Hi everyone! I hope you all are well. Thank you again and hundred times over for all of the review/alerts/favs. The chapter was hard to write but please enjoy. I promise everything will work out in the end. Have a good day/night/morning! Defy Gravity!
wickedtomboy
Don't Go
Chapter 5
"Yeah-sure." I managed to gasp out.
I didn't expect to see her so soon. I stepped aside to let her in. She walked in slowly, glancing around the apartment. She saw that I had made coffee, she smiled and said, "You and your caffeine."
"Yeah, well…you know me." I replied. I shut the front door and made my way back to the kitchen. I didn't know what she was here for. I'm pretty sure this was going to lead to a conversation that I didn't want to have…not yet anyway. Why can't I have one day off from her. One day without any thoughts or feelings of the blonde, blue-eyed, beauty. But I knew that, that would never happen. Because I love her. And on some level, I always will.
"Sorry to drop in on you like this." Heather said bringing me out of my thoughts. She was standing in the middle of the kitchen, glancing around the area. I could tell she was nervous, which was making me nervous.
"It's no problem. You wanna go sit on the couch?" I asked, making my way over and sitting down on the leather sofa. Heather followed me and sat down on the other end of the couch. She placed her purse and phone on the coffee table. She took a deep breath, I could tell she was thinking about something.
After a few seconds of horrible silence and Heather finally realizing that I was not going to start this conversation, she spoke, "Naya…I don't – I just…I don't know what's wrong. So will you please just tell me?" Heather asked weakly. I took notice of how she would not look me in the eye.
What do I say? I love you and you are with someone else. I love you and you used me to gain something your missing inside yourself. I love you and you know I do. I love you and I want to be with someone who wants to be with me just as much. I love you and I fought for you, but I can only fight for so long. I love you and it's now your turn to prove how you feel about me. I love you and you need to prove that I am worth fighting for. I love you and that's….that's all I know.
She reached for my hand and took it in her own. Begging me to answer. But I couldn't sort through the thoughts running through my head. I pulled my hand away, trying to regain some strength.
"I can't…I can't do this anymore." I said, not daring to move a muscle. Fearing that I will crumble at the very movement.
"Can't do what?" Heather said slowly. I swallowed the lump in my throat. Knowing that I had to tell her.
"It hurts too much," I whispered, "being with you." I began to feel my heart beat pick up. Tears start to build behind my eyes.
"Why?" She asked carefully, as if I was the most fragile thing in the world.
"I understand-that…that it was just supposed to be sex. But-I'm…I've…I'm sorry." I finished lamely. Feeling my chest start to cave in. Heather scooted closer to me, taking my hand again, this time not letting me let go.
"You don't have to be sorry for anything, Naya." Heather whispered. Her grip tightened. "You didn't do anything." She used her other hand to tilt my chin up so I looked at her. I looked in her eyes for the first time since she came over. I saw her hurt, her fears, and her love. She then wrapped her arms around me. I felt my muscles melt against her touch. "Tell me what to do. I don't want you hurting. I can't lose you." She whispered against my ear. I felt her hold me tighter, begging me to not let go. But I pulled away knowing that I wouldn't go back to the embrace, until there was something to hold onto.
I stood up and walked to the other side of the room. Trying to control my body from shaking. I prepared myself for what I knew I would have to say. "Heather, I've fought for you. I've been there for you when no one else was. I've cared for you no matter what the situation was. Now, I realize that I can't be the only one fighting. So until…until…" I broke off. Not sure how to continue.
Heather got up and started to make her way towards me. But I stopped her. Knowing that if she touched me, I would not be able to let go. I took a deep breath and continued, "So until you can do the same for me, prove to me that you want to be with me as much as I want to be…with you," I paused, to regain some strength, not daring to look in her eyes. "I don't think we should continue being together… in that way." I paused again, in case she wanted to say something. But I refused to look at her.
"Naya…what exactly do you want me to do? I mean, I…just…"
"I want you to love me." I said letting all walls down. Letting her see everything. I turned and looked at her. She was crying hard, yet silently.
"I do…I do love you." She gasped out. "So much." I wanted nothing more than to hold close to me that moment. But I still had one more question.
"Then…why?" I asked, needing to know. Feeling the tears fall.
"It's just..hard, Nay. I don't…I can't…" Her chest began to heave as well.
"Then you need….we need…some time, I guess?" Each word hurt like hell to say.
"Nay, no…please."
"You know what you have to do Heather. I can't do this anymore. If you care about me, if you really do, you will give me…us…time. Time for you to figure everything out." She looked up at me. And I saw her pain and confusion. That's when I knew I did the right thing. She needed this and so did I. I just have to hope her strength and love for me pulls through. Because, if it doesn't, if she hides behind her walls, then I will lose her forever.