Greetings and Salutations People! Haku1013 here with my first late one… yeah, sorry about that. I've been having computer problems so I only just started working on this thing about a day or two ago.
So anyways, I felt obligated to get this song down, seeing as it was requested multiple times. The winners are the following:
FakexReality, I be Miss Author, and Welshdragon1189
I hope you all like it.
Zim groaned as he picked himself up from his bed, the morning call erupting through the barracks. Rubbing his eyes, he looked at his clock. Seeing as it was still insanely early, he laid down on his bed. His moment of relaxation was soon interrupted when he was thrown upon the hard metal floor.
Opening his eyes, Zim saw a very tall Irken towering over him. Said Irken was, again, very tall, and had red eyes. "Why do you awaken Zim?" he asked, "Can you not see that Zim was resting his eyes?"
The tall Irken merely stood there for a moment, and pointed to a medal on his uniform. "See this?" he asked Zim, "What do think this means?" Zim stared at the medal. It was shaped like the Irken insignia, with a star surrounding it. Yes, it was what a superior officer wore- oh.
Jumping to his feet almost immediately, Zim saluted. "MY APOLOGIES, SIR!" Zim said aloud, "IN ZIM'S DOWSINESS, ZIM FAILED TO SEE YOUR POSITION, SIR!" turning to his clothes, which were folded next to his bed, Zim quickly got dressed, not really caring if there was someone else in the room. His attire consisted of a normal military uniform, with the rank of private.
The officer merely nodded and pointed Zim out. Zim, not wanting to invoke the wrath of a superior, quickly left his room. Walking out, he saw other Irkens, many of whom seemed to have gotten the same treatment as him. Zim sighed in gloom; he was just shipped out to the training camp the other day, along with a few other Irkens. All of them were the same rank as him.
Zim covered his eyes from the morning sun. Letting his eyes get use to the light, he took in his surroundings. The area was grassy, like a meadow, with almost no trees. Just a few miles away, in the distance, were some mountains. Hearing a loud screech and some screams of pain, Zim turned to the source of the sound. Yup, some idiot got too close to the Hogulus Pit.
Seeing a shadow looming over him, Zim turned around to see a short, stout, Irken behind him. This Irken was only a few inches taller than him, had the same color of eyes, and had an air of 'cool' around him. Zim recognized him as Skoodge, the male he had befriended on the trip.
"Hey Zim, the sergeant wake you up harshly too?" Skoodge asked. Zim chuckled at Skoodge's question. "Poor, poor, delusional Skoodge," Zim began, "Zim would not dare do such a thing as wake up late to invoke a taller's wrath."
"I didn't say anything about waking up late," Skoodge stated. The conversation continued between the two males before another male joined the two. This Irken was short, like really short. He had green eyes and a scar over his right eye. By the way he looked, he seemed fresh out of smeethood.
"Aren't you a little young to be the military?" Zim asked. The small male simply nodded, "Yeah, but I scored so high on the entry exams that the control brains were more than happy to let me in," he explained. "By the way," he said, "The name's Tarklotaz."
"That's a weird name."
Turning around, the trio saw a purple eyed Irken. He didn't have anything weird in his appearance, like the other three, but he did have a helmet covering his head.
"Really?" asked Tarklotaz, "And what is your name?"
This new soldier's face squeezed with surprise. "My name?" he asked. "Yes," Zim started, "he asked for your name. You know, what your cold-unfeeling-arm called you upon birth?"
The soldier just coughed into his fist. "Yes, well, my name is Tak" he paused, "Tak…Taka… ado… Takado!" he almost screamed. "My name is Takado."
Tarklotaz simply turned with a smug look, "And you say I have a weird name."
Tak, I mean Takado pulled up his sleeve and grabbed Tarklotaz by his collar. Pulling him to eye level, Takado pulled his fist back. Takado threw the punch, or he would have, if not for another hand catching his. Looking back, he saw the commanding officer.
