SPN: NG The Road So Far

by waywardbard

Season Two. Jesse, Claire, and Ben must learn to adapt to their new circumstances and face the consequences of the Nephilim's continued devotion as well as the newest threat looming ahead of them. -Discontinued-

5. Episode 3: Several Ways to Die Trying

They stopped only a couple towns over, too frazzled to go much further. Ben had only had time for a quick shower, some dried blood still creased on his skin, so he went right to the bathroom when they got their new room. He probably wouldn't be long, so Jesse didn't waste time sitting next to Claire on the bed.

He looked her in the eye. "Something happened, didn't it? When the werewolf was about to attack."

She just looked at him for a moment, locked somewhere between confused and cautious. Her lips thinned when her quick shrug broke the eye-contact — Claire looked down at her lap for no other reason than instinct told her to.

"I just—I have no idea."

"So you didn't have a charm or...or something?"

Claire shook her head. "I just acted." Her hand slipped from her lap and slid onto his, squeezing. His skin was warm, and felt like home. "I couldn't let anything happen to you."

He brought her hand up, kissing the back of it. "I would have been fine, but thank you. Next time, though, don't step in front of a raging werewolf unless you know you can stop it." His eyes flicked down to her stomach, just briefly.

She was quiet, watching the path his eyes took, connecting them to the expressions on his face.

"I knew I could." Her head dipped to meet his eyes better, her brows lifted. "I did."

"How did you know?" he asked quietly.

Claire sighed. She couldn't pick out a specific reason why the situation still made her a little uneasy, but only in a superficial way; like the ghost of a thought that she'd left the gas on somewhere.

"It's a gut thing, Jess. Always is." She gave his hand a squeeze and stood up to grab the bottle of water sitting on the nearby table. Leaning against it, her fingers toyed with the cap. "Sometimes it's stronger than other times."

Jesse pursed his lips, looking between her eyes. "Are we going to tell Ben?"

Claire's brows pinched together above her nose. "Tell him what?"

"About your new ability to stare down werewolves and make them run off." Jesse's eyes flicked down again. Claire reacted, again on instinct, by sliding one hand over the very subtle swell.

"You're skirting something," she said after a thick pause. "What is it."

Jesse bit his lip. "Unless you've been hiding superpowers this whole time, I...I think it's the kid. She's...making you powerful or something."

The moment it left his lips, the word shot straight through to Claire's core, dropping her jaw with a phantom breath, and her eyes suddenly swam. She felt her heart stop for a fraction of a second that seemed to last forever, thanks to the scraps of memories that flooded them. She didn't even hear the rest of the sentence.

"She—?"

Oh. The idea had been fact in his head for so long. He'd avoided saying anything, hoping to put things off, or at least make things a bit more normal. He swallowed hard, his eyes meeting hers hesitantly. "Sorry... I didn't mean to tell you that way."

"How do you know?" Her voice barely worked.

He licked his lips. "Jack said it was a girl. He might've been lying, but I don't think so."

Claire felt her knees turn to jello, and quickly slunk back onto the bed beside him, never loosing the stunned expression. After a long moment, she finally tried to wipe it from her face with one palm, which turned to catch moisture on her lashes before falling to her lap. Deep down, she didn't think the faerie had been lying either. About anything. That was a terrifying thought she realized she'd been avoiding as well.

"I don't think he was, either," she uttered weakly, then swallowed hard. "Jess, remember that dream I had...?"

The sound of the shower going off killed the white noise that had been filling the air around them. Jesse's head jerked around before he looked at Claire again, shaking his head.

"Dream? When?"

"At Izzy's... When I came out of it, I tackled you?"

The blood drained from his face. "The one where I..." He couldn't find the words for it. She nodded faintly, lacing her fingers with his as a matter of needed comfort.

"I never told you, but— in that world..." Her words were cut off by a swallow, dropping volume with every syllable. "I had a daughter."

The door to the bathroom opened an closed, and Ben appeared, towel slung around his hips, hair still hanging in wet threads around his ears.

"Water's still hot if either of you want a go."

Jesse hardly registered him, his stark eyes focused on Claire. "W-was she mine?" The words came out barely above a whisper. She closed her eyes promptly, clenching them tight against the assault of images. Ben's voice in the background was a welcome change in the subject.

She shook her head and quickly swiped the back of her hand across her eyes, whispering, "I don't know."

Ben looked between the two of them with wide eyes, not sure whether to come closer or hang back.

"What's..." he said slowly. "What'd I miss?"

Jesse swallowed hard, looking over at Ben then at the floor. He hadn't told him either. "I...I told Claire she's having a girl. I found out from Jack."

Ben stared. He'd remembered Jesse's slip the night before, but he'd just tacked it on to being overwhelmed. His eyes moved to Claire, brow starting to furrow.

"But then... why are you asking if it was yours?" he asked Jesse, eyes still on Claire. She found them with hers, gnawing on her lip as she took in a deep breath.

"Amitiel's dream... I wanted to tell you."

"What was she like?" The words were out of him before Jesse could even think of stopping them. They'd had this child in the abstract for months now, and Claire... Well it wasn't the future she saw; it couldn't be. But the need to know weighed on him.

Ben continued to stare, stricken dumb in the wake of the news.

Despite how hard she was fighting them, her tears finally fell of their own volition. She was having trouble getting words past her breath. "I don't—I can't..." Forcing a deep breath, she tried to start over. "It was just a dream — he was manipulating me. It has nothing to do with now."

Ben was at her side in an instant, the towel nearly falling off of him in his haste to get to her. He grabbed her hands and held them, kissing them.

"It's okay, baby, you're right," he told her without a shadow of a doubt in his voice. "It was a coincidence. He got inside your head and found all the things that would upset you the most, that's all."

Jesse's stomach twisted as he lay his hand on her knee. "Belial's gone for good now; there's no way that's reality. I'm sorry. I just... was thinking out loud."

Still dropping trails of moisture down her cheeks, but keeping as much of a stiff upper lip as possible, Claire squeezed Ben's hands, not letting go, and leaned her cheek on Jesse's shoulder. There, she nodded, sniffing.

"It's okay... I brought it up." She pulled in a shaken breath. Jesse's reminder that the demon who was responsible for turning him to such horrible acts was truly gone helped. Probably more than he knew. Whether it was hormones, psychosomatic, or the same thing that scared off a fully enraged werewolf, she felt a weight lifting off her shoulders. "We got stranger things to deal with."

"Not right now we don't," Ben said, running his thumbs over her hands again. "We need a day off. It was a close call. We should head south, get back into the warmth again. Maybe visit Luke or something, yeah?"

Jesse sagged slightly. Being around Luke might be relaxing for them, but he would always be on edge around a strange hunter. "Warmth would be better."

Claire didn't look so enthusiastic either, but Ben was right. They needed a little time, even if the 'little time' between when they were active seemed to keep getting bigger. It was inevitable, after all.

"Somewhere warm, then — but not Vegas," she said, rolling her lips. She was almost positive Kat had kept her pregnancy quiet, and though she liked Lucas, the risk of him knowing made her uncomfortable on a strangely deep level.

Jesse's lip twitched with a smile, glad that was one thing they didn't have to tackle. "Well, you've been all over this country. You know the good spots."

Ben rolled his lips, watching her face and holding back on suggestions. He wanted Claire happy; wherever they went didn't matter, so long as he was with the two of them.

She pulled in a deep, cleansing breath, then let it out through pursed lips. Admittedly, filtering different destinations was the distraction she needed to let a few things go. At least, for now — and that's when it came to her.

"Anybody like Cajun food?"

Ben's lips turned up in a smile. "Leave it to you that we get led somewhere by your food cravings," he teased gently, leaning in to kiss her cheek, which fluffed with her smile.

"There's that, and a little thing I like to call Mardi Gras."

"Fuck yeah," Jesse said, beaming.

Ben laughed heartily, running a hand backwards through his hair twice before bringing it over his face.

"Let's enjoy the rest of the day at least, maybe head out in the morning, yeah? No rush."

---

"I really love this city," Claire said while looking down the front walk of the seventeenth century Garden District bed and breakfast. Regardless of how her life turned out, and how seedy and macabre modern society had made New Orleans, she'd always been attracted to the old places in the country. She'd always found museums and historical documentaries fascinating on a hobbyist level, appreciating the weathered personality of locations more than just what came her way in hunts. Strangely enough, that attachment seemed to be getting stronger, like her new appreciation for spicy food and hatred for the smell of suede. "You can practically smell the history."

"History smells like urine and rotting fish?" Jesse teased giving her side a small pinch. Ben gave a snicker, then knocked his elbow into him.

"Brine, not urine. I'd figure you'd know the difference better than anybody out there."

Jesse raised his eyebrows. "And why would I know that?"

"Mister Surfer?" Ben shot back.

"Eh, it all smells the same," Claire interrupted them both with a smirk, nudging them on through the gate. "C'mon. I figure how hard Hollywood's trashed this place, none of the real monsters would stand hangin' around."

"That's my girl; always the silver lining." Jesse opened the door, pushing it wide open for Claire, except it jerked short.

"Hey, watch it!"

"Sorry—" Ben said quickly, then stopped short, his eyes going comically wide. There was a filming crew lingering in the lobby, and a smart-dressed brunette woman speaking just off camera to the front desk clerk. He grinned so wide his face seemed to hurt.

"Oh my god, it's Tara Summerby."

Claire gave him a dubious look, then angled it up at Jesse, who raised both eyebrows at her before turning to Ben. "Someone you knew in high school?"

Ben stared at them both, especially at Claire, then flailed. "Oh, c'mon! Tara Summerby. She did that documentary series on Marie Laveau and the hoodoo subculture? She's like— an expert on her! And the graveyard segment with the tombs in Cities of the Dead. She's one of the best documentarians in the country!"

Now Claire really looked unimpressed, not in any small part because of the sharp trill of interest in Ben's voice. Her eyes slid toward the woman, decked out for the camera crew. Her nose wrinkled, but she said nothing for the time being.

Jesse just stared. "You watch documentaries? Since when?"

Ben's cheeks flared. "For research!"

Claire just readjusted the bag on her shoulder, muttering, "Documentaries aren't worth their Wikipedia sources. Anyone who can read a high school research paper can do it on camera."

Ben seemed to visibly deflate at the comment, then straightened his shoulders quickly. "She was a curator at Historic New Orleans Collection for six years. Master's Degree in Anthropology. She's legit." He moved his bag on his hip, opening it and rapidly shuffling through it.

While Claire snorted in derision, that got a laugh from Jesse. "You researched the host of a documentary? Who..." His eyes flitted to Tara. "Shit, you fancied her, didn't you?"

"What? No!" Ben said swiftly. "No, she's just— she's really awe-inspiring. Most of my hoodoo stuff I started out learning from her docus."

"Awe-inspiring." The eye-roll could practically be heard in Claire's voice. "Glad eight years of reading books safe in a cushy dorm or apartment makes her legit." With that, Claire headed for the front desk, completely uncaring of her path right through the cameras. A director's assistant quickly stepped into her path to stop her, speaking quietly. Ben had found the notebook he faked writing information in when they went out pretending to be cops, but he'd deflated even further at Claire's criticism. Jesse gave his shoulder a pat, looking bemused after Claire.

"Is it me or is she saying weird shit a lot lately?"

Meanwhile in front of the cameras and sound techs and the documentarian herself, Claire pushed a hand pointedly into the production assistant's shoulder in the clear back-the-fuck-off fashion, quoting some ordinance about public space. The camera man turned to look in her direction with a frown, and then Tara's voice cut through the air.

