"Okay, what happened?"

Reid was standing in Derek's living room. His lips were pursed, soft brown hair falling over his forehead. Every so often one pale cheek dipped in as Spencer bit into it. Derek had the most beautiful boyfriend in the world. "I told you it was nothing. Just a bad dream."

Spencer's large eyes narrowed and Derek remembered; he also had the smartest boyfriend in the world.

"I've never heard you scared like that. What was it about?"

Derek looked down at his own fingers, twirling around each other, darker than the denim of his jeans, "You know what it was about."

Spencer froze, opened his mouth and closed it again. He bit his lip and sunk down beside Morgan. A pale hand slipped into Derek's line of sight, white fingers wrapping around his own. "I hoped it wasn't that."

"It was."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Derek shrugged, "Nothing to talk about." Nothing they hadn't talked about before. Spencer's bottom lip slid out slowly, he chewed carefully on it, barely noticing what he was doing. Tugging on his boyfriend's heartstrings in a way no one else could. "It was just a memory. Something he did to me when I was a kid. You woke me up before it got that bad."

Spencer leaned in close, rubbing his smooth, soft nose against Morgan's neck. "What caused it?"

"Hmmm?" The smell of Spencer's hair was distracting him.

"You only have those dreams when you're stressed about something. Was it what Hotch told you earlier today?"

"Yeah."

"... What did Hotch say?"

That the man who destroyed my childhood is free to come after everyone I love.

"Nothing important." Derek could tell that Spencer didn't believe him, "Nothing I want to worry you with, pretty boy."

Spencer sighed out roughly, "You don't have to treat me like a child."

"Please, let's not fight," Derek whispered, and the vulnerability that leaked through his words was almost painful. He couldn't take a fight today. He moved closer, fingers resting against Spencer's collar bone, and he didn't even need to pull his boyfriend in because Spencer Reid was kissing him. Spencer, the delicate, vulnerable, beautiful, sexy, intelligent man that Derek had been dreaming about for so many years and...

... No...

He'd been involved in the Buford case.

"Just think," Spencer said as he pulled away, "In a few days, I'll be able to wake you up the moment they start. I'll be able to protect you for a change."

Spencer couldn't protect him. Spencer could barely protect himself.

Derek's mind spun, going over every moment he'd spent with Spencer in Chicago. The stolen glances, lingering touches. How many of them were in front of Carl? Buford didn't understand love; a sociopath like that monster was incapable of it, but he would have seen the longing in Derek's eyes. He would be sure to see it if he came to Quantico and saw them together. Spencer was the only other person Buford could hurt, really hurt...

"You can't," Derek said.

Spencer's eyes widened; he pulled away from his boyfriend, his lips red and chest heaving and expression so painfully confused. "What?"

"That was what Hotch's conference was about. We can't move in together." The abuse had done one thing for Derek. It had made him an excellent liar.

"What?" Spencer said. His eyes darted rapidly from side to side, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. "W-why would he do that?"

"It wouldn't be appropriate, Spencer, you know that..."

"Bullshit!" Spence said, his voice breaking on the last syllable, "Why would Hotch do this to us? He knows how hard we've worked to be together, our relationship is official with the BAU. Where I live is none of his business!" Spencer's breaths were hitching off into angry sobs. That was always a bad sign. "...I'm calling him."

Spencer stormed toward his messenger bag, Derek rushing behind him, "Spencer, don't-"

"I'm calling him out on this. Blatant homophobia, that's what this is..."

"He's our boss! You want to get us fired?"

"I don't care! I love you, Derek. I don't care what Hotch or anyone else says about it. I'll quit, I'll take on the whole BAU, but I want to live with you-"

"I don't."

Spencer froze, Derek's hand catching around the wrist holding his phone. Hotch's number was half-way dialed, Derek grabbed it and snapped it shut.

"What?"

"I changed my mind. After the meeting today, I realized that it would be too risky for us to be living together. I don't want to fight this, Spence. I feel like it's..." Derek took a deep breath, trying to gather strength to break Spencer's heart, and his own in the process. "I feel like it's better if we don't live together."

"Oh."

Watching the fight drain out of his boyfriend nearly killed him. Spencer always gave warning when he was about to cry; the slight twitch in his cheek and the way his eyes glassed over.

"I still want to be with you, Spencer," Derek whispered, coming close. Spencer looked away, not meeting his eyes. "Hey, don't shut me out here. I love you. Nothing's ever going to change that. Hey, Spencer. I love you."

"I know." Spencer shook himself away from the pain, "I know that, I just thought... I'm so stupid." He barely whispered the last part, grabbing his phone from Derek and shoving it into his bag, then bustling into the living room to grab his coat. Derek watched him from the doorway, trying and failing to think of words that would make everything okay, would stop the insults he knew Spencer was screaming at himself in his head.

"I love you."

"I love you, too." Spencer said, "And I'm sorry if I was pushy. You know, about moving in. It's just... I really love you. And I couldn't believe that you'd actually... I'm sorry. I'm going to go back to my apartment now. I have to catch my landlord before he sells my lease to someone else."

Spencer leaned in to brush his lips across Derek's cheek. He ran outside and too his car. Spencer sat inside it without starting the engine for forty five minutes, while Derek beat himself up in his apartment. Derek analyzed every word, trying and failing to think of a way that could have possibly been any worse. He finally ran downstairs, reaching the parking garage just as Spencer turned the keys in the ignition.

He'd been crying.

Derek hated himself, hated himself more when he opened the driver's side door and Spencer let out this tiny, startled sniff. Like he was surprised Derek would bother coming for him.

"Listen," Derek said, "I hate this. I hate hurting you. And I don't feel right asking this but... I can't be without you tonight. How about we go back to your apartment, cuddle up on the couch with some of my cooking, make love, and then fall asleep with me whispering sweet nothings in those beautiful ears of yours. Hmmm?" He brushed a thumb against Spencer's cheek, just to see the small smile on his heartbroken boyfriend's face. "How's that sound, love?"

Spencer silently shifted over to the passenger seat. "You can drive."

Derek took the driver's seat, "Nothing's gonna change. I promise, pretty boy. I'm still gonna be your boyfriend, I'm still in love with you. Nothing's gonna keep me from loving you."

Spencer nodded silently, and Derek started for Spencer's apartment. It was the only safe place for them.

For now, it would have to be enough.