"And what's going on here?" he asked. Tarklotaz was dropped to the ground immediately. "Nothing, Sir!" Takado squeaked out. The commanding officer smirked and walked into the mass of privates.
"Line up you Blorch Rats!" the commander shouted. Almost instantly all the soldiers were in line. "I am Commander Red, and from here on out, either your best friend or your worst enemy," Red explained as he walked in front of his soldiers, inspecting them. Stopping in front of one soldier, a short one, Red kneeled down to eye level with her, the only viewable female in the group.
With a sincere smile Red asked, "And who are you?" The soldier gulped, not knowing how to answer. "Uh… Private Zee, Sir." The soldier said while saluting. Red chuckled at this, "Good, now do you know where you are?"
"Um… Irken Military Group 45-A5P?"
"Very nice. Now, do you this group's number one rule?"
Private Zee paused, trying to remember. Her eyes opened wide as she realized the rule, "No… females?" Red got up, smiling. "Nicely done Private. Now then, if you would be so kind," Red began, "GET THE FLORP OUT OF HERE!"
On cue, two floating droids came by, picked up the private via mechanical wires, and flew off, Zee screaming all the while. Turning to the rest of his subordinates, Red cleared his throat.
Looking at them, he noticed a few confused faces, some with faces filled with semi-hatred, and the rest seeming neutral in the matter. Sighing, Red began, "Some of you are probably wondering why I did that." A few Irkens nodded.
"Well, females are a distraction in battle," Red stated, "and while this group is under my control, distractions are not allowed. If you want distractions, however, feel free to transfer to Group 49-OI5. I hear that idiotic Purple has taken control."
Zim nodded at this as did Tarklotaz and Skoodge. "Sexist," muttered Takado, causing Zim to look in his direction with mild interest. Zim chose to ignore him, however, and turned back to Commander Red.
"Now then," Red began, "every morning, you shall assemble swiftly and silently. You are to remain in line until I arrive. No matter how late I am."
Tarklotaz raised an invisible eyebrow at this. "But what if you end up missing half the day?" the short Irken asked. Red smiled politely and answered, "No matter how late I am."
"But what if-"
"No matter," Red interrupted, "how late I am."
Takado chuckled, "Tough Guy." Hearing the sarcasm, Red walked to Takado, who instantly stood straight. Pulling a small object, Red smiled evilly to Takado. Pressing a small button on the object, an energy blade 'swished' out, only an inch from Takado's face.
Pulling the blade away, much to Takado's relief, Red began, "This is an energy blade, your primary weapon for close combat. This weapon is your life. Loose the blade, loose the life." Hearing a chuckle, Red turned to see Tarklotaz, covering his mouth with his claws in a failing attempt to cover his laughter.
"Tarklotaz!" Red called. Said Irken looked up to his commander, only to see the blade coming downward. Falling down, Tarklotaz barely missed having his head hacked off. Using the momentum from the missed swing, Red threw the blade into the Hogulus Pit. "Thank you for volunteering," Red said to the small Irken.
"For… for what?" Tarklotaz asked, still shocked by the attack.
"For the retrieval of my blade, of course," Red announced a certain amount of glee in his voice. Looking at the pit, Tarklotaz picked himself up. Dusting himself off, he made his way to the edge of the pit. It was a deep pit, almost exactly like the one on Hobo 13. Quickly finding the blade, which was stuck in a stone dead in the center of the pit, Tarklotaz began searching for the beast that lived in the hole.
Seeing no creature, Tarklotaz pulled up his sleeves, "Okay, I'll get you your blade." Jumping into the pit, Tarklotaz awaited for the quick pain in his landing, only to find that it never came. Opening his eyes, which he had closed with expectance of his landing, Tarklotaz saw that Red was hold onto him with his arms stretched out.
"Not yet, you idiot," Red said. Pulling the soldier back, Red called out, "Bring the items!"