"Cut!" She stood, sending a narrow-eyed look in Claire's direction before speaking to the camera guy. "We'll pick up to the spot before the last question. Lemme see what it looks like so far."

Even though Claire was irritated, Ben suddenly beamed and rushed over while he had his chance. Jesse decided to go to Claire and make sure things didn't escalate.

It was a couple minutes before Tara pulled away from the cameraman. "Good. Just make sure the boom doesn't block that chandelier there. It makes strange shadows." She turned and jumped when she nearly ran right into Ben. Ben nearly leaped backward to compensate for the run-in, his hand coming out to steady her at the shoulder.

"Hi, sorry, I— uh," he stammered, speaking fast. "I'm a huge fan of your work, Miss Summerby. Could I get your autograph?"

The woman's eyes widened before her face broke in a smile. "Yes, sure. Sorry, not a request I'm used to."

Ben gave a nervous laugh as he passed her the notebook and a pen. "I'm really into local legends and history. So's my wife, actually; it's why we came down here."

"That's wonderful. So you're here at the hotel on a tour, ...what's your name?"

"Ben," he said, then blushed. "Braeden. Uh, not exactly, we were just gonna wander a bit. There's a tour?" His eyes moved to the front desk clerk real quick, then back to Tara. "What kind of tour?"

"Oh, just a regular ghost tour. They have dozens in this town," she said as she wrote. "We're doing a documentary on the spirits that haunt this place. The building has been around since 1845, but the foundations are even older. Lots of residual." She smiled, handing the notebook back to him.

Ben blinked, feeling his pulse speed up. There were ghosts here? "Nothing violent or anything though, right?" he asked, taking the notebook back.

She gave a light laugh. "No reports of ghost murderers as far as I know. Although a few accidents have been linked, by those who want to see a link."

"Neat," Ben said with a grin, though his mind immediately began racing with concern about the ghost. "Can't wait to watch the finished project. Good luck with the production."

As Ben came back, Jesse had his hands on Claire's arms, their knees lightly touching. "If you want a quieter place, we can find one. Not a fan of cameras myself."

Looking a little diffused from earlier, Claire sighed lightly, her lips pressed thin.

"I seriously doubt you'll find anything vacant this weekend." Ben's movement caught her eyes, and they found his, immediately picking up on the concern.

"They've got a ghost here. Several. There've been accidents." He swallowed, shoving the little notebook into his back pocket without looking at it. "I mean, it's not uncommon down here, but... it's probably nothing."

Jesse's expression immediately fell. "Don't suppose we're allowed to just leave it?"

Claire just sighed, pushing the little lump of concern back down in her stomach.

"If we went after every spook in this city, we'd never leave New Orleans." She shouldered her bag again, sending them both a tight-lipped smile with high arched brows. "And unless we start lookin' for a barn, there're no more rooms anywhere."

She grabbed the key-cards out of her pocket, and turned for the spiral stairs leading to their room, calling behind her. "We'll handle it if we have to, but I'm not goin' lookin'."

Ben shot Jesse a look, frowning slightly, then headed after Claire. Jesse scowled at his back but followed. After all, he agreed with Claire. How much could it hurt if just this one time they didn't go digging for trouble?

---

He was so happy. His car was done, and he had gone out to the hill on the far end of town to see the stars, and he was just... happy. Nothing else seemed to matter. It was even better, considering the body settled against his on the hood of the car.

There was a weight in his pocket, and a thought on his mind. Tonight was the night. He was going to ask her. It felt like every nerve in his body had a life of its own, but deep down he knew it would all turn out in the end. They loved each other. This was supposed to happen. Maybe it was only halfway through the school year, but that didn't change how ready he felt.

"What d'you wanna do after graduation?" he asked quietly, tipping his head in her direction. She smiled at him, that dimpled smile that always shot straight to his stomach and made it flip. Suddenly her hand was in his, lifting it so they were palm to palm, showing the difference between size.

"I dunno," she replied, her voice soft like they were sharing secrets. There wasn't another body for miles, but the atmosphere seemed to inspire that sort of response. His heart felt like it was beating faster. It probably was. "Maybe a road trip? We'll have until the second week of September. Maybe we could go to the Grand Canyon."

His lips widened into a smile as he slid his fingers between the webbing of hers, then brought it to his lips to kiss it.

"Or Yellowstone."

"Or The Cooley Dam."

He grinned, stroking his thumb over the back of her hand.

"Why not all of 'em?"

The girl smiled brighter. "Could we? Oh, Ben, that would— just you and me, out on the road, hitting up every crappy hotel along the way? Eating at shitty diners? Writing our names on the walls?"

Ben felt his heart flutter in his chest. This was it. Perfect moment. All he had to do was reach into his pocket and pull out the ring.

"Sounds like a fun trip." A third voice split the serene quiet from a little higher than the hood. It came from the roof of the car, and the figure seated there cross-legged, dead center. A figure with coiling blond hair that was gnarled and caked with blood, like the shreds of clothing she wore. Despite the horrific condition, Claire's face registered no discomfort. She was looking down at her hands. They were cleaning a gun. Ben sat up suddenly and hard, feeling the yank of the other girl's hand in his, but when he looked down at her, she was gone.

"What—" he stammered, then looked up at Claire again. "How—"

Claire didn't look up. She just pieced the pistol back together, one bit at a time.

"How what?" she said, still soft. Finally she flicked her eyes up to his, but before long they went back to the gun. "How am I here? Shouldn't you be asking yourself that question?"

"I didn't—" he stammered, pushing off the hood and onto the ground, his eyes all over her at once. The girl who had been there no longer mattered. She didn't even exist anymore.

"Why are you bleeding?"

Claire's lips rolled in on themselves, but again, she kept her eyes dutifully on the pistol as the handle was shoved into place.

"It's what we do, isn't it?" The hammer clicked in its latch. Claire held the sight up to her nose and looked down the length of it. "You've always known that."

Ben looked at her, then up at the sky. The stars had started going out. Everything around them seemed to be fading, in fact. His eyes turned back to her.

"No... no this is—" he said quietly, feeling a twist in his gut. "This is wrong. You weren't here. This is—" His eyes widened. "This is a dream. You're not real. But why are you—"

Now she looked at him, and didn't look away. The gun and her hands dropped flusteredly into her lap. "I'm not real? Could'a fooled me, y'know."

She shifted then, sliding off the roof and stuffing the gun between her back and her jeans. He stared at her, trying to find where the blood had come from, forgetting for a moment that everything wasn't real. Why was she bleeding?

"Claire..." he whispered, reaching out to put his hands on her shoulders, then moved them to her face and tilted it up. "Look at me." She did, though with a look that wasn't entirely there. Just beneath the surface of Claire's usual 'game face' was fright and confusion that didn't seem to register. He'd had dreams that bled into each other sometimes, but never overlap.

"You're not supposed to be here," he repeated, thumbs on her cheeks. "This is a memory from when I was sixteen. You weren't here."

The words sank in, but it took forever. The glint in Claire's eyes suddenly sharpened; her lips gaped for a sharp breath...

That's how she woke up, with a gasping start that shot her up onto her elbows. Jesse jerked awake at the sudden disturbance, reaching groggily for Claire's arm. "Waswrong?"

She looked at him for half a second, wild in the eyes as she sat up straight for a frantic body-check. Wrists, arms, shoulders, all with their scars but none of them bleeding. Only then did she actually breathe, wiping her face with both palms.

Ben startled awake a half second later, though less intensely, simply breathing in hard. He looked around, relaxing only slightly when he saw they were still there.

"Claire," he breathed.

"I'm fine," she replied, though not sounding convinced. "Just... messed up dreams."

Ben rubbed his eyes with both hands, turning to look at her, his face confused. "How did you do that?"

Jesse raised his eyebrows. "Do what?"

"You..." he whispered, chewing his lips. "I was... I was back in Indiana, on the hood of my car, and then you were there, Claire."

Claire went very still, unable to do anything but stare.

"I—I thought..." she trailed off, her voice losing weight as she seemed to go on only in her mind. So that was real... "I was in Oregon. Then—then I wasn't." She swallowed, then tried to take a deep breath. Was she shaking?

Jesse scowled, sitting up and hugging Claire around her shoulders. "They were just dreams. They're not real. You're fine."

"Mine was. I mean, it— it was a dream, but I've had it before." Ben pushed up to sitting, but he didn't reach out. The confusion still swam on his face. "You were there, weren't you? But how—"

"I didn't do anything," Claire answered tightly. She gripped Jesse's arm as a natural comfort, but had her eyes on Ben, just as confused and clearly frantic. "I was just... dreaming about it like, like months ago, and then it just stopped and I was in... I was there, with you and..."

"Beth," he said quietly, eyes averting, his legs drawing up against his chest. "You weren't... supposed t'see that."

"Who's Beth?" Jesse looked between them. "You... Where were you?"

Claire looked between them for a minute, wholly perplexed and not particularly happy about it. She looked at Ben first, "I wasn't supposed to be in your dream, Ben... I think I'm a little more worried about that."

"You were in his dream?" Jesse said. And he couldn't help it; his eyes flicked down to the bulge of her stomach. Ben nodded, though he was a little less pointed about it.

"That shouldn't... I mean," he said quietly. "How? How is that possible?" Claire's exasperated gesture made it clear she had no idea, and that she was just as jarred by it as he was.

"Could be dreamwalkers, angels, tricksters... could be a lot'a things."

Jesse licked his lips. He should just keep quiet. Claire was right, it could be almost anything. But why would anything else bother? "Well, I couldn't do that. But I couldn't stop a werewolf in its tracks either," he said, looking at Claire. Ben's eyes went wide.

"Wait, what?"

Claire felt a hard pang of something in her very core. She pulled in a slow breath, looking like someone had just punched her in the gut. Jesse hugged her tighter, eyes meeting Ben's almost sheepishly.

"We didn't want to worry you, but with the werewolf, when you were out of it, it...it was attacking and then Claire just looked at it and it stopped. And we're pretty sure it wasn't Claire."

Ben looked between the two of them, his eyes coming to rest on Claire, looking just as lost and confused as he did when he first woke up. Maybe it was just the fuzz of sleep still wearing off, but he just couldn't comprehend what was happening. She rolled her lips, her eyes imploring.

"I don't remember it," she whispered. "Not like I should."

"Why would it fuck with your dreams, though?" Jesse said. "That hasn't happened before, right?"

Claire shook her head, but didn't look entirely certain. "I don't know... I haven't dreamt about Oregon in months..."

The confusion drained straight out of Ben's face, replaced instead with concern as he reached out to find one of her hands.

"Shit," Jesse breathed. He pursed his lips. "So you were...there, and suddenly you were in Ben's dream?" Squeezing both of them, she nodded, her eyes a bit unfocused. Jesse let out a breath. "Well, that sounds like an improvement at least."

"At least she hasn't done anything to hurt you," Ben said quietly.

"Why would she?" Claire rasped almost immediately. "And on top of that... have either of you two noticed a distinct lack of demons around us?"

Jesse shook his head. "Belial's gone. They can't find me any more."

"They weren't supposed to be able to find you before either, but they did," Ben said quietly, following Claire's path of thought. "Because of us."

"And Jezebeth was ready to do anything to do it again," Claire added, sure as the sky was blue.

"You think she's keeping them away?" he said quietly, not even trying to hide it as he looked at Claire's stomach. That was a good thing, right? So why did his intestines twist in knots?

