*** My sister, who is my medical fact advisor, is still annoyed with me and at the moment, not speaking to me. (Olive Tree - Olive Garden, who knew they were two different restaurants? It's 2012, woman needs to get a cell phone!) I am too lazy to research medical facts in-depth, so, here's me, running with those twisted medical facts. ***

"You hafta know how well I know you, right? You don't need to tell me when something's wrong, I just know, I will always know." Sam set a pan of hot water on the floor, reaching for Dean's left hand as he sat down on the bed. "God, it scares me sometimes how well I know you." he gave a short laugh. "And what kicks me in the ass, is you don't even know it." he pinched and squeezed Dean's fingers on both hands, relieved when his reflexes, while slow, were normal. "Wanna hear how well I know you?" he curled Dean's fingers towards his palm, grinning when Dean kept his hands fisted. "I'll tell you."

Dean didn't move.

"You think I'm selfish. You think that I just do whatever I want, that I don't care. I dunno, maybe it's all those years of being told I'm a girl, being teased for wanting to talk and you always blowing me off...but, that's a cop-out huh? That's the Sammy way, blame you for what I've done wrong." he unwrapped the wet bandage as he spoke. Knew he'd be doing a lot of talking while he tended to his brothers hands. He had to, had to keep his mind busy, otherwise, he'd be having another melt down.

No movement.

"You've never truly believed me when I've told you I would do anything for you, but dammit Dean, I would kill anyone who stood in my way of getting you back. It's you, not the world, I've died to defend." the soaked gauze was easy to remove. "And I would again…" he stopped when Dean gave a weak tug against Sam's hold with a murmur of protest. "Ssh, ssh, you're ok." he soothed, thumb rubbing circles on the back of Dean's hand until he was quiet. "Okay? That's it, just relax Dean." he set the pan up on the nightstand and reached for the wash cloth.

Soft grunt.

"And I know you always felt that I could just walk away from you, that I have, but that just isn't true. Leaving you to go to school was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. And it wasn't you I wanted to be away from. Cried myself sick for months. Made myself so sick that I...yeah well, in the past, right? I wanted a normal life, but I always thought you'd be part of it." the wash cloth was on the soft side but as he started dabbing and rubbing, it tugged against the abused skin, causing Dean to flinch in protest. "Sorry, sorry, just…hey….." he left off until Dean relaxed. "Guess that hurts, huh?" this was why he needed the surgical scissors, he could snip off the loose flaps of skin instead of trying to work around them. "Okay? Huh? You okay now?" he gently started with the wash cloth again.

"How the fuck you ever thought I was gonna be ok after you left….were taken….gone, whatever, and you did, you honestly thought that. I mean, Jesus Dean, the one thing in my life, the only thing I'd always had, was about to be ripped away from me and you just patted me on the head like…oh well., it's Sammy, he'll go back to school. Did you know losing you killed me? Seeing you torn apart right in front of me and not being able to do a damn thing to stop it made me a suicidal drunk for months...you gotta admit...when you got back, I wasn't the same. I was never the same."

"You think the drive for revenge is what changed me but it wasn't. No, what hurt, was realizing you thought I wouldn't care, that I could just let you go and live a life that didn't have you in it because I had before. You left me, you left Dean and I had no one, so tell me, who's the selfish one? Yeah, I blamed you for that but god, I never hated you for it." the cuffs had torn deep, the damage Sam was able to see made him sick to his stomach, but the dirt and mud wasn't ground into the wounds, was surface debris and most of it was easy to wash off.

Dean was becoming more restless, not as willing to lay still and Sam was no longer able to calm him down with a touch or a few gently spoken words. He had another wrist to go and he glanced at the clock, mentally tracking how much longer Suzie would be.

"Lying to you all those months, telling you no, refusing to do what you asked while I was after Lilith, ate me alive and what happened? Could say I ended the world." he re-bandaged the wrist to contain the bleeding until Suzie returned. "I shudda known what it was doing to you, hell, I probably did. Didn't care though, you know why? I can forgive Cas because no matter what he's done to me, he gave you back to me. I was never gonna stop until Lilith was dead, she took you away from me."

