A/N: Some of it's cheesy, and I apologize for that. But I wanted to get this up before tomorrow.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or any of its characters.
When all the world is spinning round,
Like a red balloon way up in the clouds,
And my feet will not stay on the ground,
You anchor me back down.
-"Anchor," by Mindy Gledhill
:::
She doesn't even realize where she's headed until Dan Humphrey opens the door. He simply looks at her and steps aside to let her in, staying silent and asking no questions.
She's breathing heavily and feels rain on her face, which is confusing because it's sunny outside, and turns her back to him. She feels immediate relief when he unzips her dress, unbuckling her from the material. It is heavy and suffocating and—damnit. What am I doing here?
The dress pools at her ankles, leaving Blair in her bra and underwear. She should feel embarrassed but frankly she really doesn't care anymore.
She doesn't even notice he is gone until he appears in front of her again. "Take your time," is all he says, before handing her a faded long-sleeved shirt and shorts. He walks into his room and sits at his computer, typing away like he was never interrupted.
Even though her mind is still going a mile a minute, she can finally hear herself think again. When she walks into the bathroom to change her clothes, her reflection should horrify her. She should be racing to smooth out her curls, wipe the eyeliner the rain has bled, and reapply her lipstick to the perfect shade again.
But instead, she pulls on the shirt and shorts and leaves without another look in the mirror.
She sees a half-eaten pizza on the counter and her stomach growls with hunger. She wants to eat—she should eat—but she's too exhausted to get the plate, warm it up, find the silverware, cut a bite, lift the fork to her lips, swallow it—
Just thinking about it has her eyes already closing, and by the time she lays on the couch, she's already asleep.
:::::
Blair wakes up in a cocoon of blankets, positively starving and completely confused. She sees the clock on the DVD player read 3:43am and notices all the lights are off except the bathroom. She also notices the note that says wake me if you need me on the coffee table, with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich sitting next to it.
For the first time in months, she feels her lips curve into a genuine, honest smile. After using the bathroom and practically devouring the sandwich, she closes her eyes and falls back to sleep.
:::::
Her alarm clock in the morning is a jolting couch and Dan wincing, "Fuck!"
"Language Humphrey," she chides drowsily, slightly miffed at the less than ideal wake-up call. She opens one eye to glare at him.
He looks at her as he sets down a plate of food. "Sorry!" he whispers, before limping over to the chair opposite to her. "I ran my foot into the leg of the couch."
"I'm aware of that, thank you." She sits up and rolls her neck to the side, hoping to ease the ache the pillow has caused. She feels it crack. Relief.
"Coffee?" he asks.
She shakes her head and feels the ache again. "Tea, please."
As he prepares her drink, she leans over to tear away a piece of a muffin. It could either be lemon or banana or a vanilla cupcake for all she knew, but she was too hungry once again to care. It's lemon.
He carefully hands her the mug of tea. "Are you ready to tell me what happened?"
She takes a sip and looks at him, knowing her words are going to come out like a waterfall. "I just..." She snaps her fingers. "Cracked. Out of nowhere."
Taking a deep breath, she sets her cup on the saucer and continues. "Last night, someone asked me what my wedding flowers were going to be and before I could even answer, Louis' mother said azaleas and lilacs. And all of a sudden, I realized how much I hate azaleas and lilacs. At my wedding, I want chrysanthemums. Beautifully bloomed chrysanthemums that fill every vase and bouquet; so many chrysanthemums that when people aren't admiring me in my dress, they'll be admiring the flowers." She lets out a breath, caught up in her fury once more. "So once we stepped away, I told her that."
"What'd she say?" he asks, already knowing the answer.
"She shook her head, patted my shoulder and said, 'Just leave the details to me.' I walked straight to Louis, pulled him aside, handed him my ring, and left." She looks up at Dan, her eyes wide and wet. "I left my fiancée at our engagement party. How awful am I?" She says it in disbelief, as if registering it for the first time.
He doesn't want to ask, but he does. "Do you regret it?" He holds his breath.
"That's the thing," she says, her eyes streaming with tears. "No."
The pure honesty in her voice lets him breath again.
"I don't regret it at all."
It's silent for a moment. "Blair, why are you here? Why did you come to Brooklyn? To me?"
She shrugs and looks at him helplessly. "You're...the only one who keeps me grounded. Who pulls me out of the water when I'm drowning. Who calls me out on everything I say or do that's wrong. Who makes me want a simpler life. Who makes me dream of bigger things, but who makes me believe I can achieve them."
He shakes his head. "That doesn't answer my question Blair."
Understanding, she nods. "In high school, even though I hated you—because I did—whenever I went to an Upper East Side party, it was always nice knowing you were there. It didn't seem like drama followed you, and so whenever I spotted you in the corner of the ballroom, sulking in your ill-fitting, low-quality suit...I felt relief. Relief that you were there and everything was going to be okay." She looks down at her hands, fingers now completely bare.
"This summer, I didn't realize how much I missed you until after I attended party after party in Monaco. We talked to the same people, ate the same food, smiled the same smile and whenever I couldn't take another second of it, I would catch myself looking for you. Everywhere I went I looked for you. And every time I didn't see you, I felt like I couldn't breathe." She chokes out the last words, crying once more.
He gets up and sits down beside her, wrapping his arms around her small frame. He lets her cry and steady her breath until she pulls away.
"It's funny," she says with a shaky voice, though she's not laughing. "I started out as my Daddy's Princess and graduated to Queen of the Upper East Side. And then became engaged to a Prince to actually become a Princess. But none of it felt royal." She shakes her head. "The only time I've ever felt royal is when I'm with you. When I'm with you, I'm treated with respect and love and I finally feel worthy of something."
She takes his hand. "I should have never left you in the foyer after we kissed. If I had stayed there with you, none of this would have happened. And I just wanted to say I'm sorry."
"You don't know that," he says, before breaking into a grin. "Any other prince could have showed up and proposed to you. And we all know Blair Waldorf can't refuse the opportunity to become a princess."
She laughs. "Not anymore."
He pulls her close and kisses the top of her head. "You'll be okay. Everything will be okay."
She lets out a relieved sigh; she can't help but believe his words.
He looks down at her. "So...what now?"
She tilts her head up and stares at him for a moment, before pressing her lips to his. "Now...we watch a movie."
He nods and smiles. "Okay."
While he's putting in the movie, Blair closes her eyes and repeats the words to herself: I'll be okay. Everything will be okay.
A/N: I know it's not the best, but I'd still love to hear your thoughts. Reviews would be lovely!