So….yeah…AWKWARD…

I have some BIG explaining to do. But…I don't have anything to really explain except that I just couldn't write. Not like physically…like my fingers were chopped off, or my laptop crashed, or internet broke, or…I DIED (like some of you said…) But I just couldn't write. I was like speechless…except for writing…like writeless…I don't know. It wasn't that I had a writers block really…maybe a TINY one…but I couldn't seem to form ANYTHING RIGHT! So, I hope that this chapter makes up for my months of being MIA. I hope to start to update quicker and more frequently, but…I won't make any promises. JUST know that I will try my best. :)

Oh.

AND THANK YOOU GUYS FOR ALL OF THE AMAZING REVIEWS! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME! SERIOUSLY. I. LOVE. YOU. ALL OF YOU!

Soo…review?

Thanks!

-SarahBelle-

Chapter 5

As soon as Max started to sing the first song I knew I was screwed.

The audience knew what the lyrics were about.

My band members knew what the lyrics were about.

Heck, everyone in the entire United States knew what her lyrics were about.

Mostly importantly though, I knew exactly what she was singing about.

Who?

Me.

Who made her feel these things?

Um, me.

Who made her be depressed for months?

Oh, yeah…me again.

All

My

Freaking

Fault!

Every note of every song that she sang felt like individual blades stabbing through my heart.

So what did I do?

I just stood there, my face void of all emotion. Just like it always was now a days.

When she finished her last song she gave me a final glance before waving at the crowd and quickly shoving past us. I was tempted to talk to her or say something, but I couldn't seem to form words. Once she disappeared from my sight I immediately turned towards my band members.

"We're changing some of the songs."

Matt frowned slightly, "Huh?"

"Dude, if we do Larry will get mad." Aaron said, his eyebrows scrunching together in discomfort.

I sighed, "I know, but trust me on this one, okay? We're doing Mess I Made instead of Vegas. Change Therapy to its original, not that crap cover Larry made for us, and do semi-acoustic on Shadows and Regrets. Everyone got it?"

They all nodded, but still looked skeptical about the change.

"Go get set up." I nodded towards the stage once and then closed my eyes, rubbing a hand over them.

It nearly killed me to hear Max say those things. Hearing those words really tore me up inside. The thing that hurt the most though, was that they were true. I really did hurt her, I really did make her cry and feel pain. I freaking broke up the band! The one thing that meant everything to her. Yeah, I messed up bad. All because of some stupid lie…

"Here kid." A stage crewman brought me back to life and handed me my black electric guitar.

I nodded him a thanks before turning towards the stage. Taking a deep breath I tried to gain some confidence.

I have to show her.

I still love her.

I nodded at Matt and he tapped his drums together three times as a cue before everyone started playing.

I walked out on the stage playing my part on the electric guitar and people started screaming like mad.

As usual: the lights were blinding, and the crowds were deafening.

I tried to ignore the crowd and lights as I walked to the mic, but my attempt was shot down when some girl threw her bra in my face. Quickly, I ripped it off and threw it to Trent who gladly accepted it.

Finally, finally, I reached the mic and with my luck I had timed it perfectly and had to sing instead of make small, crowd-related talk.

(A/N: Secondhand Serenade – Stay Close, Don't Go)

I'm staring at the glass in front of me,
Is it half empty?
Have I ruined all you've given me?

From the looks of things, it seems like I have.

I know I've been selfish,
I know I've been foolish,
But look through that and you will see,
That I'll do better.
I know, baby I can do better.

I can. Trust me. I closed my eyes as I sang the chorus.

If you leave me tonight,
I'll wake up alone,
Don't tell me I will make it on my own.
Don't leave me tonight,
This heart of stone will sink 'til it dies,
If you leave me tonight.

I looked up finally and glanced around to see the size of the crowd. It's huge. Definitely one of the biggest we've had.

Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping,
I listen to your breathing,
Amazed how I somehow managed to,

I wrote this song when Max and I were going through one of our little fights and never performed it before in front of anyone. But one day, Trent was going through my old song notebooks and found it and showed it to Larry. Then soon, we had our first hit single, and now we have to perform it. All. The. Time. Just reminding me over and over about what I did.

Sweep you off of your feet girl,
Your perfect little feet girl,
I took for granted what you do,
But I'll do better.
I know, baby I can do better.

I looked at all of the screaming, overly cheery girls in the audience, wishing that Max could be one of them…. God Fang, you're pathetic.

If you leave me tonight,
I'll wake up alone,
Don't tell me I will make it on my own.
Don't leave me tonight,
This heart of stone will sink 'til it dies,
If you leave me tonight.

I played a little guitar solo and let the rhythm die a little before picking it back up.

And don't you know,
My heart is pumping,
Oh, it's putting up the fight.
And I've got this feeling,
That everything's alright.
Don't you see?
I'm not the only one for you,
But you're the only one for me.

