I am sorry for the long absence, new job, move across a couple of countries and a lot of stuff in life came between me and writing. This is a little Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa present for all my lovely readers. You guys are just fantastic! Thank you for each and every comment, they each make me so happy.
Chapter 13 *Christmas chapter*
He looks through the rows upon rows of flowers and raises his eyebrows. He came in with the idea of buying a rose, single, red and long stemmed, like in the movies. But now he realizes that there is so much else there and a single red rose might just be a tad overdone. He is not one to go with the flow and copy everyone else (I mean, have you seen his motorbike?), but which flower would be perfect? Because it needs to be perfect. The lady who works there comes over and starts talking to him, she moves her mouth quickly, while looking from his face to the flowers, back and forth, making it virtually impossible for him to understand a word of what she is saying. He shakes his head and signs "I am deaf, I cannot understand you" and the lady looks mortified. He half smiles and shrugs, the way he always does when he gets into this situation, though he does try his best to avoid getting here in first place. He loves self checkouts and hates drive throughs. Without an interpreter he won't be able to communicate with this woman, even if he did understand what she is saying, he has no way of making himself understood and so he walks away from the lady, scanning the flowers and trying to find one that is special, unique, interesting. Like her.
She has been home for 17 days and the grace period is over, her mother has stopped making her her favorite breakfast every morning, her father has stopped trying not to be argumentative, Toby has stopped making the effort not to bug her and even Daphne has allowed herself to make a stink face when she saw Emmett and her making out on the front porch a couple of days ago. So back to normal it is. Or semi-normal. Because her strength is not what it used to be and probably due to the bad concussion her balance has been completely off since the crash, and so she still walks more slowly and with some insecurity, she still gets tired halfway up the stairs (which she now takes one at a time) and still has to go to rehabilitation, a place full of people recovering from strokes, affected by horrible ailments such as Alzheimer or with accidents much worse than hers, that left them with tubes coming out of their necks, helping them breathe. There Barbara, her therapist, makes her walk up and down a corridor, faster and faster, in the hope that soon she will be able to run and participate in PE again. She doesn't care about PE and running was never her thing at all, but she has her own ambitions. She wants to be able to walk in heels without falling over, because her new dress wouldn't look right without heels, and she wants to be able to dance gracefully. Or at least as ungracefully as she did before the accident. When she has been daydreaming about this day, she always sees them dancing under some fairy lights, like Cinderella in the end of the movie, floating about in perfect harmony. In the bathroom she takes off her pajamas and looks at her reflection. Her face is fine, if somewhat disheveled by sleep, it looks the way it used to do, and her gaze wanders down to the biggest reminder of the accident, her scar. It is pink and thick and goes from her ribcage to below her belly button, not quite straight, like a crayon line drawn by a preschooler. Good thing it isn't summer, she thinks, because bikinis would not look good. Emmett has seen the scar, hell he even helped clean it and has never been grossed out. She feels so lucky. And tonight will be magical. Slowly, carefully, she gets into the shower.
He has his tux out (his for the day at least, the thing is, of course, rented), lying on his bed and now, looking at it, wrapped in his towel waiting for his hair to dry some more, he is starting to get a little nervous. This is the first time he is taking a real date to the Christmas ball, and not just a real date, but a hearing date on top of it. The accident and all that jazz prevented her from ever meeting any of his school friends, apart from Daphne of course, and while they do not have any issues communicating, or find ways around them constantly, he can't be sure she will be able to communicate with anyone else. She still struggles with his mothers quick hands for example. However, Daphne is also bringing a hearing date. He still doesn't quite trust Wilkie, but he is not getting involved there; the patched up relationship between him and Daphne is still fragile and wouldn't withstand an argument. And in the end it really is none of his business. Just like him and Bay are none of hers. He lets go of the towel and starts to get himself dressed.
