Chapter 2

-Flashback-

2 weeks ago - Manhattan

There was a bounce in his step as he walked down the stairs to where his family waited impatiently in the foyer. Rick Castle - successful author, NYPD consultant and Manhattan's most eligible bachelor was giddy as a teenager on prom night - all because the love of his life had (finally) agreed to go to the Heat Wave premiere and after party with him. He was literally walking on air. His mother and daughter were waiting at the bottom of the stairs with impatient expressions on their faces.

"Daaaad" Alexis grumbled good -naturedly. "If we don't get moving, you are going to be late to your own movie's premiere. And Detective Beckett is going to kick your butt" she added with a twinkle in her eye.

'Hah… Fat chance!" He replied grabbing his jacket and heading out the door with them. He knew full well there was a distinct possibility that Kate would more than likely kick his ass to the curb if he showed up late tonight. Especially after all he had to go through just to get her to agree to come to the party with him. Although god forbid he call her his date! He sighed inwardly. It had been an uphill battle with Kate ever since the shooting at Captain Montgomery's funeral.

It had been a rough couple of months and he didn't know how much more he or she for that matter – could take. At first it had all been about her physical therapy and recovery. He had been by her side every step of the way. It broke his heart to see her struggling, but Kate being Kate hated to ask for help so he just stayed close enough to catch her if she fell. But despite all the comfort and help he offered she remained distant. While not being overtly rude or dismissive she had retreated back into her safe shell. She kept him at arms distance and hid behind the 'friendship' façade. On the surface she was the same Kate, the tough but gorgeous NYPD detective who spoke for the dead once the wicked had robbed of them of their voices. But anyone who knew her could see there was something missing. It was like she was looking for something – but didn't quite know what. Lanie, Javi, Kevin - all saw it, but chose not to say anything. Everyone was giving her space, including Rick. And so he had remained silent too.

As for his confession to her right after she was shot - it was always the elephant in the room. He had waited for her to say something once she had gotten out of the hospital. But as the days went by and she remained silent he had resigned himself to the fact that she either didn't remember or she did but didn't want to talk about it. He was afraid that she was going to bury herself so deep inside the fortress she kept building around herself that she would not be able to dig her way out from beneath it even if she wanted.

He was brought out of his musings by his daughter's voice once again, doing the impatient "Daaaaad. Focus!" She was holding his face in her hands and staring deep into his eyes. God she looked gorgeous in the emerald dress she had chosen to wear. His little girl had blossomed into a stunning young woman right before his eyes.

"Okay, Okay lets go" he said and giving her a quick peck on the check, got into the waiting limo. He had called Kate just before leaving the loft. They were going to pick her up on the way to the premiere. Alexis and his mother were carrying on an animated conversation about the lead actor playing Rook. He took the opportunity to gaze out the limo window at the city he loved. He was more nervous than he dared admit. He didn't know why he was feeling the way her was. He knew the movie was good. He had been involved in it every step of the way. He just had a feeling at the pit of his stomach that there was something about this night….

Kate's apartment

Kate smoothed her hand down the navy dress she and Alexis had bought a few days earlier. She remembered how excited Alexis had been when they had gone dress shopping together. Kate had initially been a little surprised by the girl's enthusiasm about the premiere. She had expected Alexis to be used to the 'celebrity' world that her father was a part of by now. But then again this was his first book to be made into a movie and Kate could see how proud Alexis was of Castle. Now as she stared at the clock she felt a sense of dread.

