I am writing this with help from the actual TV episodes, but am striving to make it my own. I do change dialogue around a bit here and there, and write my own scenes…
I hope you enjoy Chapter 2 (significantly longer than Chapter 1).
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Episode 2 – April, 1917
Chapter 2
Lavinia's POV
"Mrs Crawley, Captain Crawley, and Miss Swire." was announced by the aloof butler as I walked into the drawing room beside Matthew. It felt as if my name had been tacked on to the last of that sentence, like I was an unexpected and unwelcome guest, but I still smiled as I saw everyone.
Lady Mary had looked towards us as we entered, and looked somewhat surprised… she was a picture in a beaded dress, for some reason, it had me thinking of the wings of a bird, the way the beading splayed out over the dress, across the bodice and around the back…
"Well now," Lord Grantham walked over to us, looking relieved, "Still in one piece, thank God…" he shook Matthew's hand warmly.
I didn't hear the rest of their conversation, as Mary walked over to us, smiling, next to her was a tall gentleman…
My heart stopped in my chest. It was him.
"Do you know Sir Richard Carlisle?" Mary smiled over his shoulder, "my cousin, Captain Crawley."
Matthew shook Carlisle's hand politely.
"How do you do?" Sir Richard smiled, and his eyes shifted to me. I glanced to Mary, and she blinked, smiling, and looked away…
"And his fiancée, Miss Swire." Lord Grantham offered helpfully, but was almost interrupted as Carlisle spoke.
"I know Miss Swire," his tone was almost rude, how he announced our unfortunate connection, "her uncle and I are old friends."
I forced myself to smile and my voice to appear calm, for my heart was pounding fearfully in my chest as I spoke, "Well, old acquaintances, anyway."
There was a long moment of suspicious silence, until Lord Grantham spoke to Matthew, and I couldn't bring myself to say anything, I only stood there, Sir Richard talked with Matthew's mother, and Mary and I were the only ones with no one to speak to, as I looked over to her, she blushed and looked away, and I found myself doing the same. I felt like I should go over to talk to her, but I was completely at a loss, in a still unfamiliar house… I didn't belong here.
Isobel came over to talk to me, and Mary left to join Sir Richard, who was speaking with her grandmother, the Dowager Countess. I felt useless and unwanted, out of place. And I couldn't help hoping that that would change soon.
Hidden-Forbidden-Passion
I lifted my fork to my mouth, and as I did, Lady Mary, who sat across the table watching me, smiled. I blushed as I chewed, but could not make conversation with her, her sister Sybil was unofficially the one I was expected to talk to, as I had been seated next to her. She was a lovely girl, and had come to the house for dinner on her night off, but even I could tell she was not much pleased, she seemed to love the work she did as a nurse, and I thought she would do very well.
I had been speaking to her about politics, I had never been much involved, and although Lady Sybil had said she could not be a part of it all as her work at the hospital was far more important.
I had only just started to speak, "I believe that-"
There was a clang and a splash, followed by a cry of shock from Lady Edith. One of the servants had spilled gravy in her lap, and the butler began a hasty apology, and attempted to control the situation, but he began to choke… not on food, he didn't seem to be able to breathe.
Lady Grantham, Lady Sybil and Lady Mary all pushed their chairs back and rushed to his side, he was having a heart attack, or a stroke, or… I had no idea what to do; I just stood there, helpless while the poor man couldn't breathe. Lord Grantham began loosening the butler's tight collar, and Matthew's mother, Lady Mary, Lady Grantham and Lady Sybil all crowded around him, although Isobel and Sybil were the ones who knew what they were doing.
Edith had been told to fetch the doctor, at which point she complained about her stained dress. At this, I felt myself not liking her in the least, the butler may have been dying, and all she cared about was her frock. Mary kept a clear head in all this, and offered to help Carson upstairs, although Sybil took over instead.
The servants, everyone, stood round, shocked at this chaotic turn of events. The butler was helped out of the room by Matthew and Sybil.
I glanced at Mary, who stood at the doorway, she turned back and saw me, but said nothing, she only sat back in her spot across from me, at which point dinner continued, with somewhat less people, Mary staring silently at her plate, and me sitting alone, shocked by this evening's events.
Hidden-Forbidden-Passion
"Lavinia." Sir Richard's voice came from behind me, and I turned. He walked off the gravel path and over the grass until he was in front of me.
"If you don't mind, I'd prefer if you called me Miss Swire." I couldn't have him seeming too familiar with me, especially around Matthew, or… anybody else.