Claire took a moment to breathe, and by instinct placed her hand on her middle.

"I think we're off the radar."

Everything was feeling too tight; Jesse couldn't breathe. He got to his feet, shifting from one to the other. "She might hurt you. She wouldn't know it, she wouldn't even mean to, but she's already that powerful, and... People get hurt, when you don't know what you're doing."

Ben moved to take Jesse's place at Claire's side, arms wrapping around her.

"She won't," he said firmly. "Even if... even if she wasn't aware, instinctively it wouldn't make sense, to jeopardize Claire. She relies on Claire."

Jesse just shook his head. "I don't know. I just know what happened with me. But this kid can do things I can't, even now."

"I don't know either, Jess, but what am I supposed to do?" Claire's voice was soft, and almost pleading. "It all just feels natural to me. Even the kicking."

Ben turned his eyes back to Claire, surprise registering in his eyes. There had been kicking? His hands found hers around her and threaded their fingers together.

"Jess, please calm down," he said quietly. "You're freaking out again. I didn't mean anything by what I said about hurting, all right? I just— I'm not even completely awake, and most of this isn't makin' sense, and that was the first thing to come out of my mouth. So just... please."

Rubbing at his wrists, Jesse let out a long breath before nodding. Then he looked at Ben. "Who's Beth?"

Ben's first reaction was to close his eyes and duck his head, staring down at his lap. He really, really didn't want to relive everything outside of his own head right then, but it was a better deflection than Claire and the baby.

"Someone I knew. A long time ago. It's not important."

Yeah. From Ben's reaction, she seemed really not important. But Jesse let it drop. He rolled his shoulders. "You need the bathroom first, Claire?"

She shook her head, sighing and rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand. "I just want to try and sleep."

With a sympathetic look, Jesse leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. "Go ahead and sleep. I'll be quick." Then he headed for the bathroom. Ben pulled back from embracing Claire, moving back down on the bed, his eyes settling on the ceiling quietly. He could hear the muffled sound through the bathroom door, but he ignored it.

He wasn't left to his devices long. A couple soft fingertips brushed his elbow from the side.

"It's alright," she said, very quietly. Ben's eyes closed on automatic, feeling the immediate result of relief from her touch, though it was only temporary. His head turned, eyes searching for hers.

"Is it?" he asked, unsure of himself. Claire pursed her lips, then pulled him close enough to wrap her arms around his shoulders.

"What's the top thing you're worried about?"

"The top thing?" he echoed, brows furrowing as he tried to pick out which one. It took a moment of chewing his lip in silence before he found it. "That if this dreaming thing becomes regular, you're going to hate me. I... there's a few repeats. And I wish I could say that the fact that you can bothers me, but we're married to a cambion and you're about to have some kind of prophetic baby; nothing really phases me anymore."

"...I'm going to hate you?" she parroted back like he'd just told her the sky was plaid. She still squeezed closer. "You wanna explain that one?"

"Not all of my dreams are that innocent," he said quietly, his eyes dropping to her throat. "And the ones that are don't always... you're not in them. I mean, some of them," he corrected quickly. "You're in some of them, the less— you know what, I'm just going to shut up now."

"Jesus, Ben," she nuzzled in close with a sigh, closing her eyes. "Even if I am…dream-hopping, I'm not the Dream Police." Or something. This was just number four-hundred or so on the list of conversations she never thought she'd be having. "You think I'd be angry because of a dream?"

Ben gave a weak laugh. "God, when you say it, it really does sound stupid. You're right." He leaned in, giving her a soft kiss, then lifted up to kiss the tip of her nose as well. "Sorry, if I freaked you out by freaking out. You startled me, more'n anything." He bit his lip again, suddenly frowning. "Maybe... maybe it's that ghost, yeah? I mean, I've never heard of ghosts affecting dreams before, but maybe..."

Claire looked tired, but still pulled the same face she always did when she didn't have a clue. "Normally I'd say you're reaching, but... Hell if I know anymore."

"Could be the ghost isn't a ghost at all, just some kind of daylight hallucination everyone's having because something's here and causing this stuff." He tapered off at her look, his frown becoming more pensive. "But if that's the case, it's not dangerous. Just another weird thing in our weird lives." Claire just shook her head and pulled him back to the bed with her.

Once they were settled in, and sleep started to make her muscles heavy, she added with a lot of breath, "Pretty sure we're the most dangerous things here."

---

Ben wasn't a fan of site-seeing. He could understand relaxing a bit, maybe doing a little manual labor back when he needed to actually make his own income, but museums and art? They weren't really his thing. Even if it was Mardi Gras, he just couldn't get into the mood for dancing and clubs, and whatever else.

He could, however, get into possibly investigating the ghost issue that Tara Summerby had mentioned. With Claire's suggestion that they may be off the grid, he didn't see any harm in it. Jesse and Claire could relax if they wanted. It might even be good, him giving them a little alone time. Since the hunt was still in its early stages, that only really left research, so he decided to go straight to the best source he had available to him: the documentarian herself. She'd already done most of the work for him, after all. It would be easy enough to pick up where she left off. As luck had it, he'd seen her earlier that afternoon in the pool doing laps, so that meant she was staying at the hotel also. All he had to do was loiter a bit until she made a reappearance, maybe sitting with his laptop in his lap in the lobby. The place was abuzz, the people coming in looking exhausted and wearing sneakers, the people going out all dressed in their finest or skimpiest clothes. Fortunately, most weren't sticking around, so Ben was able to grab an armchair pretty quickly.

He'd just settled in when suddenly a voice called, "Ben!"

When he looked up, all he saw was a very familiar torso, the man's shirt pulled up so high it covered his face. "Gimme beads!" Jesse said with a laugh as he dropped his shirt. It didn't really look like he needed more to add to the collection around his neck, though. Ben's brows lifted, then he snickered, lowering his eyes back to his laptop again.

"Sorry, fresh out," he said, flipping through the hotel's website and the links it sourced on its History section.

Jesse pouted slightly. He'd expected more of a reaction than that. "What're you doing?" he said, coming to sit on the arm of Ben's chair. His ass slowly slid down, insinuating itself onto Ben's lap and trying to nudge the laptop away. It worked, but only because Ben didn't want to risk the questions he knew were coming if he answered the first one. Jesse appeared to be rather distractible in his current state. Closing the laptop up and wedging it between the side of the chair and his thigh, he adjusted himself in the seat so Jesse could settle better.

"Entertaining you, looks like," he replied, hands settling on his hips.

Wrapping his arms around Ben's neck, Jesse said, "Well, that is your job. That what you were doing, looking up things to do? Looked like the hotel."

"Sourcing out from their website, since the concierge is pretty busy," Ben said, feeling a burn in rise up in his cheeks but managing to keep a straight face. He'd had years to practice bending the truth, but it was a little difficult with Jesse as close as he was.

Jesse beamed. "I was worried, when you ducked out early with Claire, that you weren't gettin' into things. What you got planned for us?"

"Uhh," Ben stammered, trying to think of something. "Probably just— one of the balls. A lot of them are already sold out, but I figure, we could probably sneak in through the back with the right kind of convincing. We'll need masks, though."

Leaning forward, Jesse was nearly nose to nose with him, his hand coming up the back of Ben's neck and running through his hair. "I'm very good at convincing, you know."

Ben's eyes fell closed and his breath hitched, held, then staggered out of him. "Yeah, I... noticed," he said quietly, trying not to fidget.

"I'm gonna get us cool masks, too. Those'll be fun." His expression relaxed into an easy smile, his hand fondly massaging Ben's scalp. "Where's Claire?"

"Prob'ly still upstairs," he mumbled. It had bothered him a little, leaving her alone. They'd barely stepped out of each other's sight since the whole issue with Belial, but her argument about being under the radar had been a good one; as had the one about her newly-developed skills. It still left him uneasy, but he trusted Claire. He was still in the same building. Things would be all right.

Jesse's hand stilled, his brow furrowing. "So why'd you come down here?"

"Thought she might like some time to herself," Ben said slowly, his eyes slowly opening.

"Why?" Jesse sat up, the panic clear in his eyes. He was easy to read at the best of times, and only more so when drunk. "Is she alright? I wouldn't've been out there if I thought—"

"Dude, relax," Ben said quickly, cutting him off. "She's fine. She's just upstairs, probably resting her feet, we did a lot of walking today. You know how her feet have been swelling lately. I just—" He sighed, frowned, then moved Jesse's hand out of his hair. "Nevermind. If you're so nervous, go up'n see her for yourself."

Jesse looked at Ben, then at his hand, a little put out. Then he attempted a smile. "You gonna come with me?"

Ben bit back another agitated sigh. There really wasn't any way he was going to be able to research without openly looking like he was researching and he really, really didn't want the speech about his hunting. You're the only thing I need, Jesse had said, accusingly, borrowing — perhaps on purpose — from his own reason why he had wanted to marry Claire.

"Yeah. I'm right behind you."

Jesse gave him a quick kiss. "I'm fucking starving, y'know. I was gonna say we should go someplace nice but if Claire's feet hurt we can just get room service; what do you think?"

"Maybe we can go pick something up and bring it back for her," Ben suggested. "Though honestly, you could probably get somethin' three times better than whatever room service here has, given the givens."

"Mm. We should look places up," Jesse said, snagging Ben's laptop from the side of the chair. Ben's eyes went a little wide and he grabbed for it.

"Hey," he said a little roughly. "Ask. Don't just take."

Jesse laughed, jerking it back. "Whiny." He struggled to open it even as Ben wouldn't let go.

"I'm serious," Ben snapped, pulling it back hard. "There's important shit on here. I told you that before."

Letting go, Jesse's expression fell. "I...I was just gonna look stuff up. I'm not gonna break it or something."

Ben tried not to focus on Jesse's look as he opened the laptop, closed out of the window he'd had open as quickly as he could, and brought up a new one to type in the address for the map he typically used.

"I've had this thing since high school," he said in a low voice, sounding a little distracted. "I'm just... none of it's backed up. Last two times I tried to back up a computer, shit broke down the next day out of spite. I don't wanna jinx it."

Jesse was quiet, his expression pinched. Then he said, "Why'd you close that window?"

"'Cuz I didn't need it open," Ben said dismissively. "What are you in the mood for?"

"You were looking at something. You were looking at the hotel and don't want me to see. Why?" Jesse's words were almost an accusation. Ben finally met his eyes, though he looked far from guilty. He lifted his chin a little.

"I was lookin' up the history on the place."

Jesse's jaw hardened. There was no need to guess what that meant. "You told me you were looking at balls. You lied to me."

"No," Ben corrected, though he was finding it exceedingly difficult to wind up for a fight with Jesse still in his lap and them at equal height. "I said I was sourcing out from their website since the concierge was busy. I never said I was looking up balls."

For a second, the anger broke from Jesse's expression, leaving just pure hurt. Then he crawled off of Ben's lap, heading for the door. Ben was on his feet in an instant and following after him. Several people looked their way outside, but he hardly even registered them.

"What's your problem!"

Jesse stopped in his tracks but didn't look at Ben, staring blankly forward. "You yelled at me, and you lied to me, and you're keeping secrets from me, and I don't know why."

"I'm not—" Ben said in an exasperated voice, then ran both hands through his hair angrily. "I wasn't lying to you. You asked the wrong questions, and I didn't wanna fight about what I was doin' when I wasn't doin' anything to bother anybody."

