A/N : So here it is – the chapter that will shed some light on Kate's actions. Hope I did her justice.

Disclaimer – Don't own anything.

The hands that had been resting on his thighs were now resting on his shoulders. She moved forward and rested her forehead against his. He saw her swallow and then speak in a voice thick with emotion, "I am so glad you are okay Rick. There were so many times today when I thought I'd lost you. It was the worst feeling ever. The last time I felt this way was when I lost my mother. What made it worse this time was the fact that the last words I'd said to you were for you to get out of my life. That almost happened today Rick. I don't ever want to feel like that again. " She sniffed and then closing her eyes gently touched his lips with hers. It was a very chaste kiss considering his split lip. But Rick felt every ounce of desperation in it.

"Kate, you're killing me here." He brought his hands to rest on her waist. There was so much he wanted to do and say to her. But now was not the time. Kate smiled and took a step back from him.

"Your chariot awaits." She indicated the wheelchair by the bed. Rick sighed and bracing himself for some serious pain eased off the bed and into the wheelchair with Kate's help.

-X-X-

It was close to 8.00 a.m by the time they pulled up in front of Rick's building. In the end they had decided to forgo the car service and had instead settled on riding with Kate and the boys. Rick had stretched out in the backseat of Kate's car with Alexis in the front. Martha rode with Lanie and Esposito, with Ryan bringing up the rear. Kate was still wondering why Rick had insisted on this arrangement. With his money and privileges, he could have waited to get something way more comfortable than her car. But for some odd reason he hadn't. They had all been wondering about how they were going to get Rick upstairs without a wheelchair. They needn't have worried though. Martha had called ahead and they found the doorman waiting just inside the building with a wheelchair! As soon as he saw them pull up to the curb he brought it outside.

The boys and Lanie had decided to head home, so now it was just her, Martha and Alexis in the loft with Castle. Kate had to brace herself upon entering the loft. The last time she had been in here was the day she had said those awful things to him. She was also starting to feel nervous about how Martha and Alexis felt about her being there. Had they expected her to leave with the rest of her team? But how could she leave? She had as much as told Castle that she was done running. If she left now, what would that say about her?

In the end her nerves proved to be just that – nerves. Neither Martha nor Alexis showed any signs of discomfort in regards to her being there. No sooner had they entered the loft than they were fussing around Rick with questions about whether he wanted to sit or sleep or watch TV. As for Rick, the adrenaline was definitely wearing off. Combine that with the variety of pain medication and he was falling asleep where he sat in the wheelchair.

In the end it was Kate who suggested it would probably be best if they moved him to his bed so he could get some sleep and much needed rest.

It was about an hour later and Kate was putting the omelets and toast she had made on the breakfast counter. She had just taken the orange juice out of the freezer when Alexis walked into the kitchen. Before Kate knew what was happening, she was enveloped in a fierce embrace from behind.

"Thank you." Alexis said softly before letting her go.

Kate turned around and looked at the teenager. "For what honey?"

Alexis gave a small smile and replied, "For being there for him…for us. I know you hadn't talked to each other in a while." She stopped and looked away awkwardly. Kate took a deep breath thinking, it's now or never. It was time to come clean. She owed Alexis that much. She handed Alexis a plate filled with the omelet and directed the teen to one of the breakfast stools. She placed herself on the one next to Alexis and began talking.

"Alexis, I don't know how much your father has told you about ….about my past."

Alexis looked at Kate and said somberly, "He told me about what happened to your mom. I am so sorry Kate."

"It's okay." Kate smiled slightly then sighed. "I became a cop because of that ….and because of her. She always stood up for the truth no matter what the cost. She was my universe, you know? And then one day she was gone. Just like that, my word turned upside down. For a while there I lost my dad too." Kate had to gulp down the emotions that were rising up to her throat, but she had tamped them down and continued. "But then I joined the NYPD, and Captain Montgomery took me under his wings. My job became my life and I hid behind the badge. Even when I was in a relationship it was always with one foot out the door." She paused again and the smiled gently, "And then your father barged his way into my life. And all those defenses I had built around myself began to dissolve and I found myself having fun for a change. At first he was just the pesky ride-along I was forced to put up with. But the more I hung out with him the more drawn I was to the real Rick Castle. And before I knew it I fell for him – hook, line and sinker."

