A/N: I never post a chapter ´hot from the press´. Usually I keep the file on my computer for a few days, stirring it every now and then like you should do with a good soup. But I really wanted to finish posting the story today and the chapter *just* got ready - so I hope there won´t be too many mistakes...
Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews and comments and enjoy the last installment!

Chapter 5

Immediately after luncheon was over, Elsie managed to escape back into her parlour. Closing the door securely behind her, she leant against it, covering her flaming cheeks with her hands. What was the matter with her? He paid her one off- handed compliment and her composure was entirely in shreds. Taking a few deep breaths she tried to steady herself and reflect on what had happened. His behaviour had been a little puzzling - he had been staring at her quite a lot, but nothing that merited this type of reaction, surely?

She almost snorted. After acting like a complete lunatic all month, he was probably just keeping an eye out to have her taken away if need be. It was just that after the disastrous incident with the letter she found it hard, if not impossible to fall back into their platonic friendship. One could say Pandora´s box had been opened. As nerve-wrecking as the last two months had been, a tiny part of her had glowed with anticipation. Upon his return she had believed that at least all those years of unrequited love would somehow get resolved over the course of the next few days. When it had all fallen flat and he appeared to be as clueless about her feelings as before, this tiny, excited part, refused to be laid to rest again and content itself with their steady friendship and excellent working relationship. After all the tension and anticipation of the last few weeks she just wanted to know if he returned her feelings.

If he did, she´d be over the moon. For the last couple of weeks it had been increasingly hard to keep her romantic daydreams and fantasies at bay of what it would have been like if he had received her letter and reciprocated her love. Would they have stayed at Downton and keep their relationship a secret? Would they have left service and built a life for themselves somewhere else? She found she could agree with whatever scenario happily, as long as she was secured of his affections.
And if he'd rejected her – well, at least she could have moved on then, knowing exactly where she stood and no longer having to wonder if there was a hidden meaning behind every look or every touch that surpassed his professional demeanour.

But it wasn't to be. He was none the wiser about her feelings and she really should be grateful she had been spared the very uncomfortable and humiliating conversation of having to have to explain the contents of her letter to him.
The whereabouts of the letter still gave her some reason for concern though. It had been sent, but it was obvious that Charles had not received it, so the question that remained was: where was it now? The idea of a letter, conveying her deepest feelings for someone as private as Charles Carson, being out there somewhere was a highly unsettling one. Perhaps she could make a few discreet inquiries at the post office and hopefully the letter could be tracked down and be burned.

Remembering she had promised Charles she'd join him for a walk, she tried to gather her usual brisk composure together and slowly made her way back to the servant's hall, wondering what the purpose of this walk could be.

He was waiting for her at the back door, already donned in his coat and bowler, holding out her coat to her. She slipped into it and tried to ignore the fact that his hands rested briefly on her shoulders., once he had helped her into it. After she had put on her hat, she turned to him and smiled. "All ready!"

As much as she tried to tell herself that she was just imagining things, there was no denying that he was still looking at her intently. She could feel his eyes on her as they made their way over the gravel path around the house.

"Is there a particular route you'd like to take?" she asked, fighting down a surge of nervousness.

He indicated the path to the pond at the end of the estate. ¨It´ll be nice and quiet there,¨ he gave as explanation.

Nice and quiet for what? She wondered. What on earth was the matter with him? What could he have to discuss with her that was so private he couldn´t talk to her in their respective sitting rooms? Suddenly a dreadful thought crept up on her. He was taking her away from the house because whatever it was he had to say was something so personal, he wanted to eliminate any chance of being overheard. Perhaps he was ill, or planning his retirement, of had been offered another job…

She risked another look at him, relieved to see that at least he wasn´t staring at her so much anymore, allowing her the chance to study him a little. First she looked at his face. There was a small smile playing around his lips and he looked happy, relaxed even. But then she noticed the hands. As he was walking he was rhythmically clenching and unclenching his fists, clearly indicating some sort of anxiety. Unconsciously she took up a rather swift pace, partly just to get to the pond as soon as possible and partly because it helped her to relieve her own, rapidly building tension.

She didn´t really know she was doing this, until she felt his hand on her arm, pulling her hand to the crook of his elbow. ¨Do you need to catch a train?¨ he asked bemused.

Slowing her pace she fell into step with him and laughed a little. ¨No… I´m just rather curious as to why you feel the need to take me all the way here.¨

¨Because I would like not be disturbed for once,¨ was his rather enigmatic answer as they arrived at the pond and he took her hand in his, tugging her a few steps further down the path until they were behind a large oak tree, carefully hidden out of sight.

Still with her hand in his, he looked down at her face, which was still as confused as before. Suddenly he felt incredibly nervous and his mouth went dry as he was struck by the significance of the moment. A careful approach would do it.