His eyes shone when he looked at Ben. "So it's my fault for expecting you to be open with me. 'Cause we're not supposed to be partners or anything."

The words felt like an actual stab, and Ben found himself staggering forward to to reach for him, but abruptly stopped. It was very likely Jesse would just push him away, and the last thing he wanted was a repeat of that experience again. His jaw clenched and unclenched.

"That's not fair," he said lowly. "You did the same thing with Claire to me. I just... wanted to make sure, all right? I didn't want you to freak out and get on my case for doin' somethin' as natural to me as your convincing people is to you."

Jesse let the words sit there a moment, before finally nodding, his eyes turning to the ground. "Fine. If you want to hunt, you can hunt. Do whatever you want." Then he started for the street.

"Please don't—" Ben called out, then jogged after him. "This is why! This is why I didn't say anything, because I knew you'd do this! Don't just freakin'—"

"I mean it, Ben," Jesse said, looking him straight in the eye. "If you want to hunt the ghost, go ahead. Just...don't lie to me again. Or not tell me something 'cause I didn't ask the right questions. Alright?"

Ben stood there, feeling his insides roiling, still wanting to reach out and grab him, to keep him there, to take back the last ten minutes and have a do-over. But he couldn't. Jesse was looking at him like he'd committed the worst kind of betrayal, and he had. His eyes welled up.

"I'm sorry, okay? We fight about this all the time, and I just didn't wanna fight anymore. You make me feel like shit every single time."

Jesse stared at the ground, knowing he would break if he looked at Ben. "It's my fault. This is me trying to fix that. I'll stop questioning you or forcing you to do things or touching your computer. I promise. I just want to go get food now. You can go hunting."

"It can wait," he said, moving closer and grabbing his hands. "I'll go with you."

There was a long pause before Jesse squeezed his hands. "Do you want me to be honest, too?"

"Even if it hurts," Ben said, feeling the anxiety reach a boiling point. He was genuinely afraid now.

"I kind of want to be alone right now," he whispered to their hands. "Just need to think. 'Bout me. How I can stop hurting you. I don't want to hurt you."

"Only if you're coming back," Ben said, holding on tightly.

That got Jesse to look up. "Always. I could never even think of leaving you, or Claire. They'd have to kill me."

Ben didn't want to ask who they were. For all intents and purposes, they was everyone. "Okay," he said in a tight, reluctant voice, forcing himself to get Jesse's hands go.

Before he pulled away completely, Jesse leaned up, giving him a soft kiss. "I love you. I swear I do."

Ben made a noise that was on its way to being a sob, the heels of his hands coming up to swipe under his eyes. He couldn't handle a complete disconnect after something so intense, it was too much, and he quickly grabbed him for one hard embrace and another kiss. "Love you, too," he muffled into his shoulder. "I'll be here when you get back."

Jesse melted into him, and suddenly nothing else mattered. "Fuck it," he said, his voice hitching. "I'll just think here. It won't be any real difference."

"Can we just pretend all that didn't happen?" Ben said against his neck, the words coming out like a steady stream, heavy with repressed emotion. "Please? I mean, unless— I don't want you thinkin' your opinion doesn't matter, that you don't matter, because you do. You matter so much, Jess, and it fuckin' killed me when I thought you thought you'n Claire weren't the first thing on my mind always, because you are, you are—"

"I know, I know," Jesse hushed him. "I'm going to learn to stop saying things like that, to stop hurting you, I swear."

Ben's embrace tightened around him and he went silent, just holding on, trying to find his footing. Holding him and the laptop was an awkward task, but he managed. "I'll go upstairs. You can go pick something up and bring it back. Or not. It's your choice. I just wanna give you space if you need space, and I can compromise; I'll do anything."

"It's fine." Jesse pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "I won't be long, okay?"

Ben nodded, pulling back reluctantly, then turned and headed back into the hotel.

Jesse watched him go, biting his lip. There was too much going through his head, and it was swimming. He just wanted to always be apart of what Ben and Claire did, even if he didn't like it. With a sigh, he headed down the street. He didn't know what food he was going to get, but he was definitely coming back with a bottle of rum.

---

"No, no, if we extend leisure time, we won't be able to finish today's project," Ruth said, looking up from the day planner and into the face of the one who suggested the idea. "Extended leisure time is better set on the weekends, or in the spring when the days start getting longer. The older ones will complain, and the younger ones will be more reluctant to get back to work."

"The younger ones don't do much work anyway," he grumbled. "And they shouldn't, if we follow the model. The younger ones would be in schools, then going home to do homework and play with their friends. Not—"

"Silas," Ruth interrupted. "You're not wrong, I acknowledge that. But making the change this suddenly will throw off the routine. Routines are important. We could introduce it gradually, but we shouldn't do it all at once."

"Too gradually and they'll all be full grown before we get it in place," Phoebe said, scowling. "We need to actually start scheduling this kind of thing in, work it into what they're doing now."

Ruth frowned. "I'm not saying we take a year or more to do it. We can increase it by fifteen minutes to each leisure period every day for the next... three weeks? Until everyone's properly adjusted. And double it on the weekends, until it gets to the suggested amounts per group."

Caleb twisted his black hair around his finger. "I think that's a good idea. Fifteen minutes shouldn't throw them too much."

"You say them like they're something different from us," Phoebe said dryly.

"Each group will have more or less, so technically he's right," Ruth pointed out. "Our group will have the least change, being as we are the operators. But we can have longer weekends. Three days instead of two. And that can be an immediate—"

She cut herself off with a sudden inhale, feeling a lifting euphoria starting in the pit of her stomach that only meant one thing. Caleb was on his feet in an instant, eyes on the door. "He's here."

"Not yet," Ruth clarified in a breathless sort of voice. "He's still outside the building. We'll continue this conversation once he's gone."

Silas, who had been a little sulky upon hearing his suggestion dashed for the day, had also immediately perked up at Jesse's arrival. [Hope he stays longer this time last time he was only here for a few minutes—]

[Because he had his own training to do, Silas.] Ruth quickly admonished, trying to keep as calm as she could. The others didn't spend as much time with their leader as she did. Sometimes they got jealous.

"I'll ask him if he can stay longer today. But don't get your hopes up."

"I won't," Phoebe said flatly.

Caleb, however, was done waiting. He tore out the door, going to join the inevitable crowd.

"Don't be such a bitch, Pheobe," Silas snarked, heading out the door on Caleb's heels. "Wait up!"

Ruth frowned in response, making a mental note to talk to him later before turning her eyes to the brunette.

"Go on. I know you want to see him."

"I do," Phoebe said heavily even as she got up and headed for the door. "Which is why it hurts."

Ruth bit her lower lip. "There's too many of us for him to see everyone individually every single time. You know that."

"That's not it. I just wish he wanted to stay half as much as we want him to."

Ruth felt the burn of empathy at the statement, feeling it just as strongly deep down in her bones, but she knew the reasons why. He hadn't been hardwired the same way they had; he didn't know what it felt like. Her hand came up to rest briefly on Phoebe's shoulder, giving it a squeeze and then a nudge.

"Go on, or you'll end up way in the back again."

She left without another word, and Ruth sighed, quickly moving to the side room — her personal quarters — to clean up a little. There had been a moment there where she worried that Pheobe might flip the words back on her, comment on how Jesse always made time for her. Thankfully it hadn't happened. She didn't know if she had a reassuring comment to make as a counter-argument to that claim when she knew that it was right. Rather than wait for him to come through, she moved to the foyer and waited, knowing it would take him a while yet to make it back. Forty-five minutes later, Jesse came through the door, his wide smile practically shining.

"Last but never least," he said, taking her in a tight hug. "Hi, Ruth."

Ruth closed her eyes and leaned into his embrace, breathing in deeply before her arms finally circled around him. It felt so good, being held by him.

"Hi," she breathed out, her face burying into his neck.

He breathed in deep, wrapped up in a blanket of good feelings. "I can't be long. I just...needed to come by."

Ruth frowned a little, pulling back just enough to look at him. "You... but they miss you. You weren't long last time you were here." [I miss you please don't just come and go again it isn't fair please—]

"I'm sorry," he said, his expression pulling down. "They're probably missing me already. I didn't expect to come. But I promise, this Sunday I'll come for a long visit. The full day even."

Ruth leaned in again, holding on a little tighter.

[ You could have just called for me if you needed a fix I would've come. ]

Jesse shook his head. "I wanted to see everyone, make sure they know I'm thinking about them. That they can talk to me if they need to."

His response left her baffled, and again she pulled back, taking his hand and leading him to the little chaise in the corner of her room. She could feel the buzz of her brothers and sisters, practically piling up behind their doors. Likely he'd told them to go back to what they had been doing, once he had greeted all of them. Pheobe, Silas, and Caleb were already on their way back.

"You know you're contradicting yourself," she said quietly. "You've told them they can't rely on you. That you shouldn't be their sole focus. They need you all the time, Jess."

Jesse frowned, settling his hands on his knees. "I know. I don't mean to confuse them. It's just that I don't always know what's right. I'm trying to figure it out. I want all of you to be independent, but if you need me, I want to be there." He chewed on his bottom lip a moment. "Maybe they could email me."

Ruth bit her lip to keep from smiling, her brows lifting. "You would be answering emails until the end of times." She sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. Quiet voices snuck out from beneath the crack in the door.

"Let's go for a walk or something. You need to talk, I can hear it in your voice."

[ Can he stay longer can he want to see him almost two weeks since he's been by last— ]

Jesse's expression turned sad. [ Sorry, Silas, no, not this time. Sunday, I promise, the whole day. ]

Ruth could feel the buzz of disappointment from the other two Geds and took Jesse's hand again, holding it a little tighter.

"Come on," she whispered. "They'll start begging."

He nodded, his head hanging a bit low as they disappeared and came up in the woods.

"I hate hurting people," he said quietly. She slid her arm around him, leaning in close, leading them into a slow walk.

"It's unavoidable," she told him, her voice soft. "Everyone wants. Even us. More so now, actually. Before we just... did as we were told, without ever knowing what it is to want something."

"I guess that's...good? Better to be free to be hurt?" He looked over at her, desperately hoping for an affirmative.

"I don't know," she answered, not looking at him. "I don't... I don't like it, the feeling of not having what I want. Having desires means being able to feel disappointment, regret, anger, all of it. Before, all I knew was duty. If I was wrong, I was punished. If I was right, I was left alone."

Jesse's expression drained and he stopped, unable to move forward. "Was it better?" he asked quietly.

"It was different," she said, turning her gaze up to his face. She gave him a weak smile, moving one hand up to touch his face. "I was a soldier. Part of me always will be. It can be wonderful, wanting something and getting it." Just being able to touch him filled her with so much happiness, she could burst. "Pleasing you... it feels good. Knowing I did something right. I never felt that way with Sir and the others."

Jesse relaxed against the touch, closing his eyes. "As long as the good outweighs the bad. I don't want to have made your life worse."

Her heart felt like it was beating out of her chest. He was so close, so pliant. All she had to do was lean in, press her lips against his. She'd done it before, and it felt so wonderful, but maybe he would kiss her back this time. She wanted him to so badly.

"You couldn't. You could never make my life worse."

He smiled, opening his eyes, though they stayed hooded. He swayed slightly, heat coursing through him. "Thank you. So much."