"Scary huh, what I'll do for you?" he moved to the other side of the bed. The bleeding didn't appear to be seeping through the newly applied bandage. Encouraged by that bit of good news, he tackled the right wrist, then pushed Dean off his side onto his stomach and began tending his back.

"I tried, you know, wasn't myself, not that I knew that. I didn't want...…thought I could stay away...and I did, well, I managed not to let you know I was back anyway and I told myself everything was okay but the moment I knew you were in danger, all that mattered was...I had to have you with me and fuck it all, Dean, that was all without a soul. I didn't know emotions, couldn't feel sympathy or affection or love but the thought of you not being here...again drove me insane." as he suspected, the damage to his back was not at all serious, was cause for discomfort not pain and his heart lightened a bit.

"I learned a few things about myself, you know. Found out that while I could leave you for several years, it was because you were only a phone call away, were never far, and would come if I needed you. Found out my hatred of hunting, my desire for a normal life, my belief that I could walk away…..none of that was stronger than….you."

The scrapes and scratches and abrasions on his back were not deep or at risk for infection. His coat had offered enough protection to avoid serious injury. The damage was mostly to his upper back and across his shoulders, meaning, movement would be painful for a week or so but would be manageable. Sam was able to sufficiently clean it with the anti-bacterial soap and generously rub in the bacterial ointment. Dean flinched on occasion, drawing away a time or two, but put up no effort of a fight.

"And now? God, now, every day I manage to wake up and get out of bed, to keep going, to fight what's going on inside my head, to function, for you. If you weren't here, if I didn't have you….." he carded his fingers through his brother's hair in search of any lump or swelling that may now be evident but to his relief, found nothing. "I can't do that again."

"Someone tried to take you away from me. I don't know who, I don't know why, I don't know what their intentions were but they did this to you and they are not going to get away with it." he buried his face in his hands, digging the heels of his palms against his eyes. He wanted a drink, needed to fortify his resolve to do what came next but needed to be clear-headed and steady of hand. Knew either he had to do it or he had to take Dean to a hospital. Pain would be a distant memory, scars would fade, but loss of use in either hand would be permanent.

***000***

"Pick." Sam ordered, holding Dean flat on his back with his palm against Dean's shoulder who wasn't taking the suturing well at all. Sam risked a glance down at him, felt his stomach knot, a face so white he could count the freckles stared back at him, eyes liquid pools of misery. Dean had managed to lay still while Sam snipped and cut loose skin away on both hands; had tolerated first, the bubbling sensation of hydrogen peroxide, then the sting of rubbing alcohol but once Sam started digging around with the forceps in search of any foreign matter/debris, Suzie had held him down.

Sam knew the dangers and advice against cleansing such deep wounds with peroxide but lacking a syringe large enough to irrigate the wounds properly, had decided to go ahead and risk it. Even a dosage of lidocaine wasn't enough for Dean to handle Sam trimming damaged tissue and that was when Sam had asked Suzie to retrieve and administer a sedative from the first aid kit.

"Dilaudid? Avelox?" Suzie was rooting through the first aid kit. "Where did you get all this?" she demanded. "Jesus Christ Sam, no doctor prescribed this!" she held up a bottle of Ativan in one hand and a bottle of Propofol in the other, waving them in his face as though he had no idea what they were. "Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to mix…..?"

"Pick one." Sam growled. He wasn't happy over the need to sedate Dean but he couldn't chance having Dean fight him. Head injury or not….it was a chance he would take. He needed Dean to lie still while he set the stitches.

"How did you get this?"

"Dammit Suzie! Pick one and shoot him up or get the hell out of my way and I'll take care of it myself!"