I let my eyelids slowly drift shut and leaned close the mic so my mouth was touching it as I muttered the next lyrics in a regretful tone.

If you leave me tonight,
I'll wake up alone.

I let out a soft sigh before nearly yelling the last part of the song.

If you leave me tonight,
I'll wake up alone,
Don't tell me I will make it on my own.
Don't leave me tonight,
This heart of stone will sink 'til it dies,
If you leave me tonight.
Don't leave me tonight.

Once the music stopped the entire crowd erupted with cheers and screams.

"Thank you." I muttered into the mic as I changed guitars and handed my electric to a stage crew guy, "That was our latest single, Stay Close, Don't Go." I turned to Matt and he gave me a thumbs up before he started playing a light beat on the drums. "How is everyone tonight?" I asked loudly, and was rewarded by high pitched screams and shouts. "Good, good. We're glad we could make it out tonight here to the great state of Tennessee!" Cue more screams and shouts. "This next song is called Therapy."

The lights dimmed down to a faint, dreary glow that barely lit up the stage. Matt stopped his drumming as Trent, Aaron, and I all started to play the intro of the song. I closed my eyes and moved my mouth close the mic, almost to where I was leaning on it, before singing in a chill tone.

(A/N: Therapy- All Time Low)

My ship went down, in a sea of sound.
When I woke up alone I had everything;

I swayed in time with the rhythm as I played the chords lazily on my guitar.

A handful of moments, I wished I could change,
And a tongue like a nightmare, that cut like a blade.

I wish I could change Max. I would change everything just for another chance.

In a city of fools, I was careful and cool,
But they tore me apart, like a hurricane.
A handful of moments, I wished I could change,
But I was carried away.

I kept my eyes closed as I tried to find that part of me deep inside. The old me. The one who could sing a song and actually feel what the lyrics meant. The one who could actually feel the music instead of just playing it for kicks.

Give me therapy, I'm a walking travesty,
But I'm smiling at everything.
Therapy, you were never a friend to me,
And you can keep all your misery.

Matt came in on the drums as the beat picked up a little, and I decided I should open my eyes so the audience doesn't think I'm high or something.

My lungs gave out, as I faced the crowd.
I think that keeping this up could be dangerous.

I'm becoming more and more depressed by the minute.

I'm flesh and bone, I'm a rolling stone,
and the experts say I'm delirious.

Give me therapy, I'm a walking travesty,
But I'm smiling at everything.
Therapy, you were never a friend to me,
You can take back your misery.

I let my guitar swing behind me as I grabbed the mic with both hands and sang with my eyes closed.

Arrogant boy, love yourself so no one has to.
They're better off without you.
Arrogant boy, cause a scene like you're supposed to.
They'll fall asleep without you.
You're lucky if your memory remains.

Please let some piece of me remain, Max. I need to make things better.

Give me therapy, I'm a walking travesty,
But I'm smiling at everything.
Therapy, you were never a friend to me,
You can take back your misery.

I grabbed my guitar and started playing again to the lazy rhythm that made this song so distinct.

Give me therapy, I'm a walking travesty,
But I'm smiling at everything.
Therapy, you were never a friend to me,
You can choke on your misery.

The lights went out as soon as the song ended, and I stepped away from the mic just as the entire crowd roared. The entire band left the stage besides me. A stage crew guy ran over to me to switch my electric guitar for an acoustic and handed me a wooden stool to sit on. The lights came back on as soon as I sat on the chair, and was fixing the guitar strap to suit my shoulder comfortably. I strummed the guitar once to make sure it was in tune and adjusted the capo a little on the fret.

"How many of you guys out there have been to one of our shows before?" I asked into the mic in front of me, not looking up from my guitar.

People screamed and I nodded my head thoughtfully. Small talk never was my forte. I try my best, but all I want to do is just play the music and leave. If I could do a show where I just play, like, five songs, one after the other, and never have to mutter a word in between, my life would be complete.

I decided to stop being rude and actually talk while looking at them, "This next song is called Mess I Made."

Cue even more screaming.

I played a tiny intro before stopping and started to sing the song acapella.

(A/N: The Mess I Made – Parachute)

Should've kissed you there

I should've held your face

I should've watched those eyes

Instead of run in place

I grabbed the mic with one hand and let the other rest on my guitar with a black pick loosely wedged between two of my fingers.

I should've called you out

I should've said your name

I should've turned around

I should've looked again

I started playing a light tune on my guitar and I closed my eyes as I sang loudly.

But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made

I'm staring at the mess I made

I'm staring at the mess I made

As you turn, you take your heart and walk away

All I've been doing since I left you Max. I've been staring at this humungous mess I made and wondering how I could fix it.

Should've held my ground

I could've been redeemed

For every second chance

That changed its mind on me

I should have never let you go. I should have been there that day at the airport instead of the English butler guy.

I should've spoken up

I should've proudly claimed

That oh my head's to blame

For all my heart's mistakes

I wasn't thinking clearly. Heck, I wasn't thinking at all.