Ruth leaned up and in, arms wrapping around his neck as she moved to kiss him. The pleasure that surrounded him from such a simple touch pulled a groan from his throat, his mouth pressing to hers. Every single nerve in her body felt like it flared to life, reaching out for him, and she pressed herself against him until they were nearly seamless, deepening the kiss. One hand slid into his hair, twisting down against his scalp, then ran down to rest against the back of his neck, making him shiver. It was like an echo in his nerves, her body pressed to his, his to hers—except that felt like his, too. Like he was one mind in two bodies, the pleasure rebounding over and over.

He pulled back with a needy groan. "Claire."

The name was like a slap and Ruth recoiled, pulling away, all the euphoria and bliss sapped out of her. It didn't even matter that it had been the single most perfect ten seconds of her life; he rendered it meaningless with that one word. Jesse gasped a half second later, his skin jumping as though ice water had been poured over him. Then he stared at Ruth.

"Wha...what was that? Ruth, why did you do that?"

"You..." she breathed, her heart aching. "I... you wanted it. I was just..."

"I...I didn't." Jesse's hands were shaking. He knew that was the truth, to his very core. But he also knew the sheer and overwhelming need that had coursed through him. "Ruth, you were getting better. You have to block me off from...from those feelings. They weren't mine."

"Like the ones at the house weren't?" she pointed out, moving closer again, finding his hands. "You reached for me. You pushed me away and then you reached for me again. You're always reaching for me, I can feel it all the time."

"Not like that!" Jesse snapped, yanking his hands back and clenching them into fists at his sides. "I need you as a friend, a sister! Just, be that for me, okay? Not anything else."

"Why?" she countered, feeding off his anger until it became hers. Her hand thrust out behind her, pointing in the direction of the base. "They are my brothers and sisters. I don't need that, not from you."

"That's all I can be for you. Don't you get it?" He paced, turning his back on her. "I can't come here if that's how you feel; I won't come here. So fucking listen to me this time."

It was that threat that silenced her, even more than the force in his words. "So that's it?" she whispered. "You won't be our leader, but you'll just... use us as your pick-me-up on the bad days? Have me save your friends, then stick me back in the box until the next time I'm useful? And I'm not supposed to want anything in return, unless it's what you want me to want?"

Jesse froze, his insides wrenching. "I don't— I didn't—" He swallowed hard. "I don't want to use you. I want to be your friend. But I can't be more than that. I can't."

"Because of them." She clenched her hands into fists. "If you'd never found them, I wonder how different all of this would've been." Ruth shook her head. "You go back there and tell the others, all of them, that you aren't coming back. No more visits, nothing. And then you stay away from us, and see how well it works out."

"Please." He turned, his eyes meeting hers, unblinking. "Please, I don't want to do that. You don't want that either."

"It doesn't matter what I want!" she shouted, visibly shaking, the ground around her trembling with her anger. "I can't have what I want! None of us can! And you tell me— you tell me not to want what you want, but then you call on me and I will always come, don't you understand! All I want is you! All they want is you!"

Jesse grabbed her hands, trying to calm her enough so the earth didn't shake. "I'm sorry, please. I want to help, that's all I want to do. I want to make it better for everyone, even you." His eyes sought hers. "He would have died without you. Can that be the rule? Only if it's life or death?"

"Only if it's life or death and your friends," she countered, so much bitterness in her voice it was a wonder she wasn't sneering. "Because if I did that for anyone else, anywhere else in the world, do you know what they'd do to me? To my brothers and sisters?"

[ Run run run always running run and hide can't let them find me can't let them see me they'll kill me and then where would I go not heaven not hell I'm a monster that's why they'll always hunt us always always ALWAYS ]

"We heal because we are meant to fight the fiercest things in all creation, and to keep fighting until they destroy us, body and soul. Not to stop humans from dying. It isn't normal, and isn't that what you want us to be? What you want me to be? Not to rely on you or my powers?"

His hands squeezed tighter without him realizing. "I...I want you to choose. To choose what and who you want to be, and decide things for yourself. If...if that means not healing Ben and Claire, I'll live with that."

It was a lie. He knew it. The moment Ben or Claire was in trouble, any well-reasoned argument would go out the window. He would make Ruth help them. The guilt of their lives would be better than the guilt of their deaths.

Ruth yanked her hands away from him, pushing them through her hair and putting a foot of distance between them. It was like a physical ache to do both, and every fiber of her being protested it.

"You're a horrible liar, Master," she said ruefully. "And the worst part of it is, it doesn't make any difference. We're nothing but tools. That's all we were born to be, and that's what we'll die being."

Jesse stared at her, his hands still held out as if hers were there. "You're not just a tool to me, Ruth. You really aren't. I..." His hands drop. "It might be better if we changed things some. Maybe you...shouldn't have to be in charge all the time."

"You think that's where my problem is?" she countered, shaking her head at him. "They were taught to listen to me. I'm you're lieutenant; when you're not here, they do as I say."

"That's the problem. If you're just following my orders, and they're following yours, how is this progress?" He shook his head. "Besides, the way things are... Ruth, you worry me."

"I do what I have to do to simulate a daily modern environment with the limited amount of resources I have," she said crisply, her body language rigid. "Working against at least twenty-five years of collective conditioning, with three hundred males and females. You visit once a week for a few hours. What would you suggest I do that I'm not already doing?"

"I don't trust you!" he snapped. "That shit you just pulled, you knew that was wrong, you knew it. But that didn't stop you."

Ruth stared at him, eyes wide and shining, utterly speechless. His heart twisted, so he looked away from her.

"You don't know how scary that is, someone putting thoughts in your head that you don't want. If you ever do that again, I won't stop coming, but I'm putting someone else in charge. I need to trust the person at the top here."

The word repeated in her head, over and over, each time a little louder than the last. Her eyes filled with tears and her vision blurred, but she didn't argue. He looked up, his expression squinching but he didn't apologize. He had to draw a line.

Walking forward, he gave her arm a squeeze. "I still care about you, okay? I'll see you Sunday. We'll talk more then."

[ failed failed failed failed doesn't trust me doesn't trust me no no no don't want this what good am I can't do anything right can't be human can't be a good soldier worthless useless failure doesn't want me— ]

Her head nodded on automatic, but still she stayed quiet, trembling against his touch. His throat felt like it was closing.

"Don't. Please don't do that," he whispered. "I...I do trust you. Just close yourself off, remember? That's all. Just don't do that again."

"Yes, Master," she muttered, closing her eyes. "Can I go home now?"

"As long as you stop calling me 'master,'" he said, trying to smile. She didn't return it, simply pulling back and blinking out of existence. For a while, Jesse couldn't move, the pain so tight he wanted to curl up and forget the world existed. But he couldn't; he wouldn't. With a shuddered breath, he went home.

The hotel was mostly dark, the television on but sound turned down to a low hum. Claire was already in bed, dozing, her hair already starting to twist up into a lion's mane as she slept. Ben was sitting up in the bed next to her, shirtless and barefoot with the laptop in his lap. His eyes lifted the moment he heard the tell-tale sound of Jesse's entrance. It was almost inaudible, save for the inhale and settling of his weight on his feet. Ben offered him a small smile. Jesse tried feebly to return it.

"You should be asleep," he said, barely above a whisper.

"It's always hard to when you aren't here," Ben countered in the same quiet voice.

Any trace of a smile vanished. "I'm sorry. I tried to get back sooner. I didn't mean to keep you waiting, I just... It wasn't..."

"Hey, it's fine," the younger man said quickly, his lips turning down in a small frown. "There's a lot of them. I dunno how you manage to squish it all into one day as it is." He closed up the laptop, leaning off the far side of the bed to put it on the ground and click off the television. The room went dark save for the bedside table light, and Ben patted the bed to invite Jesse in.

Relief washing over him, Jesse toed off his shoes and took off his pants before he crawled on the bed, curling against Ben and closing his eyes. Ben slid an arm around him, nails scratching at his back through the shirt before brushing his lips against his forehead.

"Rough night?"

"Yeah," Jesse breathed, though he felt himself relaxing just at touching Ben. "I keep making people mad."

Ben cracked a weak smile. Having been a victim of it, he wasn't sure he had much in the way of comforting words. "You're getting better," he said after a moment. "And far as what happened today between you'n me, it isn't all you. I did an asshole thing, not talking."

Jesse shook his head, nuzzling his face against Ben's chest. "I don't want to think about it. There are things we have to talk about, but not tonight."

The smile slid away, but Ben hummed in acquiesce, kissing his forehead again and closing his eyes. Feeling wrapped around the two people he loved was the ultimate comfort, and it took no time for him to start drifting away.

---

There were times when Claire loved crowds, just like there were times where she absolutely detested them. Then there were the different kinds of crowds; those in a busy bar, those at a sporting event or concert, even panic-driven mobs.

Mardi Gras was all of the above.

There were designated parts of the celebration that were labeled 'family friendly', but no one besides the locals really knew about those. Everything else surrounded them like a sea, turbulent and loud as a storm, but the lightning was jazz music and the thunder were joyous (drunken) screams. Even though she'd dressed for the occasion, Claire still firmly believed she was the only sober person in a five mile radius. That included her two companions.

"How is it so hot when it's dark outside!" Ben shouted out, not completely aware of the volume of his voice, and the Batman mask blocking off some of his hearing.

Jesse draped an arm around his shoulder before pulling him into a headlock. "S'cause I'm so hot, mate," he said, grinning and ruffling Ben's hair. He wore a simple brown mask with horns curling away from the brows. The chick selling it had said it was a faun mask, which apparently was some randy goat-man thing. He just liked the horns. He might have already been a couple drinks in when he bought it.

Claire, who saw her elegant white satin and lace mask with sober eyes, just smirked at the two of them and their antics. She was enjoying the reverie as much as anyone, though perhaps on a few different levels. Looking around at this point was useless anyway, given the shoulder-to-shoulder crowd — most of which was taller than her anyway. Maybe it was because of that, plus the fact that she was destined to be babysitting the both of them later on, that she had to keep burying a sense of unease. Maybe it was just normal caution, or the faint smell of booze and vomit in the air.

Ben reached back behind him and gave Jesse's ass a smack before tugging his head free. The mask nearly came away with it, but he managed to keep it on. He caught the sight of Claire's lips turned down and he lifted his mask, cheeks bright red even in the dark. The air certainly felt colder.

"You okay, babe?"

She pursed her lips in a quick thought, sliding her gaze beneath the mask from the crowd to Ben and Jesse, giving a small shrug. "Just a lot to watch, no big deal."

Jesse swung over to them, his hand sliding to the small of her back and pressing her against him. "Could go someplace. It'd be smaller. We could dance." He started swaying his hips to some imagined beat. "Or I could give you somethin' to watch right here?"

The pensive nature of her smile melted away — at least, for the most part. It was hard to pay attention to tiny paranoias with that kind of incentive. She grinned, a warm, purr of a chuckle hummed against his lips with a quick kiss, during which, her free hand reached out for Ben's shirt.

"Wanna see who can get more beads?"

Ben laughed, his cheeks going even brighter as he followed her cue, tugging the dark blue button-up to chin level. Jesse laughed, dipping his head down to give a quick lick between Ben's pecs. Ben's eyes went wide, hearing shrieks of praise from somewhere he couldn't quite locate, and then several strands were thrown in his direction. He immediately looked to Claire, looking like a startled rabbit.

She just snorted with clear amusement at them both. Maybe they were drunk, but they were having fun, and that was definitely a spark of competition in Jesse's eyes. And since they were already drawing looks from the crowd, she took advantage.

