a/n: BEGGING: when you get about halfway through this chapter, PLEASE don't hate my guts for what I'm about to do.

Left Behind
Chapter 8: Collateral

Four more days were spent in the infirmary before he was released; a total of a week+ that Kevin had spent in that bed—all of which Michael was there, for which Kevin was thankful that he had stayed even after their little spat over who was to blame. The stitches were still present, and wouldn't be removed for a few more days now.

Kevin had felt the urge to avoid Michael, so that way he could still keep the truth hidden—but to avoid Michael would mean that he would definitely get suspicious. Kevin was on strict orders from Dr. Beckett that he was not to do anything strenuous; which included no going to the gym to workout, not going for jogs—which ultimately meant that at the moment he was off duty. He couldn't go to the shooting range either, and was prohibited to eat anything someone who may suffer from a heart attack wasn't supposed to eat—anything that put stress on his weakened heart.

It was the day of his release that Colonel Carter wanted to see him in the office; which was more than likely a bad thing rather than a good thing.

Since Kevin was off duty, he wore his 'civilian' clothes, hair still damp from his fresh shower—which he did instantly after he got released because he hadn't showered in more than a week and was starting to smell funky.

He smoothed down his damp hair nervously as he went up the steps to Carter's office, dread at what the coming conversation was going to be about.

She waved him in through the clear glass door, and he slipped in, saluting her before sitting in the chair.

"How are you feeling?" Carter asked, sticking to pleasantries—for which Kevin guessed bad news was soon to fallow.

"I'm feeling well, Colonel." Kevin lied. "Thank you for asking."

"I'm glad to hear it," she said, believing it which relieved Kevin greatly because in truth he wasn't good at all.

"What was it that you wanted me to speak about?" Kevin asked politely; his hands were clasped in his lap—out of the Colonel's view—his knuckles white.

"What happened with the Genii Operation was very unfortunate; someone had turned on us and informed the enemy. It was very much unfortunate but quite frankly there is nothing that we can do about it at the moment."

Kevin understood that, it was probably better to stay low about that matter at the moment until it cooled down a bit.

"We probably should have expected something like this; we got the information far too easily. But there is nothing we can do about that now. And that little surprise that they left us . . ."

Kevin grimaced slightly that the reminder.

Carter cleared her throat lightly. "The damage that done to your heart, Captain, was very much unexpected and unfortunate. I can't allow you to go through that gate again, it's too dangerous. You will be off duty and the roster permanently; you will be honorably discharged—with pension, of course, and health benefits— from the Program and sent back to Earth in two months when the Daedalus returns."

There was silence . . . dead silence.

Carter didn't speak and Kevin didn't want here too; this—joining up—had been all that Kevin had had. This was what he had to look forward to, what he was good at. He had joined when he turned 18 and now he's 26, in all those years had yet to be injured or shot—and the first time that he is, the shit hits the fan and his heart was so damaged and unrepeatable that it was ending before his career in the Program hadn't even really started.

He could feel the emotion trying to well up inside him, he wanted to yell out that it wasn't fair, that he had done nothing wrong in his entire life to deserve something like this—even wanted to hit something, real hard and not care about the damage that would be done. But instead he shoved it down, packing it deep and clenching his hands even tighter, painfully so.

He swallowed and looked at Carter, his face a blank sheet—now was the best time as any and at this point he would rather not discus what had just happened—he had understood why.

"May I speak freely, ma'am?" Kevin asked.

Carter eyes widened slight in surprise but she nodded. "Of course, Captain."

The title—now unrelated to him—hurt, but he ignored it; committed to what he wanted to say next. Now was as best as he was probably going to get, and what damage was it really going to cost in the long run?

"I was wondering," Kevin started. "About why you asked me when I had first gotten here, that if I had any family. I know that you've read my file and know for a fact that I was raised in a boy's home."

Carter gave a silent sigh. "You're right," she agreed. "I did read your file and I know of your childhood."

"Then why?" Kevin asked. "It's because I remind you of someone, isn't it?"

"Yes,"

"Who?" he asked, almost desperate—okay, so he was completely and desperately-desperate.

"Captain . . ."

"Please,"

Kevin thought as if it looked like she wanted to bite her bottom lip. "Major Lorne."

Ha! Kevin knew it; it not only was himself, but Michael and Carter too. "And . . . isn't there some way that you can find out; a test or something?"

"When blood is drawn and tested, it automatically compares." Carter said slowly and Kevin leaned slightly foreword in his seat. "Kevin . . . there weren't any hits. To have similar eyes, yes, and you do remind me of the way that Evan acted when he had first gotten here, but that it's. You look similar, but everyone has the same last names these days."

Kevin stared at her. "But my file…"

"I think we can put that off as a mistake on the adoption agencies part, that type of thing is unfortunate, but I'm afraid that it does happen." she clarified.

