So sorry this took so long for me to update. I've been rather busy with finding work, but I should be back up to speed now. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed /favorited/alerted this story. You guys mean so much to me, thank you!

So I got a question about this, so I thought I'd clarify: Karkat's size concerns derive from him believing he goes from way-to-small-and-pathetic-looking to way-to-big-and-bulging-and-disgusting. This is something that Karkat constructed in his mind as a problem, so therefore he is self-conscious. His former partner, Eridan, didn't really understand the problem, either, so his words, though well meant, did little to ease Karkat's worries. His self-esteem on the matter does not stem from facts or other's opinions, but from his own mind.

I hope that cleared things up. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy.

"Karkat, wait!" John heard Jade call from the other room, but the door's slam had cut off her plea.

Crap. He had really screwed up, hadn't he?

"What the hell, what happened?" Terezi demanded. The group stared at him when he quickly barged into the living room as a delayed attempt to stop Karkat from leaving. Their faces held confusion with a hint of disappointment. Jade seemed a little more hurt than the others. It made him feel like shit. Terezi continued, "Seriously, I'm really fucking confused, what just happened?"

"It's alright, Terez, John's just being a completely unironic shit," Dave answered. John knew he was right, and a bad feeling of dread settled in his stomach. He was being a complete shit. Unironically.

Terezi made a face, "Okay, that's dandy, but that wasn't very detailed. I'm sorta impaired here, ya gotta be a little more specific."

"We would all like an explanation," Rose reiterated calmly to John from her place on the couch. The others mumbled their agreement.

They all waited expectantly. Surely they were expecting some perfectly respectable reasoning behind all of this that would somehow make it okay. But he didn't have a good answer for them. He didn't have a good answer for himself, and he didn't have a good answer for Karkat. He didn't know what to say. He was just being stupid, and they all knew it. He would just disappoint all of them by trying to explain that he didn't have an explanation. He couldn't stand to disappoint his friends. But maybe he's already done just that.

"Well, ah I…" He stammered. He still couldn't think of anything to justify what just happened, "I just…I don't know…" he trailed off. That's it. That's the best he could manage. It was pathetic.

"Well whatever the fuck it was, you should probably go fix it. Just saying," Dave said with a raise in his eyebrow, "I can't watch this soap opera again. It was too sad the first time. You guys need to stop being royal cape wearing dickholes with your high and mighty crowns so far up your asses they're practically in the clouds and sort out your shit or something," He paused, as if waiting for some reaction on John's part, then continued, "Seriously. This is painful to watch."

The group seemed to collectively nod at this statement.

Well great. He had to go confront Karkat. His least favorite activity. He knew it was for the best, but he was too much of a coward. He couldn't "sort out his shit." He was bad at this. Whatever he said was just going to make Karkat more pissed off. Maybe John just didn't want to admit that he'd been wrong this whole time. Maybe he'd spent so many of his thoughts justifying his actions when they weren't really justifiable. Man, this was getting really heavy. Well, it was already heavy, he supposed…

God, his thoughts were so jumbled. He couldn't think. The only thought he had was the word 'stupid.' Stupid This is stupid. You're stupid. How could you be so stupid? How? There was a lot of pressure to do and say the right thing right now and he didn't think he could do it.

His thoughts just kept circling. They were such a mess, and he didn't know how to sort them. He hated thoughts and feelings. They were hard to deal with, and even harder to talk about. What was he going to say to Karkat? What was he going to say to his friends?

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't notice someone stand and quietly exit the apartment.

Actually, the lobby was pretty fucking boring. Karkat had only been sitting there for about five seconds and he already wanted to die. What the fuck do assholes do when there's a fucking storm outside? How the hell do people deal with being so damn bored? Ugh. What a fucking night. He could go for a smoke. But considering the conditions outside, a wank would also do. He debated it for a while. He had nothing better to do than to jiz up and down a bathroom wall and violate several health regulations, so why the fuck not?

The public bathroom in this place was tiny, only one stall and urinal. He couldn't complain, though, it's not like he lived here. All the residents have their own damn bathroom anyway, so it's a fucking shocker that they even bothered to include a public one. He entered the stall and locked it he leaned against the probably disgusting wall and sighed. He wasn't actually too up to this. He was just bored. And jacking off is apparently good for the body, at least according to the internet. But then again, it's the internet.

He unzipped and slid the fabric away from his cock. It was half mast and Karkat hadn't even noticed. Fuck, he was more distracted than he thought. The less he tried to think about this shitty rumpus asshole drama going on, the more he found himself lost in thought about it. It was annoying.

He ran his fingers up and down his shaft to get him to stop thinking. It wasn't working. The only thing on his mind was John, and he wouldn't go away. Karkat wrapped his hand around himself in frustration and began to pump, slowly at first.

Thoughts of that night were clouding his mind, though. This was the memory Karkat had masturbated to ever since it happened. The reverie was so vivid every time: they stumbled into John's place completely shit faced, laughing about how fucked up the other one was. They fell on the couch together. John was talking about something when somehow their faces ended up about an inch from each other. John was the one to make the first move, diving in for a kiss. It was eager, full of lust. Karkat responded with an equal amount of passion, grabbing John's shoulder and waist to pull him closer. Before they knew it, they had stripped each other of their clothing and they were tangled in each other. . They didn't even screw that night. They just jerked each other off while kissing and biting and moaning.

Karkat moved his hand faster, harder, like he needed this for his life. Fuck, it felt good. His breath got heavy, his mind ceased creating coherent thoughts. He was close. So close. "Cumming…" He whined to the empty bathroom as the orgasm surged through him. As it released, he let out a final moan and came in his hand. Everything was quiet except for his panting.

Shit, he felt gross. Karkat hated post-masturbation. He always felt like the scum of the earth and wanted to go crawl in his shame hole and die there. He got this pathetic feeling in the pit of his gut, like he was such a fucking assbag loser shithat that he couldn't get a boyfriend of his own to satisfy his sex crave so his hand had to take up the task of calming his horny dick.

It didn't really make complete sense to him. All he knows is that he hates himself after a jerk.

"I do hope you enjoyed yourself."

Karkat jumped, running himself into the wall of the stall and smearing his semen everywhere simultaneously. Fuck, who the fuck talks to a stranger in the bathroom, especially if you just heard them orgasm? Fucking sick ass bastard, "None a yer business, ya sick-o. Ya wanna come watch next time, fuck, this ain't a fucking peep show," he shouted back at whoever this creep was and proceeded to assess all the damage his cum-covered hand had done. For starters, it got on his shirt. His favorite fucking shirt. He should slug the guy with a knuckle sandwich with a side of sperm and see how he fucking likes it.

That was the stupidest thing he'd ever thought.

"I'm not terribly interested in partaking in such activities with you, so why not remove yourself from what I'm guessing is a filth-ridden stall so we can talk."

Wait. That's a girl's voice. And there's only one girl he knows of who would willingly stand in a boys' bathroom and listen to him jack off just so they could 'talk.'

"Fuck, Kanaya, what the hell are you doing here? This is a guys' bathroom," It was the only thing Karkat could think of to shout to get her to go away for a while so he could clean himself up. He doesn't really feel up to revealing his junk to Kanaya right now.

"The gender affiliation of this facility does not faze me, Karkat, and you are well aware of that. If you would like, I could turn away while you perform whatever washing ritual you have, but I am not leaving until we speak. This is urgent," Her tone of voice became more stern, and Karkat became a little frightened of her. But just a little.

"Okay, fine, Jesus!" he gave in, "Turn the fuck around, I'll be done in a sec…"