In moments, a pair on droids, like the ones that took away Zee, floated by, carrying two giant stones, almost as big as commander Red!
Red held Tarklotaz down as the droids began tying one of the stones onto Tarklotaz. Said Irken, being both young and small, barely managed to carry the stone. Happy with the weight of the stone, Red turned to the group of soldier, all of whom were still at attention.
"This stone represents discipline," he told them as the droid tied the other stone to the volunteer, "And this stone represents stamina. You need both to get the sword." Turning back to Tarklotaz, Red quickly covered his mouth in an attempt to hold his laughter. The second stone, as it turned out, was pushing it for Tarklotaz, as he was now face first with the ground, both stones seeming to crush him.
"Don't say anything," the flat Irken ordered while getting up… or really getting on all fours. Crawling to the pit, Tarklotaz looked down again to make sure the entire ruckus hadn't called forth the beasts. Seeing nothing, Tarklotaz took in a deep breath before jumping in, Red looking over the edge while the soldiers stood by, listening for screams of pain.
At first, there was nothing. Then, it came; a roar of might. Then the screams of pain came. Red stood still only his face moving as it scrunched up with terror and disgust. The scream continued for a few more seconds before Tarklotaz was thrown straight out of the pit, face first it must be added.
This scene was repeated with Zim, Skoodge, and Takado and all the other recruits taking their turn. Rubbing his dented helmet, Takado picked himself up and limped away. Red sighed as he watched all this happen, "We got a long way to go."
Red grabbed a handful of Blade Handles from a nearby bin and threw them of his soldier, all of whom caught one. Except Zim. He got hit in the face.
Let's get down to business, Red said as he grabbed another handle and ordered the tow droids back, both going crazy as they flew around the area. The group had a hard time keeping an eye on them, until both were cut down the second they got too close to Red.
To control you careers he said as he turned off his blade. Tarklotaz, still sore at Takado, placed a strange bug down his shirt which caused him to beat down every near soldier with the blade handle. Red, seeing this commotion, walked over and grabbed Takado by the collar of his uniform, Did they send me females when I asked for males?
Throwing Takado down, he continued, You're the saddest bunch I ever met but you can bet before we're through…misters I'll make some men out of you.
Red pulled his rifle closer as he searched for the targets. Seeing them pull out of a crate, he took the shots, hitting all three targets with a perfect score. Tranquil as a forest but on fire within, he said as he watched the group try to hit their targets, most missing completely. Seeing Zim start tinkering with his rifle, Red walked closer. Standing behind the short Irken as he readied his rifle, Red was suddenly shot back by the resulting explosion.
Once you find your center you are sure to win, he said as he walked with Zim to the infirmary for 4th degree burns. Tripping Zim at the doorway, Red continued, You're a spineless, pale, pathetic worm and you haven't got a clue. Somehow I'll make a man out of you.
Skoodge ran and ran as fast as he could as lasers were shot at him, I'm never going to catch my breath.
Looking back at the ground he had covered he saw Tarklotaz trip. Skoodge could only cover his eyes as the very same lasers he had dodged bombarded the other Irken. Say good bye to those who knew me! Tarklotaz shouted as he ran for a bucket of cooling cream.
Practicing physical defense, Takado yowled in pain when he struck the stone block with his hand. Boy was I a fool for cutting gym…
Zim ducked as Red threw a punch at him. Picking his head up to try and counter, Zim was met a kick that sent him flying into one of the only nearby trees. He thought of playing dead until he heard some people laughing and some others muttering, This guy's got 'em scared to death! And for some reason he heard Takado mutter, Hope he doesn't see right through me.
Discarding the idea of playing pretend, he picked himself up and headed back to his commander, who sent him tumbling back into the tree. Again.
Now I really wish that I knew how to swim! Skoodge said aloud as his group began swimming through the arsenic river for a small red flag.