Kate pulled a Kleenex out of the box on the counter and dabbed at her eyes. "But then it all started up again. We found the guy who ordered the hit on my mom. Although we never found out who was really pulling the strings, we knew they were out there somewhere. Then the unthinkable happened – Captain Montgomery was killed trying to protect me from them and I ended up getting shot."

Alexis had finished her breakfast by then so Kate took her plate and walked over to the sink to rinse out. Here comes the really hard part, but I can't believe how cathartic this feel, she thought to herself. She switched off the water and turned around to face Alexis again.

"I broke Alexis. Or something inside of me broke. I didn't even realize it had happened until it was too late. Over the last 5 months I have been going through the motions of living when in fact I have been dying inside. I didn't know how to act or what to say to Rick. I was just so angry all the time. I had turned into this person I didn't recognize anymore. So I pushed…..I pushed at anyone and everyone even trying to get close – including your dad and mine."

Kate took a deep breath and continued, "It all came to a head 3 days ago. It was the anniversary of the day she was killed. My dad and I visit her grave every year and spend the day together talking about her…..keeping her alive in our hearts. But this year…..I didn't even call him Alexis. I spent the whole day in bed feeling sorry for myself, never thinking about what I must have put him through. It was 9 at night when he finally showed up on my doorstep. When I opened the door and looked into his eyes, I knew - I knew I had hit rock bottom. I will never forget the haunted look in his eyes Alexis."

Kate swallowed around the lump in her throat. Alexis didn't say a word but handed Kate the box of tissues. "At first he just stared at me wordlessly. And then he got mad – real mad. Everyone has been walking on eggshells around me these last few months, but he didn't hold anything back. Told me what a fool I have been to bury myself in this obsession." Kate chuckled mirthlessly. "My 67 year old father, who lost his best friend of 50 years so tragically, reminded me that there was so much more to life than chasing down some ghosts. I was so ashamed I couldn't look him in the eye. We went to her grave at 10 that night and I made a vow to her. I vowed that I was not going to bury myself in this anymore. I was going to start living my life to the fullest like she had. I was going to give true happiness a chance, like she had. I owed it to her."

"I have been mustering up the courage to call Rick for the last 3 days. I just didn't know how to go about it. And then this happened." She walked over to Alexis and took the girl's hands into her own and looked into her eyes solemnly.

"There is a reason I am telling you this Alexis. I want you to know, my being here today is not just because I suddenly realized he was important to me when faced with the prospect of losing him ….okay? Sooner or later I was going to muster up the courage to one- apologize to him and two – show him what he means to me. And I fully intend on doing that. I want to make it up to him Alexis. I want you to know I am done running Lex. I love your father… and if he will have me, I intend to show him just how much. You okay with that?" Kate asked a little hesitantly. These were things she hadn't even shared with Lanie. But she had just vomited all her pent up emotions on this unimaginably mature, but teenage daughter of the man she loved. She didn't know what reaction she was going to get.

Alexis stared into her eyes solemnly for a few seconds and then a smile broke out on her young face and she once again hugged Kate. They stayed that way for a while and then Kate broke away saying, "Just one more thing Lex…..could you ummm….not tell your father about the ….ummm…the lo-love thing? Kate barely managed to get the words out.

Alexis threw her head back and laughed. "Sure thing Kate, it will be our little secret." She winked conspiratorially.

"What will be your little secret darlings?"

"That Kate is madly in love with Dad!" Alexis declared promptly.

"Alexisssss" Kate hissed at her, her cheeks turning a flaming red.

"Awww you're cute when you're blushing Detective Beckett"

Martha just shook her head and smiled. She had been heading down when she had heard the conversation between her granddaughter and the detective and had decided to wait upstairs. Though she had heard every word that had been exchanged, she pretended she hadn't. She was just happy the detective had finally gotten her act straight. It was about time. Between their talk in the hospital and this Martha had no doubt in her mind that her son was in good hands. Hopefully he would have enough sense to marry this one and then have the sense to stay married to her!

A/N – I know this was a kind of small chapter folks. I knew some of you wanted to know some of the feelings behind Kate's behavior. Hopefully this shed some light on it. I drew from some of my own feelings after losing my mom to cancer when I was only 27. Soon after I myself had to undergo a lifesaving (not cancer) surgery myself and there were days when I was just so damn angry about it all, I couldn't think straight. So anyway….not to get into too serious territory….I am more than fine now. Have precious twin toddler girls and life is good I just hope this sheds some light on Kate's actions (or lack thereof) in the months since her shooting.