"How?" had she been thinking clearly she would have realized they wouldn't have had the syringes and vials in a first aid kit if they didn't know how to administer the medicine. "Sam, come on, you can't…"

"I can fill a syringe, find his freaking vein and inject him with my god-damn eyes closed." Sam bit out; his patience wearing thin. He was tired of seeing his brother in pain, was sick over the fact he was the one causing it and was anxious to get it done and over with.

"He needs a doctor! You can't just give him….."

Sam took a deep breath, digging deep for control, now was not the time to have another melt down. "Suzie, you need to listen to me….okay? We both get hurt. We get injuries we can't run to the ER for. If there's one thing I excel at, it's research. I know more about every drug and medicine in that kit than you ever will."

"But Sam, there are other medications that would serve….."

"We don't have other medications! For the love of God Suzie, I would never harm my brother! I know what he can handle; I know what dosage to give him!"

Wouldn't harm him? What did he call shaking him until he passed out? Dragging him out of bed and leaving him alone, dizzy and unsteady in the shower where he could have fallen and injured himself further? Hauling him up of the floor and throwing him back into bed? "Sam, I don't doubt your intentions are good, but that doesn't excuse the fact you have no medical…."

"The internal stitches will be dissolvable. Even though the wounds are jagged and uneven, I left enough skin to stitch. I know what I'm doing Suzie. He still has good blood circulation to all his fingers, still has muscle coordination and full use of his hands, if he didn't, we wouldn't be here, now pick one!"

"ALL RIGHT!" she yelled. "OK! Okay, just…..ok, how well does he come out of sedation?"

"Maybe some nausea, a headache…..won't matter, he won't be going anywhere."

Suzie held Sam's eyes for another moment, then put down the bottle of Propofol and picked up the syringe. "Which arm?"

"Left."

***000***

"Sam, you need to get some sleep." Suzie squeezed his shoulder. "You can take my room. I'll wake you up in say, two hours? If he…."

"No." he shook his head but didn't raise it. "It's ok. I won't kick you out of your own room."

"You, aah, don't really fit on the sofa." she grinned. "It's fine for a nap, but you need to…"

"I'm fine." he sat with his elbows crossed on his knees, leaning forward with his forehead on his arms. "I'll lay down when I get tired."

She frowned. "Where?…You mean..." comprehension dawned on her. "In here?" she glanced at Dean. He wasn't settled, hadn't been even with the sedative. Even though he hadn't completely awakened, he was not asleep by natural means. Sam hadn't said anything, but she knew he was waiting and watching for signs that Dean was running a fever. "I'll get a sleeping bag to pad the floor and some blankets."

She didn't question his choice as she made up a bed on the floor, next to the bed in which Dean slept. Well, she shook the pillow into a fresh pillowcase and cast a look at the bed, tossed about in would be more accurate. She doubted anything she said or did would get Sam out of that room until Dean was through the worst of the ordeal Sam had subjected him to and sleeping peacefully on his own.

"Dean, here...drink." Sam was coaxing softly. "You're probably dehydrated, and even if you're not, you lost enough blood that I'll feel better if you drink even if you don't, okay?" he sat down on the chair, pulling it closer to the bed, glass of flavored sports drink in one hand, glass of water in the other. "Dean, come on, refusal isn't an option you get to choose."

Sam blinked, thumbing his eyes when Dean continued to ignore him. He couldn't handle being denied what he wanted, what he felt his brother needed. He'd pretty much been with Dean twenty-four/seven for months now, knew his brother was exhausted, knew it because the man slept for an hour maybe two, at the most. He didn't go to bed, just took a nap wherever he happened to be whenever his body demanded it. Add to that, he mostly drank whatever meal he happened to remember to eat….and he could guess Dean had done nothing but drink since he came to this town, didn't matter that he could hold his liquor, coupled with the blood loss…..

"Do you think getting him to drink is a good idea right now?" she interrupted his musings to ask hesitatingly. "Might make him sick when he wakes up."

"I won't give him a lot, just..."

"Lie down and get some sleep." she said. "You need me, just call for me, okay?"