Disclaimer: I keep forgetting this, so: I don't own anything.
It took surprisingly long for Jess to find Becker. She had thought he'd be at the shooting range or the armoury, because he seemed like the type who'd blow off some steam shooting. In fact, she had often seen him head there in the past after one of their less successful outings.
Today, however, she found him in the menagerie. The sight of him looking down on the magnificent animals past and future, supporting himself with his arms on the railing, was so unusual that she had no idea how to approach him, so she remained standing in the doorway. She could see how tense his shoulders were, and knew from watching him intently these past weeks that it wasn't just due to the way he was standing right now. He was tense all the time, tense and uncomfortable and tight-lipped, but the way his head was drooping right now was new. He looked defeated.
"Yes, Miss Parker?"
She flinched, startled. He had not given any indication that he knew she was in the room, and the fact that she had been staring at him for almost a full minute with him knowing it mortified her.
"How.. how did you know...?" Her voice sounded squeaky, and she hated it.
"Your shoes."
"Oh. Right." She didn't know what else to say.
"Was there anything else you needed?" There was an annoyed finality in his voice, and she knew he was about to brush her off and leave.
"I' wanted to apologise. I was angry at you, but what I said was unfair and wrong. You're an excellent leader and a good soldier, I was just disappointed because I received so little support from you."
"Yes, well, I believe I apologized for that already." He sounded snappish, and for the first time she thought that maybe he wasn't quite as mature, detached and professional as he'd like to be either. But she had confronted the entire military staff today, she could take on one more person.
"Listen, I know what I said before was wrong, and mean. I know I can't even begin to understand what you've been through, but I've already realised you cared for your friends very much, and you would have done anything to save them."
He finally turned around now, and she walked up to stand next to him. He did not say anything, but he hadn't thrown her out yet either, so Jess figured they were doing fine. And then he started talking, and she had to keep herself from staring at him.
"I didn't want to return at all at first. Abby, Connor, Danny and finally Sarah – too many people were lost because of me, people I cared about. But Lester kept insisting I return, until I finally thought that maybe, if I did return here, I could make up for my past failures. For about a week, it felt incredibly good to be here, be useful."
Ah, Jess thought to herself at this point, hence the good mood on our first meeting, but she kept quiet and let him continue. It was probably not every day Captain Becker felt the urge to talk about his feelings to a person he had only known for a little over a month.
"But then the dying started again, both civilians and my own men, and again I thought... well, it's my job to protect people."
"But it's not your job alone. There's Matt, and me, we're here to have your back, and then your men are not new at this, they know how to look after themselves – well, except the ones that ignored my instructions. You don't have to carry the responsibility for everyone here. That's why we're a team – Matt, you and me, we're all on the same level of clearance for a reason, which is to support each other." She paused and watched him as her words sunk in, and the dark shadow seemed to lift from his expression. And then, as he looked up at her with hopeful eyes, she gathered her courage and continued.
"I don't want to replace your old team-mates. But I'd like it if we could become friends." She concentrated very hard on not blushing as she said this, hoping he didn't know just how much she'd like to become friends. He looked at her with a confused expression, and she really did blush now. What an unbelievably childish thing to do, Jess thought to herself – asking one's co-worker if he wanted to be friends. She resisted the urge to hide her face or run out of the room as he responded.
"As I said, I returned here with the goal of finding redemption, of sorts. I was determined to work harder, be better, faster, more concentrated. After the others all … left, I swore to myself I'd never let work fill out my life like this again, and I'd never let myself get close to co-workers again." Jess' face fell. Of course. He was a professional, and so should she be. They should be discussing security issues, not whether or not they could be friends.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to impose myself on you." She turned to step away from the window, but his hand on her arm stopped her, his expression not mocking, but open and hopeful.
"Jess? I'd like to be friends. I said I swore not to get close to my colleagues again. I didn't say it was a good idea."
She was wary for a moment, until he smiled, that rare, beautiful smile, still with sadness tingeing the edges, and she couldn't help but smile back.
"Perfect. I'm a little rusty on the protocol though – the last time I asked somebody if they wanted to be friends, we sealed it by having imaginary tea on my little doll china set." He outright laughed now, and she was glad she'd followed him.
"Well, I could use some non-imaginary coffee out of a really big cup. What about you?"
"Oh yes. Between yelling at your men and yelling at you and looking for you to apologize for yelling, I haven't had time to catch a break yet." He nodded understandingly, and they started walking towards the tea kitchen, chatting amiably.
"Of course. Busy day for you, what with all the yelling. I'm just glad you yell in more dulcet tones than my old army instructors."
"Just you wait. I've found Lester's Scotch and cigars, I might surprise you one day."
Something else occurred to her suddenly, and while they were getting on so well, she dared ask.
"What were you doing in the menagerie, by the way? I've been looking all over the ARC for you, but this was the last place I looked, of course."
"It's where I sometimes come to think of the others. You know the little green flying lizard, Rex?"
"Yes, of course, the Coelurosauravus. It's the only animal with a name, I've always wondered why that is."
"He was also the first animal at the ARC. And he ended up there because Abby actually hid him at an anomaly site and secretly took him home. It took weeks before it all got out apparently, and after that, he had become so used to living at her and Connor's flat that he was allowed to stay there. I brought him into the ARC after they disappeared."
"So Abby and Connor live together? Are they a couple?" She was very careful not to use past tense when referring to his friends, knowing he thought they were still alive.
"Well, that's a tough question to answer... The last I know, they both insisted they were just friends. But a blind person could see they were completely smitten, especially Connor. The amount of blushing and bumbling around the ARC was spectacular. They even kissed once, according to Danny."
Jess was struck by how odd it was to be strolling about the ARC with Captain Becker, gossiping about his probably dead colleagues' love life. Well, she was just glad he talked to her again. Smiling, Jess listened to Becker's tales as images of Connor, Abby, Danny and Sarah rose before her inner eye, as vibrant as if they were still alive.
A/N: I returned after a little break yesterday, and what do you know, I just slipped back into the story and finished Trust Issues. For now. Although maybe I'll think of some more of Jess and Becker's steps along the way. And of course, there's Jess and Matt, who we don't see interact much either. After all, this fic is early days, so it's not shippy yet. (Well, maybe a little.) Also, I'm not sure whether Jess thinks the others are alive or dead at this point.