¨Elsie…¨ he started carefully. This already evoked a small gasp from the woman in front of him. In all the years they had worked together, the number of times he had used her Christian name could be counted on the fingers of one hand. ¨I received a letter yesterday from the London housekeeper… apparently a letter you´ve send to me during the Season has gotten misplaced at the post office and she forwarded it to me… ¨

There could be no question what letter he was referring to and Elsie felt her face flush crimson with mortification. That blasted, stupid, disastrous letter. ¨Charles…¨ she began shakily. After all this was not a moment between a butler and a housekeeper, this was a moment between them, between Elsie and Charles. ¨I`m ever so sorry… ¨ She was determined to keep looking him in the eye. She would face him, face this and deal with the consequences… it would only be later in the privacy of her bedroom or parlour that she would give way to tears or panic. Only then she would cry over the loss of his friendship and respect. For now she would try her utmost to try and salvage it. ¨You were never meant to read it and I feel dreadful for placing you in this position…¨

He realized now this was a very bad start to their conversation. He should have made his declaration first and explained about the letter later. Now, instead of being able to tell her how much he loved her, he had set her off into a series of distressed apologies. As he listened to her pleading words , the building look of panic in her eyes was tearing him apart. ¨Elsie…¨ he tried, but she was passed listening already.

There was only one thing for it. Bending down he captured her lips with his own, effectively silencing whatever else she was going to say.

His kiss was so sudden and so unexpected that her head swayed for a second. Out of reflex she placed her hands on his shoulders to steady herself as she slowly became aware of the way his mouth moved over hers, carefully exploring the curves of her lips. Before she had gathered her wits enough to even think about returning his kiss though, he was already pulling away from her and she felt a pang of disappointment, realizing it was over even before she could even begin to really live it.

Almost automatically picking up from where she´d left off when he kissed her, she started to apologize again.
¨Charles, I am sorry for springing all this on you…¨

At the same time his words filtered through.
¨Elsie… I´m terribly sorry for pounding on you in this fashion…¨

They both ceased talking abruptly and she gave a little laugh, breaking the tension between them a little. Her hands were still on his shoulders and just as she was about to pull away she felt his arms slip around her, holding her close to him. Looking up in his eyes she found him looking at her once again, but the soft, tender look in his eyes was completely new and it took her breath away.

¨Please… don´t ever apologize again… I have never been happier in my life than when I read your letter, well… up until just now that is. I shouldn´t have taken such a liberty in kissing you, not before I even have told you about my feelings, but let me do so now…¨ he took another deep breath before he continued. ¨Elsie, I love you.

So very much.¨

They couldn´t be spared from the house for long. In the end they hadn´t more than ten minutes together, no more time to share anything other than another brief kiss and a few whispered words of love. Apart from the severe lack of time he had realized quickly that his master plan to get her away from the house to declare his feelings for her had another major flaw: between all the coats, hats and gloves they were wearing it was almost impossible to really feel her. As he´d kissed her again, his hands had held her waist, but to him it had felt as if he was only holding a handful of coat. Of rather nice coat to be sure, but still. And as she had moved her hand to his face he had longed to feel her fingers on his skin, instead of the thick layer of cotton from her gloves.

Carefully he had asked her if he could come to her parlour that evening. Her eyes had lightened up and she had given him a small but obviously eager nod, sending his heart racing with anticipation.

And now they were both in her parlour, on her sofa and as their kisses grew more confident and less restraint, both of them were eager to discover what gave the other the most pleasure.

His weight on her was rather comforting and she stretched happily against him, moving her hand into his soft, thick hair, while he was gently kissing her neck. The shock of his declaration had finally began to wear off and now, secure in the knowledge that he loved her as much as she loved him, she finally allowed herself to give in as he showed her just how much and she found ways to convey the same to him.

¨Remember me to thank Mr Molesley in the morning,¨ he murmured against her skin.

¨Thank him!¨ she exclaimed exasperated, her eyes flying open. ¨Don´t you dare… I almost suffered a stomach ulcer because of that man!¨

He chuckled against her lips before capturing them again in a brief, loving kiss. ¨My poor Elsie…¨ he whispered against her cheek as he moved his hand from her waist and placed it over her stomach, caressing her gently. His lips found a very sensitive spot on her neck again and he kissed and nipped at the delicate skin. It was only then that he noticed that her breathing had turned rather laboured. He pulled back to look at her and the look on her face set his blood on fire. Her head was thrown back and her eyes were shut tightly. Her lips were slightly parted and her lower lip was bright red from the way she´d been biting on it. He didn´t think he had ever seen her look as beautiful as in that moment.

¨Elsie…¨ his voice was left to nothing more than a hoarse whisper and he moved up a little, covering her lips again with his mouth, soothing the crease in her lower lip with his tongue.

With his hand still on her stomach, caressing her with soft, insistent strokes, breathing deeply became almost impossible and as she started to respond to his kiss, she could feel how her whole body began to tingle with nervousness, excitement and anticipation. After a while his hand slipped around her waist again and she rested her forehead against his chin, trying to catch her breath.

Pulling away slightly, she gazed up in his eyes, seeing her own dazed excitement mirrored in his look. ¨You´re so beautiful,¨ he told her seriously, running his hand through her hair, which had come loose a long time ago.

¨Charles…¨ She was surprised at how breathless her voice sounded. ¨You… I… I feel like I´m losing my mind…¨ she admitted, the colour on her cheeks deepening.

¨Is it too much then? Or too soon?´ he asked worried. ¨Are you frightened?¨

How was it possible that this man could make her feel so safe and secure and at the same time could set every nerve in her body on fire by the barest of touches? Slowly she reached up to stroke his temple, trailing her fingertips down over his cheek to his neck. As her fingers brushed over a spot just beneath his ear she could feel a shiver ran down his back and with a jolt she realized she was having exactly the same effect on him.

She smiled happily and suddenly completely carefree. ¨No Charles, not in the slightest,¨ she replied and pulled him to her.

The end

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