the delay isn't due to writers' block; it's Real Life's fault. I came home mid-May for my college roommate's wedding, then had a playwright's festival to attend, and then had computer issues that necessitated buying a new laptop [which has been named Sexy Thing, in honor of the TARDIS, because I'm a nerd like that]. However, I'm back up and running, thank the Fates.
Author's Note: This chapter did not at all turn out the way I thought it was going to. My original plan got pushed back a chapter, in favor of mental acrobatics. This happens in every story I write; there comes a point where my characters force me to let them take a breather, and straighten out their own emotional responses before they let me carry on with the plot. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I stole a bit of Regina and Mirana's conversation from The Princess Diaries, mostly because I found it ironic and hysterical. That probably says something about my sense of humor.
Mirana barely had time to back away from the doorframe before a blur of red curls and white silk bolted past her and down the hall.
"Oh dear," she sighed, anxiously twitching her fingers.
She stared in the direction that Jane- no, Mirana corrected herself. She was not Jane, and never had been, and never would be again. She knew the Truth now, and so to continue the Lie would do no good to anyone, especially the one whom the Truth concerned. Now that she knew the Truth, she must begin to accept it, as did the rest of them. Beginning again… She stared in the direction that Regina had run off, long after the last echoes of her footsteps had faded. Mirana knew what she truly wanted to do- she wanted to send Regina to her mother. They had much to speak of and to forgive, and they deserved the chance to forge a relationship. Since that currently wasn't possible, Mirana wanted to follow after her niece and comfort her as best she could; after all, she had loved Regina, as well, had missed her almost as much as her parents, and had spent long years waiting for this day to come.
But between the choice of a shellshocked Princess and a furious, rampaging, unfortunately Mad former Champion-slash-Queen… Well, Mirana had her work cut out for her, and priorities must be made.
Mirana sighed again, pensively. If Regina the Young Woman was anywhere near at all like Regina the Infant had been, she would find the girl out in the gardens, talking with the flowers. With any Luck at all, she would stay out in the gardens until Mirana could get to her. Which left Mirana free to deal with her wayward Champion, the former Black Queen. Mirana's hands drooped from around the area of her shoulders to her waist. All things considered, it might be easier to deal with the daughter than the mother.
Still, there was nothing for it; if Alice was raging through the castle, she must be dealt with, and quickly. Unfortunately, Mirana was the only one who had a hope of calming Alice down again, and therefore it was best to be done with it as soon as possible. Squaring her shoulders, Mirana deliberately rose her hands back into the air, and purposefully flitted through the castle, heading for the ground floor and the armory. Mirana was not overly fond of the austere chamber stuffed full of weapons, and rarely went inside. It was truly Alice's domain, not hers.
At the moment, the thought of the Mad queen being among weapons of destruction was not a comforting thought.
MIrana tentatively followed the sounds of clanking and grumbling to their source in the rear of the room. As she had expected, she found Alice yanking on her Champion's armor, muttering something about 'mayhem' and 'muchness.'
"Alice," Mirana said, as firmly as she was capable of being.
Upon hearing her name, Alice's tirade cut short. She blinked a couple of times, seemingly coming back to herself. Mirana discreetly let loose a sigh of relief, sending a prayer to the Fates that Alice wouldn't snap back into a Fit of Madness as easily as she had come out of it.
"Alice, I cannot allow you to go haring off to the rescue by yourself," she said gently.
"I'm not asking your permission," Alice snapped. "If Tarrant's been foolish enough to get himself captured again, then I have to go after his Mad hide. That's what I do."
"It's been many years since you have been the Champion of Underland," Mirana retorted, keeping her voice low and even. "And many years since you and Tarrant-"
"I don't care," Alice said, her eyes glinting a dangerous shade of caramel. "I don't care. He is still My Hatter, and I am still His Alice, and I am going after him."