Although she didn't really know why she was feeling the way she was. If she was honest with herself, it should be Castle dreading having her on his arm this evening. Ever since her shooting Kate knew she had been a bear to be around. Lanie, Esposito, Ryan – they all tread on eggshells around her. They all cut her a wide berth. And then there was Rick. He had been her rock - unshakeable, immoveable pillar of strength. He took all the abuse she doled out without a word. He silently participated in the 'friendship' charade she had been playing. And a part of her hated him for it. If he had retaliated to her nastiness then maybe they could have had a knockdown drag out fight and she would have found a place to direct all the anger she carried around in her heart these days. But she hadn't, so here she was - having finally given in to his cajoling and manipulating to get her to agree to go to the premiere with him. He had told her to wait in her apartment and that he would come get her. But that just brought out the independent and newly found rebellious streak in her. So there she was – standing on the sidewalk outside her apartment waiting for Rick and his family to pick her up.

"Oh my god. Kateeeee. You look …..stunning. That dress is just aahhhhhhh", Alexis was screaming at the top of her lungs. Rick hadn't even realized the limo had stopped in front of Kate's apartment. And as he had expected there she, was waiting on the curb - despite his instructions for her to wait upstairs. Before he could gather his senses or get out of the car, she stepped into the limo and slid into the only empty seat – next to his mother, right across from him. Rick had trouble breathing. She looked absolutely breathtaking.

She and Alexis had gone dress hunting a couple of days ago. Neither would tell him nor show him what they bought. Now he knew why. If she had meant to turn him into a puddle of goo – then she had certainly achieved her goal. He was saved from saying much since Alexis was talking at the speed of light next to him. It gave Rick the chance to drink in the sight of her. The dress she had on - was just right for the occasion. Edgy but sophisticated. It was a navy all over lace strapless dress that hit her mid-thigh, showing off her killer legs in her ridiculous heels. She had crossed her legs and was leaning in towards his mother giving her a sideways hug.

He could feel her watching him watch her from the corner of her eyes. Suddenly she was leaning toward a hand under his chin she closed his mouth adding, "Stop drooling Castle". That broke the spell. He was about to retort when Alexis interrupted with another one of her questions for Kate.

A few minutes later they were pulling into the VIP parking at the Zeigfeld Theater. Moments after they were out of the car they were met by a publicist from the production company. After a quick round of introductions, she escorted them to the spot where the red carpet started. The next few minutes were a complete blur to him. He did however remember 2 things – the first being that somehow Kate had managed to get herself in a position where she was walking the carpet with Alexis, leaving him to escort his second thing was the expression on Kate's face. For one quick unguarded second after the first flashbulb went off, the expression on her face was one that said she would much rather be anywhere but here.

Despite knowing that all of this made her uncomfortable he couldn't ignore the pain it caused him. As if she could read his thoughts his mother squeezed his arm and said quietly. "Give her time darling. This is all new to her. She will come around". Giving her a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, he squeezed back her hand and started doing the round of interviews. Since he had given the publicist specific instructions to keep the paparazzi away from his daughter, it was just him on the carpet now. Kate, Alexis and his mother were inside.

Somehow he managed to get through the interviews without punching one of the interviewers.
"Where is your detective muse? Why did she run off? Are you a couple? "
It wasn't really their fault – they were supposed to ask these questions. But given everything that had happened in the last few months, every question about Kate was a knife to his heart. Thankfully they had reached the end of the line and he was inside the theater. Once inside the publicist led him to the area where his family waited for him.

The movie was everything he could have asked for. They had brought his characters to life in a way he could not have imagined. After the movie was over, his family and the gang from the 12th headed over to the loft. They had chosen to skip the official after party for the movie – opting instead to have one of their own at his loft. Alexis was spending the night at a friend's place and his mother – well he didn't really know her exact location. All she had said was to not wait up for him.

The evening was filled with good natured ribbing and music and good food. Despite all that Kate still seemed a little distracted. He kept getting the feeling she didn't really want to be there. So at one point in the evening when she walked upstairs saying she needed to freshen up, he followed her. He was waiting for her outside the bathroom. She walked out and ran straight into him.

"Jeez Castle! You scared me. Why the hell are you skulking around in the hallway? " She stared daggers at him before trying to walk past him. He caught her arm as she walked by and brought her back to face him.