But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made

I'm staring at the mess I made

I'm staring at the mess I made

As you turn, you take your heart and walk away

I started playing louder and faster.

And it's you, and it's you

And it's you, and it's you

And it's falling down, as you walk away

And it's on me now, as you go

I left, and now you have just as much right to leave and never look back.

But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made

I'm staring at the mess I made

I'm staring at the mess I made

As you turn, you take your heart and walk away

I let my voice become louder as I felt myself fill with emotion. That's the only time I do let myself really show emotion it seems; when I'm playing music.

And it's falling down, as you walk away

And it's on me now, as you go

The volume in my voice and the guitar died down. I felt myself become almost tired as the song ended.

But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made

I'm staring at the mess I made

I'm staring at the mess I made

As you turn, you take your heart and walk away

I ended the song in a single strum on the guitar. The crowd cheered, blah, blah, blah. Same old, same old. You get the gist of it.

After they calmed down enough so they could hear me, I finally spoke, "We have one more song for you guys tonight." The crowd booed, making me grin a little, "Yes, I know, sorry. Thank you to everyone who came out tonight. We really appreciate it." I strummed a couple times to make sure the guitar was still in tune, before looking over the crowd, "This next song is called-" I was stopped whenever I saw Max in the crowd. She was a ways back, actually pretty far back, and was sitting on the roof of someone's truck by herself staring up at the stage. She was looking right at me. I could tell by the way the hairs on my arms stood up and my heart picked up in pace. I stared back at her as I tried to finish what I was originally saying, "T-this next song is Shadows and Regret." I gave her one last look before strumming the intro on my guitar.

(A/N: Shadows and Regrets – Yellowcard)

I'm back, back in town
and everything has changed
I feel, feel let down
The faces stay the same

I continued to look at her as I sang, my heart beating a mile a minute. She folded her arms close to her chest, like she always did when she was uncomfortable. But I had to get the message through to her.

I see, see shadows
Of who we used to be
When I drive, drive so slow
Through this memory

I frowned as I sang the chorus, because it was so true. We were the best of friends. We were only kids, at least it seemed like it. And we really did let go of the rest and hope for the best. But it only ended in disaster.

When we were only kids
And we were best of friends
And we hoped for the best
And let go of the rest

I let the ending note of the chorus hang off as the rest of the band started playing. (They had ran in during the middle of the chorus) I stood up and threw the guitar and chair to a stage crew guy, before grabbing the mic off the stand and singing the next verse.

I heard, heard myself
Say things I'd take back
If I could, could retell
And make these stories last

I watched as she got off the truck and start to make her way forward, my heart beat rising with her every step.

I see, see shadows
Of who we'll always be
And I drive, drive these roads
That made our memories

I sat down on the edge of the stage with one leg bent at the knee and the other one hanging down. I rested my arm on my knee as I continued to sing. Max was still making her was through the huge crowd, but it was slow going.

When we were only kids
And we were best of friends
And we hoped for the best
And let go of the rest

I quickly stood up and sang loudly, closing my eyes as I grabbed the mic tightly with both hands.

Shadows and regrets
Let go of the rest

I slowly opened my eyes as the music died and then picked up again. My eyes scanned the crowd for Max, but I couldn't find her. I walked across the stage, hoping that a different angle could help me spot her in the crowd. No, no, no. Don't leave. Please don't leave.

Everything has changed
Faces stay the same

I quickly walked across the stage to look on the opposite side for her. I probably looked desperate…searching the crowd with eager eyes, barely singing the song with emotion…good job Fang. Great show.

Everything has changed
Faces stay the same

I sang more quiet as I slowly gave up. She left. She doesn't get to hear what I have to say, what I've been trying to say in the only way I know how to.

When we were only kids
And our time couldn't end
And how tall did we stand?
With the world in our hands

I suddenly felt like I was breaking. There's no explanation why. My insides just felt like they were crumbling apart. God, this is such a Twilight moment…but it's how I felt, like I was slowly breaking.

And we were only kids
And we were best of friends
And we hoped for the best
And let go of the rest

I grabbed my stomach with my free arm as I sang loudly with my eyes closed, almost doubling over from the overwhelming emotion. I had never experienced this before, this much raw emotion.

Shadows and regrets
We let go of the rest
Shadows and Regrets
We let go of the rest

The lights slowly dimmed on stage until it was totally black. I stared down at the floor as the crowd cheered and screamed louder than before.

"Thank you." I heard Matt yell into one of the mics. I guess he realized that I wasn't going to say anything anytime soon, "We're The Fallout, have a great night!"

More screams. Then people started to clear out, and soon they were only few stragglers left.

But I continued to stand there, just staring at the dusty, scuffed black flooring of the stage.

I felt lonely as my fellow band members left the stage, leaving me to stand alone in the dark.

I felt depressed that she had left.

I felt angry at myself for being such a huge idiot for causing all of this in the first place.

But, most of all, I felt hopeless.

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