It Never Ends
By Montez
Chapter 5
Disclaimer: See chapter one.

A/N: Again I continue to be totally floored by all the encouragement I am getting from you guys! You all are AWESOME! This is the next to the last chapter. Yes sadly chapter six will be it in this little adventure, but you guys made this adventure totally worth the ride. Maholo-Montez

"You don't speak to your father nearly enough…"

"Listen to me Champ, I love you son, I didn't say it nearly enough…"

"My brother's dead isn't he! Isn't he! So's your father…"

"I wouldn't go searching into your families past too much; you might not like what you find…"

"I am not the enemy Steve, I protected you…"

"Listen to me Steven; Wo Fat is tying up loose ends, that means me, that means you. I'm giving you a way out to get to him first, take it Steve or we're both dead. Do you hear me Steve?"

Steve never liked the dark, as a child he would lay curled under his covers, even after his father told him to deal with it, that big boys weren't afraid of anything. It was then he'd started to learn how to hide what he feared. His Navy training had taught him how to hide things that much more, but the fear of the dark was always there. No matter how much training he had, no matter how well he knew he could handle himself, keep himself safe, that fear was always there, waiting for the small boy that lived in the recesses of Steve's mind.

The dark now was plagued with voices, voices of his past, of his present, voices that terrified him on a level that even he couldn't admit to himself and now, in the darkness, he was scared, he was alone. He couldn't see what was around him, he couldn't get his bearings, he couldn't think of what he should do next because the voices wouldn't stop, reminding him of his failures. His failure to save his mother, to save his father, to keep what was left of his family safe, it was because of him Mary had been kidnapped, he'd almost lost her too. But then to find out that one of the people he thought he could trust, that he'd allowed himself to trust could betray him so completely. Seeing the look on Jameson's face when he'd confronted her told him all he needed to know, confirmed all his suspicions, she had been indirectly responsible for all the pain and heartache he had gone through.

But now, in the darkness he was adrift, alone. He could so easily give up, let himself drown in it, but he was never a quitter and damn if he'd start now, so he pushed on, hoping to find his way out, pushing that childish fear of the dark aside. It was then he heard another voice, this one not taunting, this one like a life-line being tossed to him as he bobbed mercilessly in the harsh, rough sea of darkness. It was the only voice that could ground him, could give him hope, that could tell him that he was truly safe.

"Damn it Steven, you're gonna be the death of me yet."

Danny's voice cleared away the harsh voices, made the dark a little less scary, gave him the hint of light that he started toward. He could feel a pressure on his arm, he allowed himself to take comfort in that touch, the touch of his best friend, his partner, his brother.

"You keep fighting this Steve, don't you dare give up on me now, because once you're better I'm going to explain to you the finer points of not letting a raging infection go untreated. That you don't always have to play the tough guy, you should have said something, you should have…" Steve could hear Danny's voice pause, he listened to the deep-breath his friend took, "you can't do this to me again…you're gonna be okay, do you hear me? You rest now, but don't take too long, I might go through withdraw or something if I'm not shot at at least once a day…" Steve heard the faint, forced chuckle, the slight pressure tightening on his arm. "I'll be back soon and I expect to see those eye's open next time Steven." Another squeeze on his arm and he felt the presence of his friend move away, but the light Danny had brought with him remained, guiding Steve back through the darkness, the voices were gone, only Danny's remained. He knew he would be okay now; Danny was there, Danny was watching his back like always.

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Twelve grueling hours passed twelve short, ten-minute visits that allowed his friends to see Steve. They took turns, each taking short naps between their turns to visit. Danny went every other visit, Joe, Kono and Jenna taking the other times, Chin made it back to take the next to the last before the doctor shut them out to evaluate Steve's condition and make the decision whether he would be moved to a regular room.

Four hours ago McGarrett had been moved to a regular room; two hours ago Danny had finally dozed off next to his best friend's bedside, Steve having yet to wake up. However the doctor had assured them there was nothing wrong, that Steve's body had been through a major ordeal and was resting, allowing itself to heal.

Jenna had headed back to the office to help Chin on Hesse's murder investigation, conveniently enough the video cameras on Hesse's cell block had went down in the thirty minutes surrounding his murder, so that left Chin the work of trying to go through all the outside cameras to see if they could see anyone leaving. They'd ruled out another prisoner since the area of the prison Hesse was held in had fewer than twenty inmates and all of them were interviewed and accounted for, even the guards on duty had been cleared. It was as if Hesse was murdered by a ghost, but Chin knew Wo Fat was behind it, he just needed the proof so he had asked Jenna to help.

Kono had taken up residence on the small couch in Steve's room; it had really shaken her to see her boss, well former boss since she'd yet to be reinstated to 5-0, so sick, so vulnerable.