"We have no idea who has taken Tarrant, or where or why," Mirana pointed out. "Until we know these things, you cannot mount a rescue. You could even be captured yourself in the attempt, and then who will be left to rescue Tarrant?"
Alice sighed, bracing her hands on the windowsill and staring out blankly over the gardens. After a long, silent moment, she bent her head, shaking it slightly. Mirana stood silently, waiting, watching Alice clench and unclench her jaw.
"I will not sit and do nothing," she finally said, her voice low. "It isn't in me."
"Of course not," Mirana said soothingly.
"I'm leaving Marmoreal, Mirana," Alice said, an edge to her voice.
"I know," Mirana said placidly. "You will leave and track down your Muchness. Really, Alice, I have never met someone with such slippery Muchness. You seem to have an inordinately difficult time hanging onto it."
"And what of this new so-called Champion?" Alice asked, ridicule in her voice.
For a moment, Mirana didn't answer, instead looking out the window. Oh, how desperately she wanted to tell her sister-queen the Truth; if anyone deserved the happiness the Truth would bring, it was Alice. But Mirana could say nothing; it was for the Azure Princess to announce herself. Until Regina was ready, Mirana had no right to say anything. So a White Lie would have to suffice, and who better to speak a White Lie than its Mistress?
"She will remain here until the Azure Princess is ready to reveal herself," she replied, barely containing a flinch as Alice gripped the edge of the counter.
"I will find Tarrant," Alice said, her voice rough with emotion. "He will be here to welcome our daughter home. That is my task, Mirana, not the girl's."
"Of course," Mirana promised. "I promise, Alice, while you get your Muchness back in order, I will do everything in my power to learn what has happened."
The two women looked at each other, each binding the other to her promise. Then, as if on a silent cue, they moved forward as one to embrace.
"While you're retrieving your Muchness, perhaps you could track down my sister the Blue Queen?" Mirana murmured. "I have missed her so."
Alice didn't reply; she merely nodded in farewell before breaking out of Mirana's arms. As she walked out, she snatched a sword, sheathed in its scabbard and hanging off a belt. It wasn't the Vorpal blade; that hallowed sword lay in state in Mirana's throne room. This was The Alice Blade, known in Underland as the Aliblay. This was the sword Alice had used during her tenure as the Blue Queen to defend her kingdom, and all of Underland, against any threat. Mirana had to admit, it was good to see Alice take up her sword once again. If only the Madness would stay at bay until this was all over…!
Mirana smiled to herself weakly, quitting the armory and walking unhurriedly. As she flitted down the hall, she heard the dull roar of the Bandersnatch shatter the evening quiet. She shook her head fondly; she might have known that Alice would take the beast with her. Just as well; the creature allowed no one but Alice as a rider, even after all this time. Who better to accompany Alice on this journey back through Time than the faithful beast who had once been her adversary?
Surrendering Alice to Underland's loving care, Mirana returned her attention to her sister's long-lost daughter. Yes, Mirana had an Oraculum to consult about the upcoming Days, and hopefully her informants in the Tulgey Wood could shed further light on what had happened to the Hatter. But first things first. Regina had been left on her own quite long enough; she was sure that the Princess would have questions needing answers. Curiosity, after all, ran in her family, and Mirana couldn't imagine that Regina would be any more patient than Alice had been.
She had run with no direction in mind other than away. Far, far away, as far as she could possibly get from the Truth. But no matter how fast or far she ran, she could not outrun herself. And as long as she was unable to vacate her own mind, she could not escape the Truth.
Finally, she gave up and flung herself onto the ground, and then she cried. For the longest time she merely lay on the ground, her frame wracked with sobs- tears of exhaustion, of disbelief, of belief, of joy, of sorrow. She cried until she had no tears left to shed, and then she heaved a few dry sobs. Eventually, her crying ceased, and she simply lay prostrate, exhausted.
As she lay there, she became conscious that a small creature had cuddled up against her, curling into the warmth of her stomach. Sniffling, she lowered a hand until her fingers encountered Witzend's silky coat.
