Hey!

Thanks for the reviews. You guys are so sweet. I even got my first piece of real constructive criticism. I admit it was an eye-opener, but it was put in a polite but get-to-the-point kind of way. So thank you, Katie. ;)

Dislcaimer: Suzanne Collins. Learn it, love it, respect it. She owns all rights to Hunger Games & Co. not me.

Chapter 2

As I walked away from Peeta, suddenly I'm exhausted. Too much, too fast. I can't believe I'd admitted all I did to Peeta. But the thing was, he hadn't gone ballistic. He'd taken it all in stride. I also realized just how lonely I was. I hadn't had too much human affection, let alone contact, in a while. And it felt good to have his arms around me, but it still wasn't the right thing to do. I guess I finally had gone crazy. I needed my head examined. Too bad I've been ignoring the Doctor's calls. Heh. But, how could I tell someone who could have, in a seconds notice kill me, everything thought and feeling I had right now? My throat still throbs with the memory of his hands choking the life out of me. You think I would have learned from the Games. Guess not.

What I needed to do right now was have something to occupy my hands. Something to take control over my mind, something safer than thinking. And the only solution I could think of was hunting. I retreated into the woods. My sanctuary now, the same as it was before the Games. The trees were my friends. I knew every knot, leaf, and root. Every nook and cranny of our - my woods. I grit my teeth against the painful memory of my companion who used to walk these woods with me all those years. I give my head an angry shake and focus. I went to the tree that still held my father's old bows and arrows. I brought them out and started the hunt. I hadn't gone too far when I saw a rabbit. Perfect.

Take an arrow.

String it.

Close one eye.

Concentrate.

Let it fly.

It was dead before it knew what had hit it. One arrow, one clean kill. Old habits die hard, I guess. I headed deeper into the woods.

*ooOoo*

The only bad thing about using a distraction to take your mind off things is that it's temporary. As soon as you're done, you start thinking again. Me and thinking, aren't doing so well together right now.

But, luckily, I find myself a new distraction. Greasy Sae. I head over to her house and give her some of my kills. I don't need them all and I had a good haul today. Almost all of my snares had caught something in them and I picked up a few stray rabbits on the way. Gale would've been impressed. I wince as that unwanted thought rises to the surface, again. With an effort I push it back down, where it belongs. Twice in one day, not good.

"Fresh meat, finally. I'll make it into a stew and bring you some tonight." Greasy Sae says. Her granddaughter is at their table playing with the ball of blue yarn she'd taken from my mother's knitting basket. I was glad to see it had a use again. I go over to her.

"Hey, do you like that ball of yarn?" I ask her. She looks up at me with in surprise. Normally I'm quiet, reserved. But she smiles at me and nods. "When you come with your grandmother I'll give you the rest that was left in the basket." I tell her. I know I've done the right thing when her eyes light up. I'm glad I can at least make one person happy. The innocence on her little face reminds me of Prim and Rue. I sigh.

"Okay. Thanks." I reply turning my attention back to Greasy Sae. I force myself to stick to as minimal talking as possible. I'm not in the mood to let my mouth win over my brain again.

As I walk through the district I see the work being done to clear away the rubble and ash. They were still picking out the bodies. I turned away and almost ran the rest of the way home.

But fate wasn't being kind to me today. I run into Peeta again, coming out of Haymitch's house.

"Hi, Katniss." He says.

"Hi."

"Go hunting?" He asks.

"Yeah." I turn to look at him. His face is still wary, but I've gotten used to it by now. It's like that anytime he sees me.

"Catch anything?"

"Yeah. I got a lot." I answer. I'm surprised he hasn't mentioned our deep talk before. Guess he thinks it's better to keep whats in the past, in the past. Like me. I sigh, but am glad I don't have to explain my hasty, unplanned actions.

"That's good."

"Yeah. Thanks. I'll see you later, bye." I say trying to end this awkward conversation. It felt too polite and formal for my taste.

"Oh, Katniss." I stop and half-turn so I can meet his eyes again.

"Yeah?" I ask, wary and tense. Please don't bring up our other conversation...

"You should really call Dr. Aurelius. I don't think you have yet, but unless you want some unwanted visitors, you better talk to him. He's just trying to do his job, but you won't pick up the phone." Peeta tells me. I nod and turn around and open the door to my house.

I'm relieved but not as surprised as I should have been. That's what the old Peeta would have done too. Been worried about someone else, tried to help them so that they won't lose their job. I'm just surprised it's something he did that involved me.

As if we were back in the Arena and the Gamemakers were listening in on our conversation, the phone started to ring. Awesome. I ignore it and climb up the stairs. I hadn't touched it since I got back and I wasn't planning on it anytime soon. See? That's the difference between Peeta and me. He cares about others, strangers, I guess I just don't.