Joe White had taken a chair in the far corner of the room, but with a direct line of sight to McGarrett's face. Joe couldn't help but study just how bad the younger man looked. When Joe had first seen him behind that prison glass, he looked hollow, for lack of a better word. He hadn't talked to Steve since he'd transferred to the reserves and taken on the Governor's task force, to say he'd been somewhat shocked the McGarrett had left active duty for a 'civilian' job would be an understatement. He'd known when he'd first started training Steve that he'd be a career man, living, eating, and breathing the Navy. Steve had been one of the best the SEAL's had ever trained and when he'd moved to Naval Intelligence he quickly rose through the ranks there, being given the most sensitive of case's; capturing the Hesse brothers. Little did anyone know that assignment would lead to the downward spiral within the younger man's life that had lead to this very moment.

Over the few hours between seeing Steve in jail, to meeting him at that house, to being with him at Kamokona's shaved ice hut, Joe could only watch as Steve's mind and body slowly started to deteriorate. His body from the obvious trauma he'd endured that morning, his mind as he became desperate for the proof that he was slowly believing didn't exist that would clear him of the murder charges he faced, he was losing hope. Then when McGarrett confided in Joe his fears about his father, what John kept hidden from him, the constant fears of why his father had sent him away, not trusted him. White saw those small cracks in Steve's façade widen just a little more. Finally when the sirens sounded outside the small building they'd been held up in Joe's gut twisted at the cornered, wounded animal look that took over Steve's features. He would back the younger man in anything he was planning; he had just hoped it wasn't going to be something that would end up with his former trainee getting himself killed by HPD.

Joe had watched a little light return to Steve's eyes when Danny, Chin and the new Governor had arrived, literally just in time with the evidence they'd been so desperately searching for. Finally, once everything was over, when they were back in the 5-0 offices, White had seen a moment before everything fell apart again, it was a moment when Steve seemed relieved, almost seemed happy. Now as Joe glanced around the room, seeing two of the amazing group of people that McGarrett had seemed to have surrounded himself with, he could finally feel that despite what had happened over the last two days, what he knew was ahead for Steve and his team, that the younger man would be okay, really be okay.

A slight movement drew Joe from his thoughts; it was a turn of the head from the man in the bed that had the older man rising to his feet, covering the short distance. A soft moan escaped the injured man's lips as White watched Steve's forehead knit in pain, his eye's moving back and forth beneath closed lids. White reached his hand out, lying it on McGarrett's arm, mindful of the IV lines, "Steve, can you hear me Son?"

Joe watched as Steve turned his head toward him, he instantly felt the younger man tense under his touch. Noticing a spike in Steve's heart rate, White again spoke, hoping to calm the injured man, "You're okay, Son. You're safe and getting better. You're team is right here waiting for you but you take the time you need. You rest now, we'll be here." Joe felt the tension leave Steve's body, felt the younger man calm as he slipped back into a peaceful sleep.

505050505050

It was dark when Danny opened his eyes; he remembered dozing off around mid-afternoon. He'd been so tired, but he refused to leave the hospital until his friend was awake. He straightened, rubbing the ache in his neck from his awkward sleeping position and glanced around the darkened room. He noticed the small couch was now empty, he'd recalled Kono passing out just before him. Looking toward the bed he noticed Steve was still asleep, but was finally getting some of his color back, not looking nearly as deathly pale has he had all those hours ago when Danny had first seen him in the ICU.

That again was another memory Danny wished he never had to carry. It was not right for his Super SEAL, Rambo, run in with guns blazing partner to ever look so small, so weak. But that was exactly how Steve had looked in that cubicle, surrounded by machines and tubes. The only thing that had kept Danny from completely going over the edge when he'd finally seen the injured man was that Steve had been breathing on his own. He didn't know what he would have done if his friend had been hooked up to a ventilator, especially after the episode in the ambulance.

He'd tried to offer words of comfort in his own ranting way; Steve would understand that was Danny's way of dealing with things. To turn it into an over abundance of words, unless it was completely overwhelming then his words escaped him, like when they'd arrived at the hospital. He worried that his partner had yet to wake up, but he remembered the doctor telling them the best thing for Steve was rest and his body would dictate when it was ready to wake, so they were left to sit and wait.

This brought Danny's attention to the only other occupant left in the room, Lt. Commander Joe White. Williams looked toward the man who was watching him. Damn, Danny wondered if maybe SEAL training involved teaching the recruits to sleep with their eyes open or possibly not to sleep at all. Seeing Joe sitting in the same place he remembered, seemingly unmoved, it again reminded him of his partner. He'd often wondered if McGarrett ever really slept, or was just trained to rest without sleeping, it just added fuel to the tiny thought he'd had since meeting Steve that he was somehow superhuman. But of course the last couple weeks, especially the last two days had shot that theory all to hell; he'd watched his friend nearly fall apart with what happened with Governor Jameson, then his imprisonment, finally his stabbing and subsequent ragging fever and infection.

Shaking his head slightly Danny glanced between Joe and Steve, "Has he woken up any?"

"A few movements here and there, mostly when the nurses come in to check on him, but no he really hasn't woken up yet." Joe's quiet voice seemed to bring a since of calm over Danny, the man was like Chin in that aspect, they both had a tone of voice that could almost instantly put you at ease.