First, she got their attention with a the typical wiggle-swoop pull of her tank top, and crammed it in her belt loop. Still masked, Claire held her arms open at the cheering crowd and said: "The more beads I get, the more I'll do to them." And pointed at Ben and Jesse. The nearby volume of the crowd seemed to double, and beads were flung at them from all directions. More than Ben could count. His heart was suddenly racing. Jesse, however, was over the moon. This was his element, and although he had a feeling he'd be losing this one, Claire's incentive wasn't without its perks.

"Hey, hey!" he called, stepping in front of her. "More beads come to me, more clothes I take off! Mine and hers!" Claire's low chuckle was drowned out by the predictable surge of the crowd's enthusiasm. It was raining strings of colorful beads, enough to be annoying if it didn't stop eventually, but for right now, the contest was sealed. There was literally no way to tell who was throwing them for whom. Ben felt a little dizzy at the idea of it, of Jesse disrobing both him and Claire as she worked both of them over.

Tipping his head back with a laugh, Jesse grabbed the collar of his tight white shirt. It took a moment to find a weak spot, but the moment he did, he tore, splitting it down the middle. He swung the remains over his head and tossed it to the crowd, dancing to his own rhythm as he turned to Claire with a wide grin.

Ben continued to watch, wide-eyed and speechless, flashing back to every single similar instance in their year's worth of travel and quickly becoming hard. The rush of blood was so intense, so quick, that he visibly swayed on his feet. Claire seemed to be the first to notice, her expression faded just as quick. She was at his side in half a second, chuckling nervously as she put herself under his shoulder.

"Sensory overload, babe?"

"Just a bit," he slurred, smiling at her.

"You alright?" Jesse said, grabbing Ben's other arm. There was as chorus of boos from the crowd, so he turned around. "Show's over! Go back to what you were doing!"

The compliant crowd turned away, as though they'd never stopped to watch.

"You look like you need a seat, mate," Jesse said, lightly bumping Ben's forehead to his. Ben immediately found his mouth, kissing him deep and sloppily, one hand winding up into his hair and twisting in tight.

"Well, that's another way to draw attention," Claire chuckled lightly, arranging her hair after pulling her top back on.

Jesse was lost in his mouth, the heat and taste of whiskey against his tongue. He slid a hand between them, rubbing his palm against Ben through his pants. While his mouth pulled back, his hand stayed put while the other hooked the front of Claire's pants and pulled her close.

"We could, y'know. Right here," he breathed. Ben shook his head.

"Things I'd do to you, it wouldn't matter that it's Mardi Gras. I'd be in jail for a while," he said, his voice nearly getting lost in the din of the crowd.

"I hope that goes for both of us," Claire quipped with a half-smile on her face and a hand crammed in Jesse's back pocket, but it didn't take her long to go back to looking around.

Jesse shook his head, though it made his balance wobble. "No one'd care. I'd make them not care. I can do anything."

That brought Claire's attention right back. She looked him in the eyes — mask to mask. His eyes went wide and he swallowed. "...If you want me to."

Ben, oblivious to the exchange between them, only pressed harder into Jesse's hand. All he wanted was to take him, right then, but Ben knew how Jesse would feel the next morning if he knew what he'd done.

"C'mon. Back to the hotel." His eyes turned back to Claire. "Both of you."

As the three of them headed off in the direction of the cabs lined up on the side street, two sets of eyes followed them. They exchanged looks, then followed at a casual, ambling pace.

---

Jesse's whole body quivered but he gave Claire's ass a squeeze as he pulled back, sitting back on his heels. "Alright, you two. An hour to rest and then we're headed out again."

Claire somehow managed a weak laugh through her hard breaths, practically collapsing with her cheek on Ben's chest. Ben's arms wrapped around her as though it were the most natural thing in the world to do, feeling more relaxed and at peace than he had in days. The more he thought about it, the more he realized just how long it had been since they'd lost themselves in each other. It reminded him how much life had changed since everything had started drifting off their main path. Brushing his lips against her forehead, he said to the both of them:

"I know we've been talkin' a little bit about where we're gonna end up in a few months." Some of the Midwestern accent started slipping into his voice, like it usually did when he was tired, drunk, or well-spent. "So I called my dad, a few days back. Asked him how he felt about it. He said s'long as you two are, he'd be fine. Just throwin' that out there."

Holding his breath, Jesse pulled off his mask, it trying to stick to his sweaty skin. Then he slid out next to them, looking at Ben's face. "I...I think that'd be a pretty good idea, actually," he said, running a hand along Ben's arm. "Aside from you two, they're the only hunters I trust."

Claire wasn't reluctant, but she was contemplative — once she could concentrate on something other than fixing her breathing, that is.

"It'd be safe," she said with a nod, nudging her mask into her hair with two fingers, meeting their eyes with lifted brows. "He just... was alright with it? I gotta admit, I kinda wish I'd heard that conversation." The rural Illinois twang was back in her own voice, as well. Ben gave a little nod.

"He's still a little uneasy about the whole Two Men and a Little Lady act, but I think the more he sees it, the more he'll warm up."

Claire snorted at the 'little lady' comment. Jesse groaned. "Yeah, can you never call us that again?"

That made Ben laugh. "Just framin' it like he did, only with a few more words." Some of the good humor faded and he chewed his lip, smoothing one hand down Claire's back. "So you're both cool with it? Even after the recent developments?"

Jesse raised his eyebrows, scooting in closer. "What, like Claire's stuff? We always knew the kid wasn't going to be normal. It's just happening sooner. Dean should be alright with it, right?"

Ben shrugged his shoulders slightly. "I was... I dunno, thinking it would be a little while before we really started to see anything. And that we'd get out before anything weird happened. I know things are a bit weird between him and Sam, but I don't know how he feels about other people's weirdness."

Claire just looked at him.

"You didn't tell him, did you."

"Of course not," Ben said quickly. "Even when I filled him in on what had gone down after we got out of Clifton. Far as he knows, that kid is average as any kid'll be."

"Shouldn't matter much, really," Jesse said quietly. "He always treated me fine, even knowing what I am."

Ben bit his lip but didn't know what to say in response. Claire just rolled her lips. It had its pros and cons — the fact that this whole thing involved Dean's son would be a contributing factor, but it was the best option they had, so far.

"We'll make it work," she said finally, believing her own words.

Leaning in, Jesse kissed first Ben then Claire on the cheek. "Glad we got a plan. Now rest." He rolled to his feet, headed to the bathroom. "We won't get to do this kinda shit every again soon, so I'm doing it all tonight."

Again Ben laughed, a little more heartily than the last one, and he easily snuggled his cheek in close to Claire's face, feeling content. Sleep wasn't exactly on the forefront of his mind, but he could definitely get behind a little relaxing in their current position.

---

As it turned out, the more Ben researched the hotel, the more he realized just how true Claire's original comment about the merit in multiple hauntings of New Orleans was. There had certainly been a pattern of appearances, but there had never been anything more than a few minor injuries regarding startled hotel patrons and staff. It had been depressing to some degree, but also something of a relief. Hoping not to completely waste the work, he decided to present Jesse with the idea of witnessing a death echo first hand. He'd only really had negative experiences with hunts: it was worthwhile to show him that not all of them ended in blood or pain for a hunter.

"We might even be able to knock it out of its loop if we try," Ben said, tying the laces of his boots. "Or, push comes to shove, we could go burn the bones. Put her to rest. Just because she isn't hurting anybody, doesn't mean she isn't stuck here."

"What if she wants to stay here?" Jesse asked, working on his cufflink. He felt a bit awkward, looking so fancy when Ben looked normal. "You sure you don't want to dress up, too? People are gonna give me funny looks."

"It's 11:30, nobody's gonna give you funny looks," Ben tossed back, though a grin snuck onto his face. "If we're both wearing tuxes they might. When was the last time you saw two guys just walking around in two tuxes without havin' something specific going on?"

"People would assume we were going some place together. But I guess we can't have that now, can we?" he teased. "Can I at least borrow your mask when we're in public? I'll fit in better."

"Oh fine," Ben grumbled playfully, already yanking off his shirt. "But now I have to get undressed again."

"I'd stop you, but that would seem wrong," Jesse said, running a hand up Ben's back.

The sound of running water coming from the bathroom, which had been the background of their entire conversation, didn't stop. But it did get just a little bit louder, when Claire pushed back the curtain, calling out through the open door.

"Maybe you should concentrate more on what you're going to do than what you're wearing."

Ben's eyes had fallen closed for just a moment, completely willing to nix the whole adventure just from that one suggestive touch, but Claire's words brought him back to himself. He gave a laugh, undressing a bit more quickly before he went to get his suit out of his bag. It was a little wrinkled, but it would do.

"He's just looking for an excuse to get me dressed up again!" Ben called back.

"Or undressed again, I'm not picky!" Jesse called with a grin. Claire rolled her eyes a bit, and went back to washing the soap off her skin. It was another few moments before she spoke again.

"So were you planning on telling me or not?"

Ben moved to lean up against the the wall sharing the door while he pulled on his pants so he didn't have to shout.

"'Course we were," he said. "But I was at least gonna wait until you were out of the shower. It's only an echo."

"Well don't have too much fun," she quipped mildly, the sound of water accompanying her voice. "Try to bring back some ice cream — I'm gonna get a massage."

Jesse frowned slightly but didn't say anything. He'd make sure they went some place really nice for dinner that night, something Claire would love to eat. Ben, in the meantime, had already gotten his shirt and jacket on, and was struggling with his tie.

"Dammit, I always hated this thing," he muttered, twisting it uselessly. "I should've just gotten a freakin' snap-on one."

"Then I'd just have to vomit on it," Jesse said, taking the fabric from his hands and tying it himself. Ben laughed quietly in response, feeling a flush in his cheeks, staring into Jesse's face as he worked. When he was done Ben took his mouth in a quick kiss, then bent down again to fish out something to tie his hair back with.

"She isn't gonna believe for a second that I'm her fiance," he said, twisting the rubberband around quickly with practiced ease. "Men didn't get married with full beards and long hair back in 1928 unless they were hicks."

"I can play the part. I can charm anyone, even a ghost," Jesse said with a grin. "And if she tries to tear my head off, you can stop her."

"And where exactly am I gonna keep my rifle, genius?" Ben teased, giving him a swat as he ducked inside the bathroom real quick to give Claire a kiss goodbye. She peeked out the corner of the shower curtain, one eye shut from a thin layer of shampoo. It flicked toward Jesse.

"Did I seriously just hear you say you can charm a ghost? How'd that go last time you tried?"

His smile fell. "This time is different."

Swiping soap from her eye, Claire flashed him a small smile, one that said she believed him — and believed in him. "I know. Just don't lose your head."

"He won't," Ben reassured her, sliding his arm around Jesse. "I've got his back. I'll make sure to film it on my phone so you can watch later, eh?"

---

Despite his words, Jesse's stomach squirmed with nerves. What if Ben underestimated everything? What if the ghost was more than they could handle?

"You never told me what happened to her?" he said as they made their way down the hall.

"The priest killed her," Ben said, his voice soft as he fingered the keycard he'd managed to swipe off one of the bellhops. "Turns out, he'd loved her since they were children. He couldn't handle the idea of her getting married, so he killed her, then ran off. They never found him."

"Shit. That's fucked up," he said with a slight laugh. "I know ghosts don't die in good ways or anything, but shit."

"Jealousy can wreck people," Ben agreed sagely. They arrived at the door and swiped the card through it. "Once someone feels it, likely they can never get past it. All they can think about is how bad they want it and who it is denying 'em. It's a wonder the guy didn't kill the fiance instead, but I guess he thought, if he couldn't have her nobody would."

