Humans
Charlie
Dear Sir,
I am replying to your advertisement regarding your growing Italy company seeking new blood. I am currently sheriff of a small town in Washington state but tiring of the same old thing. New experience's and a sunnier climate would be a welcome change.
In my line of work loyalty and secrecy are top of the list and I have both in bucket-loads. I'm not too sure about that "unique" thing you're after, but I can be considered quite the loner at times.
Can you tell me more about this health insurance for family members? I've only one daughter, and she's seemly healthier than ever before, but you can never be too careful.
Enclosed are references, and a picture. Note: I am not the one in the wheelchair.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Yours Sincerely,
Sheriff Charles Swan.
Mike
Seeking
Kristen Stewart's home address. She looks very like a girl I knew in high school, I wouldn't mind getting to know her better.
Jessica
A once in a lifetime chance for some lucky, rich man
College bills are piling up. And my waitressing job isn't paying as much as I would like - I like the high-life and am not afraid to admit it. I am beautiful with my dark brown curls, and stunning blue eyes, and thin. I almost forgot to mention that I'm thin.
I'm looking for a wealthy, kind, and generous man who wishes to buy my virginity.
It's still intact, slightly.
This is a wonderful opportunity for some lucky guy. No old men need apply. No time wasters. And no offer will be accepted below the 500,000 dollar mark.
Form an orderly queue, gentlemen *winky face*