"Oh," he feigned disappointment, "us being such old friends?" his smile turned dangerous, and I couldn't tell whether I was more irked or frightened by his intentions, which I had no idea what they were.
"Why did you ask to meet me here?" he had cornered me after dinner the night before, and it only took a moment for him to tell me he'd like to talkto me. I had hardly slept at all last night after his request, but I didn't dare not show.
"Well, I was just thinking you'd like to remain engaged to the honourable Captain Crawley, after all, it'd be dreadful if he were to break off your engagement." his smile never left his face, and at that moment, I regretted my uncle ever meeting him.
"Is this why you asked me here? To blackmail me? You knowI only gave you that evidence so as my father wouldn't be-"
"Yes, and it was very nobleof you. But I find myself wondering if I might be second fiddle to your Matthew, as far as Lady Mary's concerned, and I'd very much appreciate it if you keep him away from my future wife." I did not answer, his eyes did not leave mine, and he then went on, delivering the final blow, "because he mightjust hear of your unspeakable… past actions."
So that's all he was doing here. To marry Lady Mary and make a bigger name for himself, instead of an uncouth American hawker of newspaper scandal, as the husband of an English heiress, better still for him, have an English heiress as his wife.
It was disgusting. She deserved better.
"I can't believe you," the words left my mouth, the anger spurred them on, "do you really think so little of us women that we are to obey your every instruction? So Mary is to marry you and I am to be held captive by your knowledge of my family's mistakes and that Inowhave to pay the price for silencing you of my past, now you silence me. I shan't listen to this."
I made to leave, but he grabbed my arm, "If you so much as breathe a word about me to Lady Mary that is not dripping with respectable admiration, you shall find that my papers will name you as the starter of the Marconi scandal, and Captain Crawley will have ended your engagement, and you will be ruined, no man will ever touch you." his eyes flashed as he spoke those last few words, and I fought back a shudder.
"How dare you threaten me." my voice shook as I spoke the words, they were all I couldsay, but as I spoke, his fingers tightened around my wrist, his grip was almost crushing.
"HowdareI?" his voice was low as he clutched my wrist even harder, it would surely bruise, my eyes were welling up, the pain was- "Oh, I assure you, I dare a great deal more than that."
"But you can't,you wouldn't-"
"I didn't say I would. I was merely reminding you it was in my power." he still held my arm, fiercely tightening his grip.
Yes, power. That was all he wanted, and that was what he had, he could devastate my family and ruin me…
Something caught my eye, which made my blood run cold.
Lady Rosamund Painswick, Lady Mary's aunt, was walking up the path, not far from where we stood, Sir Richard still kept me there by his grip on my arm. He turned and released my wrist; it throbbed… and strode toward her. How much had she heard?
"Lady Painswick." Sir Richard greeted her.
"Lady Rosamund." she corrected him.
"I'm sorry; I'll get these things sorted out before too long." Carlisle apologised.
"It's not important." Lady Rosamund assured him.
I walked up behind Sir Richard, trying my best to smile. She mustn't think we were disagreeing, arguing, anything, she could tell someone, she could tell-
"Miss Swire and I were just talking about old times…" he wasn't exactly lying, was he…
"Happy old times, I hope." she did not look away as she spoke.
I nodded, as best I could when I was shaking.
"Will you forgive me; I want to write some letters before dinner." she excused herself, and walked away.
Sir Richard turned back to me slowly; and it took all I had not to run away from the look in his eyes.
Hidden-Forbidden-Passion
I sniffled in the Crawley's garden, feeling sorry for myself. I knew it was selfish, but with Carlisle's threats of exposure to scandal I none than less deserved, and being so alone all the time…
"Lavinia?"
I looked up to see Mary Crawley, smiling radiantly, and walking towards me.
I wiped away my tears, sniffing, as her smile faded and became a slight frown of concern.
"What's the matter?" she asked me.
"Are you looking for Matthew?" I wastrying to change the subject, I just felt so weak, and hated anyone to see me cry.
"No, actually…" she stepped around the table to sit on the garden chair next to me, "I came to see you."
I sniffed again, I didn't have a handkerchief, but Mary sat forward in her seat, looking slightly upset herself, "Tell me what it is… please."
I might as well tell her, I had no one else to talk to.
"Matthew has to go a day early… tomorrow morning, in fact."
Mary shook her head in surprise, "Just to meet his General, surely… not back to France?"
Yes…
"But he must go back oneday…" I looked down at my folded hands in my lap, "I can't stop thinking about what I'd do if anything happened to him." I'd have nowhere to go. Back home, it would be the same life, same straight line of life.
