Impurities

Chapter 5- Weakness

Season, 3 Episode 11: Mystery Spot

TRICKSTER: This obsession to save Dean? The way you two keep sacrificing yourselves for each other? Nothing good comes out of it. Just blood and pain. Dean's your weakness. And the bad guys know it, too. It's gonna be the death of you, Sam. Sometimes you just gotta let people go.

It tasted so good… just the way he expected: warm, soft and sweet. The way the lips were opening for him, the way the pliant tongue sliding against his, the way it was pulsing lightly with each faint whimper. It was better than he expected. Oh! So much better. When he realized the labored breathing under his mouth, he moved down a little. First sucking that soft lower lip for all its worth, he kept going down; leaving wet kisses along the way. When he reached just above the collarbone, he sucked the skin lightly; not too hard to leave any marks but just enough to get a stronger moan.

The body trembled under him when he moved his hungry lips to the side where the neck meets the shoulder. And the way the neck was revealed so open for him, so compliant, so trusting… he was going to come just thinking of it. When he used his teeth to stimulate the already aroused skin, strong hands clutched his hair; not to push but to pull to increase the pressure. This time it was his turn to moan.

He kept rubbing his leaking dick mercilessly against the hard member underneath. He put all his weight and strength on it but it was not enough. He needed more… more pressure, more warmth, more friction… He raised his head to ask for permission to indulge more. He looked into those captivating eyes, unable to speak. He was lost in the lust darkened greenness, he could only manage a soft "Dean?"

When he saw the kiss bruised lips curved into that beautiful, mischievous smile, he begged shamelessly; "Dean… Please?"

Suddenly, the lust ridden eyes were burst opened with horror. The seductive moanings turned into heartbreaking, almost silent pleadings "No…"

"Dean?" He asked in shock.

He was still achingly hard, but the –oh, he was sure tasty- member underneath was not responding any longer. The pleadings got louder.

"No! Please, no! Nooo!"

XXX

Sam woke up totally disoriented and found himself humping on the bed. It took him a second before realizing his was dreaming. Then, he heard his brothers alarmed voice from the next bed.

"Nooo!"

Dean was having nightmares, again. Sam leaped to the side of the struggling body and tried to wake his brother up.

"Dean, Dean… Wake up. Dean!"

Dean woke up soaked into cold sweat and flinched feeling Sam's hands on his shoulders. Sam pulled his hands back as if they were burned, but kept his sad eyes on his brother's tormented face. He tried to overlook the fact that it was probably a similar dream that caused this pain in his brother and the boner under his sweatpants.

After catching up his breath, Dean tried to comfort his brother.

"I'm sorry Sammy…"

"Dean, what'd you be sorry for?" Sam replied with a half smile, willing his hard-on to go away or go unnoticed.

"I'm making you feel guilty with-"

"Dean, please…"

"No… just listen OK? I don't blame you, man. I want you to know that."

"Dean..."

"Sammy, don't. It's not easy for me to talk about this, OK? So, lemme finish. I know you feel guilty but IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT. I know you'd do anything for not having live through that. I know that, man. And listen to me when I say this: I DO NOT blame you, you hear me?"

"Dean…" Sam felt words were stuck in his throat. "Even if it was only for these fucking nightmares you're suffering every-"

"The nightmares have nothing to do with you." Dean claimed; not the whole truth, but was not a complete lie either.

Sam looked at him with questioning eyes. It was obvious that he did not believe the claim. Now, Dean had to elaborate.

"They… they're about… you know… old… old stuff…"

"John?" Sam asked; there was no way he would call him dad.

Dean only gave him a slight nod and continued,

"It's been a long time, you know. I thought I forgot about it; got over it. But, when that lady put me through that reminder course… it all came back in a wrong way."

So, Dean was having nightmares about another family member raping him? Sam could relax now!

"Dean? Can I ask you a question?"

"Do you have to?" Dean knew he was not going to like this. Hell, he did not like the talk they already had.

"I… You know that I had no idea what's going on, right."

"Dude, you were just a kid."

"Dean, I swear if I knew… After I learnt about it… I… I remembered stuff I never paid attention before. Like, you were in pain in the middle of night… awake… and…"

"Yeah, they weren't always from the hunts." Dean understood the question and did not want to hear it asked openly.

Sam's head fell down.

"I never even suspected it. It was going on right next to me and… I can't believe you've been through all and-"

"It wasn't that bad."