"Why are you crying, mistress?" Witzend questioned, her large eyes solemn in her curious face. "Isn't it better to know the truth of who you are? This means your quest is over! And you've found your real home! I wouldn't think that to be a cause for tears, my lady."
"I suppose," she sniffed, before a thought gave her pause. "Witzend, did you always know who I was? You called me 'my lady' from the start."
"Yes, I did," Witzend said, licking her paw.
"How?" she blinked in confusion.
"Your scent," Witzend replied. "I smelled Underland on you. You humans don't use your noses very well. If you did, everyone would have realized who you are from the moment they saw you."
She laughed weakly, before the enormity of what she'd just learned hit her, and she collapsed into weak tears again. So much had happened to her in the two days- was it only two days? It felt like a lifetime- since she had stepped through the Looking Glass and landed in Wonderland. Learning her Wonderland was real, meeting the characters of Alice's stories, being sent on a quest to find a missing Princess, meeting the Hatter, seeing the devastation of Hightopp Hill, Tarrant sacrificing himself so she could escape, coming to Marmoreal, meeting Mirana and Alice, and now learning that she was the very Princess she'd been ordered to find. Just thinking about it all made her head spin. She doubted she could make sense of any of it.
But she had to at least try; she couldn't bear to have her Thoughts so untidy, like a pile of ribbons all snarled together. Of course, seeing as she had two Mad parents, perhaps tangled-up Thoughts were merely something she had to get used to.
Sniffing and wiping her eyes free of moisture, she sat up, trying to orient herself. She looked around, then sighed; why was she not surpised that she had ended up in the selfsame garden from her dream last night? No, not a Dream; a Memory. A Memory of herself and her parents, days before she'd been taken away from them. It was just as peaceful as she remembered, though it was twilight now instead of daytime like in the Memory; she could close her eyes and almost believe that she was sitting in Tarrant's lap, that Alice was leaning down to pick her up… a lovely, impossible Memory…
Well. There was something. She could count off six Impossible Things. If she could believe those, then she could believe everything that had happened.
"Six Impossible Things," she murmured, pushing her unruly curls back. "Count them, Jane."
She frowned; no, Jane wasn't her name now… Never mind, she would confront that Thought later.
"One. Looking Glasses can transport you to new worlds," she said, leaning forward to stroke the blue petals of a flower. "Two. Animals can talk."
Gingerly, she stood on wobbly legs, forcing her exhausted limbs to carry her through the garden as her Thoughts gained steam. She locked her hands behind her back and fixed her eyes on the flowers, ignoring Witzend's curious gaze as she followed her mistress' progress through the grounds.
"Three. There's a place called Wonderland. Four… Four…" She frowned, pacing now. "Four. There's such a person as a Mad Hatter. Five, Alice Kingsleigh is the Blue Queen of Witzend."
She stopped pacing then, swallowing hard. She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling a tidal wave of Thoughts rising to drown her. The Truth was consuming her alive, and even though she feared it and what it meant, she had to say it aloud.
"Six. I am the Azure Princess."
The tidal wave broke over her, the fires of the Truth immolating her. Once that first Truth slipped from her mouth, there was no stopping the rest of it. She whipped around again as the next Truths fell from her mouth, only to find that she had an audience in the form of a silent, somber queen.
"Alice Kingsleigh… the Slayer of the Jabberwocky, the White Queen's Champion, the Savior of Underland… the Alice Kingsleigh who became business partners with Lord Ascot and expanded their trading company all over the Eastern World… Alice Clava, the Blue Queen of Witzend… Alice Hightopp, the Lady of Iplam… is my mother," she said- a question phrased as a statement.
"Yes," Mirana nodded.
"And the Mad Hatter… the leader of the Underland Underground Resistance, the White Queen's Royal Hatter, the Blue Queen's Champion… the Hightopp laird, the Duke of Iplam… the Sapphire King… Tarrant's my father," she said, her voice cracking.
