I am writing this with help from the actual TV episodes, but am striving to make it my own. I do change dialogue around a bit here and there, and write my own scenes…

This is from Lavinia's Point Of View, maybe it's because I have never written for someone quite like her…

Here it is, at long last. Forbidden Kisses.

Episode One - 1916

Forbidden Kisses

Lavinia POV

The car jolted slightly, and I clenched my hands into fists. Matthew sat next to me, and his mother Isobel sat across from us, she had asked me to call her by her first name, as I was to be her daughter-in-law, but I still felt nervous when I spoke to her. Actually, I felt nervous quite a bit, if not, all the time these days…

"Are you all right?" Matthew asked me. I turned my head to see him, and his eyebrows were drawn together, he seemed worried.

"Just nerves. Nothing to worry about." Matthew and I never spoke that much… he was often in France… at war.

He smiled and looked back toward the driver, and I looked out the window. Out of the darkness, from what I could see, large trees towered over the road, and rolling fields of grass led to the daunting magnificence of Downton Abbey. My throat suddenly felt tighter, and I twisted my fingers together.

The car was parked, and Matthew helped his mother out first, and then me. I strained my neck looking up to the very top of the castle, to see the flag, almost invisible in the night, and had to hold back a gasp, whether of admiration or fear, I didn't know. Light spilled from the open doorway, and Matthew stepped in, his mother at one side of him, me at the other. An imposing man, his head proudly held high, in a servant's livery, he must have been the butler, was taking people's coats, and stopped as he saw Matthew.

His jaw hardened, and he said stiffly, "Welcome back, Mister Crawley…" with a curt nod.

"Hello Carson. It's been a while." I saw Matthew smile at the man, although his greeting seemed warmer than the one he had received. I took off my coat and gave it to the butler, thanking him, and walked with Matthew and his mother to the hall. The doors were open, and a band was playing on a stage. There were chairs set up, and people everywhere, it was a concert to raise money for the war effort.

We stepped into the hall. I could feel my hands shaking…

"It's awfully grand." was all I could say, for much want of a more appropriate description, it was absolutely beautiful.

"Well, you'd better get used to it… it'll be your home one day." Matthew looked at me, smiling.

"I'm not sure 'home' would ever be quite the word to describe it." it all seemed so fast, meeting Matthew, the courtship, his proposal… and Downton Abbey. Just the fact he called it my future home made me feel about to shiver…

A man walked towards us, and I felt the fear gripping me. This was the Earl of Grantham. Matthew had told me, and he had said fondly that this man was like a second father to him.

"My dear fellow, welcome back," he shook Matthew's hand, "it's so very good to see you."

"May I present Miss Lavinia Swire?" Matthew let go of the Earl's hand and turned to me, and I could feel myself tremble slightly as I shook his hand, my own was lost in his grasp.

"How do you do, Lord Grantham?" my voice was pitifully fearful, I couldn't help it, but he only smiled and said,

"How do you do, Miss Swire? I presume Isobel has welcomed you into Crawley House? How do you like it?"

"Oh, very much, thank you," I nodded, "this is all so different from my home."

"Yes, very different. I understand that you live in the city?"

"Yes," I finally forced myself to smile; talking about my home would take my mind off things a bit, even if I was speaking to an Earl, I at least knew about London, "I grew up there."

"But do you find Downton to your liking? I suppose it isn't a London house, but it'll do." he joked.

I smiled, he was making an effort to be friendly, it was rather kind of him. Matthew had apologised to me earlier for the pressure of the situation, and had hoped that everyone would be welcoming… although he also said he "couldn't account for everyone's behaviour". I did wonder who he meant by that…

"Yes. It's lovely, thank you so much for inviting me…" the truthfulness of my words surprised me, of course I meant them, but I was actually glad to be here, and I didn't feel quite so out of place.

Isobel had been standing by Matthew, and now walked towards a tall, striking woman in a black dress, my own age, she had dark brown hair, and stood alone, looking at us.

"Now, please come this way." Lord Grantham said.

"Thank you." I seemed to say that quite a bit, but what else was there to say?

Lord Grantham went to Isobel, and Matthew smiled at me, and I followed.

The woman stepped forward and took Isobel's hands, and spoke to her, smiling. She then looked up as I stood before her, and held out her hand, "Hello… Miss Swire, I'm Mary Crawley," her voice was soft as my fingers slid against hers, the satin of her glove warmed my hand.

"Of course you are," it was her… " I mean, I've been longing to meet you, because I've heard so much about you from Matthew…" her hand was warm as she held mine, and I heard myself stammer, "That is… uh-" I could feel myself blushing, such a foolish thing to say…

"Nice things, I hope." she smiled, not at me, my hand was let go…

I nodded, they had been nothing but nice, although absently said, and the subject was always changed quickly.