Jesse's feet kept moving but he wasn't really watching where he was going. If you'd never found them, I wonder how different all of this would've been. The look on Ruth's face... He still hadn't told Ben and Claire what happened. He thought after Sunday would be best, to make sure they didn't stop him going, but he was just as lost now as he was then. Block it out. Now was his time with Ben and Claire, in New Orleans. It was supposed to be the best time of their lives.

Reaching out, he took Ben's hand, bringing it up to his lips. "What're your thoughts on drugs?" he said lightly.

Ben's brows knit up in confusion at such a weird question. "What, taking them? Or in general?"

"Taking them. I know we generally stick to booze, but I thought, if you wanted to explore some..."

Ben chewed his lip, pushing the door open and pulling them both inside. He locked it, then slid the bolt into place to make sure they weren't interrupted. Several pieces of camera equipment were set up around the room. Ms. Summerby was likely doing a dramatization shot the following day.

"Depends on what, I guess."

"Something easy," Jesse reassured him, looking around the empty room. "Pot or ecstacy. Just to make things, y'know, more."

Ben shook his head a little, his expression thoughtful. "I don't really see the point of pot. A friend of mine in high school gave me a contact high once and it just made me hungry and sleepy. Ex might be interesting, though." He looked down at his wrist, pressing the light-up button to check the time. Ten minutes and counting.

Leaning over, Jesse kissed his jaw. "Alright. I'll look into it." That sounded pretty good; just getting absolutely lost in Ben and Claire. Nothing else on his mind. He let out a breath. "Any advice?"

"Just be calm," Ben said gently, turning his cheek up and toward Jesse's face, finding his mouth to kiss him. "She's gonna be pretty lost to everything. All she knows is this last ten minutes or so. But like you said, you're pretty convincing. I believe in you."

Jesse smiled slightly. "Thank you. I'll try. What's her name?"

"Helen," Ben replied. It was so hard not to take his mouth and just pin him against the wall. He looked so hot in that suit. "She was nineteen."

Pursing his lips, Jesse nodded and waited. It was a couple minutes more until, between one blink and the next, a woman in white suddenly stood in the middle of the room. Jesse's stomach twisted as he stepped forward.

"Helen?"

She remained oblivious to him, moving to the nearby mirror to look at herself in it. Her dress was beautiful, and she all but glowed with happiness. A low hum lifted around the room: the wedding march. Ben watched from where he was perched against the wall, looking sad.

Walking up behind her, Jesse tried to meet her eyes in the mirror. "Helen, look at me," he said, force behind the words.

There was a moment where she stopped midstep, turning her head. But she didn't look at Jesse so much as she looked through him. Her smile suddenly softened, became more hesitant as she turned.

"Oh, Michael." She suddenly stopped, eyes dropping. "Sorry. Um, Father Enders. I wasn't expecting you for another ten minutes. Is it time for my prayers?"

Jesse's heart started to beat faster. "No. No, Helen, it's me, Michael." He reached for her, though he knew he couldn't touch. "It's Michael, Helen. Father Enders isn't here."

Helen's eyes went unfocused, then turned up into Jesse's face. Her brows furrowed.

"All right. Just... anywhere, or—"

She stopped again, then nodded, moving back to the bed and settling on her knees at the foot of the bed. She folded her hands and bowed her head. Ben closed his eyes, feeling an ache in his chest.

"Jess," he whispered. "It's too late. Don't look."

Jesse didn't listen, getting on his knees by Helen. "It's Michael! Please, darling, listen to me. You're dead; this isn't real. You're—"

Her head suddenly separated from her neck, rolling onto the bed, her body frozen in place. Then, just as quickly as she'd flickered into place, she vanished. Jesse didn't move, staring at the place she'd been, his breath coming hard. How could someone just do that? To someone they were supposed to love? And now she had to relive it over and over, and he couldn't do anything to stop it.

Ben let out a shaky sigh, his eyes opening at the change in Jesse's breathing. He went over to Jesse's side, hands settling on his shoulders and giving them a squeeze.

"We tried," he whispered. "It's okay."

"Do you think she knew?" Jesse said quietly. "That he...he wanted her? That maybe she just never thought he would do something like that?"

"Dunno," Ben said, still squeezing his shoulders rhythmically. "Didn't look that far into the history. Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. It was a different time, so likely he asked her and she said no."

Ruth would never do that. She couldn't. She practically worshipped him. And Father Enders was a priest. His breath shuddered out as he reached back and squeezed Ben's hand. "I'll find the ex tonight."

Ben squeezed his hand in return, holding it tight. "I know where her grave site is. We could go torch the bones. That would end it."

Nodding, Jesse got to his feet. He wrapped an arm around Ben's waist. "Y'know," he said, trying to force his voice to be light, "I think I prefer my date ideas over yours."

Ben laughed gently, pulling Jesse tightly against him and brushing his lips against his. "Or I could do it and meet you back upstairs? Either way."

He shook his head. "I have to be there. I need to help her."

Ben nodded. "Okay." Again he kissed him, nuzzling in close. "Afterwards we'll knock back a couple pills and have Claire chase us around the hotel room with feather dusters or something equally wacky."

Jesse smiled slightly. "Sounds good. Y'know we'll owe her a lot of babysitting time for all she has to look after us while she can't even take a drink."

"I'm sure we can make it up to her," Ben said, smirking. "Babysitting too, but other ways. C'mon."

---

Heat. So much heat, burning into him, and screams everywhere. Echoing through his head. He was trying to get there, trying to do something, but he couldn't move. No no no no no NO!

Ben was still coming down from the high off the ecstasy Jesse had came back with, a little delirious and so tired from the dig. They hadn't dug up a grave in ages, and the ex totally took the edge off. But there was no shaking off the instinct, and when Ben heard Jesse moaning and felt the tossing in the bed, he was immediately awake.

"Wake up, baby...C'mon."

Claire was already hovering over Jesse with a hand on his cheek, trying to lull him out of an obviously disturbing dream. While having to babysit the two of them while they tripped had been amusing in its own right, she had been ready to sleep long before they tired out — but easily more alert.

"He never dreams," Ben said, his voice muddled, pushing up on his side and moving one hand to Jesse's shoulder. He nearly winced. He was burning up. "Jess, wake up. Please."

Jesse didn't react to him, his back arching. "No..." he breathed through his teeth. Suddenly his eyes snapped open. "Ruth."

"Jesus..." Tucking her hair back and gazing down at him, Claire wanted to feel relief, but instead something twisted sharp in her stomach. "What was that?"

His pupils were so dilated his eyes looked almost black, darting between them. "S-something's wrong. Something's bad."

Ben touched his forehead, but if it were possible, his forehead was hotter than his arm had been.

"You've got a fever. It was just a dream," Ben said quietly.

"No," Jesse sat up, struggling out of the sheets. "You weren't there. I have to go."

Claire tracked him with her eyes, "...go where? To Ruth?"

"Yes." He stumbled, grabbing his shirt from the floor, trying to find his pants. "She—they—fuck, there was screaming."

Ben's eyes went wide. He'd figured it out pretty quickly that Ruth and the other nephilim were tied to Jesse, to respond to his every word no matter the distance, but he'd never thought the connection went both ways. And he was burning. It was worrying.

"But they're not s'posed to be findeable," Ben said in a tight voice. "Like you. Right?"

"I don't know," Jesse said, hitching on his pants. "I just have to go."

Claire shared a look with Ben, then turned it back to Jesse with nothing but anxiety written across her expression. Ben swallowed hard.

"Come back safe," he said in the same tight voice.

Pulling on his shirt, Jesse met both their eyes in turn. He took a breath, at a loss, before saying, "Promise." And then he was gone.

The dull buzz of thoughts that always came when being near the base was gone. The sun was just rising over the horizon, lighting the sky, but it was pale in comparison to the raging fire and the thick, black smoke unfurling out from it. The base was burning. Jesse stood there, frozen, his heart dropping to his feet. It was a horror show, a nightmare. This couldn't be reality.

A sudden light flashed out from base, almost blinding even from the distance. A few moments later a whipping whirlwind raced over the landscape and toward him, blowing his hair back. There was a combined sensation of accomplishment, stacking up, but then it fizzled out into nothing.

[ Master! ]

Jesse's head whipped around, searching. "Ruth!" he yelled, his voice cracking on the name.

He didn't hear her verbally respond, but the minds of five others reached out for him, brushing against his consciousness. Another light flashed, like lightning. He squinted at the source, trying to see something, anything.

[ Ruth, what happened, what's going on? ]

[ You have to run. We're under attack. They're looking for you ]

Her mental voice was loudest, but two others joined in underneath, heavy beats of anger, vengeance, and heartache.

[ Dead dead dead dead all dead they're all dead ]

[ kill them kill them kill them all ]

Jesse's breath shuddered in his chest. [ Who's they? Where are you? I can help! ]

All of their minds answered as one: [ Angels. ]

Terror tore through him and he stumbled back, heading for the woods. He was too out in the open. [ Please, I can stop them, where are you? ]

[ Protect him— ]

[ —Save him keep him safe save him— ]

[ —Die for him— ]

All the thoughts went silent and another light flashed. All of them had been from near the base. [ Ruth? ] Jesse stared at the flames, utterly helpless. [ RUTH! ]

[ You have to run run run run RUN MASTER THEY'RE LOOKING FOR YOU RUN ]

A sudden collective throb of outrage and pain hit him, followed by the loss of one undercurrent beat. Jesse nearly fell to his knees. It suddenly struck him why Ruth hadn't come to him. She couldn't. The angels were stopping her; the angels were hurting her. He clenched his fists, everything inside him focusing on them, before he blinked, and the nightmare became worse. The first thing he saw was the bodies strewn across the courtyard. Everywhere. Many of them so, so small.

And there Ruth stood, four Nephilim with her, their blades flashing with firelight from the buildings that fenced them in. Circling them all were the angels, something like 50 in number, their long shadows stretching towards him. One Nephilim girl turned her eyes to him, Hannah, and her face lit up with the briefest moment of happiness. Then an angel caught her at the base of her hair, yanked her head back, and slit her throat. Another grabbed her at the forehead, and her body burst into flames.

Horror, anguish, fury. They were ridiculous, empty words compared to the feelings that tore through him at the sight. It was as though he'd been the one set aflame, from the inside out. Power rushed through him, surged in him, larger and hotter than ever before.

"ANGELS, FREEZE!"

Every single angel froze in place, mid-motion, and for a moment every Nephilim still standing was stunned still as well. Ruth's chest rose and fell rapidly, and she quickly went to Caleb's side, pressing her hand against the bleeding mark on his arm. Jesse didn't notice, his eyes fixed on the angels he'd seen take down Hannah.

"Kill them all," he growled, stepping forward. He yanked the blade from the angel's hand, meeting him — it — eye-to-eye before plunging the blade through its very center. The strange lightning from before erupted from the angel but Jesse was already moving on, slicing down the one who had made Hannah burn.

Pheobe, Caleb, Silas, and Ruth moved together, like a pride, the blades glinting as they began to take the angels down one by one. The buildings were crumbling, and their eyes were very nearly blinded, but in no time all that was left around them was the dead. Every angel was marked by the scorched shapes of their wings on the ground where they landed. Jesse strode over to Ruth, his thoughts narrowed to a fine point.

"Is there anyone else left? In the house or barracks?"