Mary laid her hand on the table, leaning in, "I know he'll be all right." she was trying to reassure me… I looked up at her.
"No, you don't. None of us do. We say that sort of thing, but we don't know." did I sound rude, contradicting what she'd said, even if she was trying to comfort me… he could be killed, could be shot, stabbed, scalped…
I was making myself feel ill. The tears continued trickling down my cheeks.
"I'm- I'm… sorry, Lady Mary," I sniffed again, "I don't mean to be impolite, it's just-"
"There's nothing wrong in being honest," she smiled sadly, "You love him. And I can't contradict you for that."
When she said that I loved him… I felt like I should say something… something in return, something that made her understand that I was as lonely as she was. No one ever talked to me. Not Isobel, she was too busy at the hospital, and we had nothing in common, anyway. And Matthew and I spent next to no time together before he proposed.
And with me getting older and needing to be settled, I was seven and twenty, I needed to be married, and Matthew was kind, but not in the least attentive. We never spoke; he was either away or just… I felt like I was invisible and that this wasn't what love was supposed to be.
Not for me.
"And won't you call me Mary?" she smiled at me hopefully, trying to be friendly, and although it was a small gesture, it meant everything in the world to me.
"Mary." I smiled back at her, my tears forgotten.
She opened her mouth to say something, but Matthew's voice suddenly broke through the air, shattering the moment that couldn't possibly mean anything…
"What's doing?" he grinned, and at this greeting, I turned to Mary, and said 'excuse me', before standing and walking past Matthew into the house. We had been engaged for months, and he couldn't even greet me in a manner most would associate with being engaged, with being in love. He didn't understand, he never did, and never even asked me about anything, about my day, how I felt…
I shut the door behind me, and tried to stop my sobbing, but couldn't. I wiped away each tear as it fell, but only more followed. I then realised I had been unforgivably rude to Mary; I should at least have offered her tea…
Matthew was coming into the house, taking off his hat, and smiled as he passed me. Mary was sitting on the garden chair, having sat back down after she'd risen when I walked away.
She looked up as I approached her, and with the strangest feeling of hope, I asked her…
"Mary, can you stay for luncheon?"
She stared at me a moment, and took a breath… "I… can't. But thank you."
"I- All- all right…" I swallowed hard, "well, I hope you do come over sometime soon."
She smiled, and nodded.
"Well… good-bye." I said, and forced that smile of feigned happiness onto my face, where it seemed to have a permanent position. I turned and walked into the house, feeling absurdly more upset than I had before.
Hidden-Forbidden-Passion
"Good evening, Captain Crawley, Mrs Crawley… Miss Swire." the housekeeper greeted us, answering the door, taking our coats and informing us that the butler, having been taken ill the night before, was unavailable to serve tonight.
"But he is all right, isn't he?" I asked.
The housekeeper (I didn't know her name) seemed shocked by my words; as if she hadn't thought I would be concerned.
"Yes, yes, he is all right, Miss, but he'll need a day or two to rest, the doctor said…" she sighed, "not that Mr Carson'll listen…"
She turned to Matthew, "His Lordship is waiting for you in the dining room, Captain Crawley."
"Thank you, Mrs Hughes." he smiled at his mother and me before walking away.
"And the ladies are all waiting for you in the drawing room." Mrs Hughes informed Isobel, with a glance at me, "and now, if you'll excuse me, I must go and see to the refreshments."
"Of course." Isobel smiled, and, politely waiting for me to fall in step beside her, she led me to the drawing room, I was starting to remember where the rooms were. Well, the ones I'd been in more than once.
The door was opened by a maid, and we were shown in. The drawing room was brightly lit, and a fire burned in the fireplace.
The Dowager Countess turned in her chair, and when she saw us, let out a 'hmff' and turned back to speak to Lady Grantham, remarking, "What on earth has brought this on, the very thought of Downton being some sort of hospice?"
I walked over with Isobel, but as she went to stand by Lady Sybil, I stood there, feeling foolish.
Mary, who had been sitting silently on the couch next to Lady Edith stood and greeted me quietly.
"Lavinia…" she took my hand for a moment, and smiled, stepping back, "have my seat. You'll need it, for Granny shan't quit till she's had her say…" her lips twisted into an ironic smile, and she gestured to her vacant spot.
I couldn't exactly refuse, and didn't want to draw attention to myself, so I sat on the warm cushioned seat and, turning my head, noticed that Mary intended to stand the whole time. There wasan empty spot between me and Lady Edith, why didn't she sit there?
My thoughts were interrupted by Lady Grantham's protests, "I really don't know what to say to you, I haven't made up my mind yet, and I do wish you wouldn't press me, I have enough of a headache already."