She had initially chosen a black dress; black is, after all, her favorite color (or lack of color, as she likes to remind Toby), but in the spirit of festiveness she let her mother help her chose and they went with a midnight blue dress, with little beads that look like stars in the midnight sky. She likes how the light catches on it as she sways on the spot side to side, it seems to make her whole body sparkle and she can't wait to see Emmett's face when he sees her, all sparkly (but not in a creepy Cullen-esque way, of course). She applies make up and then ties her hair back, shakes her head at the scarecrow- like girl that looks back at her from the mirror, then proceeds to untie it again. She likes it down better anyway. The final touch are the shoes. They also bought these new for her first official ball. She was a freshman last year and therefore not invited to either junior or senior prom and her mother was more than willing to spend inordinate amounts of money in her first "ball outfit", which meant buying expensive new shoes as well as the dress. She carefully steps into them and immediately realizes that shoes with this high a heel may not have been the smartest choice. Especially for someone as insecure on her feet as she has been lately. She walks very slowly towards the door and then down the hall, one hand on the wall to steady herself; the stairs, despite the railing, are impossible, she quickly realizes and so takes the shoes off and walk down the stairs, with the pretty, pretty shoes clutched into her hand. Downstairs her mother fawns over her, nearly crying, takes pictures, rearranges her hair 4 times, nearly cries again, and makes her swirl around to see her back. She feels sillier and sillier with each wobbly turn, then downright embarrassed when her father and Toby come in and start taking pictures. But soon their attention is diverted when Daphne comes in, her hair in an intricate do (her mother, their mother, is a hairdresser… how could she have forgotten that?) and wearing a beautiful dark green gown. Everybody starts fawning over her now and though Bay had wished for an attention break, she feels a small pang of jealousy. "You look amazing!" she says, while secretly thinking that Daphne looks a little bit like Fiona from Shrek. Fiona as a human though. "So do you! Like a princess!" Daphne replies and settles next to her for a series of pictures. "Bay, put your shoes on" Toby, the self-declared photographer of this event, directs. "You look like a dwarf next to Daphne bare feet!"
She follows his directions and then stands next to the little table, on hand casually on it to stabilize herself and smiles in Toby's direction. Regina uses a photo break to come over and give her a warm hug. "You look beautiful. Absolutely beautiful." but before she can even come up with a good response (her eyes have somehow welled over during that tiny exchange), the doorbell rings.
He met Wilkie in the driveway and after a curt nod (Wilkie has no interest whatsoever in signing, despite his dating Daphne and that is definitely part of his dislike of the guy) they stand there now, like two penguins. Nervous, flower holding penguins. Mr. K opens the door and he signs hello but then can't keep his eyes away from Bay. She looks absolutely beautiful and he wishes he had his camera to catch the moment her eyes open appreciatively when she spots him, all dapper, in his tux. He smiles at her and signs "beautiful" from the door, then watches her blush a little. This night will be perfect, he thinks and gives Daphne, who also looks lovely and is standing between him and the rest of the room, a little hug and a "wow" before making his way to Bay. He chastely kisses her cheek (her whole family is watching after all, two moms, dad, brother and grandma) and gives her the flower he chose. It is a giant sunflower and she gives him the biggest smile back. Right choice, he thinks, so much more her than a rose could have ever been. They line up for a few pictures of the four of them and then a couple of each couple separately. He notices that Bay holds very tightly on to him, her hands kind of digging into his arms, and he wonders why, but since her hands are busy holding on to him and her flower and his are busy holding her, he doesn't get a chance. Despite the unexpected clinginess they still get some fun pictures, one he particularly likes, of her holding her sunflower up, like an umbrella and smiling sheepishly. They set off in two separate cars, Daphne and Wilkie in what must be his father's Mercedes, Bay and him in his mother's Volvo. Before driving off he uses his first few minutes alone to tell her again how wonderful, incredible, beautiful she looks and she tells him she has never seen a more handsome man (she must have looked up how to sign handsome today, he thinks and it makes him very proud of her) and they share a kiss. A real one, that makes him feel like his soul is smiling and like he should never let go.