"How could you even say that?"

"I mean, dad… it was only when he's really drunk he couldn't-"

"The bastard was drunk all the time he's at home. I don't remember him sober between hunts or trainings."

"Come on Sammy. OK, dad was drinking a little more than usual, but not always drunk."

"How could you defend him, Dean?" Sam lost the control of his voice.

"I'm not defending him! I'm just pointing out the truth. You're just glad you found a reason to bash the man as usual."

"He… HE was abusing you constantly -God knows how long- and you're blaming ME for being angry at him?"

"Fuck you!" Dean could not take it anymore. As if it was not enough to deal with this shit during his sleep, now he had to go through it when he was awake?

Sam's fury was burning inside him. He was angry at himself, at his father and at Dean for not blaming them. He wanted Dean to be angry at John; he wanted him to hate the guy. So that, he could believe that he was not as bad as his father, that he did not hurt Dean as much, that he somehow deserved Dean's forgiveness.

"Why do you even defend him, man? You don't have to lie to me Dean. I lived what you've been through. I know what he did to you again and again and fucking again! I felt every fucking thing. Don't tell me it wasn't-"

"Oh, I know you know everything. You told me, when-" he stopped himself abruptly; he did not really want to go there.

"When I was raping you! That's what you were gonna tell, right?"

"Yes! You fucking ungrateful bastard. Yes! When raping me, your brother. And let's not forget while savoring my blood too. You told me you knew and even blamed me."

"What? What are you talking about?" Sam was taken unawares.

"Oh, don't give me this crap now. What happened to your anger? Tell me how I was missing my daddy's loving touch when he had stopped, huh? Tell me how sick, how pathetic I am! What's stopping you now?"

"Dean, no."

"TELL ME! I know you're blaming me for allowing him."

"No, Dean… no… No." How did it become to this. He was supposed to help his brother, god damn it!

"You're wrong! I didn't want him."

"Dean. I didn't mean it. And even if you wanted, it's normal with long term abuse to have dependence on the abu-"

Dean rolled his eyes with his most cynical smirk.

"Right, hit me with collage boy stuff… I wasn't fixated on my father, dude. I… Fuck!"

"OK, sorry… All I was saying even if you want-"

Dean could not take it anymore. He held his brother's collar and plastered the huge body to the wall in one smooth move.

"Just because you shared couple of memories, you think you know everything huh? You don't know shit! You hear me! You don't know shit!"

"Dean, I'm sorry."

"You better be. You dare blaming me while all I did was protect-" No! Oh, no! He was not going to talk about that.

"What?"

Apparently, it was too late.

"Nothing." Shit! Shit! Would Sam leave this alone? Yeah, and maybe Lilith would become another Magdalene.

"Dean? No, no, you can't keep it from me."

Dean let his brother go and tried to think some kind of believable reason for his recent words. But his heart was still pounding with his recent outburst and could not think straight with all the adrenaline still floating in his blood.

"Dean! Talk to me. Were you… oh god! Were you? Oh Dean, no!"

Dean knew his brother was smart. He could always do this to Dean; pull all the secrets one way or another.

"Dean… Please, you gotta tell me."

"Do we really have to talk about every-fucking-thing?"

"Oh, yes! About this, we do. I remember, from your memories… you stopped him once. But it continued after that. Why?"

"Same old, same old. You know how strong dad was. I couldn't overpower him till I was 18."

"But you could have run-"

"And leave him with you?" There, he told him.

"You…" Sam's eyes grew wider. Although he somewhat expecting it, the reality still hurt when told aloud. He could not say anything, only kept looking his older brother, his vision blurred with tears.

"Sammy, come on. Listen to me, Sammy." He lifted his brother face up to hold his gaze, "I was already… you know… kinda used to it. There was no reason you'd go through the same thing, man. And I was stronger… and you were so young, God, Sammy! You were so young! You're the kindest kid I've ever known. How could I? I mean, damn it, Sammy. You're my baby brother."

Sam could not respond. The facts hit him like a freight train, still trying to absorb.

"Sammy… It was my choice, do you understand me? I chose it. And I never regretted it, not once. You hear?"

"Dean… I'm sorry." Words came out of his mouth slowly.

"Hey! Don't be like that. It's what big brothers do."

"No, Dean. It's what you do."

"Yeah, I'm an awesome big brother."