Sending the troops to their barracks, Red told them, You must be swift as a coursing river! With all the force of a great typhoon! With all the strength of a raging fire! Taking a pause at Takado, he pointed to the moon, Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!
Time is racing toward us 'til a war arrives! Red said to the group as they marched up the mountain, each soldier holding two bags of supplies twice their weight. Red slowed down, waiting for any straggles to catch up. Looking back, he saw Skoodge collapse on the ground, dropping his bags with him. Red walked to him, not bothering to look at him, and picked up the bags. Skoodge turned his head in shame as Red marched back to the group, now with Skoodge's bags. Skoodge could hear Red calling out to the rest of the soldiers, Heed my every order and you might survive!
Skoodge, Takado, Zim, and Tarklotaz all sat near a fire, all covered with bruises and burns. A good rest under the stars would be good for their aching bones and sore muscles. Seeing Red walk up to them, Zim alone tried to stand at attention. Red only pushed him back down as the group looked into his eyes. Red's eyes were filled with disgust and hatred.
You're unsuited for the wage a war. So pack up, go home, you're through! How could I make some men out of you?
With that said, Red walked to his own barracks. The Irkens all looked at each other, knowing that the same thing was on their minds. In the light of the rising sun, they walked to the Hogulus Pit. Tarklotaz was the first to go. Tying himself to the stones, he jumped into the pit.
It didn't take long for the Hogulus Beasts to smell a midnight snack. Acting quickly, Tarklotaz knocked the beat down with the stones on his back. Climbing as fast as he could, Tarklotaz walked out with the sword. Smiling to himself, Tarklotaz threw the sword back into the pit, which landed in the exact same spot as before. Tarklotaz and Zim sat back and watched as Takado and Skoodge did the same as Tarklotaz.
Zim shuddered as realized it was finally his turn. Tying himself to the rocks, Zim slowly walked to the pit. Peering down, he chuckled slightly as he noticed the Hogulus Beast now had several bruises on its face and torso. He also noticed how pissed off the thing looked. Taking a few steps back, Zim was stopped by someone. Looking back, he saw that it was three of his friends.
You must be as swift as a coursing river! Takado advised.
With all the force of a great typhoon! Skoodge added.
With all the strength of a raging fire! Tarklotaz spoke, before kicking Zim into the Hogulus Pit.
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon! All three shouted as Zim picked himself up. Feeling a hot breeze hit his head, Zim looked up to see the Hogulus Beast standing directly in front of him and winced as it released a large roar. Hearing the roar, Red and every other private ran out of their barracks and to the pit. Red face palmed as he watched Zim run in a little circle as the Hogulus stood still and watched its prey dance.
Zim paused in his antics when he noticed the growing numbers of eyes watching him. Seeing his commander and remember how angry and disappointed he had been with him was the last straw. Turning to face the Hogulus Beast, Zim didn't flinch as it let out another roar. Walking forward, Zim simply slapped the thing! That's no metaphor, he actually slapped the Hogulus Beast.
"No! Bad Hogulus Beast!" Zim shouted at it. The beast stepped back, shocked and confused as it had never received this type of reaction from its food. Red did the same thing as he watched this all unfold. Zim, feeling braver, slapped the beast again!
"Don't you dare roar at the mighty Zim" Zim yelled, "You know what? Do it again!" he ordered the beast, "Do it again! Zim dares you! No, Zim DOUBLE dares you!"
The beast took another step back as Zim said, or rather, shouted all of this at it. Deciding that it wasn't worth the headache, the Hogulus slowly turned around and walked off. Zim, feeling victorious, skipped to where the sword was.
Climbing out, Zim was amazed by how many shocked faces were looking at him. It was only when Commander Red walked over, did Zim stand at attention. Red merely nodded and patted Zim on the head before walking back to his barracks.
Red stepped back as he was almost hit by several laser, all of which hit their respective targets. Looking at the shooter, he saw it was none other than Takado, sporting a new custom variation of the standard laser rifle.