He looks absolutely breathtaking, she thinks, and she is a little bit glad that she did not look up how to sign breathtaking, because she wouldn't be able to stop herself from telling him and she doesn't want him to become conceited. Little secrets keep the spark alive, right? But she can't stop looking at him during the ride. Men always look nicer in suits, but there is something special about a man in a tux. Even if the tux doesn't exactly fit like a glove and he looks a tiny bit uncomfortable with the collar biting into his neck. His hand rests on her knee and she draws little patterns onto the back of it. He gave her a sunflower, an enormous sunflower that looks like one of the pictures in her garage, the most perfect flower she could think of, and now they are driving in silence, a silence she likes, a silence that is comfortable, relaxing. She relaxes into her seat and just thinks how incredibly happy she is right now. The school looks like Christmas threw up on it, twinkly lights everywhere, red nosed reindeer by the herd, a giant menorah gracing the centre of the in-school open space, right next to an equally giant tree, though the branches and even needles are barely visible for there must be thousands of baubles on it. And fake snow everywhere. After an initial "Aww" she starts to worry a little about the fake snow being slippery; slippery is not something she can do right now. He explains, somewhat apologetic, that they don't do huge proms at Carlton, instead they put all their festive effort into this Christmas bonanza. "It looks fabulous! I love it" she assures him. And she does. It is a bit, a teeny tiny bit, over the top, but at least they put an effort into it. And it definitely looks different. Blindingly different. Possibly seizure inducing different. But definitely Christmassy different. Which for a Christmas ball is surely appropriate. He parks and then opens the door for her, gallantly, takes her arm and then they start the incredibly long walk to the gym. She is doubly instable, between her wobbly concussed centre on heels and the fake snow and already, not yet two minutes into this, her feet are hurting like crazy in these shoes. She apologizes "the heels don't help my balance." and he shakes his head "we have time, don't worry", but she does worry a little bit. And the further they go the slower she gets and the more he tugs. She also starts noticing that the closer they get to the gym the more people start looking at her in interest (Emmett brought a crippled hearing girl, they must be thinking, she reckons) and the music gets loud. Very loud. It is actually pretty damn night club loud before they even cross the little square that leads to the gym.
He starts feeling the pumping of sound in his chest when they reach the square and he is trying hard not to be impatient, but Bay just seems to be walking so slowly she could as well be walking backwards at this point. They are inching forward so slowly and all he wants to do is finally get there and have the music all around him, dance, have fun. Daphne and Wilkie walked past them a few minutes ago and are probably having the time of their lives by now and Bay's snail pace is keeping them so close and yet so far from the fun. They do finally make it in, a lot later than he thought and they take a picture next to the crazy Christmas collage made years and years ago. Last year's picture is him and Daphne being ridiculously silly, this year however Bay just doesn't look like she is up for some funny posing, so they take a standard couple picture and then move into the gym (slowly of course). Bay's face… something isn't quite right, but when he asks she shrugs it off, everything is fine, everything is great, everything is just perfect. But the tight face she pulled as they entered the gym never leaves her face. He introduces her to a couple of his friends and she nods and half-smiles, but doesn't engage in conversation, seems distant and distracted and doesn't even attempt to answer the questions she is asked. He wants to get them some drinks but she shakes her head and signs haphazardly "don't leave me alone", so (very slowly) they inch to the bar tables to get some punch. He isn't sure what is wrong, but he is starting to get a little annoyed. Why doesn't she like to be here? Could it be that she feels awkward being around so many deaf people? She never seemed to care before, but now, in the midst of them, she looks like she is getting a root canal, rather than at a ball. A fun filled ball. A should-be-fun-filled ball. Maybe she is only really ok with deaf people when hearing people are in the majority, when she isn't the "odd one out" but rather the opposite. The more he thinks about it and sees her face, scanning the room, with her pinched face, the angrier he gets at her. How could he not have known this? He serves some punch and kind of wishes he hadn't brought her. Maybe he was right all along, maybe deaf and hearing really can't match.
It is so loud in the gym that her ears are actually aching, her head is throbbing and she is finding it hard to even think straight. The music would probably be on the edge of survivable for someone healthy and hearing but it is unbearable for her still somewhat concussed head. But she is not going to tell Emmett because it would be rude. And also, she wants him to have fun, hell, she wants to have fun with him, but how is she going to do this? He points her to a chair and signs something; she would probably be able to read the signs normally, but the thumping inside her head and outside make it near impossible, so she does something she usually refuses to, which is nodding despite not understanding a word. She sits down and watches the room, trying to get used to the way her head feels. Emmett goes, presumably to the toilet, but then stays chatting with some friends on the way, animatedly signing and laughing and suddenly she feels very, very left out. Like she is on Mars when she is actually from Venus. And nobody else is from Venus. But wait, someone actually is! She scans the room and then finally finds him, dancing away with Daphne and she waits for him to make eye contact, then waves him her way. "How are you doing it? How are you able to stand the music?" she asks, screaming, her screams however barely making a dent in the wall of sound and getting lost moments after leaving her lips. He shakes his head and shrugs, mouths "I don't know what you are saying", and then puts a finger in his ear and removes what looks like a big piece of wax. Grossed out, she is about to punch him square in the chest, for being the single most disgusting person ever, when he shows her what he actually pulled out of his ear. Plugs. He plugged his ears. Wilkie may not be the most friendly and helpful of people, but he sure is smart! He grins and pops the plug back in, then gets two cups of punch and goes back to Daphne, who seems to be having a great time. It occurs to her that this left out feeling, this must be what Emmett feels like when he is with her and Toby and their parents are around, this must be what Daphne feels like when she comes for classes at Bay's school, where everybody hears but her. This must be what it feels like for them, all the time. And yet they don't mope and complain. She has a newfound respect for them. But the newfound respect only lasts a few seconds until a new, louder, song starts and her head throbs so hard she can barely think a sentence straight; she decides that she is not going to be able to stay, there just is no way she can do another hour or two of this, much less another full song. She looks around for Emmett but can't find him, so she starts walking, slowly, out of the gym, alongside a wall to hold on to. Outside she breathes easier, though the music is still quite loud and the ringing in her ears will probably last a lifetime. She takes the stupid heels off and then walk bare feet through the clumpy fake snow to the parking lot feeling utterly miserable. She sits down on the hood of the car and starts crying.