"No," she said, quick and quietly. Her pupils were almost pinpricks, the irises strange and over-blue against the red-tinged whiteness. A deep, endless sorrow swirled around the survivors, who were huddled together in attempts to draw comfort from the nearness.

Jesse had already known the answer. He had known every one of those sparks, and he felt their absence as keenly as he'd felt their presence. Not now, can't now. "Take my hands. We're going someplace safe."

Their fingers lacing together in one long chain, the Nephilim formed a circle with him as their final link. Ruth held on to his hand so tight her grip went white. Silas was just as firm, though he kept his head tucked against his chin. Except for Ruth, all of them openly cried. Jesse tried to close it all off, focusing instead on their destination before blinking out of sight.

The sun had risen over the ocean in front of Belial's beach house, though the light was still pink. It was quiet and gentle, and everything the scene they just left wasn't. Somehow that made it harder. Jesse swallowed a lump in his throat. Unable to bear it any longer, he pulled Ruth into a tight hug. She hugged him just as fiercely, but the sensation of the eyes of the others all but burned into them, and she quickly pulled back.

"What should we do?" she asked in the same quiet voice, made much louder now in the new silence surroundings.

"Sit down," he said quietly as he went to Caleb, taking him in his arms. Then Phoebe, then Silas, each hug nearly rib-crushing. "Breathe. Tell me what happened. I'll figure it out."

"They came all at once," Silas whispered, his voice choked as he shuddered, pulling his legs against his chest. The sand swept up around his body. "Swept through each of the barracks and demanded to know where you were."

Jesse reached out, giving his arm a squeeze but waiting for the silence to fill.

"They rounded us up when we wouldn't say." Phoebe's voice was so much quieter than usual. "Except they left the youngest in their rooms. Then they set the buildings on fire."

"Nearly two-thirds of us," Silas croaked, tears streaking down his face. Ruth stayed silent, letting the others talk, but there was a visible tremble in her frame.

"We fought," Phoebe snarled, more like herself, "but there were so many. Each one we took down, they took out two, three."

"Until you came," Caleb whispered.

"I should have been there sooner," Jesse said, his voice a croak.

The others fell silent instantly, their thoughts a swirling mess, but Ruth quickly broke it.

"We wouldn't let them find you," she said. "They kept asking it over and over, but nobody would answer. They wouldn't."

"We won't betray you," Silas said, his voice fierce in spite of his tears. "Never. We'll gladly die."

"You shouldn't have to," Jesse said, his expression dark. His jaw worked before he spoke again. "Stay here an hour or so. I'll be right back. We're going to make this right. Or at least as right as we can."

"What if you don't come back?"

They had all been thinking it, but it had been more of a fear than anything else, deep below on a baser level. It had been their second — Ruth — who spoke the words. Ruth, who had been the only one among them who felt real doubt.

"I will," he practically snarled. "There is nothing in this world or the next that can fucking stop me."

The others only had eyes for Jesse, and so did Ruth, who nodded and remained where she sat, shaking.

[ An hour. And then we'll run. We won't stop running until you find us again. ]

[ I will always find you. ] He met her eyes. [ I promise. ] A deep part of him wanted to hug them all again, but he would be back, soon, and shouldn't waste time. With a nod to all of them, he vanished.

---

Half an hour into waiting for Jesse to come back, Claire had taken to systematically packing their gear. It was obvious they weren't going back to sleep, and pacing lasted all of five minutes before something else needed to occupy her head. Talking with Ben about it seemed redundant at this point: they both knew what the other was thinking. None of it would be settled until Jesse returned.

But in the meantime, Claire had gotten dressed and was folding the clean laundry into her bag when words just jumped from her mouth.

"It's bad..."

"How bad?" Ben asked, his voice no less concerned than it had been before Jesse left. He had already finished Jesse's bag and was partway through his, trying not to concentrate on how bad his hands were shaking. Claire's jaw was tight, but she shook her head.

"Bad. That's all I know."

Between the span of two breaths, Jesse was suddenly standing in the room. He smelled like smoke and there was a splatter of blood across his chest. And an angel's blade in his hand. Ben visibly startled backwards, reaching for where his gun was typically holstered but finding it missing. Claire had gone stiff, staring at Jesse, mouth agape.

"What the hell!"

Jesse looked back at Ben. His expression was strained but forced into hard edges. He tossed the blade on the bed and it left a smear of red. "I've got something you can hunt now."

Claire felt like the bottom of her stomach was about to drop out. Any second; whatever it was, it'd come any second. She was tensing, as if preparing to get hit, staring at the sword on the bed.

Ben's eyes immediately looked at the blood, then at Jesse. He was over to him in the span of two steps, hands lifting his shirt, looking for some kind of injury. Jesse jerked slightly at the touch before he realized what it was.

"It's not mine. It...there were angels and they..." Pressure built in his chest, to the point of pain, so he pushed the thoughts back. "Ruth and Silas and Phoebe and Caleb are going to come stay with us. It's the only way they'll be safe."

"Wait, who?" Claire was on her feet suddenly. Her hand twisted in a tee shirt she'd forgotten about. "The Nephs. Staying with us..."

"How, exactly?" Ben added. "There isn't enough room in the GTO, let alone in the hotel rooms we typically choose.

Jesse's expression tightened and he took a sharp breath. His hands were visibly shaking. "They-they just need to come tonight, and then we'll figure it out. Get a house somewhere. I know you wanted to stay at your dad's, but I don't think—"

"Jesse—" Claire started, her brows pushed down in the middle. "What. Happened."

"I can't." His voice broke and he winched his eyes shut, trying to fight the roar in his head. "Later. Please. They need me now."

Ben chewed his lip viciously, seeing the anguish in Jesse's face. He could understand Claire's concerns, and felt just as intensely, but it was obvious that Jesse wouldn't be rational until everything he needed was right in front of him.

"We'd already packed up to go," he said slowly. "But okay."

Claire shot him a look of disbelief.

A seed of relief nestled in Jesse's chest, and he clung to that desperately as he opened his eyes. "Thank you. I'll go get them. They'll sleep on the floor; they won't mind."

"And what, exactly is going to keep anything from following them?" Claire was obviously holding back, even though her extreme disapproval of this plan was evident in her face. "Four nephilim, here... might as well have a neon sign on our window."

Jesse's eyes met hers, heavy and watery. "I'll stop them. Angels can't find them if they're with me. They can't find me, like they can't find you."

The anguish in his eyes triggered a breed of her own, and in her current state of mind, it felt like a betrayal. She didn't say anything, only rolled her lips to fight the burn in her eyes. The bottom finally fell out of her stomach. Ben came up next to her and slid his arm around her, holding her tight.

"Baby," he said quietly. "Like you said before. It was bad. It is bad. Ruth's helped us so many times, the least we could do is given them a few hours.

Claire continued to stare at Jesse for a few more moments, trying to force Ben's logic down her own throat. But it just wouldn't settle. It felt wrong.

"This is a bad idea," she finally croaked, barely above a whisper. Ben turned her face toward his, looking her in the eyes seriously before brushing his lips against hers.

"I'll keep you safe. No matter what. I promise."

"From what?" Jesse said, heat in his words as he stared at them. "Ruth has done nothing but help us; she's not dangerous! None of them are!"

"Don't say that to me," Claire snapped through a breath. "I'm aware of what Ruth has done, and their 'situation' is 'different', but this has disaster written all over it."

He heard the words but they couldn't be real. There was nothing else he could do, so Claire couldn't say no. "I don't care what you think, I'm bringing them here," he said, his voice hard and quiet.

"Jesse!" Ben barked.

"It's the only way!" Jesse yelled at him. "I have to keep everyone safe! So fucking deal with it!"

"That is not how we run this," Ben argued, his arm dropping away from Claire. "We don't force. We talk. We figure shit out together. Claire is pregnant, and if she doesn't feel safe, then that's a problem."

"They're alone and scared and if I'm not there when the angels—" The thought put too many images in his head, too many little bodies. His expression crumpled and he turned away, desperately trying to find some form of control.

"If you need to be with them right now, then go," Ben said, his voice quieter but still firm. "We'll stay in New Orleans for a few more days." Claire forced herself to breathe instead of speak. She didn't want Jesse to go; entertaining the idea was the same as thinking about harboring the four oldest — like she was watching him walk into oncoming traffic. Ben could hear Claire starting to hyperventilate and once again put an arm around her, but he kept his eyes on Jesse.

"But we want you to check in. Don't go out with a death wish, chasing down angels. Not in your current state. Promise us."

"W-what if they come after you?" He gulped down air. "I can't leave you."

"Well we can't have everything!" he snapped, switching his gaze back and forth between the two of them. "Something's gotta give, okay? We can last for twenty-four hours. Check in then."

"The only thing that can find us is you," Claire added, strained, but softer than before. Clearly, she wasn't thrilled with any part of it, but her back was against the wall.

Wrapping his arms around himself, Jesse held his breath until it exploded from him. They just wanted him to go. So he would go. He didn't look at Ben as he went to grab the blade again. The lack of any response put a rock in his gut, and before he had the chance to slip away, Ben grabbed Jesse by the arm, twirled him around, and kissed him hard. Jesse's knees almost gave out, and he gripped Ben's shoulders so tight they'd bruise. He collapsed against him completely, pulling from his mouth as a sob shook his body.

"Th-they died for me; they died because of me!" he moaned, feeling darkness close in on him. Claire, who was stuck between bad memories and worse feelings, sank heavily down to the corner of the bed.

Ben held him up, feeling his own body sag with the weight, but he embraced him tightly and rested his temple against Jesse's.

"I know, I know," he murmured. "It hurts. It's gonna hurt. Everything dies, Jess, and that doesn't make it any easier, but they died for what they believed in. They protected you. They loved you."

Jesse shook his head. They'd been just children; they didn't have any choice but to believe in him. And he'd left them there to die. He tried desperately to stop crying. He had to go. They needed him.

"We love you, too. Don't forget that. Come back to us, okay? And be safe." He turned his eyes to his wife. "Claire."

She pulled in a staggered breath that would have been a sob if she'd given it any rein. While Ben's eyes were on her, her eyes were on Jesse. The turmoil on his face was the only thing weighted enough to cut through everything else. It was too much.

Claire stiffly drew herself off the bed and took Jesse's face in her hands. She kissed him shakily, and pulled him in with arms around his shoulders, whispering against his ear.

"Do what you have to do."

Gratitude swam through him, knowing that she wouldn't hate him for it. He buried his face in her neck, allowing himself a minute to just release everything. But he couldn't stay long.

"They're waiting for me," he croaked as he pulled back. "I don't know where we're going to go."

"We'll be here when you get back," Ben told him, repeating the same words he'd told Jesse earlier that week.

"You remember the wards I showed you," Claire added, still trying to breathe.

Jesse felt his cheeks burn in shame. "Not well enough. I wasn't paying attention." Something twisted hard in Claire's stomach, but she bit it back as well as she could.

"It's alright," she uttered. "I'll send them to your phone."

He nodded, growing quiet as he pulled back. Then he finally picked up the sword. "I'll try to get them situated soon. They... they won't want me to leave again."

"We'll figure something out," Ben said. He found Claire's hand, holding on tightly as she squeezed back, trying to keep his own cool. He didn't want to think about what would happen if Jesse was forced to choose. "You're wasting time. Go, before we change our minds."

Jesse hesitated, afraid the words might jinx it, but he couldn't go without saying them. "I love you," he blurted, disappearing before they could answer.