*ooOoo*

That night I tossed and turned unable to sleep, Peeta's words still echoing in my ears. He's just trying to do his job, but you won't pick up the phone. Feeling a headache coming on I roll over squeeze my eyes shut and make my list.

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am 17 years old. I live in District 12. I am the mockingjay... until I gratefully lose consciousness.

*ooOoo*

The next morning I still have a throbbing headache and a bruised conscience. The first thing I do is go downstairs and pick up the phone. I grit my teeth, I find myself doing that a lot lately, use the callback feature and finally call Dr. Aurelius. He had left 37 messages.

"Hello. Dr. Aurelius's office, may I ask who's calling?" A young female voice asks.

"Uh, Katniss Everdeen." I reply.

"Okay, are you a patient?" She asks.

"Yes. May I please speak with him."

"Of course, let me connect you to him, please hold for a moment." She replies.

"Thank you." I remember to say.

"Katniss?" Dr. Aurelius's friendly voice reaches my ear.

"Hi." I say.

"So you finally decided to call." He sounded a little relieved.

"Yes. I did, Peeta mentioned you were trying to contact me." I say feeling a little guilty.

"Yes, yes I was. I know you're going through a rough time right now, Katniss. But you need to talk to me. It's the only way I'm going to be able to help you." He says.

"Yeah, I know. Sorry." I reply.

"It's okay. Just pick up the phone the next time, okay?" He asks.

"I will." I promise and I knew I would.

"As I talk to you more I promise I won't bother you as much." He says.

"Okay."

"So how are you feeling?" He asks.

"Fine. Headache." I reply.

"Yes, well that happens. Especially with everything you've been through. So are you eating normally? Sleeping?" He asks getting down to business.

"Yes. I eat. And I sleep... the nightmares still come back every night." I admit.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Would you like me to prescribe some sleeping pills?" He asks.

"No! I've already tried those, they don't... help." I say remembering when Effie Trinket used to make me take them on the train during the Victory Tour. That also brings back other memories of nights on the train, but I push them away.

"Okay, if you say so. But I will prescribe some minor pain pills. They should help with the headaches and any other pain you have. And I'll send over some relaxing pills to help ease the stress. They should arrive with the next supply delivery." He explains.

"Okay, thanks." I say.

"Katniss, I know you feel bad right now, but it will get better. I know you probably haven't done much, but get into a routine. Go through the motions. Get up, make your bed. Get dressed. Eat breakfast. Go through the motions. It will help. I'll call you tomorrow." We say our goodbyes and I hang up.

I hear a meowing at the door and see Buttercup there looking at my with his ugly yellow eyes.

"I've been wondering where you are." I say to him. He just hisses at me in response. That relationship hasn't changed.

"Fine, be like that. Dr. Aurelius says to go through the motions. So I'll have to feed you, won't I?" I find an old can of tuna in the pantry and drain it for him.

"Enjoy." I tell him. He ignores me and keeps eating.

*ooOoo*

The next morning I wake up and decide that I needed to clean up and get my act together, at least, as much as possible. I guess I have gotten a little out of practice. I was still in the clothes I had changed into yesterday morning, filthy from hunting and working on the Primrose bushes. I had to try and get back to at least taking care of myself! As I showered and changed and brushed and braided my damaged hair, I decided to play a little game with myself. I would list all the good things I could think of right now.

I'm Katniss Everdeen. I'm 17 years old. I'm alive. I'm back in District 12. I'm alone, but that's okay. No, I'm not entirely alone. I have Peeta and Haymitch and Greasy Sae. I'm actually clean.

Okay, the list was short, but it was there. I sighed and went downstairs hoping to find something edible for breakfast. Instead the phone rings.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Very good, Katniss." Dr. Aurelius says. I scowl into the receiver.

"Thanks, I guess."

"Okay, this was just a little test. To make sure you were up and eating and trying to set a routine for yourself. Also to see if you would answer the phone." He says. He sounds relieved.

"Yes. I'm awake. I was just about to eat breakfast." I say.

"Okay, very good. Now along with your routine building, I have something else I want you to do in the next few days. Understand?" He asks.

"Yes." I sigh.

"Okay. Good." He pauses.

"Well? What is it?" I ask, impatient to get off the phone.

"I want you to call your mother."

Just wanted to get this chapter up already! So I left this chapter there. I hope this story is going okay. I'm trying to follow the facts (unsuccessfully – sorry!), but make it interesting too and I don't know how well that balance is working out. Hehe. Oh well. I'll keep trying…

Mx2Blue326