He didn't plan on staying away for this long, but he bumped into some school friends and then his favorite song started playing and he just had to dance along to it and he kind of lost track of time. When he finally returns to the chair by the punch bowl she is gone. He starts walking the perimeter of the room, looking for her, though the chance of her being in there dancing are slim. She could barely walk in those ridiculous heels. He goes to Daphne and asks her, if she has seen Bay, but Daphne hasn't, not since Bay was sitting on that chair. He goes to the toilet and then suddenly it occurs to him that maybe she is unwell, maybe her wound bled or something and so after knocking a few times, he just storms into the bathroom, to the utter horror of the girl in there, fixing her makeup. Bay is not there. He texts her "where r u?" but gets no response and then remembers that she did not actually bring a purse or a phone, she just left her keys in the glove compartment of his car. The car! Maybe she went to the car? He starts to walk briskly but soon starts running, afraid that if she isn't by the car he will have run out of places to look. But before he even reaches the car he sees her, a little puddle of misery, sitting on the hood of his car and the anger and worry in him melt away. He slows down and pats her on the shoulder. "What is wrong?" She looks up, at his face, mascara running down her face, lipstick pretty much gone. "I ruined it all. I am wobbly and then bought heels and my feet hurt and I think they might be bleeding and the music was so loud and my head was about to explode and I know how much this evening means to you and you wanted it to be perfect and it was all just so bad. And also, your friends must think I am horrible." He grins, inadvertently, and hops onto the hood of the car, next to her, puts an arm around her and apologizes. "I am sorry, I didn't realize how loud it would be." He feels her sob once. "I should have realized. Even Wilkie got it, he brought ear plugs, but not me, I forgot…" she breaks off, bites her lower lip. "What did you forget?" he wonders and she looks up at him, past her long lashes, the look of a toddler who broke something and know he did wrong, then signs "I forgot you were deaf, I guess." He laughs heartily, presses her close to him and kisses the top of her head and then before thinking or obsessing about it, before he even realizes his words make it from his brain to his hands, he signs "I love you".
She knows those signs, they are unmistakable and she can't believe he just said it. He just told her he loved her, whilst she is sitting bare feet and in dirty and ripped tights on the hood of an old Volvo, with makeup down her face and after ruining the day he had been looking forward to for weeks. She just looks at him in shock and then, when his eyes open in expectant fashion, leans in for a kiss. Then she moves back, looks him in the eye and signs "read my lips", though he of course always does. She wants his full attention though and she won't sign this, she will say it her way, the oral way, the way she always thought her first time would sound and look like. "I love you, too".
He has driven her home but she is in no hurry to get out of the car, and so they have been sitting here, leaning into each other in the flattened front seats of the car, his collar undone, her shoes in the back seat with his tie, her head on his chest, for at least an hour. It was not how he imagined it would be at all this evening, no dancing together, well really almost no ball at all. Those tickets were not worth the money he paid for them. But in a way they were, he thinks, his hands entwined in hers. She told him she loved him. She loves him. His body feels like it is made of helium, like he will just fly away any minute now. He strokes her hair and kisses her forehead, then signs "we didn't dance". She smiles back at him, reaches for his face and pulls it down to hers, places his mouth on hers. The kiss is soft, warm, caring at first, then more and more. Then she lets go of him, smiles and signs "There will be plenty of time to dance."