"Yes," Mirana said again.
"And my name is Regina," she said, cautiously trying her true name on for size. "My name is Regina Miraget Hightopp Clava, and I'm the Azure Princess of Witzend."
"Yes," Mirana said gently. "I know you must be feeling overwhelmed…"
She laughed bitterly; that was an understatement. She turned away from the White Queen- who, she distractedly thought, must be her Aunt- and returned to pacing, hands clasped behind her back.
"I can't," she shook her head. "I can't do this, I don't know how to be… this. I don't know who Regina Hightopp is, I don't know how to be her. I don't know how to be a Princess. I've… I've been an orphan all my life, a foundling, a foster child. And now… now I have a family. Or… no, I don't, do I? My family has been ripped apart, by ourselves and our Madness. I have a Mad father I barely know and a Mad mother I know not at all, and I have no idea how to put us back together again, or if we even can be put back together. I don't know if we can be a family, or how to be a daughter, and I definitely don't know how to be their daughter. They've been waiting so long for me… no, not for me. They've been waiting for Regina. And I don't know if I am Regina. I mean, I know I must be, but I don't know what that means. What if I'm not the right Regina? What if they want me to be their Regina, instead of… whoever it is that I am?"
"Regina!" Mirana exclaimed, clapping her cool fingers over Regina's flushed cheeks.
Regina drew a deep, shaky breath, her rant effectively cut off. She felt the fire leaving her and dimly wondered if this was how Tarrant- her father- felt when the Madness receded, if he felt as though the fire and insanity were being replaced by water, lead and exhaustion. She could feel the exhaustion spreading through her entire body like a fine fog, unfurling through every vein and muscle. Oh dear Fates, was she just as Mad as her parents?
"I don't know if I can… be this," she said helplessly. "Can't I simply tell everyone I quit?"
Mirana smiled gently. "No one can quit being who they are, not even a princess. You can refuse to fulfill your destiny, but you will still always be a princess. You have always been Regina. It's just that now you remember it." Regina nodded, and Mirana smiled. "Now, you've had quite a long day. I think you could do with a quiet supper and an undisturbed sleep. And perhaps another bath."
Regina silently nodded, suddenly realizing just how hungry and in want of a bath she was. Smiling, Mirana took Regina's hand and led her back through the castle, drawing her into her new quarters.
"I will send for you tomorrow morning, and we shall talk more, just you and I," Mirana promised before departing.
As soon as the door closed behind Mirana, Azalea took charge.
"Oh, look at you, poor lamb," she fussed. "Let's get you out of those dirty things and into a bath. Clover! Is the dearling's bath ready?"
"Nearly!" Clover called from the bathroom. "Honeysuckle and sandalwood again?"
"No, I think this bath calls for lavender and shushabye," Azalea replied. "The lamb needs comfort. Set her out some honied green tea when the bath is ready."
While Clover and Azalea called orders and suggestions to each other for bath scents, tea, and finger foods, Azalea was busy stripping Regina out of her dirty, tearstained clothing. As soon as she was free, Regina gratefully sank into the steaming bathtub. She leaned her head back against the rim, closing her eyes and breathing in the aromatic oils. Lazily, she opened her eyes, then frowned to see dull-colored fog seeping out of her skin and into the water- maroons and grays and browns.
"What is this?" she asked.
"Baths in Underland cleanse both the body and the spirit," Clover said. "Those are your troublesome emotions being purged. Stay submerged in the water until all of it is gone."
Surrendering to the power of the waters, Regina obeyed, silently thinking her name to herself. From what little she had seen of the Court, Mirana hadn't revealed Regina's true identity to anyone. She appreciated this concession of her aunt's; at the moment she could hardly associate herself with her new name. She could hardly imagine being Regina Hightopp Clava, Azure Princess of Witzend, in front of anyone else.