"Oh," Kevin slumped back in his chair in something akin to . . . he wasn't actually sure right now; everything he had based his life and career on, had been thrown out the window in a matter of five minutes, his life destroyed.

"I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear," Carter said, her apology sincere.

Though it was kinda deaf to Kevin's ears; it was a nice gesture, but it didn't solve his problem and it didn't mean one bit to him.

"It's fine, Colonel." Kevin said, standing from his seat. "Thank you for being honest." he saluted and slipped out of her office and going down the steps in a slightly shocked daze. It didn't matter that he had left without really being dismissed—it didn't matter anymore because he wasn't a Captain anymore, now was he?

He didn't know what he was going to do; he had never done anything else before, and he didn't know what he was going to do when he got back to Earth. Colonel Carter had said that he was going to get a military pension, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to spend the rest of his life doing nothing. With his heart condition still being new, he wasn't really sure of the limitations and what harm it could really cause.

At the moment he was still healing; it had barely been two weeks since he had been shot, so he wasn't sure quite yet what the effect factor would be. Kevin wasn't quite sure of how serious this really was, and he knew that he may not, not until the effects actually started to happen to him.

Right now, he couldn't get anything straight, everything that had been discussed with Carter and the conversations that he had had with Michael in the infirmary were all swirling around in his mind and in his now damaged heart—it wasn't really the fact that he had already come to terms with everything like one may think, but the fact that he couldn't seem to put everything in a straight line.

Kevin wasn't quite sure what had contributed to the fact; all of his life he had never talked to anyone, nor had he ever had anyone to talk to. When he had met Michael on the Daedalus, it had opened things up for him—like being able to express himself/his opinion unlike before, and talk. So that may have been the reason as to why he blinked and suddenly found himself at Michael quarters, waving his hand in front of the sensor next to the door.

For a second he had entertained the idea of running, but that was really stupid because he really needed this—he needed to talk to someone, Michael being the only one, or he was sure that he was going to go into a deep depression or something possibly worse than that if he didn't get whatever this was, out.

So he stayed and the door slid open.

"Kevin?" Michael said surprised. "What are you doing here? Are you alright?"

Kevin didn't answer the last question because he was far from okay, but he talked before he could lose the last of his nerve. "Can I talk to you, Michael? It's really important."

"Uh, sure." Michael nodded. "Come in," he moved to the side and Kevin slipped passed him, the door sliding shut again behind him.

Kevin glanced around Michael's room, not really knowing where to go, whether or not to sit. He hadn't been to anyone else's quarters before, but Michael's was very much like his own; the small bed with the small bathroom, no personal possessions in sight.

"Kevin," Michael said, worried. "Talk to me." he came over to Kevin and placed a hand on either of his shoulders, stopping the younger's pacing.

Kevin did stop, looking up at the taller man. "I—" he let out a breath, his eyes existentially lost. "I should have told this before, but I'm being discharged from the Air Force."

"What?" Michael hands squeezed a little tighter, but it kept Kevin grounded. "Why?" though he already had his suspicions on the matter.

"That damage was too much for my heart, and they can't risk having me off world or even in the Force."

"Just like that?"

Kevin nodded. "Colonel Carter said that it would be an honorable discharge and that I would get health benefits and a government pension." he scoffed, "But that doesn't make anything better, Michael; this career is what I based myself on, based my life on—from beginning to end—this is all I know! There gonna make me stay for a few more months and then send me back to Earth on the Daedalus."

Michael stared down at Kevin, his hand clasping neck, giving it a squeeze. "Kevin,"

"I did what you told me and found out whether or not Major Lorne was my brother." Kevin told him, changing to another depressing topic, though he still wasn't quite sure what to feel about the fact that Lorne wasn't his brother. He had grown up with the fact, had believed it. And he had made the decision that if he had ever found Major Lorne, that he would never confront him, never tell him. So didn't this just make things easier?

"And?" Michael asked gently.

"He isn't." Kevin said blandly. "Carter said that the computer automatically compares DNA samples, but there wasn't any hits."

"But, what about your file, and the picture?"

"She said that it was just a mix-up on the Agency's part."

"Oh, Kevin," Michael sighed sadly. "I'm so sorry."

Kevin shook his head. "It's fine." but the expression on his face begged to differ.

Without really thinking about it, but knowing that this was probably what Kevin needed most; Michael pulled Kevin into a hug.

Kevin was stiff as hell at first, never in his life had he ever been embraced or hugged as Michael was doing now, but he slowly started to melt into this; his own arms wrapping around Michael's middle, his hands coming up and grasping the material on his back, his face buried in the crook of his neck. And with that came the tears of despair that he had been trying to hold back; shudders traveled throughout his body. Michael held him quietly, a hand on his back and the other on the back of his neck.

"We'll figure this out," Michael told him quietly, slowly rocking them back and forth.

note: If you don't hate me for what I did, please review and keep reading!