Sam hugged him tight; buried his head in his brother's neck, and inhaled the very smell of the person who had given so much to him. He tried to suppress Dean's memories –now crowding his head- back. Tried to get lost in the scent and forget the fear and the pain. It was such familiar scent, soothing and exciting at the same time. Nostalgic and hopeful, exotic and secure, family and seductive… it was pure Dean.

"I love you Dean."

"Me too, Sammy… always, you know that." After a pad on the younger hunter's shoulder, he added, "Can we stop now… before growing tits?"

"Jerk!"

"Hey, you love this jerk; even Marids living above the oceans know that." Dean replied messing with his brother's hair. "Go to sleep, you look horrible."

Sam actually needed some sleep. He had slept less than10 hours during the last week and his body was begging him for some more; after the short, nightmare cut one.

"OK. I'll snooze for couple of hours."

Dean mumbled something, probably shoving some leftovers into his mouth.

Although he needed it, sleep did not come easy to Sam. What Dean said should not be such surprise; sacrificing himself for his baby brother was Dean Winchester's signature after all. He could not get rid of the memories filling his head; Dean's memories from those long nights... and worse; his own memories of how he tortured him. The guilt was going to eat him alive and he deserved nothing less.

When the sleep finally took over, it was not peaceful at all. But still it was a sleep. He still felt energized after he woke up. He looked around to check Dean, already missing his soothing breathing. But Dean was not anywhere to find, not in the bathroom, not around the vending machines, nowhere… Impala was still outside, so he could not be gone far. His cell was still on the bed, next to his car keys so calling him was no use either. And Sam had this horrible feeling…

XXX

It had been more than 24 hours and there was no sign from Dean. Sam was going to lose his mind. He called everyone he could think of, Bobby, Rufus, Ellen, even Cassie and Lisa. He even tried to pray for Castiel. But Sam was not exactly in the angels' "good boys" list, so there was no answer. Even Bobby was nervous. Of course he was trying to calm him, but Sam could hear the alarm in his voice when he called; claiming he had good news.

"So, what's the good news?"

"Dean isn't dead."

"Thank God! You found him? Where's he?"

"No, and I don't know. Just he's not dead."

"What?"

"I talked to a psychic. He asked around some ghosts or whatever behind the veil, and learnt for sure that Dean did not pass to the otherside."

"Feeling like a 'but' coming."

"But, he is hidden, hidden well."

At that point Sam knew what he had all along suspected.

"Lilith!"

"We don't know for sure Sam."

"Who else Bobby?" Sam was furious. "She's not killing him because angles would bring him back. So she keeps him hidden. She took him right under my nose, Bobby. I was in the same room for fuck's sake! I'm so gonna kill the bitch, I swear, I'm gonna kill her slowly. I'm gonna get Dean back for once and all."

Although he was trying everything he could to sound angry, he actually was scared to death. Lilith took his brother second time! The same horror and grief he had felt when the hellhounds had left his brother's broken body was rising again. But this time there was no way Sam was going to let her get away with it, he was not going to let that bitch to take his brother.

"Sam, don't do anything stupid. Wait!"

Sam did not wait, and did the stupid. He hung up the phone, and immediately called Ruby while cursing all the angels between earth and heaven for not protecting his brother. Whatever! If those feathery dicks were slacking, Sam was going to do it. It was his job to protect his brother anyway. And if heaven was not helping him, why would he deny hell's assistance. He knew Dean was going to be seriously pissed off. Tough! Sam had been really pissed off when Dean had gotten that stupid deal with the cross-roads' whore. But saving the brother tramped everything in Winchesters' book; so Dean would understand. And if he would not… At least he would be alive to hate Sam's guts for the rest of his life!

"Ruby." He went into business right away when he heard her voice, "Let's kill the bitch!"

XXX

Dean looked around to see where he was. A second ago he was considering shaving his brothers eyebrows and now he was in a… a… museum? It looked like it; nice room with boring pictures and expensive –and definitely plain ugly- furniture. Suddenly he heard the familiar sound of the fluttering wings. Castiel was standing in front of him.

"Hello, Dean. It's almost time."

The End

A/N: And, the brothers are back to the canon timeline: Dean is in the green room and Sam is going after Lilith with Ruby. That's what I learned from the boys: you might bend the destiny a little but you cannot change it ;)

If you are interested, I'm planning on a sequel. Hopefully I can find a beta and it will be something less erroneous.

As always, reviews are the 0-calorie delights that actually taste good, so hit the button please.