"What's going on Kate?", he asked quietly. She tried to shrug his arm off but he held tight. "I've been watching you all evening. You have been avoiding me and it doesn't seem like you are having a good time."

"What? That's crazy Castle. Now let me go or the others are going to think we are up to something." Her attempt at humor washed right off him. He was so sick of this dance they had been doing. He just wanted it to be over. So he pushed knowing full well she would erupt. "And that would be so bad why?"

"What's wrong with you Castle?" Kate's eyes were blazing. She looked ready to punch him.

"Stop. Calling. Me. That." Castle was furious. He had started to hate his last name. He knew she had switched back to 'Castle" off late. She never called him Rick anymore, despite the fact that he never called her 'Beckett' anymore. "Do you really think we can go back to the way we were if you call me that? Don't you think we have moved on from that?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Castle". She refused to even look at him. Before he could say anything else, she practically ran downstairs. Rick let out a frustrated breath. He felt like throwing something. The vase sitting on a shelf a few feet from him looked inviting but just the thought that he was even contemplating it, got him moving. He followed her down the stairs. He was going to put an end to this madness one way or another. He was tired of the charade of pretending to be just partners; it was giving him migraines.

When he got downstairs he saw that the loft was empty, except for Kate who was hurriedly putting on her coat and making a move towards the door. Before she could reach it, Rick inserted himself between the door and her. She didn't say anything just stared daggers at him. If looks could kill, he would be six feet under by now. But instead of doing him bodily harm she turned on her heel , walked over to the couch and sat down.

"Let's just get this over with. Say what you want to say Rick and then I am leaving." Kate knew she was goading him into a fight. But she was just so tired. Tired of pretending she had made her peace with her mother's case. Tired of pretending she didn't have feelings for Rick. Tired of pretending like everything was back to the way it was two years ago.

Without another word Rick walked back into his family room and sat down next to her. He sighed and seemed to brace himself before turning toward her and looking her straight in the eyes. What she saw in those eyes and in his voice almost stole her breath. There was a world of pain and resignation in his words.
"Do you hate me Kate? Cos I can't figure out what else it can be. I have been nothing but supportive of you in these last few months…..no wait YEARS. And it only seems to make you madder and madder as time goes by. So just tell me Kate. Just say the words and I promise you I will do it. "When she remained silent he said even more passionately, "You have to say it Kate. YOU HAVE TO SAY IT! Cos I apparently, do not have the ability to walk away from you. Not matter how badly you treat me; I am somehow incapable of walking away. "
His voice broke slightly on the last word and Kate felt like crying. It would be so easy she thought. So easy - to just melt into his arms and forget about everything. Say she was sorry and all would be forgiven. She knew he would move heaven and earth to keep her happy and safe. But therein lay the problem. She didn't know if she was capable of being happy anymore. And he deserved so much better. He had once asked her to walk away from her mother's case.

To be safe for the people that loved her. To be happy. But she hadn't then and she couldn't now. And he deserved better. He deserved someone who loved him just as spectacularly as he would love them. She knew she had to cut him loose. She had been selfish to string him along. Knowing he wanted more and knowing she couldn't give him that. Kate knew once she uttered the words she had to next, Rick Castle would be gone from her life for good. She had seen it in his eyes. He would not be back this time. But she had just one selfish need before she did that. She leaned toward him and kissed him on the lips. Threaded her hands into his hair and kissed him will all the passion and anger and desperation she was feeling at the moment. Then she pulled back stood up and striding towards the door said hoarsely, "Walk away Rick. Get the hell out of my life. " And with that she was gone.

Rick was too stunned to react. The kiss had been so unexpected; he had been rooted to the spot. She had kissed him with such a passion and urgency he had been blown away by it. So lost had he been in the abyss of that kiss he had realized only too late what it had been. It was when she pulled back and abruptly walked to the door did her parting words register in his brain. It had been a goodbye kiss. Kate Beckett was cutting him out of her life.