Reality Check
Chapter 3
A gust of wind blew through her as soon as she stepped out of the door. She buttoned her coat to the top button. She shivered slightly as she tucked the papers under her arm.
She looked to the flat just next door. It was so close, yet so far. She walked slow and unsteadily, for some reason she felt nervous. Syed would be so irritated that she had come, but she could deal with that. She could handle anything to keep her family.
As she neared the flat, she could see Christian in the window. The blinds were slightly shut but you could still see in a little bit. He was sitting alone, his head was lowered and his mouth was a bit open. She could not see his eyes but from where she stood it almost looked like he was sleeping or extremely focused on something. Either way, they couldn't possibly be doing anything that important just sitting around the flat. It was the perfect time to get Syed away from him.
As she turned to walk up the path way to the door her phone rang. It was Zainab. She walked past the walk way and answered her phone.
"Hello…" She said. The wind was blowing so hard she had to cover her mouth to shield the receiver. "Hello? Zanaib? Can you hear me? Oh okay, how is everything, how is Yasmin? Good. Good. Nothing much I'm just… I'm with Syed! We are going over some things for the business…. Okay…great because I am starving. We'll be back at the house soon. See you in a bit."
She hung up the phone and tossed it into her bag. She then fumbled in her purse for her mirror. She smoothed the short hairs of her eyebrows and touched up her lip gloss, making sure everything was perfectly in order.
She turned towards the flat and walked to the door with purpose. As she neared the door she opened up her folder to make sure she had all the papers and her story ready. Just as a mischievous smirk formed on her lips, another gust of wind blew the sheets of paper out of the folder and across the front yard of the flat.
"Damn!" She muttered to herself. She had to get the papers back. Not only were they her reason for interrupting, they really were part of a contract that she needed. But the blinds to the flat were semi open. She didn't want them to see her messing about in their yard, but she had no other option. She ducked as low as she could to avoid being seen and silently cursed the Weitzman booties she had made her dad buy her for Ramadan. Fortunately, she was able to retrieve the first two pages fairly easily but the third had landed right underneath the window. Damn them for not closing the blinds!
She raised her head a little to peep into the living room. Christian was still sitting on the sofa alone. One arm was across his chest, his head was tilted back and his eyes were closed. She ducked quickly. Before proceeding, she looked around for people passing by, luckily, the brisk wind and the dinner time hour had kept most people indoors. Because what she was about to do would look ridiculous and suspicious to any onlookers. She tucked the folder under her arm and crawled up to the base of the window. She retrieved the last of her papers successfully and put them back with the rest of the contract.
She was so glad that she had recovered her papers unnoticed that she had forgotten she was supposed to be on stealth mode. She stood up and the entire living room was revealed to her.
And then she saw it. Something, that until now had had only been words. It had been declarations, notions, and imaginings. It had been abstract, intangible, something she could deny, but now, it was literally before her eyes, punching her in the gut.
Syed was knelt down between Christian's legs. His blue shirt was carelessly discarded. And his pants were off. Christian had a fist full of dark hair as Syed head rose up and down, up and down. His mouth was on Christian's….. She gasped at the sight. She stepped to the side of the window, out of view. Her chest rose and fell sharply. She could not breathe, the air refused to enter her lungs. Her eyes darted back and forth. All the sounds of the surrounding world drown in her shock. She could only hear her heart racing. Her eyes fluttered, subconsciously holding back tears. She had known about this; it had been thrown in her face countless times, but to see it… TO SEE IT! She shook her head sharply.
She searched desperately in her purse for her phone. Her hands trembled as she looked up Syed's name and pressed enter to call him. The phone rang and rang and rang. She hung up and dialed again. It rang and rang and rang.
She stood outside the window for a few minutes. She was stuck there. She couldn't walk away. Despite rational reasons, something compelled her to look again.
Christian was leaned over, kissing Syed. He kissed him like he needed to kiss him. It was love; it was lust; it was real. She could see their tongues wrestling and caressing each other. They continued kissing as Syed stood up, took off his underwear and climbed onto Christian's lap. He smiled in between their lips parting and joining.
Christian's hands grabbed at Syed's ass. He readjusted Syed's body and then they connected. Syed's head rolled back and his mouth fell open. A look of elation she had never seen from him showed on his features.
He was…she saw them…. "Oh God!" She cried out quietly in shock.
She then did the only thing she could do, she turned and walked away. Her brisk walk quickly turned to a run. She ran from the flat as if the image was following her, chasing her. But it didn't have to, she would never forget.
When she made it back to the house she cried out to the silence and let her tears flow. She closed her eyes and it was there-the open mouths, the kissing, the grabbing, the looks, the smiles. It was all there, forever in her memory.
"Syed is gay," She whispered to herself…... "He is gay."
She had never said the words out loud. Two years ago she would never have imagined saying that word concerning her husband. She had never managed to fully accept that that word and Syed went together. There had to be some kind of mistake… yet here she is saying, seeing it.
She walked slowly up the stairs to her room. Entering the space that used to be Syed's and hers, everything in the room seemed blurred. Her eyes were watery and she felt like the earth was spinning backwards. Yet the folder with the divorce papers poked out from between the bed and her drawer through the haze. It seemed to being calling to her.
She eyed the blue folder for a while, sizing it up as you would a familiar foe, before pulling it from the crack where she had hidden it- back before her last hope and dream was shattered. She took a deep breath, opened it, and read the papers for the first time.