We must be swift as a coursing river! Takado said to his commander.
Red gasped for breath as he ran with his bags. Out way up in front of the group was Skoodge, running twice as fast as anyone else. How the stout Irken did this was a complete mystery to everyone.
Have the force of a great typhoon! Skoodge called out to Red.
Zim ducked as Red threw a punch. Picking his head up, he moved to the left, dodging Red's next attack. Jumping as high as he could, Zim met Red at eye level before delivering a devastating kick, one that sent Red back several feet and to the ground. Looking at the small Irken, red wiped the blood away from his smiling mouth.
With all the strength of a raging fire! Zim said as he helped his commander up.
Red continued to fire the lasers at Tarklotaz. Amazingly, the small Irken had decided not to get off the course. In fact, it seemed that he was enjoying dodging the lasers, heck, he danced around them! Cart wheeling off the course, Tarklotaz smiled at Red.
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon! he called out.
Red moved his arm back, his sword dancing with him. He smiled as his troops did the same, mimicking his every movement. Never before did he get a team like this one. The moment was cut short as a droid came flying by, hitting Zim in the head and knocking him down.
Red laughed out loud as he looked at Zim pick up his ocular implants. Turning to face the droid, Red wasn't shocked to see it holding letter. No doubt that it contained the names of those that passed his course. Grabbing the letter from the droid, whom immediately flew away, Red began reading.
Zim, now having stood up with his eyes back in place, turned, with a scared look on his face, to his friends. "Oh no! The scores are here! What if Zim didn't pass?" he almost yelled out. Before getting out of hand, Takado slapped him, reducing Zim back into a semi-normal Zim. Getting a quick thanks, Tarklotaz stepped in, "Don't worry Zim, it's painfully obvious that we did awesome! We were like the-"
"-the BEST!" Skoodge interrupted, earning a death glare from Tarklotaz. Skoodge merely brushed it off. Zim nodded in agreement, "Yes, Zim must agree with you on that Tark-beast." Turning back to his commander, Zim smiled he watched Red finish the letter.
"Well, well, well," Red said, "It looks like all but four of you passed onto the next round of training." This caused Zim to go bug eyed once again. No way was this a coincidence. Clearing his throat, Red started calling out names, "Skoodge, Takado, Tarklotaz, Zim, you all…" Red paused, seeing the shock faces on the four soldiers.
"What?" yelled out Takado, "We fail? But how? We were the best!" It was Zim's turn to placate his friend now by placing a hand on his shoulder. Takado reacted by throwing Zim over onto his back and continued, "Why, why, why? After taking all the precautions not to get caught, I fail!" This caught everyone's attention, especially Commander Red's.
Everyone let out a gasp as Takado tore off his helmet, showing that he was actually a she! "Florp all of you!" Takado, who shall be known as Tak, shouted. Feeling a hand placed on her shoulder, Tak prepared to threw this person over her shoulder too, only to see Commander Red.
"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," Red began, "Skoodge, Takado, Tarklotaz, Zim, you all will not be going onto the next round of training. You did so well, you shall all go off to INVADER training instead."
"Oh," was Tak's only response.
"Yup," Red began, "too bad I am no longer your commanding officer anymore, huh?" Red asked with a smile on his face. Tak smiled at this, she wouldn't be booted off like Zee!
Turning to the still shocked faces of Skoodge, Tarklotaz, and Zim, Tak grabbed them all and spun in a large circle laughing all the while. "Invader training, here we come!" she shouted as they continued to spin.
"Hey wait a second," Zim started, "Takado is a female?"
And thus is the end of the story which is longer than Be Prepared. Again, I hope you liked it. Again, I apologize for the late update. And again, as always, review and give me some Songs!
And to those wondering who Tarklotaz is, he is an OC of my creation. He is sceduled to appear in another of my stories (if I ever find the time to write it), although he already is make a prominent role in KotaWingz 'A New Universe' story.