She frowned to herself as she thought of her name again. No, she decided. She would not answer to the name Clava. Clava was her mother's name, and quite honestly she had no desire to have any connection with Alice. So no, she would not be Regina Clava. She was Regina Hightopp, end of story. And if anyone didn't like it… well, she didn't care.
When she finally emerged from her bath, she dried off and slipped on the thin white nightrail, tying a silk robe over it and sliding slippers onto her feet. A light meal of fruits, bread, yogurt and a light soup had been laid out on a table on the balcony, in addition to her tea. She ate slowly, looking out at the view and trying not to thnk, choosing instead to simply enjoy watching twilight fade into true night. There was enough time to worry about the future tomorrow, she decided as she sipped her tea; right now she would think of nothing, nothing at all.
She quit the balcony as the moon rose, dismissing Clover and Azalea, who curtseyed before disappearing. Kicking off her slippers and untying the robe, Regina climbed into the large four-poster bed, sinful in its softness. A tug of the tasseled cord drew the sheer, white silk curtains around the bed, giving her privacy without blocking the evening breeze. She slid beneath the covers and closed her eyes, easily sinking into Sleep's embrace.
Mirana was definitely feeling the toll the day had taken on her. What with Jane's arrival in Marmoreal, Alice's Awakening and departure, and Regina's realization of her true identity… Marmoreal hadn't seen such an eventful day since the Catahoribus Day. And to think, it wasn't quite over yet…
Had she been less of a Queen, she would have allowed her shoulders to sag, her posture to slump. She didn't, of course. Her poise was as perfect as ever, her walk as airy as anyone could desire as she left her new Champion's quarters and headed, not for her own private rooms, but for her study. The day was not quite over yet; Mirana knew she would never find Sleep if she didn't at least begin her search for Answers.
Gently, Mirana shut her study door behind her, taking a moment to sigh and appreciate her solitude. Because she was Queen, she was surrounded by people all day long, but even Queens needed time alone to absorb events such as these. When she returned to her quarters, she would undoubtedly share her troubles with Kalen; they had shared everything with each other since practically the day they met, 25 years ago, shortly after Alice's departure after the Frabjous Day. Yes, soon she would tell Kalen everything, and she looked forward to the Thoughts his logical, analytical mind would produce, the comfort he would be sure to offer her. But not just yet. First she had business to conduct.
She smiled tiredly as her gaze fell upon her desk; the Oraculum and its Keeper were already waiting for her, as she'd known they would be. Not bothering to hide her weariness with her usual airy grace, MIrana approached the desk and sat down.
"Good evening, Absolem," she sighed.
"So the Azure Princess has arrived safely," the butterfly observed.
"Yes," Mirana nodded, pulling a tiny hookah from her desk drawer and expertly preparing it for him. "She's shellshocked, but she has accepted the Truth, which is half the battle. My business with the Oraculum doesn't concern her."
"Doesn't it?" Absolem asked, sounding amused.
When he nodded permission, Mirana gingerly unrolled the compendium, leaning over it and watching the images draw themselves. Her eyebrows furrowed in consternation.
"Why, I don't understand," she frowned. "How could the Retiuni Day be pushed back like this? This is not the image I saw before…"
Her voice trailed off in utter amazement as she watched Today, and the next Day or two To Come, reveal themselves. Her gaze fell upon one particular figure, and she gasped, her dark eyes flying wide in alarm. The image was of a shadowy figure on a battlefield, lazily approaching a lithe, armor-suited figure who clutched a sword in one hand.
"They are all in great danger," she choked out. "This must be stopped."
"This cannot be stopped," Absolem said gravely. "Far too much of the future depends upon the meeting on this battlefield. They will meet, and they will change our world."
Mirana gave a final glance to the Oraculum, before nodding assent. After rolling up the compendium, she hurriedly left her study. Absolem watched her departure, thoughtfully sucking upon his hookah.
"And you should be careful, Mirana," Absolem murmured, glancing down at the oracle beneath him. "Careful not to misinterpret what you see. It is not always the obvious picture that is the important one."