"What else would she hear from me?" Matthew touched my back softly.

Lord Grantham invited me to sit, "Please…"

I stepped away, glancing back at her… her smiles didn't seem real, and her eyes were empty. Matthew hardly ever spoke of her, only to say that they were once involved, they had known each other about two years, and he had proposed, but that it was not to be, and that was all he had said of any romantic relationship between them… she smiled at me, as I turned and walked to my seat.

The music was lovely, except I found myself not focusing entirely on the performance. I wasn't sure how, but I found myself looking at Lady Mary. Her head was turned towards me… she had been watching me… I couldn't look away in time for her not to see me, and for her to think that she caught me staring. The only thing I could do, I couldn't really think, I smiled.

It wasn't out of pity, or mocking, she seemed a lovely woman. She smiled back, it didn't seem kind, or polite, not at all the opposite, though… but there was something else. I could feel the blush in my cheeks again, and looked back to the stage, feeling warmer… I breathed in as the band continued to play.

Lord Grantham stood suddenly, and turned to the back of the hall. There were two women, giving white feathers away…

"Stop this at once!" he said, his voice did not shake, he seemed terribly angry; "this is neither the time, nor the place!"

One of the women with the white feathers turned to him, and sneered, "These people should be aware that there are cowards among them!"

"Will you please leave?" there was an instant of dangerous silence, the women did not move, their persistence was like a challenge.

"YOU are the cowards here, not they!" his voice was like thunder as he pointed to them, he was shaking in anger; I felt about to shake with fear…

One of the women cast a glance to her companion; they both then turned and left. Matthew had stood, and as the Earl prompted the band to continue, he and Matthew exchanged a glance, and they both sat down silently.

Hidden-Forbidden-Passion

Dinner was rather a full affair, so many people talking amongst themselves, and across the table, I couldn't much keep track of everything that was said.

I was just serving myself when Lord Grantham, who sat next to me, looked round the butler's elbow and spoke.

"How did you and Matthew meet?"

"Oh, in London," he hadn't asked about that earlier in the evening, "My father works in London, so I've always lived there."

I had been to the country a few times too, before my first Season, when I was young, and after, as a lady. I had always found it so lovely, but also so quiet in comparison to the city. It was something I had gotten used to, I had a fondness for the country, and I said so.

"But I love the country, too."

"Oh course you do." the Dowager Countess said.

"Daddy's a solicitor. Like… Matthew." I looked to him pointedly.

"My, my…" she marvelled, "You're very well placed if you're ever in trouble with the law…"

I felt my heart slow for a panic-filled moment…

After that, I rather kept to myself at dinner. Lord Grantham spoke to Matthew's mother, and there were an uneven number of people there, so as I kept silent, fidgeting slightly, everyone else talked to the people next to them, and they were all related, I was the odd one out. And Matthew was talking to Lady Mary… he hadn't spoken of their friendship, or where they stood with each other, but by the looks of things, it seemed they were on speaking terms again.

Hidden-Forbidden-Passion

I sat with Lady Edith and Lady Mary on the sofa, my glass in my hand.

"I don't know much about life in the country, but I do understand how the law works, so I believe I can be helpful to Matthew there." did I sound as if I thought myself important… I did not mean to.

"But you'll be immensely helpful…" Lady Edith complimented, "Don't you think so, Mary?" she turned to her sister.

Mary smiled at me, her eyes kind, "Of course."

The door opened, and a housemaid rushed in, and began thanking Lady Grantham for employing her and approving of her work.

I glanced to the Countess of Grantham. She seemed as confused as we all were, and the butler stepped up to the poor girl, who was unknowingly making a fool of herself, telling her to go back downstairs.

Lady Edith snickered to herself, and I smiled, but did not feel it was kind at all, or something to laugh at… Mary seemed quite unfazed by it all, and I stared down at my lap, feeling nervous once more.

Hidden-Forbidden-Passion

I stood with the butler, Carson, outside, by the car. Matthew was just inside, talking with Lady Mary. He was smiling, so I suppose there would be no more discomfort between them, Matthew hadn't spoken of his hopes that they make peace with each other.

As Matthew turned to leave and strode out the door, I looked up, and Mary saw me. After a moment of me being trapped by her gaze, she turned away and walked out of my line of sight, and I looked down, wondering what could possibly have caused me to stare so rudely.

TBC

There's the first chapter, done. :D Unspeakably happy, and the next chapter is almost finished, please bear with me.

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