"Well, I think it's a ridiculous idea." scoffed the Dowager.
"Why?" Lady Sybil demanded.
Her grandmother reminded her, "Because this is a house. Not a hospital."
"But Granny," Mary sighed, and I looked up to see her face, "a convalescent home is where people rest and recuperate-"
"But if there are relapses? What then? Amputation in the dining room? Resuscitation in the pantry?"
Around the room there were (quiet) collected sighs. Lady Sybil put her hand to her head in frustration.
"It would certainly be the most tremendous disturbance if you knew how chaotic things are as it is." Lady Grantham seemed very anxious about all the changes there were to be made if she agreed…
Isobel sat next to her, trying to assure her of the bright side of the matter, "But when there's so much good can be done-"
The Dowager Countess thumped her cane on the carpeted floor.
Everyone looked to her in surprise at the interruption.
"I forbid it!" she commanded.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mary slowly turn her head.
Her grandmother continued with her complaints, "To have strange men prodding and prying around the house… to say nothing of pocketing the spoons! It's out of the question-"
"I hesitate to remind you that this is myhouse now," Lady Grantham interrupted her defiantly, "Robert's and mine, and we will make the decision."
There was a moment of stunned silence as her words hung in the air. The Dowager Countess said nothing.
Lady Grantham stood and went over the Mrs Hughes, who was carrying a brandy glass on a tray, and picked up the drink.
"I see…" Mary's grandmother seemed quite upset by her daughter-in-law's outburst, "so now I'm an outsider… who need not be consulted-"
"Since you put it like that, yes." Lady Grantham hissed at her, before taking a long sip.
No one spoke, and as Mrs Hughes bustled about, putting glasses on a tray, and the housemaid straightened things on a table, I knew this would soon be a subject of gossip downstairs.
Hidden-Forbidden-Passion
The rest of the evening, after dinner, I spoke with Lady Edith, who seemed quite excited about the work she did at a nearby farm. She told me of her driving the tractor and loading the truck with hay bales. She found it all quite exciting, and I wondered at how she could do it without want to do anything else.
I envied her, though. At least she had somewhere to go, something to do, and to be satisfied with her work. She had a purpose. As pitiful as it may seem, I had never known what a day of work was like, unless embroidering for hours at a time and reading romance novels that I found no interest in was considered work, though of course it wasn't. Was I being hard on myself? I wondered how different a life I wanted, and if it would ever happen. And if I were to not be alone for it, who would I spend that life with?
Hidden-Forbidden-Passion
"Well," Mary said as she led me to the front door, "I hope we haven't tired you out."
Matthew stayed back to speak to Lord Grantham, and Isobel was still trying to convince Lady Grantham to take the plunge and make Downton Abbey a convalescent home.
"How?" I couldn't help but laugh, I only sat or stood there, observing, that can't have been much exertion, though it was tiresome…
"Oh, drama in the drawing room," she grinned, and I couldn't help but giggle. Our arms were linked, and she slid her hand out of the crook of my elbow and brushed my wrist. A gasp of pain hissed through my teeth, and Mary looked up at me, "What is it?"
"Nothing, I-"
Mary took my hand in hers and gently turned it so the light fell upon my skin, throwing into contrast the faint, dark shadow of a bruise. Oh, goodness, it was-
"What happened, who- Who did this?" Mary gasped. The marks left on my skin by Richard Carlisle's fingers were like a brand on my arm, a reminder…
"If you so much as breathe a word about me to Lady Mary that is not dripping with respectable admiration, you will find that my papers will name you as the starter of the Marconi scandal, and Captain Crawley will have ended your engagement, and you will be ruined, no man will ever touch you."
Mary looked up at me, her brown eyes wide. I felt about to cry, being so cut off from her… I couldn't tell her. I couldn't tell anyone.
"Oh, no, I- I just- I fell." my pitiful excuse was almost laughable.
Mary's eyes narrowed, "You fell."
I nodded, I didn't trust myself to speak, I could lose myself and cry… or even tell her the truth…
Mary's let go of my hand, her fingers sliding softly across my arm, and she dropped her hand from mine.
"If you say so." her face deeply unreadable, Mary turned to walk away. I watched her until she reached the foot of the stairs, and she turned back.
"Goodnight, Lavinia." she smiled, and I couldn't even smile back, all I could do was echo her farewell.
"Goodnight… Mary."
That soft smile graced her lips again, and she walked up the stairs, her hand sliding up the banister, and she was gone with no sign she had ever been there.
None but my memory.
TBC
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x kissthespider26