"Where's Kono?" Danny stood, stretching his back and flexing his knee, which had become stiff.

"Chin finally convinced her to go home with him a few hours ago. He said to tell you that he still didn't have much on Hesse's murder and that he'd be by in the morning to fill you in on what they do have." White stood, glancing at Steve then making his way toward Danny, who was now looking out the window at the darkened street below. "He's lucky to have you guys, but you especially." Joe again spoke softly.

Danny's head turned toward the older man, a little shocked at the revelation. White noticed the look and continued, "Chin told me some about you're ex-wife leaving and taking your daughter back home, that you guys were maybe getting back together. He told me how you stayed here to help clear Steve and even though I just meet you I can see on top of everything that was going on here, that it's also tearing you up to not be with them. Many men would have walked away for a chance at having a happy family again." Joe noticed a pained look cross Danny's eyes at the mention of a happy family. "Is everything okay?"

Williams rubbed his eyes as he thought of Grace, of Rachel and of the conversation he'd had with Rachel a few days ago, when she'd again taken the one dream he had, that he'd held so tightly to and shattered it. Yes he was happy Grace was coming back to Hawaii in a couple days, but it was killing him inside that he'd again lost Rachel and the baby before he'd really even had them. "Let's just say it's not meant for me to have a 'happy family'. Honestly the only thing that's been keeping me going the last few days is knowing I'd be seeing my daughter again soon when she and her mother came back here and trying my damnedest to get his crazy ass out of pile of crap he landed himself in." Danny motioned toward the bed and his still sleeping partner.

"And he trusted you go do just that." Joe commented. "I don't know if you know this or not, but Steve doesn't trust easily, but to see how much faith he was putting in you, it's good to know he has someone watching his back, especially with everything he's been through in his life. I know he probably wouldn't like me saying this, but he's always been a loner type, even during training, during missions, he'd be part of a team, leading them, but he would keep himself apart from the others. He trusted everyone he worked with to do as they were trained to do, but personally he never really trusted anyone, but he trusts you."

"And you." Danny countered. Again he'd known early on in their partnership that Steve had trust issues and he did realize just how important it was that he'd given his complete trust over to Danny in the months they'd been working together.

Joe nodded at Danny's comment, "Believe me it was a hard won trust. As much as John McGarrett was my friend, he did not do his son any favors in sending him away after his mother's death. By the time I saw Steve again as an adult coming into the SEAL training program he was a shadow of the boy I'd known. I tried to fill-in some of what John had left unfilled, but it took a long time before Steve accepted it, before he realized he did have someone he could come to if he needed. That was something his father had taken away from him and there was a part of me that resented John for that, but obviously from what I've learned just in the last couple days, John was dealing with a hell of a lot more than just his wife's murder, but really even that was no excuse."

Silence settled between the two men for a few minutes before Danny spoke again, "Do you know the first time I met Steve we both nearly shot each other." Joe's eyebrows raised as Williams continued, "I found him at the house while it was still a crime scene, in the garage actually. Neither one of us would lower our weapon to even retrieve our ID; we ended up doing it on the count of three. Now it's actually kind of funny, but boy then I didn't know what kind of crazy I was facing. Then just a few hours later, once he'd literally taken his father's case right out from under me, he got me shot because he went to see a suspect without back-up, telling me I was his back-up. By the end of that first case I hated him." Danny glanced back toward the bed, wishing more than anything his best friend would wake up so he'd know Steve was really going to be all right. "But now…" Danny trailed off.

"Now?" Joe prompted, seeing the pain and worry in Williams' face as the toll of McGarrett's continued unconsciousness played on him.

"Now I just wish the stubborn son of a bitch would wake up and things could get back to normal, well at least the warped normal I've been living in since I met him." Danny's voice drifted as he moved back toward the bed, watching his friend sleep.

Joe remained silent; making his way across the room he patted Danny lightly on the back, "I'll go get us some fresh coffee." Was all he said as he headed out of the room.

"You know after that whole Nick fiasco I wasn't sure I'd like any of your Navy pals, but Joe seems to be a pretty all right guy. I can see why you respect him so much." Rubbing his eyes, running his hand through his disheveled hair, Danny blew out a deep breath, unable to hide his fear any longer, "Listen to me Steven, I don't ask you for much and I know you don't normally listen to me, but I really need you to wake up soon. With everything that's gone on lately, I really don't know how much more I can take. I know I'm being selfish but you've got to give me something man or I'm gonna think you've really checked out on me."

Danny sat heavily in the chair next to the bed, the tough exterior he'd been trying desperately to keep up, but which had been slowly crumbling for days now, felt like it was slipping away entirely, leaving him vulnerable and Danny Williams didn't do vulnerable. Then just when he thought he was ready to slip off the edge he'd been dancing along for so many days, he heard a sound that brought him back to solid ground.

"Danno…"