I fall to the ground screaming and sobbing until my throat goes raw. I've probably woke up Haymitch, but I don't stop there. I begin throwing things and even breaking them. I lock all my doors so no one can even think of coming in and stopping me.

Once I finally calm down a bit, I call Haymitch. I tell him I'm going to four with Peeta and he's free of his babysitting duties. Luckily he bought it.

I honestly don't feel like eating. Ever. At this point. So I throw away everything. All of the food except water. When I run across Peeta's baking supplies it sends tears spiraling down my face. Once everything is thrown away, I remind myself that I won't have to see it again since i have no reason to be in the kitchen.

I contemplate flushing down all my medicene, so i do. I dump it all down the toilet and flush it.

i slouch against the bathroom wall and begin sobbing again. I cry for him, but I know he won't answer. He's gone.

I finally get the strength to get up and i realize It's dark out. I'm not ready to brave the night alone, but i have too. I crawl into bed and the emptiness beside me sends me into hysterics again. I eventually cry myself to sleep.

DAY FOUR:

I have no idea how long It's been or how many days have gone by. I drag myself out of bed and take a deep breath. It's like a chore to even breathe. I feel absolutely numb like I'm in some kind of void of despair. I don't know how much longer of this I can take..

I know i need a shower. So i go run one. I grab my razor so I can keep one of my many promises to Cinna. I always save shaving for last since It's my least favorite part, so I set myself down on one of the seats in the shower. I guess I wasn't paying attention, but I leave a long cut on my thigh. It's the first thing I've actually felt in a long time. So I do it again. And again. And again. My entire right leg is covered in blood. I'm not sure what to do with it, so I wash it off and get out of the shower.

I realize this has to be my own little secret. No one can ever know. It's my own glorious secret that I'll never share.

I have no idea of what to do with myself for the rest of the day. I sit on the couch and stare at the wall or twidle my thumbs. The numbness still envelopes me. So I go and turn the heat off. Maybe the cold will help me feel something cause after all it is December.

Eventually I get bored so I go and grab my razor. I prop myself on the couch and begin cutting on the exact same spots as earlier. It doesn't give me as much satisfaction the second time, so i move to my left leg. I don't know how long I sit there but eventually I will myself to stop.

I don't have the courage to face the empty bed again and I have no more tears to cry so it hurts even more. I remain on the couch and fall asleep there, but we all know not for long. For the nightmares are even worst for the weak.

DAY 6:

I haven't spoken, taken medicene or eaten in nearly a week. I've moved on to cutting my arms too since I've run out of space. It's beyond cold in here, but at least it helps me feel something. I go and get some water so I can replinish my tears.

I cry for him again until I'm weak. When will he come home? I pass out from all of the crying and i think lack of food. I don't recall waking up the next day either.