Twilight Bashing
Peace: Hi readers! Welcome to another chapter of Twilight Bashing!
Ed: You seem happy.
Peace: My grandmother got me the first three books of the Maximum Ride series. I'm already like, one-third of the way through the third book. In less than three days!
Greedling: Jeez, what are you, a super reader?
Peace: I love reading. Reading is in my blood. And it helps when you can't put the book down. Now, back to the bashing. *points to title*
Ed: Isn't there something you're forgetting?
Peace: Oh right! I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, Twilight, or Death Note. Now, introducing L from Death Note!
*spotlight on L, who is eating a cake, oblivious to the world around him*
Peace: Ahem, I said, INTRODUCING L FROM DEATH NOTE!
L: *jumps* Oh, sorry. I didn't hear you.
Peace: It's okay, Llie-chan. Now, MELLO!
Mello: Mmm. *eating chocolate*
Peace: And Matt!
Matt: Hi there. *wave*
Roy: Didn't he only appear for like three minutes and then get shot down?
Ed: And with less than five lines. I mean, jeez, the Freezing Alchemist got more lines than him and he was only in the 2009 anime! Not even in the manga!
Matt:… No need to rub it in. *sulk*
Mello: *glare* Little midget runt bastard.
Ed: WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE CANT GO INTO TOWN WITHOUT BEING MISTAKEN FOR A SHRIMP AND EATEN!
Mello: You, little shrimp boy. *smug smile*
Ed: WHAAAT!
Peace: Okay, okay! *gets between them* Quit fighting. Or, in case it's unavoidable, go fight outside.
Mello and Ed: Fine. *turn away from each other*
Peace: Good. Now, the psycho killers, Light, BB and Mikami!
Roy: You said one psycho serial killer! Instead I get this! *gestures*
BB: *eating jam; we hope*
Light: *eating potato chips and writing in the Death Note*
Mikami: *also writing in a Death Note* DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE GOD GOD DELETE GOD DELETE! *continues*
Roy: O.O Dear merciful lord.
Al: Do you even like any of these characters? O.O'
Peace: BB I do, I lost respect for Light after he went completely bat-shit-psycho-insane. And killed L. And Matt. And Mello. God, freaking everyone. Now get the Sparklepire out before I start ranting and swearing.
Sparklepire: NOO! Don't turn me over to the psychopaths!
L: I am not a psychopath. I do not wish to physically arm you.
Sparklepire: Oh thank-
L: Instead, I wish to completely, how would you say, 'scare the crap out of you'.
Peace: Will this plan scar him for life, leaving him a hollow empty shell filled only with feces, fear and pain? Will it make him afraid for the rest of his life, making him afraid to sleep even though it's impossible for him?
Roy:…
Ed:…Uh…
Al:…I'm going to go now, May needs, uh, cat food. Yeah, that's it… *inches away a few feet before running like hell*
Light:… And you thought I was screwed up.
Mikami: Delete? O.O
Mello: O.O I need chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate.
Matt: I need bleach. Those images are stuck in my eyes for all eternity.
Hughes:… I'm going to forget I heard that.
Hawkeye: Me too. *shudder*
BB: I think I love you…
Kimblee: *hiding in a closet*
Peace:… I over described that, didn't I? Sorry. *nervous laugh*
Sparklepire: O.O Afraid, very very afraid now.
L: *describes the plan in my ear*
Peace: *evil grin* Sparklepire.
Sparklepire: Eep!
Peace: *points to room with a projector and holding chair* You. Chair. In. NOW.
Sparklepire: Eep! Y-yes ma'am.
Matt: What are you going to show him?
Peace: *ruffles his hair* Oh, Matt. Cursed with perfect envisioning skills, haunted with being able to see everything described to you, just like me. I think you've been scarred enough, don't you think?
Matt: O.O O-okay, when you put it that way. *walks away*
Mello: What's going to happen to Sparkle-bastard?
Peace: Yaoi. Hardcore yaoi.
Ed: O.o I-I- why did you ask Mello?
Mello: I thought it would be war pictures or something. O.o
Roy: War is about five million times better than any yaoi.
L: There is a forty-seven persent chance he will try to rip out his own eyeballs.
*screams are heard from the room, along with wet ripping sounds*
L: O.O Make that seventy-nine percent…
Greedling: Oh sweet Jesus… *gags*
Sparklepire: *comes out of the room* I hate my life. I hate everything. I want my mommy. *curls into fetal position, sucking his thumb*
Peace: Crap, we cant use him. Bring out the Mary-sue!
Hughes: *leaves and comes back with Mary-sue, who is staring at a picture of Edward and leaving a river of drool*
Melio: Can I shoot her first? I'm out of chocolate.
Peace: Go nuts. *steps back*
Mello: Thanks. *shoots Mary-sue until he runs out of bullets. Starts beating her with his gun*
Peace: I'm going to end this chapter before my rating goes up to M. Bye, see ya next chapter, if I haven't screwed up your mind beyond repair yet. *waves nervously* Review and please don't flame.